Tuesday, November 27, 2007

click this

I like how much variety there was at the Clown house, the above link is to photos other people took of us, theres a lot of years just on one page, a lot of faces.

Betcha didn't know...

I've been held to a cinder block wall by a gushing fire hose held by three or four
Baxar County Sheriff's Department Employees.
I deserved it, back then I was a jerk.
To be fair, it was the State of Texas that started it.

A nice fella got busted out in Calamoth Falls with up to an ounce of weed, on his
mug shot you can clearly see he is wearing an Alberta Street Clown House shirt.

My grand father was a homicide detective in San Antonio Texas, thank god he passed
away many years before I was a hoodlum in San Antonio Texas.

Police in North Portland had a man from Kenya in the back of a squad car.
He was charged with battery on a lady.
A clown with night vision camera popped out of a bush to show the police what
had really happened;
The man had gotten out of a cab when a prostitute soliceted him.
He said "Ell No Lede'"
She got mad, started hitting him and a cop pulled up, shining the lights
just as he had her on the ground protecting himself.
It looked really bad for him.
They pulled him out, chucked her in, and never asked why I was in a bush, lookin clowny
at 3am near the corner of Michigan and Fremont with night vision and a beer.
To this day the man from Kenya waves frantically at me when he sees me.
I stop and we repeat the tail even though it's been seven or eight years ago.
We still have never asked each others names, don't need them.

In the ten years that I have lived in Portland, I have not so much as gotten a jay walking ticket.
I've never EVER had an unpleasant run in with the Portland Police.
I know people who have been treated badly (even killed) but they have always treated me with respect.
(I must admit)Often the cops confuse the "clown make up" with "Retarded"and speak slowly to me.

Will Messiahforf Ood shortly before going to jail in a diaper.

Monday, November 26, 2007

LOOK AT MY BABAY

my kid is here!

What better way to wake up than getting photographed.

I love painting in the dark with glow in the dark paints

Note to self: save almost spent Sharpie markers for the baby to do art with,
he don't care if they work well, any mark anywhere, is an accomplishment
for a baby.

I wonder if anyone ever had a bowl of Breakfast cereal, and instead of using milk,
used a cup of coffee with too much milk in it, ooops already tried it.
Maybe next time, I'll use a chocolate flavored cereal, and a Latte,
Diner style coffee and Fruity Pebbles suck ass together!

OK I just gave my kid a blue marker and his next diaper, he's decorating it well,
good motor control for a baby, I still way better at it.
My hope is that he makes some art that he finds so cool, he won't want to get poop on it.

Dogs, rats and chimps all laugh, now if they had money, they could sustain an animal comedy club.

I wrote a darn good novel, it's funny, has a good story, I'm happy with it.
The thing is, I'm not a publisher and I don't know one so my book and the Clown House picture book
are shelved for now, I'm looking for someone who can manufacture and distribute books.
If I become a known writer of books, then that would open the door for me to write really stupid books,
so far I only have a title for the third book "Lie to bears for fun and profit" it's a "how to" manual for getting
your face eaten off by wildlife.

My wedding was a pagan one, the divorce a human one.
Caffeine has gotten herself legal to do marriages for people, she did a doozy of a wedding
last year at Mt.Tabor, she's a natural.
I kind of want to get credentials to perform weddings, I could read the couple's vows that
they themselves wrote and add a complimentary speech to both of them that includes some
light shaking, slapping and me screaming "Are you frikkin crazy?"

I love painting in the dark with glow in the dark paints, that's actually the only way to do it right.
I've been adding a glow in the dark element to all my rubber chicken paintings that have a religious themes
The one I did of Martin Luther hammering a chicken to the door of the church has a window that glows in the dark.
I want the customer to find out it glows well after they have had the painting awhile, then it will
freak them out as much as my parents glowing Catholic paraphernalia freaked me out as a kid.

BWaaaaaBwaAaaaaathtththhhthhttrrrrrrrrrrrrrBWAHrrrrrrrrrrrrBWAHHHHHRRRRrrrrr

I keep intending to fix the Behemoth but Iv'e been just enjoying the heck out of riding the General Lee.
For those of you who don't know, the General Lee is one of the most well known Tall Bikes in Portland.
Built By Topher Moore for a Dukes of Hazzard skit, it's the longest lasting tall bike in the fleet, it's an amazing bike.
The general can haul a HUGE trailer full of cargo with no problemo.
Such incredible bursts of energy pulse through the damn thing, it's wonderful for doing tricks with.
I often talk about romantic encounters on this blog because it's easier to describe
that stuff than it is to describe the profound joy I get out of our bikes.
After riding that Giant Behemoth all the time, this shorter, smaller bike has turning and jumping, it's like a regular mountain bike.
It 's like those heavy rings they put on baseball bats, my legs are used to pushing that huge thing, they just whale on the littler bike.
I was floating around an intersection around Belmont and almost got plowed by two dudes on rice rockets (pointlessly fast motor bikes from Asia).
Taking a turn with the wind behind me; the two fellas swerved one way and I swerved another at split second speeds and I could feel them grinning under the helmets.
My helmet was a bandanna and overgrown hair, not much protection there.
A few blocks later I could hear them "Opening them up" on some stretch of road, they were going through all the gears and making a hell of a racket.
It reminded me of my family back home during the late 80s, that sound so many blocks away could have been any older member of my family.
As a kid, my front yard often had more than a few motorcycles in the yard.
I remember hearing my uncle or dad riding really far away but still being able to pick out the sound of each gear change.
Now it just sounds like diarrhea , BWaaaaaBwaAaaaaathtththhhthhttrrrrrrrrrrrrrBWAHrrrrrrrrrrrrBWAHHHHHRRRRrrrrr

Sunday, November 25, 2007

click here

Nice, I was dropping my friend off at Hawthorne and 39th and who should be standing in the parking lot but Juliette Lewis (Natural born killers)she is in town with her band the Licks.
A lot of guys with cameras were bugging her, i did noticed she had a stripe down the sides of her pants like I do.
I just saw her face in an old Newsweek and now same day, there she is with the coolest pants ever.
I'm off to spin wheels a bit.

When the U.S. joined World War Two,

When the U.S. joined World War Two, the president told the masses they all needed to pitch in by collecting rubber, iron, cooking grease and buy war bonds, and you bet they did.
Everyone chipped in to help the war effort, from the Boy Scouts to old folks people sacrificed.
When the oil war broke out, president Bush said "go shopping" what a croc of shmit, thats embarrassing.
All the shopping going on today is more than irritating, it scares me, thats a lot of stuff in the landfill, thats a lot of plastic, lead and mercury in all that stuff.
A lot of batteries, a lot of electronic components that will be rotting in fields in a few years, ya gotta look like 6 years ahead to see where that crap is going.
You know what are good gifts?
Socks, Caffeine's mom gives her loved ones socks and I always thought that was sweet.
Anyone who wants to treat old Dingo to a gift, I need the stuff that freezes off warts.

