Last night I had to return a huge bag of weed I accidentally shoplifted.

 Last night I had to return a huge bag of weed I accidentally shoplifted. I got home and pulled out the halfO I bought and then a whole zip as well. 

Oh did I mention I was in a sloth suit? Yes sometimes I rock animal outfits for thier warmth. The problem is it doesn't have very deep pockets. When i originally went I was shown two bags of cannabis. While talking and reading the numbers I pocketed one so not to lose it and then bought the other. All while talking and having fun with the workers (like ya do.) 

As I was leaving I was fumbling with wallet, weed, keys, other keys and weed. I remember telling the clerk that I wish I was an animal with a pouch like a kangaroo. We all laughed. I felt both bags but wasn't looking for extra stuff, I was looking for missing stuff. At home, when I realized what I had done. Crap! 

 I raced back to return it. I can't appreciate stolen stuff (too easy) but mostly I didn't want the worker to get into trouble.

 Soon as I entered the weed store all eyes were on me (still had the sloth suit on DOh!) There was no discreet way so I blurted out "Hi Dingo the clown here, You may remember me from a few moments ago. I accidentally prestidijitated this big bag of weed. I'm ever so sorry. My mistake, Here ya go." 

I pulled the big bag of toke out and plopped it down on the table like a trout. The manager's eyes lit up. That was a lot of weed. "But how did you do that?" He was smiling...everyone was smiling. " I arrested/redirected everyone's attention ...including my own. It happens. I got powers but I only use them for good." He pointed to a counter display full of huge joints. 

"Pick any one of those on us Dingo. I'm starting to really love what you are about." I picked somthing nice and bailed. I'm super glad the employee didn't get into trouble and niether did I.

Olive made me some "special" mac n cheese.

We had some pot butter to use. I ate and then painted the craziest stuff while giggling and listening to radio static through a guitar amp. I was impressed and mentioned how I couldn't even taste the buds in the mac. She told me she forgot to add the special to my special mac. Oops. So it was just pasta and cheese themed powder. My wife almost added milk and butter like it says on the box. I quickly stopped her and said "No way! I'm looking for "roomate" style mac n cheese not "Mom's" mac and cheese." We are on a tight budget these days but to keep my rockstar posh cred I paid twice for the box of mac. It was worth it. It was imported from a country called "western family" Bon apatoot!. Pro tip" If ya want your meals to stretch out more, try using chopsticks to eat slippery little pastas. It will make dinner stretch all night long.

PPE life.

  We live with big burly dogs. Thankfully they aren't the kind that jump on you and want to be your best friend. They are more the type that stare at you passive aggressively until you show them your ID even though they know we live here. I love having the security but I was also apprehensive walking into their realm with my PPE on. I expected them to take issue with me. They never have. They always know exactly who I am. It really speaks to the olfactory senses of dogs. They can't be fooled because they know me by smell. I know their names by sight but I'm guessing they mostly know me (and named me) based on smell. My PPE seems to make them laugh at me. "Hey check out the muzzle on Coffeeweedsexbacon, I wonder who he bit."

Trimming my little crop.

 

"Croptober" last installment (helping the neighbor trim the last plants).

 It's a "hunter's moon"perfect time to bring my neighbor's last plants across the finish line. I'm a little starstruck.The only time I ever saw buds like this was in magazines. 

This one is called "Sticky Icky." There is chronic in backyards all over town these days. Our personal crop is already curing in Mason jars. 

I love how this situation encourages sharing and community. I also love so many folks getting around Big Pharma to grow their own medicine.

  Olive doesn't partake but she loves the love and care that come with trimming. I do partake and I'm into the meditation of fractals involved with trimming. 

