Arbiter Olive.

Busy day but we had time to stop for burritos.
As I was munching away, behind me I hear a man sit by a vid poker machine. He asked "Is someone here?"
The chair was propped backwards. That means occupied.
A middle aged black lady had been there and had got up to restroom and get her food.
Olive told him it was occupied.
The man put money into it anyway. I keep munching and soon the woman returned. She was livid. "Excuse me Sir, That's my machine, I marked it."
The man grumbled and said something to her in Spanish. She said "Don't grumble at me, get up, pull your money."
They start arguing.
I have my back to them but I was enjoying the Seagull fights...that is until I hear a familiar voice. Olive: "Yeah that was her seat Sir, ya gotta let her have her place." Then the man told the woman"I'm gonna shoot you in the parking lot."
That didn't have the desired effect as now the lady is screaming at him "Oh you gonna shoot me huh?" He added fuel to the fire by putting in more money while looking right at her.
Both Olive and the lady went to the front.
The lady was complaining Olive was being supportive...until the lady added "And you need to speak American!"
That is a great way to lose Olive support but she hung in there.
The man had several landscaper buddies with him. Anything can happen. I'm watching my food and trying to mow it down in case I gotta fight or dodge flying furniture.
I will have a great attitude until I lose my lunch. Times like this make me glad to be a Texan. I have a smile on my face but I'm easily the most ferocious person in the building. For now I'm just gonna watch (hear) the show. So the lady was grumpy, so was Olive (conflicted but still right is right) and soon the owner walks in.
He is about 300 pounds with the huge arms and no humor for this.
There was some more yelling and a little giggling (from me).
Pretty soon the man pulled his money out and slinked away.
The lady sat down and warmly thanked Olive for having her back.
On the way out Olive had a sour expression like most folks in the taco stand at that point. I sure didn't I was laughing my head off.
That was the most entertaining thing that has happened all day. It was also a triumph to see (hear) my partner relentlessly backing up a woman of color even when the threat of guns were involved.

seen outside our gig

Outside our gig today at Know Thy Food Cooperative. 
I like doing our show at places that get lots of bike delivery. From farm to bike to grocery.

my gear

Gear. I pull my guitar. street cube amp, cables, books and mic stand on my tallbike (the behemoth)'
 We do punk rock clown gigs all over Portland OR. My wife carries a ton of stuff too.
I think this is the way to gig since gas being part of the overhead kills your living as a musician.
All my stuff gets wet, cold, banged around a lot but I have whittled it down to the toughest gear possible.
That cube amp is still trucking since 2010.
It runs on 6 AAs, we can do a little kid show with it in the morning and then plug it into the house system at a nightclub and that little amp becomes our mixer for the adult show.
I highly recommend the street cube. I wish Craftsman made a guitar. That said I once heard my banjo fall off a friend's tallbike.
I knew it was my banjo because it sounded great even falling to the street.
I was shocked that it hardly had a scratch.
 I been playing 30 years but this was the decade I came to understand that the most expensive guitar isn't the toughest, it's often the case that expensive guitars are far more delicate.

 pic a friend sent from "Somewhere-elsistan"

what it look like tonight. wet and cold on the way to the burrito stand.

get the Portland experience

We live in a house that rents out rooms. Just now I met a couple from the Midwest who walked into the kitchen and presented us with a bucket of doughnuts. I say "Did you two go dumpster diving? My you did get the Portland experience. " Turns out they intercepted the loot before it hit the dumpster (like a champ, we should dress as tourists when we go dumpster diving).

They plan to give em away downtown in the morning (sounds so familiar to me for some reason). They say they got their scrappy scroungy skills from being college kids. I was impressed. These donuts are in good shape, they should go over well. Now that my new friends have contributed to our community, I'm going to give them the true authentic Portland experience by gentrifying them out of their rooms while they sleep. :) Keep Portland weird heehee

My Darling wife woke me up with a deep massage. That

 isn't uncommon. Over the last decade, we worked out that I put her to sleep and she wakes me every day. It can be pretty spectacular all around. Anyhoo. 
What was special this time was that she was doing it for her not me. It was about maintenance of her band equipment. 
She depends on me to play guitar as we sing for our supper every day. 
No matter what guitar i use (this anything but ergonomic beast is called The Stump) I end up over and under working several muscle groups. Back of fret hand gets one workout, strum bicep gets another. That isn't good to be all wonky.
She found all the guitar related stress parts (and had me hollering) and then prescribed exercises to even out the tone.
I never knew that was a thing. I didn't realize I was even hurting in those spots until it suddenly stopped.
Now I recommend it to ax grinders who sling those things around all the time. My first guitar was an SG copy.
That thing was heavy as a manhole cover. Rock on Donkey Kongs.

plumb out of ideas.