In other news, I saw a couple of people I know ...or knew, on the news, they are brother and sister and they were just killed in North Portland.
It's been a long time but I remember them.
I'm surprised they lasted that long, it's hard to stay in that neighborhood (rentwize).
I see the community is trying to band together to stop violent crime, if I still lived there I wouldn't, it was the biggest mistake ever trying to reduce crime in North Portland, for all the staying up all night, patrols, getting back stolen bikes and a car, fighting bangers and crack heads, all we got was classed out of the neighborhood.

Maybe if I owned a house, my opinion will change but as a renter, community policing sucks.
I'm glad we didn't own that house in North Portland, I didn't know how racist my neighbors were
until the max came in and the land was worth much more, within a year most of the black folks,
Asians and clowns were no longer living on the corner of Failing and Michigan.
I usually don't equate race and gentrification, it's a class thing not a race thing, but at our old place, you can't deny that 4 really racist homeowners got what they wanted, when we stood up for black and Asian folks, they got rid of us too.

I found a big branch in the road last night, I was riding around doing errands when I saw the most crooked
branch on a pile of brush, I tied it to the back of my bike and drug it home.
It's my new Chrismas Tree, I decorated it and I'll put presents for my kids under it,
(this year I'm getting them socks and wart remover) they will be impressed.

I inspect my bike twice a week or so, making sure that it won't fall apart while I'm taking a turn or something.
On this week's bike inspection, I missed a spot, the derailier fell off during a climb last night, it was a smooth break and I didn't crash or anything, I just didn't expect it.
I was lucky that I was up Hawthorne street and not down Hawthorne, I was able to mount the Behemoth, a great wind was at my back, all I had to do to get home (about a mile or so) was let the wind take me home by coasting.
I got most of the way home with no drive, that was great!.
I have to fix that stuff, it's gonna suck because I have to change out two chains, a crank and the derailier, they all wear out together.
I went out one morning to ride to coffee and to my dismay remembered the sad state of my bike, losing her entrails all over the ground and sitting helpless in it's bay.
I jumped on the General Lee and it was amazing how fast I suddenly was, it's a great bike.
The best bikes in the fleet were no dought built by Topher Moore, his contribution to the fleet formed the basis of our style and the standard.
The Behemoth is slow, heavy and won't fit on the Light rail trains but it can carry all the components of a personal computor easy, the General Lee won't carry much but it's like floating 6 feet above the ground, it's fast!

I think that when I go out to coffee, I'm really just renting table space, there aren't enough tables in my life, or more accurately, not enough room for the amount of tables I require, I need a castle or another mansion, this small room stuff would have been great when I was a teen but I'm a full grown man, I need space to draw cartoons and scratch my back on the doorways.

Today I will be fixing my bike, taking a razor blade to the bathtub ( I left a film during my hours long soak the other night.) and then I'm looking for a date.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

I just found out our old house will be a XMASS tree lot

EEEEEEW!
Those guys ripped us off $1500, I wonder if they will be paying us back out of that?
I bet not. the Clown House we held before that one wasn't so much a venue.
I know that those trees come from farms, some owned by families, but still, it's a pointless crop.
The Clown House in North Portland was a place for political street theatre to stage, benefits and protests were planned out of there, we had pirate radio, screen printing and among other noble persuits, Forrest Defending.
We would have shows, spend all the money from the door on ropes and food, send it all out to Fall Creek and when the defenders were hungry and tired of sitting way up there, they would hop a train and stay with us, safe here in Portland.
Those kids went through hell back then, one drank bad water and was really sick, and all of them were kept up for hours and beat up wherever they got caught.
In the end, we donated our radio equipment to Fall Creek because the feds nearly raided our system twice, both times we had something happening in the neighborhood that confused the signal and once the wrong house was raided.
In Christian mythology, Jusus chased the money changers out of the temple, but that was different, his dad owned the temple so he had clout, we don't have a pot to piss in.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving

I find myself all alone on Thanksgiving, It's cool, I think I enjoy it.
I went out to coffee and had some light conversation with my friends, went home and had some more light conversation with the downstairs people and spent most of the day alone here in Sky Tower.
I try to avoid holidays, it bugs me to have lots of anticipated rituals and forced goodwill, overeating and having to explain what the hell your doing to folks who dont know you.
The rest of the fools I live with left to points up north, Iv'e been alone all day in the house and loving it.
My thanksgiving meal was a frozen pizza, some coffee, half a box of grape nuts, a bunch of grapes and apples, water.
I have the directors cut of the movie Alexander that I just watched, it was cool.
Now I'm gonna take a soak in a tub full of epsome salt, play music loud and pray a lot.
I did have a heavy conversation on the phone with my friend in (hometown) Chorpus Christi Texas.
I'm finding out that most of my old friends have been to prison and or worse, it was amazing that he and I are alive at all, we are both traumatized by our old lives, a bit shell shocked.
It was nice to hear the zen in the voice of my friend, who like me, has seen some awful horrors and now have the sense to avoid trouble
It just kills me that the friends I had 15 years ago fell apart so bad, it was meth, I got lucky, I didn't like it when I tried it so many years ago..

Guess what this spell I'm casting is for...



I'll tell you in the comments

Thursday, November 22, 2007

the new "Jack Asses" collection


First one: "Super Model" If you have seen the "Celebrated Rubber Chickens of Dingo the Clown" you will love the new "Jack Asses" collection.

YAY ASS!

I have sold lots and lots of rubber chicken paintings over the last two years, now I'm starting a new set called "the Jack Ass set". It gives me great pleasure to paint something, laugh my ass off at it's concept, add it to the rest of the body of work and move on. When I see one of my paintings on someone else's wall I still get a huge laugh, can't help it, it's funny. That's why I don't mind when people buy and give my paintings as gag gifts, it IS a gag.




Where the "Rubber Chicken collection" is all about chickens set in history, the Jack Ass set will deal with mostly donkey jokes and some word play.
This is the first one, I call it "The super model" it's the punch line of a joke done during the third act of our circus show and it's the second edition after the first donkey was doused with water and then stolen, this one has been used on stage a couple of times. The Chicken paintings "Ice age" and "angler" are for sale too at $300 and $75 for angler fish. There are 33 paintings in rubber chickens so far, they are growing and a comic book is in the works too.

