Instrumental shed racket.

I had a fab day with my long lost daughter Scout.

She came in last night. My lovely friend April was kind enough to fetch her from the airport. When I woke up today she was gone. Soon she turned up with a coffee and some joints. That's my kid alright. She loves that there are pot shops here and it’s very affordable. After hanging out with Pandabunny a bit, we went to breakfast at Off the Griddle. As a vegetarian she was so pleased to see so many choices. She said pickings are slim in Kentucky for good vegetarian cuisine. She had a Mac and cheese dish and I had biscuits and gravy. Olive Rootbeer and her sister dropped in to give us hugs and kiss Scout's face. After eats the two of us hit the road with hardly a plan. Operation:”Go out into the Oregon.” I aimed us at Cascade Locks. Theres plenty of Cascadia out there. It was magical bonding with my lovely kid. We have a lot in common. Complex music, weed,coffee,plaid,my fingernails are the same color as her hair. Lol We even both decided for ourselves  what our names are. She called herself Scout because she was a loner always searching for her people. I’m so glad her mission was a success. She wants to move here. I think she should.

I’m trying to prevent and break up conflicts but I work at a bar full of Portland Muppets.

It can be tedious deciphering the feels. I hear loud angry voices at Table 2 so I gravitate that way. Then I hear “If Grampa can’t be bothered to get out of bed until Charlie gets a golden ticket than fuck him he is such a con.” Other patron…”Give him grace fuknut, he was the only one that could have gone thru the chocolate factory with Charlie.” I walked off. If they kill one another over it then we all deserve that. Especially me as compense for having to hear that. A little while later I hear voices erupt again and make a move that way. “Penguins are NOT halal man! Other patron…”They are halal because they don’t have talons,” First guy “You don’t think Penguin feets can mess you up? Get outta here!” Companion…”Bit those flippers aren’t talons!” For your records, it was decided Penguins are Halal but NOT Kosher because of the seafood they eat. Write that down. I split to the barside where I can see everything outside and still monitor the bartenders. I look at bartender faces the same way our dog looks at my mug. “Are they happy? Sad/ Frightened? Mad? Have they asked someone the same question six times?” When they walk fast I’m wondering “Are they greeting a parton or chasing someone down to close the tab? While I was stationed by the bar some dude was complaining about Taco Bell. “ The girl at the window was so rude to me. She dropped my change, greeted me with hostility and her make up was way too much.” Thats when a woman bartender said “Woah don’t you dare be a man dissing a girl’s makeup decisions, Stay in your lane.” The dude said “I’m not a man…I’m a person.

All reactions:

32Aspen Pendleton, Noreen Malkiewicz Gibbons and 30 others

“Cornwheelius” can swim.

 Costume party at the Eagle. I was in Dingo drag all day so I decided to ditch my normal look and go to work in bunny suit. I got on my electric bike and took off. I should have planned better. It was pouring rain. My outfit wasn’t ideal. I was instantly soaked. The scarf was all I had to protect my bunny facepaint. I looked and felt like a fresh tampon dropped into a glass of water. I was absorbent. Still I was impressed that the electric bike I ride, “Cornwheelius” can swim. It performed like a champ. It was issued to me by my adopted family on a borrow to own program. The ride home was even wetter as the driving rain was blowing sideways. I put glasses on to keep the rain out of my eyes but Cornwheelius moves fast and kicks up lots of roostertails that blew perfectly under my glasses. It felt great to get home, peel my wet clothes off and get cozy after a super long day.

Curb service

A customer at the Tavern asked me “If I order some food will you take it to…” I was formulating the words to say that I take sentry duty very seriously. I don’t leave my post, also this establishment doesn’t offer table service. I’m not a waiter.  I let him continue. “...that homeless man over there. I have to leave and can’t wait for the food to be done.” I went from a strong No to an easy Yes. Happy to do it. The guy’s date was telling him “Don’t make Dingo do that.” When he was ordering the food I told the woman “Don’t worry I’m gonna eat it.” She cracked up and high fived me. They left, the food came out and I delivered it. The houseless chap thought I was going to move him along. He cracked a smile when I dropped that heavy plate of food to him. “Looks like you made a friend Fella, Good night and good luck.” I love how eager the Hero’s date was to cockblock that whole gesture. I was a little disappointed I couldn’t do a Snark attack. I was gonna say “I’m the bouncer not a server. The only time I care about your food is if it breaks something, attacks you or makes unwanted sexual advances. If your food does any of those things please let me know. I will punch your food in the face and ask it to leave.” That would have been great had his request not been so darned noble. I was reacting to someone ordering me around not saving the world. Harumph.