With dishes backed up for days I had tried every natural remedy for clogged drain, boiling water, baking sode/vinegar, enzymes. Nothing worked, something drastic had to happen. I bought a huge drain snake and went to town. 

Unfortunately, after successfully snaking the glitter dreads out of the sink (no idea where those came from.), the most important drain, parts didn't go back together somuch.

It leaked from both sides of what is called

"The P Trap".

 I went back to the hardware store and bought a new slip nut and screw for the sink side. Installed it and it leaked, took it apart, it leaked again. Soon both sides couldn't hold water. 

This stuff is made to work without teflon tape but even with the tape it's still slow leaking.

i thought the ptrap was for catching wedding rings. Nope. Turns out it's for preventing gasses from entering your house. Keep those P traps wet Ya'll.

Ptrap sounds like a way to blackmail the president in Russia.

4th times a charm. Every time I go back to the hardware store, I look less like a clown and more like a soggy person who sleeps in drains. 

I was all chipper and crisp after work, Now I'm going back in wet sweats with runny makeup and an itchy stinkeye finger.

I built a lot of PVC pneumatic canon, I know my way around this stuff. and if this was the Clown House we would have all dug into this build. The thing is, this is a 1922 hotel/house thingee. I just don't have the confidence that everything will line up to the standard of the house.

I'm good at stucco, drywall, plastering, painting, couple kinds of roofing, couple kinds of welding, I can take an entire house apart and save every stick...but when it comes to plumbing I guess now it's clear... I'm total shite. 　 for now.

This one beat me. My only recourse is to greet the plumber in the morning. I don't have a gig but I will be dressed as a clown (not Dingo, think Bozo). I need to get to the bottom of this by sitting at the kitchen table while the plumber works, telling him all about how I would do it (if I knew what I was doing) They love that.
"Slip Joint Nut" is my next band name b.t.w.

                                 oliveanddingo.com/donate

Korean boarder

 I was washing dishes when a young woman walks into the kitchen and timidly says hi.
 She  and told me she loved the room and asked if I was the host (no).
She introduced herself and shyly asked that the heat be turned up. 
I'm all alone and I still haven't taken any clown drag off. 
I tell her I'm just one of the clowns that live in the attic but I'm also helpful to travelers as a condition of my clown order. 
I turn the heat up. 
I ask her where she is from. She says Korea. I greet her in Korean. 
That moment changed the mood. 
Her face lights right up. She smiles big, snaps her heels and hands together and rocks a proper bow (like in the movies). I made it clear that I didn't know her language by my body language and it worked a charm. 
She clearly still dug the effort. 
I will be asking her for other phrases if she hangs around awhile. 
I went back to dishwashing and then soon, she surprised me by coming back. 
She had a wine bottle and two glasses. 
Would you like to drink some wine?" 
I was like "Um, I'm not on vacation, i don't drink alcohol and my wife is miles away so I'm gonna take a pass but thanks! " I bid her good evening and then tended the clogged drain I just created so I could be doing anything but that. Good times.. lol

Free punk band names.

Lots of great stuff about the town I come from in South Texas. One thing the good people of Corpus Christi are good at is naming punk bands. 
All these years and miles later I'm still keying into potential band names that pop out of the headlines. 
As I listen to the news sites reporting the ill deeds of our current goverment, I can't help but wonder. What good does it do for me to listen to this? I can interpret world events myself Yo.
Then those phrases come up and my tail starts wagging.
A lot of whats going on is ideal fodder for procuring punk band names.
Unfortunately Portland is too hip and happy to support a punk scene. You need angst from suppression for punk. Portland doesn't create that so much. I won't be starting any bands. 
That doesn't mean you can't. 
Here is my list of top ten punk band names I dreamed up from the current political headlines. 
Use one or all for your band if ya like, it's on me. 
Rock on Donkey Kong. 
1. The Manifartz I would name my band this.
2. Mueller probe electronica
3. Individual one emo gothic
4. The Oligarchs ska band
5. The Presidential tweets acapella 
6. Steel Dossier hair metal
7. The Dangle Pardons country, funk, punk
8. Existential threat Straight edge punk
9. Trade Wars Pop punk
and last but not least...
10. Thunderbolt and lightning adventure core
(The affectionate names Stormy Daniel's gave to her post op breasts...and future Jeopardy clue). 
I love that the porn star is the only person in the political turmoil that I don't think is gross. :) 
11. Hush payment (slow jazz)
There ya go Joe.
These names could date your band but that's not a bad thing. 
This mess needs to be remembered.
Good luck!
~Dingo

http://oliveanddingo.com/donate/

This just in from The Land of the Rising Sun.