Carne Guisada burritos

I made some Carne Guisada burritos for my roomates, thats mexican meat and gravy, that's a popular dish where I'm from, the closest to that you can find here in Portland would be called Carne Asada burritos, they suck ass.
I can't believe that I like the music that comes on during the true crime dramas like CSI, when the staff are busy solving the puzzle they always play techno thats so bad, it's available to my taste in awful..I like some forms of awful.
Speaking of awful...
I wrote a poem today, that's a miracle because I don't much care for poetry, I guess I just got inspired by my friend Bonaroo's love of poems.
I'm working out an act that takes place at an "open mic" at a cafe somewhere, it's a guerrilla theater piece that we will script and do over and over.
We go into a cafe that's having an open mic, we dress not as clowns but in silly looking street clothes, we go in separately and pretend not to know each other.
We will have to have the management in cahoots to make sure all of out slots are together in a block.
Then we do "Songs" and "Poems" while entirely screwing each other up and still pretending not to know each other.
The other "performers and coffee house goers will be stunned when our "acts" run afoul and we end up fist fighting of having an epileptic seizure on the frikkin floor.
So I had to write a poem or two or three about really stupid stuff that goes no place.
It would also have to meter right so anyone can memorize it and pretend to be "Feeling it".I took a bong rip, closed my eyes and began writing the constant stream of linguistic confetti that runs through my head naturally.
OK her goes;
SEA SICK AVOCADO PONY TOILETTE BRUSH,
PUMPERNICKEL GARBAGE TRAMP AXLES,
FORK LIFT TUNA FISH BASTARD SWORD PORTAPOTTY JUBILEE
BLARNEY STONE YOGA,
EVERYDAY UNDERWATER ALWAYS MAYBE NEVER,
GUN CONTROL RUBBER SOLE
PIZZA IN A VILE,
zENITH zENITH zENITH,
COMIC LARDER DRIPPING FARTHER OPEN LATE MORTAL FATHER,
BLISTERING ROBOT QUEEN FIBONACCI SPIRAL,
CUNEIFORM ROBIN WORN BELLY FLOP THE TITLE
TOTEM HOLE DOILY TONE FEATHER CREEPING VITAL,
SULFUR PITCH UNDER TRIPS
NEW ZEALAND RUFFLES TETHERS,
BAMBOO, BAMBOO, BAMBOO SOAKED IN COFFEE,

here's from my song/poem book, it's pretty
insane looking even when viewed upside down and backwards.

I call this drawing "Bomb sniffing bull"


I thought about how cool it would be to train a massive bull how to sniff out explosives.
It would get a sniff and then nobody would be able to keep it from attacking the explosives.
To be safe I gave the bull a trainer/matador rubber chicken.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

look at the dents the tree put in my helmet


You can see the branch in the dent


It was the second branch that got me, it hit me in the face.

They were everywhere!

Life is good... life in Portland is great.


I went on the "Win a bike date with Dingo" date last night.
It was a bit soggy I'm afraid...and cold.
We made the date for Thursday, the winner/victim, called back and reminded me that it was the holiday, she had to leave town.
,We decided to meet after her work and go riding.
All day I was so excited to meet a girl from the internet, I've never done that, it seemed so fun and random...and it is.
I got ready to go, my circus friends were too into sewing and toking to go with me so I embarked alone, one man vs. the elements
and a woman named Jennifer (Glee).
I'm a powerful man with knowledge, wear withal and worldly intellect...but as with grammar and camping, I suck at navigating.
I overshot her place like a phantom jet fighter chasing a paper cup.
looking up her work address on the Google maps I was astounded at the details it provides and yet I still flucked it up.
Like an angel or a clandestine, government agency, Google lets you drop down out of space and see street level of where your going.
Thats really great because I don't know the Portland street names as well as landmarks, I'm a visual guy and I've only lived in Portland for years and years.
I got to my bike and realized I didn't have my house keys (as usual), I had to traipse back up the 20 stairs to the house and checked the fridge.
I don't keep my keys in the fridge, I just forgot what I was looking for on the way up the stairs.
I guess my mind was full of thoughts about my blind date.
I have never lived in a house that keeps beer for so long, there is always beer here.
I think the only beer drinkers at this house are the slugs in the back garden, and maybe the hippy.
I got my keys and took off, six blocks away I hesitated, went back to the house and got another coat.
Yes, flying down Hawthorn I was cheered on by the tourists, I pretended they knew I was on a date.
I overshot the place, backtracked and found her work.
She was working late because her staff was lollygagging so I hung out in the parking lot with a drunk line cook.
It was neat to be kept waiting in anticipation to meet someone I only knew by phone, thats what this exercise is all about.
She came out and I remembered her from the stands at a bike fair and a few other gigs.
She had pretty brown eyes that looked like she had just been dealing with puddin heads.
We got on bikes and rode to an overpass, she took a photo of a sign, told me she had to leave early
the next morning to Newport.
I told her that I understand (I didn't mention that I knew that would be the case,) we went down some streets leading to the
Hollywood Transit station.
She said " I think I'll take the Max home tonight, hugged me goodby and split.
My feet were cold and my clothing soggy from sweat and rain, I was cold.
After leaving the transit mall I rode onto the sidewalk, in the dark headed home when it hit me...
A tree branch hit me in the head as I was looking down at my bike investigating a new noise.
I was wondering if the date had gone as badly as it felt and looking down when a tree branch as big around as a loaf of bread creamed me.
I remember thinking "What the?" and another branch popped me in the face almost throwing me 10 feet to the ground.
I had to make some maneuvering happen to keep from falling into traffic, it was hairy, at least I wasn't cold anymore.
If you look at my pith helmet you will see the imprint of the branch clearly, I was rolling downhill at the time.
I had met someone really nice at the Goodfoot last week, we only had spoken for a short time and about nothing much, but the chemistry was all over us, we almost held hands from the gate, coool.
I went to Stark street and went in, I quit drinking by going to bars, I wandered to the pinball and played 50 cents worth of Lord of the Rings.
I guess I looked right at her and didn't see, as I left and got on my bike, she ran out and said "Howdy fella, whatcha doin?"
"Lookin for you."
She must have pretended I wasn't creepy because she smiled.
We agreed to meet again soon, I felt less cold and soggy.
The two encounters were universes apart from each other.
My senses had one hell of a night, the sparks, lack of sparks, cold, warmth, fun, boredom and Portland herself gave me a run for my money.
It's all part of enjoying life.
I went home and got into my cozy bed.
I went to sleep wondering how I could be so ugly, hansom, brilliant and stupid at the same time.
Life is good, life in Portland is great.