We can get through them pretty fast. I'm looking forward to next year! 
Happy Croptober

"Consumers"

A giant apparatus has evolved to turn people into "Consumers" That word is an insult. We are sharers and contributors. "Consumer" is industry slang for "suckers". Our campfire conversation was about how well the sharers are doing and how bad the hoarders are doing these days. We don't mind seeing the end of hotels if people in houses are sharing rooms instead. Share food, blankets, medicine, information, space. share the burden of stewarding the country and of course share da weed man! ~Dingo Dizmal

"SEA WEED!"

Olive went to the coast yesterday. I had to hang back to get some stuff done. She asked me if she could bring me anything. I enthusiastically said "SEA WEED!" 

Ever get the sneaky feeling you're being watched?

Ever get the sneaky feeling you're being watched?

 I had that feeling yesterday. In a flip of the script, I detected a cop in the neighbors backyard a few months ago.

 I was sitting just on the other side of the fence. We didn't see one another because we happened to be silent and obscured. Then I smelled him.

 I leaned back looking between the slats and spied a cop standing silently in the yard only a few feet away from me. 

We live in a cologne free house in probably a cologne free neighborhood. That smell stuck out like a party popper. 

Whatever was going on next door was none of my beeswax. 

I still performed my civic duty by covering the cologne smell with my favorite smell. 

I was silent because I was rolling a joint.Yeah I quickly blew my cover. Luckily I wasn't doing anything illegal. 

Still it's awkward.

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Yesterday I visited some plants I almost killed.

Yesterday I visited some plants I almost killed. They are doing great. My friend asked me to babysit his plants while he took the Fam Damily on vaca.

It was all good in the hood until a spaced my watering missing for a few days. Stuff kept coming up and pushing back our windows to go check the house, water plants and feed fish. After an afternoon gig we raced over to find the plants decimated in the Summer sun.
I flooded them with water daily and tried to work out how I would tell my friend I destroyed his medicine for the year. Then slick as a sneaker full of puppy poo...they rose from oblivion the very next day.
That is amazing. Now they are looking hearty and healthy. Fantastic.

Weed sandwiches and sex.

Weed, sandwiches and sex.
In my 20 years of clownery I have noticed
"Weed, sandwiches, and sex."
To be a very common answer that clowns give.
When speaking frankly it is the answer to lots of querys.
It answers...

How did you quit drinking?
What do you offer me for this pregnant dog?
How much do you charge for a gig?
How did you quit tobacco?
Why were you kicked out of Denny's?
What do you plan to name the three puppies?

See it's universal, use it as much as you like.

One of my least favorite perks of living in a house that rents out rooms.

 When the guests leave they give me the remainder of their weed (and lighters) that they bought. I know it sounds like a boon for Dingo (it saves me a lot of money) but I'm not all about me. I want them to keep their stuff.
 I want them to take it home and show the red states how green our thumbs are here. They tell me how backwards their states are treating herb like it's a hard drug, crushing peoples careers and filling those private prison cells. 
They come here on vacay to get away from that mess.
We don't live in a hippy house, everyone thru here are well to do mainstream types. They pump a lot of money into our community. 
We personally aren't part of the business (we are just the house clowns, kind of like dogs in that we aren't on any payroll but when people come our tails start wagging.) We live out of a tip jar. Our home pay is getting into people's heads as single serving friends. We learn a lot.
 They have stories to tell about a nation in turmoil.  Places with access to legal pot have so much less opioid addiction but that doesn't make the big pharma companies any money. It's sad but a perk of the perk is that the guests buy a much higher quality of ganja than I get. I'm mostly all about homegrown but these folks get the real fire. I guess that's why they never finish it. 
:) Last night a couple from Kansas gave me this little can o goodies and a bunch of joints. 
I threw it in the pile with the rest of them. Then late last night I dipped into it and realized...whooo, this is kind of strong. 
I like a head change but I'm never a fan of being intoxicated. Cannabis evolved with humans, keeping it from folks for profit is a scam. It's a racist scam too. Ever notice that the law calls it Marijuana but everyone else (including scientists) call it cannabis?
 It's because it's a lot easier to get folks to vote against something with an ethnic name. It's also easier to throw the book at people who are just taking an herbal medicine if it has that Spanish name attached.
Luckily I'm not complaining about too much weed. I just wish they could keep what they bought themselves. 
 Lots of old people rent rooms here just to get pot. I'm so sad that they can't bring the pain relief with them back to the South.
The folks who are driving live in places that don't care about weed (Ca, Wa.Canada) the folks in the lower states always fly and they also tell me horror stories about how the people are highly regulated where they live but big business like pill companies and tobacco aren't very regulated. They are terrified of getting caught. Getting caught with half a joint kept me out of the military when I was young. I was in the county jail in San Antonio for weeks just for being in a car that had roaches in the ash tray.

