I’m trying to prevent and break up conflicts but I work at a bar full of Portland Muppets.

It can be tedious deciphering the feels. I hear loud angry voices at Table 2 so I gravitate that way. Then I hear “If Grampa can’t be bothered to get out of bed until Charlie gets a golden ticket than fuck him he is such a con.” Other patron…”Give him grace fuknut, he was the only one that could have gone thru the chocolate factory with Charlie.” I walked off. If they kill one another over it then we all deserve that. Especially me as compense for having to hear that. A little while later I hear voices erupt again and make a move that way. “Penguins are NOT halal man! Other patron…”They are halal because they don’t have talons,” First guy “You don’t think Penguin feets can mess you up? Get outta here!” Companion…”Bit those flippers aren’t talons!” For your records, it was decided Penguins are Halal but NOT Kosher because of the seafood they eat. Write that down. I split to the barside where I can see everything outside and still monitor the bartenders. I look at bartender faces the same way our dog looks at my mug. “Are they happy? Sad/ Frightened? Mad? Have they asked someone the same question six times?” When they walk fast I’m wondering “Are they greeting a parton or chasing someone down to close the tab? While I was stationed by the bar some dude was complaining about Taco Bell. “ The girl at the window was so rude to me. She dropped my change, greeted me with hostility and her make up was way too much.” Thats when a woman bartender said “Woah don’t you dare be a man dissing a girl’s makeup decisions, Stay in your lane.” The dude said “I’m not a man…I’m a person.

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32Aspen Pendleton, Noreen Malkiewicz Gibbons and 30 others