Monday, November 19, 2007

my kids came and went


They won't be back in mass for another two weeks.
I used a rubber raft as a crib and stowed my kids clothing in a guitar case, I'm a good parent, they got fed well and run hard, they will speep good tonight.
I had a blast with the little buggers, much better than when we had to look at each other everyday.
I taught the boy how to rock! and the girl how to paint.

Oh no! it's toy drive time again!

The time of year has come when TV and Radio stations appeal to the masses to spend money on NEW toys for the poor.
This is my yearly gripe as the commercials come out and have me seeing red.
Barrels full of new toys go out to the children on christmas and by New Years, half of them are busted and sitting in landfills.
They just cant stand it knowing that a bunch of poor kids have to escape the consumerist orgy that is the holiday season.
Well I say nuts to that!
Is Dingo the Grinch?
Naw I'm cool with having a time of giving and goodwill to all, I'm not christian (thank god) but I have been poor with kids (like I was) and I know a little secret: Poor kids need a bunch of new toys like I need a push up bra, I'll tell you why.
See, poor families only need lots of new toys at Christmas if the are stupid enough to think they need it, nobody needs lead laced, made in China garbage to play with; kids can have just as much fun with the boxes they come in, I know.
What poor families need is good jobs, good food, help with rent and time, thats a big one, sometimes the best gift you can give a poor child is to hang out with them while the parents crawl out of poverty.
Some parents like being poor or are lazy, the kids of those folks are screwed, I don't know how to help them, maybe they need the toys.
When we had out little girl, it was way harder that we thought it would be and we had little to no help from anyone else.
Often people who were being crummy relatives would think that toys could possibly make up for not being there for them.
If you have to move around a lot, toys get in the way, kids won't want to ever give them up so it's really not good to have a lot of toys.
We hated dealing with batteries, finding room for the toys and the sheer hopelessness that comes from having no money, few prospects, and a bunch of crap to move around.
If my kid wants any toy in particular, she can ask for it by name and I'll find it in January sitting in an apartment complex dumpster, happens every year.
Have you ever gotten a food box?
I get them all the time, they are so necessary for survival, sadly, a lot of the food really sucks ass, the peanut butter is super unhealthy (mostly cheap oil that kills your liver) the other stuff is really unhealthy too, sugar, super saturated fat and over processed chemical cocktails, all the stuff people don't want including canned pumpkin from 1985.

If you want to enrich your kid with giving, go volunteer at a soup kitchen or give out warm coats.
This morning my two children are playing with a blow up raft I found, and a bunch of soda pop.
Soda pop?????
After a gig last month, the venue gave us a box of awful, diet sodas, many flavors, all really nasty and it's amazing to me that people drink the stuff, I gave it to my kids unopened and we have been playing with them for weeks now.
See? we would never drink the stuff but we sure would throw them, roll them, paint them and have a good time with them.
I would have another opinion if Toys for tots was geared at older kids and was called "Tools for Teens" a donation season that gives useful tools to teens and kids so they have a chance to make a living later and not be losers like their parents.
If you want to help out a kid, look at tools or food, buying toys only helps the toy store.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

bikeportland.org


Look at what Jon is up to, he took cool photos of us for years.
Click above to get to bikeportland.org

"Win a bike date with Dingo the Clown!!!"

I posted the first personals ad ever, I always wanted to do a personal ad, but then I got married, I even wanted to fake one but didn't, thats mean.
I placed an ad calling for someone to have bike dates with, I had such romantic rides with Bonaroo last summer that I really wanted to enjoy more of it.
The ad was for someone in the bike culture but also I wanted to hang out with someone who isn't afraid of hard work, clowns, or children.
Someone did respond, she is a 21 year old bombshell that I expect only was looking at the personals as a lark, she knows who I am.
I'm very pleased so far, but my kid duty came first so I won't get any bike dates until monday evening or so, we did talk for a couple of hours on the phone.
I'm also talking to the first "Henchmen" I ever had, he is in Corpus Christi Texas, he will be spending the summer with me, his name is "Howdy Boy".
I really hope he can get into contact with some more of my friends of that era, I split and left them, now I want to call them all back and set them right, they live in hell down there in Texas.
We were all trouble back in the early 90s, now I'm gonna bring him back and use all that power for show biz instead of con artistry and thuggery.
My kids have wacky diets, the girl eats soy yogurt, will get sick if she eats dairy yogurt, the boy eats dairy yogurt and gets sick if he eats soy yogurt, both tubs look pretty much alike.
When the kids arrive I get beat up by my Gall Bladder stones, the sound of the kids in my ear screeching, the stress brings on bile salt deposit pain all over my body, it's funny to feel the button that causes that pushed, it happens fast so I avoid things that make the kids hard to deal with, this time my pain was mild and I'm having a good time with the kiddos.
It's not so bad, the boy is a little older and the girl is a little more helpful.
We played guitar, painted my furniture and walked around a lot.
Herra (one of my platonic girlfriends) tricked me yesterday, we were going to the grocery store and then back to my place to cook for our kids, she had us duck into a restraunt and she ordered big ass meals for my kids that I had to pay for, then she drug us into the ice cream place JEEEEZE WOMAN!
I love Hera, since I got here to the outerlands, she has been there for me, a good friend, we hang out every day it seems.
It's raining again, I just got back from getting coffee and my butt is soaked from the bike seat...I must live in Portland.

OK this is nice, I went to the ritzy coffee shop this morning because they have all day classical music.

I think I will spend the sunny part of the day on Hawthorn street selling paintings, or as I should say, a painting.
I still have the painting of the Donkey i did for "the artist" sketch, without Pinga and Carol, theres no point in doing the bit anymore, they were the best.
Now I'm selling the painting with a sign that reads "Painting of my ass $50" and for a small price someone can say they bought a donkey from a Dingo.
The canvas itself cosed $25 so I'm not making a killing but I already payed a ton of child support money and I have low bills.
I was looking for someone to hang out with today, I'm all dressed up with no place to go.
I'm on the corner of Hawthorne and 37th watching the guy with a clip board asking people to join Green Peace, it's funny to watch the passers get ready to turn him down, next to me are three really cute women who are knitting, I wish I knew them and could ask them to knit me a union suit with a butt flap.
They just got up and one of them gave me the "stink eye", I should have held my farts better.
I do have a method to my madness, who wants to date someone whos afraid of some farting right?
My roomates have kind of gotten back together, I don't know if he still lives with us, I won't care until rent oclock.
I like the dude a lot, thats really odd because I usually wont have anything to do with people who don't know or care where they are going.
They are arguing in the other room so I turned the tv on to muffle the words (none of my bee's wax)) but leave the tones of the argument (for science) all couples seem to have the same sonic vistas in arguments, lots of pontificating and speeches, rebuttal's and clarifications, you don't need to hear the words to know what kind of language is being used.
Then a commercial with the song "Carol of the bells" came on and I started yelling at the Madison Ave.
"Stop using that masterpiece to sell garbage people don't need you vampires!"
A lot of things that happen never make the blog friends, as you may imagine, I'm living in the underworld of the big city, I cant share it all.
I wouldn't be very good at psy ops if people knew all of the facts.
Romance, Biddness, gross stuff, none of that makes the blog, sometimes to spare you (ask about my wart infiltration).