My favorite weed food recipe. Bratwurst!! Don't forget to decarboxylate before cooking the greens. I love the music in this. I recorded it all in one take.

It's related to that gross line Trump used calling Mexican immigrants rapists. It's the old "sleeping with your white women scare" When they were outlawing Cannabis they used to scare folks by saying "Ya don't want your white wives raped by a black jazz musician all hopped up on the marijuanas do you?" It worked like a charm and W.R.Hurst didn't have to compete with hemp as a material for printing his newspapers. He owned lots of trees.


https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/29/marijuana-name-cannabis-racism

I'm very grateful sacred folk

Aw we were gifted some herbs.

Herbage was bestowed upon us by those loving dreadlocktafarians who like calling us "sacred clowns". I never knew what to call them, they don't do names I guess.
I walked by this several times this morning without noticing it or the cryptic chalk symbol.
Olive doesn't partake it, it's all me mwoohoohooh! nice house warming gift from respected esoteric friends that I never hang out with.
I'm glad they still keep tabs on us.
I first met them in 2005. As one person was destroying my little pot plant another told me of their clan.
They consider gifting the sacred clowns some sacred herbs to be a form of tithing. I speak fluent astrobabble so I was dialed into what they were talking about.
Then one of them approached me (this was in the yard of the Clown House) she gave me a large paper grocery bag. It was full...FULL of giant buds that highly resembled her long dreds. "Here ya go Sacred clown." (Me: My name is Dingo.") They silently split after again asking me not to try and grow outside. I eventually understood that they were protecting the genes of many high end gardens.
So there I was with enough weed to go to prison. I lived in public. My house was on the map of many government agencies due to things like noise, pirate radio, activism, rowdiness and of course 40 foot fireballs. I had to get rid of all that weed or risk everything.
So I set out down Alberta street handing out buds to friends and strangers...like ya do.
We had just did the same thing handing out ice cream when the Alberta co-op's freezer went on the fritz. Good times.
I sure was popular at the Star E Rose that day. As I walked by a florist shop I dumpsterdove a bouquet of flowers.
It was less conspicuous to be the pot fairy if I just handed people a wilted flower with a bud right next to it.
As expected, people really loved that approach.
Then one of my tough guy friends walked by. "Ya wanna flower Ned?" "Wut, I don wan no flower." Look close dude", "Oh Yeah Dingo I would love a flower. "
Luckily we have grown as a nation and for the most part this plant that I use as herbal Ritalin isn't treated as a blight on the community.
Not having to buy green for a while is going to make our moving into new digs a lot easier on the wallet. I'm very grateful sacred folk, Thank you.

hiding in the bush

We are in a lot of backyards doing parties. 

When we play hide and seek I know one common plant to hide behind that no kid ever finds me...the ones their parents probably told them to stay away from. Works a treat.

Clown hides during hide and seek. notebook
by chixland

free weed night at the Analog. met Jessie, got some pineapple chronic.

The Analog, Gothique Blend & Fight Church bring you: Free Marijuana Mondays. Swap / Exchange & Free Sponsor Samples / Gifts.
 Free Marijuana 
Every Monday at The Analog: MARIJUANA MONDAY Samples /Gifts from different sponsor each week. 