Some of you may recall my story of meeting the couple from Japan who were staying at our house. 

We had rad adventures considering the language barrier. While here, it was clear, my "Homie from Kobe" Gen was obsessed with the idea of pizza. 

 Not a lot of ovens live Japanside. Well Gen just sent me these pics. He banged them rocks together and presto. Dude made a pizza pie from scratch just like I showed him. Rock on Donkey Kong! I hope he didn't use a microwave oven.

Someone auditioned for our clown gang yesterday.

 We said, "We would like to see a lot more of you...like double your weight and height a few times and try again."

oliveanddingo.com

working hard.

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My wife likes to give me little quizzes as I pass by.

My wife likes to give me little quizzes as I pass by.

 "Hey do you know what a walking foot is? 

I say "Yeah I had a bit of the old walking foot back in 90, thank goddess I got picked up by a country doc while hitch hiking or I never would have got it looked at boy howdy."

        "So you don't know..."
me: "No."

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chilly morning ride home

Great day for a chilly, brisk ride home from work. 

This morning before our show I walked into Henry Higgins bagels.. I ordered coffee and a bagel, tried to pay, as usual they wouldn't let me. A large group of 20 somethings were sitting at a table nearby. As I waited, one of them noticed me and started talking about me like I couldn't hear them. "Oh I forgot to tell you (to a friend) Portland is the kind of town where famous people walk around and visit shops like normal. look there, That's a famous clown called "Oliver". LOL! I wasn't about to correct them. My order came up and the barista didn't miss a beat, "Order for Oliver!" and handed me my loot.   oliveanddingo.com

Teens at burger joint drive thru: "Dingo, can i please get a free balloon, it's my birthday." Me: "You bet!" I don't care how old you are, be polite and I'm happy to break my stride.

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Interesting night last night. I was doing my thing (watching soap box derby videos) and suddenly my social media feed was crowded with election results.

 It looked like the end of a Star wars movie. 
Cheers and hugs and music. A lot of villains got vanquished and the nation's character was healed a little bit. 100 women elected as reps, queer folks, black folks, Natives and Latinos, all kinna folks who never get a say got elected. 
The bigoted lady who wouldn't let gay folks marry was trounced by a gay guy. YES! 
I raced upstairs expecting Olive to be elated. She wasn't. She had results feeds up too. 
She likes the wins but the losses were sobering. People still voted red despite Trumps fear-mongering and racist easy tricks. Voter suppression and gerrymandering are still huge problems. 
Also the top of the Dem party are as beholden to banks and war profiteers as the Republicans. Pelosi and Booker are far more likely to side with pharmaceutical companies than grannies. We shouldn't be voting for "superdeligates" ever. Est. Dems aren't as manipulative as the reds but they are just as greedy and happy to not fight for things. 
They are masters of snatching losses from the jaws of victory. We don't need people who get paid to lose. 
For the thousands of kids we see every year to have a good future to inherit, we need more than a blue wave. 
Everyone needs to be informed and progressive to keep the country from slipping into chaos and environmental upheaval. Olive did end with a good note. Everything we voted for passed. I'm glad we are in agreement with a majority of our neighbors. I'm sorry for the folks who didn't get what they wanted. I don't have any ill will to folks who voted against my wishes. You followed your trail of conclusions and did what ya had to do, just like me. Big biz lost in Oregon, it's still a blue state but people need to be involved. 
Politics are NOT like sports teams. Ya gotta do more than cheer. 
Even leaders we voted for need lots and lots of over-site and watchdog groups to keep em shooting straight. Thanks for participating in democracy everyone. Congrats to all the "justice democrats" who won.
http://oliveanddingo.com/donate/

poem for open mic jill

Like Pomes? This a a powem I writ called Jill. Feel free to posit this saga at your local open mic.

Jill stares at you. Stares a few moments then "BAWWWKRK".

Jill is still hitting up her stainless steel mixing bowl. (BANG-Clank bump!)

Jill is a bulldog two years young, strong as a bowlin' ball and ever so dumb.

The dumb part doesn't hinder, how she get's her kicks,

voraciously eating kibble,

voraciously pooping on the bricks.

Jill is a snorting train wreck!

She likes the ball she likes her bowl.

She likes patrolling her lair.

But how she acts to the other dog

Can only be called unfair.

Dusty is a gentle heart and peaceful mellow soul.

He looks around with concern as Jill attacks the bowl.