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

DIY, Portland: Death and Burial

turn on the radio, Tune in to KBOO at 10:00am Thursday
My friend Julie has a show called DIY,Portland


From J onthe R


Hello Listeners,
I thought this was going to be a heavy show and it is, but it's not
nearly as heavy as it might have been without such vibrant guests.
Patricia Sweeney will be on to walk us through the options for a home
funeral, which like home birth, is enjoying a bit of a revival these
days. Then, Cynthia Beal, author of "Be a Tree," will tell us all
about the fascinating world of green/natural burial. You don't want to
miss this.

Tune in to KBOO at 10:00am Thursday or visit
http://destinationdiy.com to click-and-play.

But you might not want to listen all alone, which is why I'm having
the first of many (I hope) listening parties at the Waypost. So join
us at 3:30pm Saturday, Nov. 17 at the Waypost 3120 N Williams to
listen, talk, and sip delicious beverages at special happy hour
prices.

Special thanks this month to Brian Kramer for his engineering help
and to Nick Jaina, Jason Leonard and Kimya Dawson for providing music.


Please consider making a donation at http://destinationdiy.com to
support the all-volunteer team who puts this show together every
month.

A word of WARNING about next month's show: It's all about a
do-it-yourself project everyone does when they're alone, and it's
going to be too hot for radio, so it will be a Web-only special.
Guests will include syndicated sex columnist Dan Savage and Portlander
Isis Leeor, who teaches a class called "Look Ma No Hands! How To
Orgasm With Your Breath." Obviously, this topic might not appeal to
everyone. I will include a disclaimer at the top of the show, but I
respectfully request that you skip it if you think you might be
offended by frank talk about masturbation.

Thanks,
Julie on the Radio

From Nat Perfect


Tuesday, November 13, 2007

here are some papers that we use when doing gigs

I saw this and thought they were funny.

moving


Moving was ok and I do like my new digs, kind of small and unremarkable but it is cozy and warm.
Moving meant that I would have to see photos like this...sigh...

I had packed all the Clown House memorabilia away and hadn't planned on looking at any of that stuff again for years and now here I am digging it all out and having to look at stuff like this again.
I miss home really bad, can't wait to strike up a new one.

Orian lied


The night of the Reed gig Orian said he couldn't pull any big circus trailers because he had never done it before, then we accidently found this proof on the net, thats him in a parade carting around about 100 pounds worth of Baby Battle Bikes, band equipment and as I clicked and enlarged the photo I see the basket full of live pythons.
Remember kid, when you roll with the Clowns expect to be in a lot of photos so mind what you say.

Monday, November 12, 2007

There ya go friends, 24 hours notice in the life of a chaos clown

I got up and went searching for coffee, found a nice spot "Muddy Waters cafe" Miranda from Portland super group "Heroes and Villans" works there, she's a real fist full of fireworks, I drink coffee sometimes with the bums outside on the street and sometimes inside with her boyfriend.

The refills are 50 cents but they have no internet, some great books and nice art.
They have two bathrooms and the keys have large key chains with a roman numeral 1 painted on one and a proud numeral 2 painted on the other.
The doors on the two bathrooms have corresponding numerals painted on them, I didn't notice at first so I only pee'd in the one marked number one and saved my bowel movements for bathroom two.
I had waited as long as I could to move my room out, I was evicted from the room but not really the house, after finally talking to Skye Blue I decided to move into the room down stairs, the one Ood lived in.
I know this fella in North East who likes dressing in half drag, donning skates and doing the most fantastic dangerous stunts, he called wanting to hang out so I let him come over and help me move.
He has a crush on me, I got to enjoy the rare chance to see what a woman must enjoy having someone your not at all interested in kissing yer butt...well let's phrase that different... helping me move.
He came and went, he's a nice kid with LOTS of heart.
The whole move took about 4 hours to take my stuff to a smaller room but at least this room has heat.
All my worth was in a pile on the floor and I had a hell of a time moving my bed.
Skye and her man were moving too, well the dude wasn't doing much of anything and his lady was doing all the work.
He is kind of retarded like that, a man child who has no clue about whats expected of him, he only seems to want to read comics.
Hera and her kiddo Eden came by, the boy is into coins so I gave him a few of my rare coinage, I really hope he gets into coin collecting.
She was sharing her dinner with me and the kid, when Skye burst in screaming "Dingo help me!"
She and her man had been fighting about his state of affairs, he is really big and I guess he scared her.
Hera looked at her kid with concern I went into the room.
She told me he's really big and she got afraid, I told her I was the most scary guy in the building and not to worry.
I separated the two and tried to encourage some good ideas in both of them, he got his stuff together, she went downstairs to sleep and my ride arrived.
I said bye to Hera and co and jumped into my client's van.
I was to "cock block" for her at a Scorpio party, she was to be nude in a bathtub and I was only to let in the people she wanted to see, we got there and the rules changed, The bathroom didn't lend itself to that idea still plenty fun though.
I met a fella named Dave and a few other fellas, like at all party's, not everyone came for sex, plenty came for booze, I made lots of trips to where the fellas were hanging to crack wise and roast bowls, the rest of the time I was dancing and keeping in character.
I played this game with myself near the bathroom, I would wait for the conditions to be right and pop into the scene.
I would wait until three or so couples made it to the bathroom, the ladies would all go in and the guys would stop dancing as soon as the door closed.
I would walk in and enjoy the uncomfortable silence that happens between men in a hall who don't know each other, it was grand and happened every 20 min or so.
Now I wasn't drunk or on E, I was for the most part on the job, my client got wrapped up in some one and let me off the hook but I was still obliged to hang out and look after her, if not just cart around her stuff in my cargo pockets.
The sexual energy had a lot of drug influence and thus like porn, isn't true to what I know sex to be, it won't come close unless I was to drop or drunk too and thats not gonna happen.