Olive hung out with our boy and let me go down to the Analog Cafe and theater to get the scoop. I rode my tall bike down the hill and folks hooted at me and took photos the whole way. Nice orange sky tonight. It was lively outside the venue. A brightly dressed older lady using a walker cheered me loudly and thanked me for coming. Lots of folks asked about my bike.

 I didn't have the right keys for the bike lock I had so I just lashed my bike to a pole with a very long inner tube. It was stuck to the pole like how Spiderman might lock a bike. This plan needed requires me to have to frequently check the bike, better than nothing.

As soon as I walked in it was bar world. I'm not into the bar scene so much; I am into the fun scene though. I saw lots of familiar faces and some that I don't know yet.  The staff were friendly but all businesses as one of them handed me a gold colored ticket and pointed me into the room.

Inside one of the first faces to greet me was Jessie Sponberg. He was just like you would expect him to be personable, friendly, tuff as nails and also totally in the zone. Much like a guy who is about to do his thang should be.  

The second face was that of my favorite oil company boat defying kayaker Antonio Zamora. Seeing an eco hero here was great. Chat show format, local issues, acts in cocktail style seating and free pot samples. Sounds like a win.

I was awkwardly standing around (like a non drinker in a bar) when I was summoned from the second row. A pair of my friends were there and had an extra seat up front. Woo Hoo I slid in very grateful. I was about to not know what to do with my hands before they saved me. It only cost me a hug and an autograph.

 

Jessie started his show, I loved the DJ he had making music and emphasizing his points, and the ninja engineer (Ninjaneer) operating the controls appeared and disappeared at will.
Jessie started by reminding the folks that no ganja was to be consumed on the premises. I thought that sounded fair. Then he mentioned a lot of the issues going on in the world.
 Jessie is a good orator the crowd loved him. He mentioned all the same issues me and every other sentient Portlander are dealing with now.The hideous oil ship, the litterbug flutag fiasco and the silly way the government doesn't act in our best interests. He also told how many of Portland's movers and shakers hang out at the Analog cafe {even when it isn't free weed day}. The show went on and I quit filming (I don't like random people taping my shows)because he was interviewing a boat captain. It got loud (almost like it was free weed day) so the show kind of had to compete but we all persevered. As soon as the line for grass shortened i moseyed on back.
The nice lady asked if I was a medical patient or a rec user. I said I'm a clown looking to grow with the industry.
I was given this little bag of stash for my gold ticket. I quickly found out they are located a block from my house.
I told them I was an entertainer looking for sponsors for events, they told me to talk to them after October. No time to chat when you are giving away a bunch of cannabis.
If I decide to create a ganja open mic night or a circle to teach 30 and 40 year olds how to smoke pot for the first time, I need someone else to provide the green. I can give a full presentation from where it comes from, what kinds there are, what the effects are, how to roll a joint and what not to do as well. I think it will be fun.
I met another lady who was all about cultivation classes, I have a meeting plan with her too.

So I couldn't stay for the whole fray. The clock was running out on how long my bike would be unmolested, I had to get home to plan our show and I wanted to free my seat for a real live booze/food buying patron. I had a good time, Jessie did a fantastic job telling me everything I know plus leaving a bit more. That's all you can ask for on free weed night. Good stuff, check em out next Monday or look em up.

No longer outlaws.

Congrats to neighbors S. and J. X, who put on special hats to celebrate getting pot cards. They worked their whole lives (blue collar ) dodging pee tests, now they are free to treat the pains and not so painful parts of life as they wish. I asked him how long he was a pot criminal and he said 52 years. Also congrats for him beating Hep-C and hard chemotherapy treatments as well as her new freedom from having her 40 y.o. son move out. The bedroom sanctuary is now the whole crib. OK kids, you can now unbuckle your seat belts and enjoy the rest of the ride. Lucky for them they have a stereo with the height of 70's hip music, a nice house and there are three pot stores within a few blocks of where we live. Been together 15 years I think easily their biggest asset is each other. 

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