He looks at me with sad eyes when Jill humps away at him.

Humpty dumpty is givin Dusty the hard sell again,

Jill sexually assaulting her friend is really messed up!

I tripped over myself just trying to break it up!

"Yo dawg! That's not cool!

Not cool at any time!"

Not only is it "frowned upon"

I'm pretty sure it's a crime!

10 min after I broke it up she was back to her humpy trick.

I needed to find an end to this, and find an end real quick!

"Knock it off woman, this is craziness!"

I didn't recognize my own words.

I usually don't like to raise my voice,

With swearing and canine slurs.

When she points her beady eyes at me,

All i see is catastrophe JILL!

Her black eyes brindle butt, jacked up grill like a piranha.

Big white head, all kinds of inbred,

This mug could scare her own Mama.

She is shorter than a wine bottle but very wide at the chest.

The dog is fast as lightning and never seems to rest,

Jill is a tiny one dog riot!

As I sit here she is going to town, beating up this mixing bowl.

It's her second favorite thing after humping a pit bull,

For hours now, it's all about, flinging it in the air

then shoving the down turned bowl across the floor wedging it under the chair.

Her hideous snout, it slams into a corner .

Then she lunges up attacking her toy

flinging ropes of spit in all directions.

grossing out my little boy, (BANG-Clank bump!)

Jill is a beast! A stinky, rude, calamity, (BANG!)

You can tell when she is around because I'm using profanity,

She is human nature's cruel mistake.

She ate the frosting, she ate the cake,

So why can't I stop smiling while looking at this thing?

What's wrong with me? Am I insane?

Is it her thousand mile an hour wagging tail, that looks like a chimpanzie penis?

Or the way she always wants to get between us?

Did i mention yeast builds up in the eye folds of this dog,

I had to clean it out with a surgical swab,

GROSS!

In our world I think all creatures fit,

But this one needs surgery to be born and comes with it's own haz-mat kit.

I gotta love that she outsmarted me though.

I thought I would be clever and put out the bowl,

Outside she shall play, so we could get some peace.

She didn't want to go but I begged her please!.

She ran outside, and caught her bowl, thrashing left and right,

Sending shrapnel of dog shit everywhere, into the freezing night,

Then she ran inside like she owns the place, into her warm house,

I was stuck cleaning dog poop (Some even got in my mouth)

She had caught me unaware, now she laughs at me from the top of the stairs.

JILL!

Around this dog, it never stops, it's never gonna be quiet,

Jill is a tiny behemoth who makes me scold her like a one dog riot!

Jill threw up jelly, Jill was a strain,

But I guess I would totally dog sit, Jill-zilla again.

(Pang- CLANK ROWFF!)

Yesterday I visited some plants I almost killed.

Yesterday I visited some plants I almost killed. They are doing great. My friend asked me to babysit his plants while he took the Fam Damily on vaca.

It was all good in the hood until a spaced my watering missing for a few days. Stuff kept coming up and pushing back our windows to go check the house, water plants and feed fish. After an afternoon gig we raced over to find the plants decimated in the Summer sun.
I flooded them with water daily and tried to work out how I would tell my friend I destroyed his medicine for the year. Then slick as a sneaker full of puppy poo...they rose from oblivion the very next day.
That is amazing. Now they are looking hearty and healthy. Fantastic.

friends from the land of the rising sun.

Our house rents out rooms.
By some interesting coincidence, last night both rooms were rented by early 30 somethings from The land of the rising sun. Japan.

It was our great honor to show them our life and ask about theirs.

This morning we made them coffee and showed them how to ride our tallbikes. 

Oops layed it down.

This dude was a natural.

Nice day for a ride.

My bike takes a pic every 5 seconds so I got a lot of pics. This post is for them to choose what pics they want.

That was fun. Now to show them my office.

yes, my office is a cardboard box. They thought that was a riot.

He is asking "Is...that Marijuana?"

Calls his lady and friend.

They watched me roll a doobie. They politley applauded when I was done. I said "American origami"

I never mention people's names when I talk about them. If anything they do in our country gets them into trouble in their country, I don't want it to be because I gave up their names. "Security culture" is international.

They didn't want any but they were facinated watching and photographing me smoke a joint by myself. That works for me.

We will miss these nice folks. I wish we all lived closer.

If this guy lived here I would want to ride with him all the time. He was good and confident.

Good times. 

We collected more Japanese language and three new friends this morning.  

That was great. It's so sad to see one of them go. 

We get to keep the other two a few more days. I hope they are having a great honeymoon here in the states.

Like what we do? Wanna pitch into our clownery or catch the next show?
find us at oliveanddingo.com