I still enjoyed the music, the way my body feels when I'm dancing (Shakin yer booty stretches out yer limbs and guts.)and looking at all the fantastic costumes and super sexual movements, they reminded me of Squid Spawning off the coast of Mexico, a bunch of big dumb animals gyrating to mating rythems and gracefully wrapping around each other.
My client came up to me and offered some black tea, in moments she had found another lover and was gone, I moved to the door through the dance floor.
It's kind of hard to get through a dance floor if your not dancing, I always feel like I'm bum rushing people, they give me dirty looks all the time as I shove them out of my way, I developed a dancing "shove move" thats very charming.
I was going outside to find the drunk boys from South Dakota when I stumbled up to this tallish lady with long black hair, big eyes long legs and huge smiles dancing in front of me, she was amazing to behold.
I looked at her feet, high heels, that tells me two things, one, that bare footed we are about the same hight, two she cant get away from danger.
I told myself I would never date anyone who wears high heels because I don't wanna hang with anyone who cant jump fences at a moments notice, any gal who wears heels a lot (or owns an iron) will drag me down and I'm not getting slowed down anymore this lifetime if I can help it.
Heels are a red flag, dancing at that party was a red flag and the fact that she was looking right at me with a huge grin was a red flag.
At a party it's all a sight and feel thing, thats why people dress like mating birds and flash the same signals, the music is too loud to talk much.
We had the fact that we both had drinks in common with each other so thats where we started, I had tea, she had a glass of wine.
I smiled and she took my tea and had a sip, I said "Howdy I'm Dingo the Clown" and she said "I know I've herd of you" she motioned for me to come close, I got so close to her neck I could smell her family scent, rosewater and the faint smell of her sweat from dancing.
I kissed her neck without a second thought, and she slipped her finger in my mouth, it was full of chocolate, not 711 chocolate, this was Mexican,) high end stuff.
I stopped kissing her to break character, I demand she tell me if there was any kind of drugs in the candy.
She assured me it was legit and told me she had only had the one glass of wine (my heart started thumping, this gal is a goddess and she likes chocolate, is a fan, and may not be an alcoholic, drug fiend, I'll take it!)
She took her time with the chocolate in my mouth, what a fox, she shifted and light hit her, she was FINE I guessed she may be Puerto Rican (wow)
We talked a bit and decided we liked each other, she showed me where the chocolate came from, it was all solid.
It dawned on me that she had danced with the chocolate in her hand, thats how it was so creamy instead of solid at room temp.
I was distracted away for some reason and when I returned I saw the show of my dreams, for at least 5 long songs I saw this wonderful lady dance grope/ a super foxy girlfriend.
I had to look away so many times to keep from diving into them like an ape.
I walked off and later saw her getting into a cab.
I wish I asked her name, it is kind of cool to make a connection in the single serving size and then be done with it.
I FOUND A FEATHER BOA FULL OF CASH!
Yup I found a feather boa with quite a lot of money just in a pile in the floor, I scooped it up and threw the whole pile on the fridge for the homeowner to find.
A lot of the folks were just crazy on drugs and sex, not my thing, at that point I was done, I got my stuff and walked home, banjo in hand.
I got to my place and fished my bed out of the pile that is my life in my new room, the land lady may come anytime and give me the boot but for now I'm staying here as long as I can.
At one point the Clown House was so loud it could be heard for 20 blocks in all directions, three floors and a huge yard, people taking photos day and night, never a dull moment, now the whole of the Clown House empire fits into four trunks, visitors are rare and it's quiet.
Both ways have good and bad points, the CH was a stress ball, here I got so lonely I propped up some blankets so they look out of the corner of my eye, like someone to talk to.
I was talking to blankets last night, they didn't have much to say but they also didn't mind having sex with me.
Am I a dumbass?
I get paid to be myself at the best parties in town, and yet my main torment is not having anyone to share it with.
I have my stuff paired down so if it all goes to poot, I'll dump all my stuff in the Willamette river and live on my bike, it's not like any bike, it's huge.
I fell asleep in my new room on my old bed, thinking about the fact that since adulthood,I have never moved out of a house because it was my decision, I've always been forced out, what a crummy pattern, I want to own a few city blocks when this is all over, and someday I will.
There ya go friends, 24 hours notice in the life of a chaos clown

We have a hell of a set list for the big show this Thursday at Reed college.

We went out in force rounding up equipment pieces and talking to folks on the way about the show at Reed.
We went out on the dark foggy streets with the glow of mystery that was this evening's weather.
All the lights had "Searchlight" effects, we poured around neighborhoods, it was a long way to the gig and we had some huge trailers full of stuff to pull.
It was so sweet to see the effects of nature in its fall phase and humankind working non stop like ants.
My pant leg kept derailing my chain and it dawned on me that my chain may not be long
for this world.
Skye Blue earned yet more clownarchy points by pulling the General Lee and a couple hundred pounds of equipment loaded on a trailer all the way to the gig, IRON CLOWN WOMAN!
Somehow I got Axle Grease on my groin.
The show was amazing, lots of new friends, I rolled over the kid from down south doing the "Ramp of Death".
Next day he quit the show and split home.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

ZOO BOMB!

A really great community of friends

Don't get me wrong


I do have plenty of fun too.
My blog isn't intended to display how many dissapointments and setbacks I can sustain.
I have gone over a half a year without any kind of taxable job and I'm doing fine living off show biz and other stuff.
None of my money is paying for oil wars and I'm taking good care of my kids.
Tonight I have a job guarding a nude lady or two doing performance art and I should get "payed and laid" pretty well. It will be a good time and I'll take lots of pics if I'm lucky.
Last night I went out and had fun with friends, I don't drink but I did steal a lot of drinks off tables so I can hold them and look to the bar people to be a drinking customer.
I was at a risk for drinking, I wanted some whiskey for fun so instead of relapsing into alcoholism, I went right to the bar and it went away.
Of course I stopped at a store before hand for some raw broccoili and an apple, gotta change the body chemistry before I go into a bar or it will be an awful place for an alkie with cravings.
I have'nt felt real stress since August (even when I was sick)and theres nobody feeding me bad info, slowing me down or giving me wild goose chases, my new room will be plenty of fun I can tell, it has walls.
This house and show run like a clock, everyone is dedicated and into the game (sans Jehoozaphat) and we do well with eachother because those of us who dig success boss around those who are in it for the fame and free parties.
The people I live with now appreciate me, at the Clown House (latter day) they all treated me like crap for the most part, like I was some kind of A'hole for wanting dedication and a good show, I miss them but wouldn't want to work with them much.
I use what I learned with the new crew and it works well, I told them not to be happy doing some little crap and then spending hours looking for pics of yourself online, now we go do the thing and move on to the next like a team, it's good.
Life is good.
Work hard, play hard, take care of biddness.

