mother Goose Rock

I'm a fun guy but I'm not a Fungi.

 Working the bar job tonight I let a young woman in who gave me pause but not enough to deny her. She got a CBD drink and came back to me. She stood there smiling at me and petting my shoulder. She said "I love your smile." She kept smiling. I pointed out KJ Dan partly to scrape her off and part as a prank on KJ Dan. She kept admiring me. "Your eyes are kind and I love your hat." I told her it was awkward. "Are you a mushroom?" I thought I heard wrong. "Looking for the restroom?" Her: "No i asked if you are a mushroom. I'm trying to flirt with you. Is that ok?" I love being flirted with but one of the prerequisites is that the flirter not think I'm a mushroom. It considerably gets in the way of consent .Also she kind of looked like she prefers the company of women (in her right mind) so she could have been headed down a path of profound dissapointment. I got her some water and asked her to sit down a chill. I was trying to bounce her gently. I didn't want to give her a bad trip. I got busy survieling a creepy dude. Soon the barkeep got my attention and pointed her out. I escorted her out. She wanted to know why. I said I don't question the bartender. If she says ya gotta go then that's that. Her: So im expendable?" Me no, thats drama. You just gotta go tonight but you can come back another time when your pupils aren't dialated dinner plates..

 It took me a long time to finesse her down the road. My attention went back to the human jackle I was watching before. I made friends with the security guy across the street. I had been making fun of them for thier over the top cop cosplay but this dude had minimal cop drag on. He was also very curious and easy to share info with. We met in the street to talk about the guy who looked like he wanted to rob someone. A car went by and I noticed it was mushroom girl driving. "Oh No!" She was driving fine though fortunatly We were looking at "Perp-face". I got his picture when he walked by. He seemed angry with us for staring at him. lol As we were in the street we suddenly heard a woman shrieking, a man yelling and furnature being thrown around. It was horrific but what can we do? In the sea of apartments we couldn't actually tell where it was coming from. Life in the big city. We were bummed. Then behind him an adorable skunk appeared out of the shadows and started milling around looking for stuff. We both gushed. Thank Goddess for small miricles. Nothing like a cute critter to cleanse the unpleasant moments. 

 I made a friend, everyone at the bar had a great time and I saw a skunk. lol I hope mushroom girl found her way safe. And so concludes another exciting episode of Eagle Eye Karaoke nights! 

Hm..Sure was haymakers out last night. HAHAHA!

wild portland stuff

Tonight some folks came into the tavern saying

"We are from Sellwood, we came to see some crazy Portland stuff."

I'm like alright. The Eagle Eye is a great start. "When does it get really wild?" I don't have an answer for that. Two hours later he hits me up again. "Dingo when it it gonna pop off?"

I only knew my own perspective. I was kind of happy nothing "popped off"

His comment made me assess what had gone down so far.

"Bartenders are charming and fast, Drink special is tight, KJ is spicy yet fair, Every table is full of lively people switching chairs so much it looks like "clique speed dating" it's easy to make new friends at Eagle Eye Tavern. Since the Sellwoodians arrived I deflected 3 random crazy folks from the street, bounced 3 donkeys who weren't acting right and tossed out a creepy conman right before thier very eyes. By the pool tables an North African man is drunkenly and aggressively trying to teach two tipsy Guatamalans English. Unfortunatly all involved are going to come away from this knowing less English than they started with.

On the positive side, one man sang "Willy wonka, Megadeth then Gangster rap and killed it on all three. This Scotts fellow (same accent as Wattie Buchan) sang Matallica's Creeping death while cursing The former Queen of England between every phrase. Q.E. is livin rent free in his head. A lady sang the "I like big butts" song and the room erupted into a sea of twerks. Next was a John Denver number but that didn't stop the twerk storm. Currently there is a spikey punker singing "The Gambler" who clearly has never heard any Kenny Rodgers song in his life.

How much more entertainment do they need? LOL!

dump bunny chronicles Ridgefield

I just saw a security guard who SUCKS at his job.

Adventures in Bunnyland. I just saw a security guard who SUCKS at his job. Pardon my spicy, i'm a slightly darker clown now and a bit more confrontational. I was at the grocery store getting 5 lbs of carrots for my bunny horde. I noticed the surly security guard at the exit checking reciepts and groceries. He was dressed in full on militerized industrial police cos-play. I decided to give him an imagination check. So I also bought the biggest jar of Vasaline they sell. The two items looked great in the bag together. Soon I was in the exit line trying not to show my giddyness. Is Mr. McCop gonna laugh, pretend it isn't a suggestive order or if i'm lucky call a superviser and start a Mc-investigation? It was my turn, my heart was pounding. Then to my horror this palooka limply swipes a felt tip marker across the reciept and said "Thank you, enjoy the rest of your day." This donkey didn't even look at my cart. WTF? At my work I voraciously search bags, so it just didn't compute that he wasn't performing due dilligence by matching the goods to the reciept. I didn't dare move. I have been on this journey so long (15 min.) My body was facing him but my eyes were on my cart. Again Inspector Dunce says "Thank you, enjoy the rest of your day." GAAAA!Yew are a McDisgrace to your McUniform. I didn't cuss him out (because i want to live) but mentally I was balling him out. I was grumpy because then I had to go back and return the Vasaline and go past him again.

Bouncers helper

 Tonight a heroic guy had my target half bounced before i even got there. I noticed a shark in the water. One who has already assaulted every employee so far. I have a bit of free rent in his head so we have only shoved eachother and avoided haymakers. I was busy checking IDs so i couldn;t get to a "problem situation" in time. When I got there I hear " I feel ya but Dingo is here now. If I know him he is going yo tell you to move along and then walk with you. Respect him. If i see ya later I will tell you Wassup. Respect Dingo." Nice to hear that...but. I hate whren people put words in my mouth. That said he did check all my boxes. I told the guy "You need to move along, I'm gonna walk with you and we are gonna be fucking respectful to everybody in between ..Feel me Yo? I walked the guy away from the customers and briefly did a jedi mind trick (tactic redacted) to send him in another tragectory. It was all very discreet. I don't want the punters to even know anything happened. Later I tried to thank the man who fielded that but he wasn't having it. lol Frikking hero mentality. LOL