I love how eager the Hero’s date was to cockblock that whole gesture. I was a little disappointed I couldn’t do a Snark attack. I was gonna say “I’m the bouncer not a server. The only time I care about your food is if it breaks something, attacks you or makes unwanted sexual advances. If your food does any of those things please let me know. I will punch your food in the face and ask it to leave.” That would have been great had his request not been so darned noble. I was reacting to someone ordering me around not saving the world. Harumph.

I'm fine now but I went to the hospital the other day.

 Took myself to the ER yesterday after some concerning pain in the flank. During the pre-screening the medicos asked a bunch of questions One of them was "Do you use Cannabis?" I noticed the Tech's mouse cursor already over the "Yes" square before I said anything. I wonder why?

The bartender last night was making fun of me for my hightened awearnes stare. My face betrayed I was deep in thought, not the normal silly dude. I had good reason. I was noticing something. Customers were milling out front as usal but some new folks showed up. That happens all the time, Folks jaw jackin out front who eventually get checked in. Then I saw one of the customers pull out and palm  some cash. I'm on the inside of the winwow behind a bunch of ads. I'm the only one who can see that money. Holding cash like that is a drug dealing red flag. I come out hiding, smiling and hanging around amongst them  For some reason they decided to move on. I look across the street at my counterpart Scott who is guarding the other side of the street. He was clocking that stuff too and made his move to obstruct. I befriended Scott because he is approachable. He isn't wearing the industrial cop cosplay, just bare minimum and no gun. Like me he has a genuine drive to keep people's body and property safe.  We regularly meet in the middle of the street to trade information. One day after a meet I gave him a Dump Bunny sticker.The next night he returned the favor by gifting me a fantastic Guardian angel drawing he did. We are friends online now. He was telling me that he loved doing art but hasn't had much luck selling any. I thought..."I'm good at selling art. Maybe better at hawking other people's art than my own. I sell 4 Pandabunny paintings for every one of my own. I told him I would help him sell his art. He gave me a few original drawings and two prints. In the time it took me to walk the art from the street to my bike I sold both prints. Now I'm the guy palming some money. LOL He wasn't expecting to see such a fast return. I'm not surprised. His art sold itself. Here are two original pen and ink drawings he is offereing.

$75 it's a big drawing maybe 11" X 6.5 May be fun to crop and put in a frame as a gift.

$50 for this stunning creature. 

Drop me a line on insta or facebook if this is you. 

"Costume event or Portland?"

 "Costume event or Portland?" It's a thing that has evolved about our town. An ongoing conversation visitors have that rarly includes us. Sometimes theres a costume event like comicon or halloween, other times it's a regular Portland person expressing thier freedom to dress themselves without any scrutiny from straingers. I snapped this today. I'm gonna guess Portland. Here is why !. It looks like clothes not a costume. 2. This person looks like this every day. I seen them many times. 3. They arent performing. They are just having thier life. So thats how ya tell. 

earworms

 I'm at Eagle Eye. Someone just said, "Hey Dingo, I bet you get tired of hearing the same karaoke songs over and over...Dingo..DINGO!" I pulled out my ear buds. "I'm sorry did you say something?"

Milton

 That hurricane is headed right at my Dad's place. I think he will be uneffected. He stays underground (6 feet). Who is the one naming these things. "It's a monster storm, lets name it after a kid who gets his lunch money taken. What was the last huge storm? "Wilma" I guess they thought it needed the name of a Flintstones vitamin.

zz maybe

 Last week my friend (I was on Portlandia with) called me asking for a never ending hankerchief. It's a clown prop. His job is entertaining rockstars and he had ZZ Top with him. I don't know why they needed that. I told him where to get one and then asked him "Please bring ZZ to the Eagle Eye." I need that for the social media angle plus it would blow us all away to meet them. He said no promises but he would try. Then I went to KJ Dan and said "ZZ Top may be arriving in the next hour Please be singing a ZZ Top song when they come in." They didn't show up but my guy now knows I wont card any of his clients if I have several of thier albums.