Well, last night in my dream room

I took the last night in my bad ass room, hope I get to keep the bed.
I think I'm moving downstairs to a room with lots of light and not much room.
Guess I'll build a loft and get some mirrors.
I missed a chance to hang with my kids yesterday because of the whole "Eviction thing" but as usual I landed on my feet.
Not so good for our new guy Jehozafats, he just couldn't shake a flu he has so he lit out this morning for the deep south.
He was a good team mate as far as talent was concerned but the stress of working sick and slowing us down compelled him to blaze out, he had never been a clown before and now he has some skills.
I spent the last night hearing the rain drops falling on the tin roof parts, I'm gonna miss that place.
I think it was important to have some little losses to help mellow the sting of some big losses I took this year.
Funny, on my last night in my room, I dreamed I was sleeping...with my ex.
Last night I got us a gig for Febuary, it's the Chiniese new year celebration.
We need some gigs for next week.

Friday, November 09, 2007

evicted again

Darnit!
I woke up this morning after hearing a voice downsairs, it was the landlady letting herself in.
She saw me and asked "Who are you"?
She said I wasn't s'possed to be living in the attic and I also wasn't s'possed to be living in the house at all because she has no papers on me.
So after a brilliant gig at Reed last night I awoke to more crappy landlord stuff.
I HATE SLUMLORDS.
Anyone have an extra room to rent me?

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

"Yerfuggin...arightman***".

It's funny, my place was a bit like the Luner surface, once something is put somewhere, there it stays, but my kids came over and it looks like a crime scene.
I have a relatively good attitude about it, they are a handful but still cute enough not to push out windows.
I had really good times with my kids, nowdays I have much more time to spend with them and they get most of my attention.
After I dropped my "super helpful" daughter at school, me and the boy took a trip on some buses, it's warm, full of monkey bars and it's moving...good times.
We were playing that game when I dropped him off, he was having so much fun, he took the hat off my head and threw it as we left the bus, I didn't catch it until the bus drove off with my tiger eared hat.
DAMN!
I was kind of bummed all night, it's like I gambled the rent away on the 75 bus.
I remember thinking "That hat is my personality, how will people know who I am like this", oh yeah, I'm a little irrational sometimes.
I decided to take every 75 bus that came along until the one with my hat came.
I got off at Killingsworth and 42nd and got a burrito, on my way out a couple were going into the restraunt, the fella looked at me and said to his wife "Sweet Dingo the clown eats here honey".
Wow, I wasn't wearing any clown stuff at all except maybe the patchwork jersey that Skye Blue made up for me.
I rode that bus to the Gateway stop, there I peeked at the 24 hour fitness people on the second floor and felt like a letch.
It was at Hawthorn that I got off and a homebum came up to me and started laughing "Yer the fella that rides that damn huge bike around uh?"
"Yes I'm waiting for my hat to arrive on the next bus."
"Yerfuggin...arightman***".
He gave me some lines about Jesus and prayed for me to get my life together, I think he may have been praying for himself...he was drunk.
The bus came and I went to the seat I was in, the pencil that the boy threw was still in the crack of the seat so it was the correct bus but the hat was gone.
I'm hoping it was a friend or that the hat has a wonderful adventure and then comes back to me in 20 years covered in patches from around the world.
And the moral of this story is...I can complain about anything.

We have a gig this Thursday at Reed college with some bands and stuff, starts at 7 or 8 Ill post a flier if i can.
We practiced yesterday, a skit involving a guy tied to a chair and a tall bike rolling at him.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Good place to hang out with two kids

Hawthorn Hostel...well the cobb structure outside the place was a blast for the kids and I.
It's funny to see the looks on faces when folks find out I have kids. some home bums passed by us this morning around 7am, they had bloated faces, squinted eyes and sick with alcohol from the night before, to be up at that hour, they must have just gotten kicked out of a doorway or dumpster.
They looked at me and then looked again, they both averted ther eyes like they were witnessing me doing something wrong or personal, the averted eyes and stopped talking as they passed.
On most days thiese two bums yell and beg at me until I tell them off.
They ask me for money, beer, weed, always while I'm moving and in all weather.
I told them "See this is why I don't give you chumps anything, if I wanted to throw away good money, it will be on someone who is cute and the result of some sex".

Saturday, November 03, 2007

quess what crush I got to hang out with yesterday?


I got to hang out with Bonaroo on her birthday weekend, she popped by today, funny I had just raised her flag in my room the day before.
Last August, she and Caff gave me a birthday to remember forever, so to repay her, I let her take my bike out on an all night date.
HEY! whats wrong with that picture?
I sure miss singing with and working with Bizzy, I just saw some lyrics she wrote on my lap top and cracked up.
I only had a crush on her when she began singing the rest of the time her smell kept me far away.
YAAAAAY TEAM!.

Maximum security

I have my son and daughter visiting, I think I may be allergic to the boy.
As soon as my son begins breaking my stuff and spilling body fluids on everything, my body starts itching.
As the stress builds, I get irritable and cranky, I over parent and I'm rude to people.
I'm working on it, but I can't shake the itch, I know it's the bile deposits in my blood stream, I just can't figger how he get's my body to react like that.
I like the way my kid gets treated like he's at Gitmo.
All the other kids can be left in a room to play quiet, my son needs a full time guard because he won't do well in general population.
I feel like a prison guard around him.

Possible rouge of the week?

The Last Thursday Presurvation society came to me during the last few months of the Clown House thanked me for all the stuff we did for the community over the years, they asked "what can we do to help the clown house"?
I said, to start a new Clown House we need to get the damage deposit back from the landlord, so we need some dough to clean up the joint.
I asked for Tshirt seed money, they asked the local buissnesses and raised a few hundred bucks, I took the money and had a brilliant artist "Justa Clown" draw an image and we quickly sold out of Clown House shirts, I used the money to buy two big dumpsters, bribe workers and get cleaning stuff so we would have the 1500 deposit back.
We really wanted the place and we payed a $300 non refundable pet deposit when we moved into the place it had no roof.
Well we got the place ship shape and really nice, our people had many work parties just like we did when we moved in.
The only things that we actually broke was a window and the front fence got hammered by the crowds over the years, other than that we made the place better by far.
Well the land lord seems to have burned us, they didn't show up on moving day to see the place clean and now they claim we left it a mess and full of needles, the thing is, needles offend the hell out of us and it's insulting to be ripped off and called junkies.
I think they are ripping off one of the most photographed houses in Portland, I bet there are plenty of photos of the place all nice and fixed up.
I couldn't take any photos because I was busy working all that month.

