electronic work partner.

I told myself I really find value in my doorman job because I can fart anywhere i want. No matter what "divorced food" my butt trumpets it's not as bad as young men full of too much cologne, urinals after poor marksmanship older ladies hugging me while dripping with perfume and sweaty workmen. Bartenders tell me they be crop dusting all the time. Not me I just let it go. Well I did anyway. 

This is my station and my electronic work partner. I call it "Dad" it scans IDs. I'm never far from Dad. It tells me if someone is of age but I can do math. It's big job is telling me if someone has been 86ed by another shift. 

The other night I farted and was quickly surprised the bar manager who had to come look someone up on Dad. She put her head right into it. I was mortified. There was no dog to blame it on. That was the first and last incident of collateral damage. Now I adopted the aformentioned crop dusting manuver.

I was out front monitering some loud younglings. They were having a good time enjoying drinks and gabbin. A bunch of loud motorcyclists blew by. They yelled at them. Then another moterbike guy with a super loud engine stalled at the light. The kids started laughing and yelling stuff at him. The guy didn't yell back. I could her him speak "Keep talking, I'll come back." The 20 sumpins kept taunting the guy as he walked his bike away. 

I approached them and said "How about this idea..shutthefuckup, Thoes bikes are obnoxious, i get it but so are we, look what that guy in there is doing to a David Bowie song.  That said,  it's decidedly unhealthy for all of us if you piss off the motercyclist club with matching vests." They saw the logic in my suggestion. 

I went back to the door and saw a guy standing there. I had escorted out a week before. I said Hi, he said hi. awkward silence. He mumbled something to me in a thick drunk accent. Eventually I realized he was asking if he was still 86ed. I knew what he was saying but I decided to make him work for it. Maybe he would see how crazy he sounded. Finally he said "Let me talk to the bartender. and see if I'm still 86ed"  As luck would have it the bartender had just got on break. She walked by him saying "Whats up shit head?" and kept going. Outside I was streight faced but inside I was busting up. "Well Sir I have been informed your status as 86ed is still in effect. They take running out on your bar bill very seriously. Enjoy your day." He tried to plead his case but I cut him off in my favorite way "I said Good day Sir!" He walked off grumble grumble.