Curb service

A customer at the Tavern asked me “If I order some food will you take it to…” I was formulating the words to say that I take sentry duty very seriously. I don’t leave my post, also this establishment doesn’t offer table service. I’m not a waiter.  I let him continue. “...that homeless man over there. I have to leave and can’t wait for the food to be done.” I went from a strong No to an easy Yes. Happy to do it. The guy’s date was telling him “Don’t make Dingo do that.” When he was ordering the food I told the woman “Don’t worry I’m gonna eat it.” She cracked up and high fived me. They left, the food came out and I delivered it. The houseless chap thought I was going to move him along. He cracked a smile when I dropped that heavy plate of food to him. “Looks like you made a friend Fella, Good night and good luck.” I love how eager the Hero’s date was to cockblock that whole gesture. I was a little disappointed I couldn’t do a Snark attack. I was gonna say “I’m the bouncer not a server. The only time I care about your food is if it breaks something, attacks you or makes unwanted sexual advances. If your food does any of those things please let me know. I will punch your food in the face and ask it to leave.” That would have been great had his request not been so darned noble. I was reacting to someone ordering me around not saving the world. Harumph.

I love how eager the Hero’s date was to cockblock that whole gesture. I was a little disappointed I couldn’t do a Snark attack. I was gonna say “I’m the bouncer not a server. The only time I care about your food is if it breaks something, attacks you or makes unwanted sexual advances. If your food does any of those things please let me know. I will punch your food in the face and ask it to leave.” That would have been great had his request not been so darned noble. I was reacting to someone ordering me around not saving the world. Harumph.