I'm not the entertainment...until last call I guess.

 Last night at the Eagle was so surreal. I did a rock show with my exwife and she got to meet my work bestie Seala. We did our nightclub act. We were the middle band and our set was all about being divorced. We love doing what we do best...slay audiences. Olive overheard one of the crowd saying "That was amazing, they are great, very entertaining but now I need a nap. That made me tired." LOL I'm guessing thats because normally when a band is playing there are moments when you can talk to a friend or eat or whatever. When the clowns are on everyone shuts up and pays attention because stuff moves fast and it's all designed to retain audience attention. Earlier we had band practice but spent half the time talking about our romances.Later my new girlie friend showed up bringing me some food and that added to the surrealism. I'm seeing lots of people show up from here on Facebook, People who read my page. Thanks for comming. I keep hearing "Go to the Eagle Eye, Dingo Dizmal is working the door." I sometimes remind people "I'm not the entertainment, KJ Dan is." I been giving my own friends money to tip the KJ when I don't see them doing it. A street person gifted me some beer. I don't drink beer and outside alcohol is contraband where I work so I took the 6pack down road. I chase street folks away on the regs but I'm very kind and non judgmental. I appreciate the gift. It seems like Sunday night is turning into Spanish language karaoke night. The last several Sundays have been a Spanish lesson. I translate for the KJ even though I don't speak Spanish. Saterday night was really cool because there were lots of black folks. They were watching "Dirty Ethan" a fellow Texican mixie like myself slaying the song "Bandz a make her dance" with his stunt African American Katie. They do the song all the time. I knew what was comming. Dirty E raps powerfully while Kate twerks until an N word comes up and Kate triumphantly yells it. Those tables full of people lost it. They were beside themselves. I love that they got so much enjoyment out of Ethan and Kates bi racial co-operation. I like Sunday nights because I have time to connect with the security guy across the street and update my coworkers on security stuff. At last call I put my ID scanner device away and pulled out my guitar. I played the song Deloris for the last 10 patrons. The looks on thier faces was hysterical because they never see me perform anything.

Hocus Pocus

 I got flowiz from JEM. One of my favorite people from the Essential Elements days on Hawthorn JEM was in town. Jem and a bunch of friends were at Eagle when I got there.

JEM gave me flowers. Sprout was there too being an amazing human cartoon. I shared many a stage with Sprout. She is legit. She sells every song full throttle. AJ said "Wow Dingo, I love that table of Hocus Pocus you have there. They all love you" I was about to say "Wait a minit Bub, Who you callin Hocus Pocus. Then it dawned on me. All 5 of them were witches.

How did they know eachother? Beltaine.

I'm on the job though. I won't let these charmers distract me from my appointed sentry duty. I went outside. Ashtrays empty, no bandits and two guys talking. "Excuse me Gentlemen." They know who I am. "Fellows, do you feel secure?"

LOL Asking them that, made them instantly apprehensive. "Why Dingo?" I said. "Because I'm security this evening and i want to make sure yall secure. Do you need a footrub, a pay raise, a soulmate, an umbrella, wanna tell me your feels and have me reflect them? Need a blanket?" They assured me they were secure.

I went back in.

Earlier in the night I had got some sad news from my North Star (vaguebooking) so it was a delight to have good friends around.

It was also fortunate that the scariest people in the room actually respected what I asked them to do. I was lowkey expecting to get my bell rung asking all 4 of them for ID even if they are only there for the ATM.

The shift went smooth as a sneaker full o puppy poo.

At the end of the night a cute witchy girl offered me some smootches. I'm not getting paid to makeout so I counted it out like a shot "1 1000, 2 1000, 3 1000. Delightful Mon Amour, See ya later ok?" It's a wonderful perk of the job but I have to treat it with respect. It's an unfair playing field. I'm sober. I call it a "snapshot romance" and leave it alone. If anyone calls me the next day then thats a different conversation. When they are toxed, I'm hands off.

LOL It was a foggy ride home on that electric bike but i was already discombobulated by Necky McNeckerson kissing me up like that

. I'm calli'n this nite a win. bessos Y Flor