I went shopping for food

There I stood stunned, I didn't know what food was good and what was bad for me, I wanted protein and carbs, I didn't want sugar and fat so much, every cereal I found had sugar as the second listed ingredient, the meat was full of chemicals with huge names or just tons of fat.
I looked at the people in the health food isles, they tended to look really good, with clear skin, smiling and healthy, the macaroni isle people looked like macaroni isle people and the meat and cheese section was full of trailer park fat asses, maybe thats just my timing or imagination but thats what I saw.
I want to live long enough to see my kids grow up and my music skill mature so this isn't fooling around.
In the end I did start fooling around and went for the meat.
I looked at it, It's sealed in clear plastic called "Food Service Film" it's full of Benzene, so I'm a little afraid of anything wrapped in this stuff.
On the bottom of the meat bag is a Styrofoam tray to keep the meat flat, it was made in a factory that spews Chlorofluorocarbons, not good at all, why did I get this disgusting hunk of disrespect?
Well I'll tell you...it's because I'm a circus worker in an wild ass circus show, I fell for what was written in the sticker, it spoke to me..."Extreame value" it was cheap and I like taking things to "extreame", I imagined saving money as I jumped out of a plane with a bungee cord a surf board and eating some benzadriene, chloro-flora carbon dead cow flesh.
I also got a lot of raw veggies and fruit, thats most of my diet, raw stuff, it's good for you AND it makes you fart a lot, actually it makes you fart to the EXTREAME!
I was met by Eden and his mom Hera Starr, she walked me through the different meats and veggies, looked at prices and found good deals, I just played with her son Eden and goofed off.

The day of the gig at the Montage

Two hours before the show I was a wreck, but the day started nice enough.
I got up from my cozy bed, it was made cozyer by the fact that the room was cold but I have lots of blankets.
I had coffee on the mind so I took flight to Muddy Waters cafe and had a cup of joe.
Went home and practiced rope tricks for an hour.
When I was all roped up, i got on the Behemoth and decided to patrol for jobs and gobs (Gobs are potential clowns).
I turned a corner that I normally don't ride on and ran into a woman I call Nat Perfect, I have been stalking her for the show for weeks and I have had a little bit of a crush on her ever since I saw her do a hand stand on my bike.
Yes it's true, nothing gets me more interested than a woman who can do tricks on the back of my tall bike.
Actually any kind of show biz is a turn on for me, if she spun plates I would still be interested but the tall bike is the most romantic.
I had a kind of friend to do that with, but she is hard to find and there are too many other clowns between us.
Today Nat Perfect was riding her own tall bike, I hear that her and her guy are parting ways and she was taking the family tall bike for a farewell ride.
She bobs up and down as she pedals and it makes her koala tails pop up and down, very cute I must say.
We decided to ride around for a bit and see the neighborhood, we went to Chance of rain cafe for some more coffee.
I made shure to check myself and not act like an idiot just because I have a crush, crush or not, I don't want to scare off someone who could be really important to the show.
I do get crushes pretty easy but they expire just as fast if they aren't returned and I'm not much for going back.
We rode for a bit doing little tricks and enjoying each other's company, she decided she was hungry.
We went to the Cricket cafe on Balmont and sat down, I told her I only had four bucks on me.
She said she would grab the bill If I left a good tip, she knew I wanted pancakes and wanted me to have them(sigh).
She ordered a side of potatoes and an egg, I took advantage and got a big ass stack of pan cakes.
Pancakes are the bomb and I couldn't have them for a long time since I had the gall stones, It was more rare to have pancakes than it was to have a nice meal with someone I like, I enjoyed both sensations to the fullest.
She told me she had plans and couldn't do the gig, that was fine because she didn't have much warning and she isn't trained at all.
Just as soon as it had begun, she split to do her own thing and I went home with a belly full of pancakes and warm fuzzies out the yang.
At home, I called around to find a third clown for the gig, I signed a contract for three clowns, I only had two.
The most perfect person for the job was of course Caffeine Jones, she is funny, cute, knows the job and works cheap, of course that wasn't gonna happen.
I'm sure if she was to ever decided to work with me again, she would be distracted by our kids.
I called around some.
I had tell someone (I'll call her 38) that I didn't want to take her to this gig because her costume was far to hokey, sight unseen I know what her stuff looks like and how she can't hold character.
She got a little mad and said something about "those uppitty Yuppies" and then I knew she was the wrong choice for the bill, I don't like hearing my patrons insulted, they weren't at all yuppies and I wouldn't care if they were, they pay the bills.
I had been working with 38 for some weeks, it felt like she has the same fear of success that I've been noticing in some other show folks, I throw her a rope, she throws it back, it's much easier to hang out with losers and complain about them than it is to take the bull by the horns and bring that fat fucker down.
38 may need to go back to the Rainbow Gathering where nobody cares if your act is successful of even ledgible, sorry it sounds harsh but it's true.
I called Caffeine and thanked her for being my #1 fan for 10 years, it was looking for a friend that reminded me how much I love her.

Skye Blue has become quite the circus gal, she went from being a sexy nurse clown(Miss Diagnosis) full of tits and bad medical advice to a real producer, who tracks down money, gigs, equipment and personel, she was the one who fired Ood from the house for not "Bringing it" to the circus house, her place Skye Tower is a house for clowns to live in cheap, dude missed four shows and when he did come, he was distracted and lame, I was used to it, it pissed her off.
Skye's man, Josiah is huge, sweet and hansome just like a big dog, I wanted to bring him as Tarzan and have him half naked dancing on the bar but that didn't work out so good.
So it was down to the wire, two hours before the show and I was a wreck, we had several costume changes to do and onlt two bikes to carry the stuff in, Skye suggested we take a van that our roomate had left behind, I was down.
I threw my stuff in the back, jumped in and turned the key and found out that the jalopy didnt have the gears listed on the stick so I didn't know where the gears lived.
We rode around the block, both of us tried to drive the thing and eventually took it home and got out of that contraption only after I side swiped the starboard side mirrors off.
We quickly threw out the costumes and began loading tall bikes, in the prossess, I tossed my new glass pipe and shattered it, that sucked.

In the end Skye and I were more than enough clowns for the gig, I stayed out front a lot, helping the door man and doing cowboy tricks and Skye did rounds giving bad medical advice and directing foot traffic.
I can't really tell you what went down because it was a private party and I told them I wouldn't say anything.
After most of the party people had left, we gathered our stuff and booked it back home, Iwent back the next day and got my pay: $150 and a fist full of gift cards.
There ya go friends, it's 17 hours in the life of a chaos clown.
Like what we do? Donation bucket!