W.T.F?

Pinga and I were "improving Will Workforf Ood's photo

Look at the posts below!

Pinga and Will Workforf Ood

As you all know, Former Republican President Gerald Ford has left his body so it can be displayed in the National Rotunda (the one in Washington DC, not to be confused with America's many fast-food customers),to be mourned by the people.
I, Bizzy Bawdy, would like very much to be among those expressing their sorrow in he Capitol. Unfortunately, I cannot afford the plane ticket. I would need to get there before Monday.
If you can find it in your heart to sent a poor clown to a national spectacle, please email bizzy@clownhouse.org, under the subject “can't afford a Ford.”

KISS BANK

OK, it was the last Last Thursday of the year, cold as a W.A.S.P.'s nipple, and silly as hell.
I (of course) had to work that night, but it's ok, at least I was sick.
Y'see, sometime in one of those early mornings, when I was standing around trying to put the baby to sleep, the cute little bugger stuck a finger in my eye.
It took two days for the babygoo inoculation to go from my eye to my jaw, to my neck, and eventually full blown babygoo disease. I have one eye swollen and glued shut, no energy, a headache, and little to no support (I'm kinda last on the list within my family).

That sounds pretty crummy, and believe me it was, but there were plenty of good things too.
First off a wonderful A.V. class from the local Catholic High School came by. They chose the Clown House as their yearly project, so the place was full of kids with cameras and their teacher, asking questions and documenting.
I pulled out our video camera and began doing a little documenting of my own...well, that is, I gave the cam to some 8 year olds and we will see how that goes.
More great friends showed up.
Caffeine was dressed as a pirate and looked really good, but had to build a baby cage while all the stuff was going on, it was a race to build it before kiddo's bed time..
We had friends taking care of our chiddrens, that was so much help!
Thanks Arolia and Heather and Mike!
I had asked someone to start a fire in front of the house to keep people warm while the band played. They did, but neglected to dump the water out of the fire pit, so it took Johnny D. a long time to start a flame. Loren tried to do his bow-and-string fire start, but all the stuff was too wet.
Caffeine had da pajecta shootin Three Stooges videos on the front window, and a crowd gathered in the cold.
Soon, after much work, the fire was hot and toasty.
Pinga was on his high stilts with a 1,000,000 candle power flood light and Bizzy Bawdy was in her cheer girl motley, looking great and dancing worse.
My throat swelled shut, my other eye started gluing shut. Then my bike, which was loaded with stuff, fell over, making a big mess, and I had to be at work a long time ago.
Stressed as usual, and feeling like crap, I tried to call in sick to work.
They told me that wasn't an option.
As I passed the small throng of onlookers to mount my bike, I saw three angels on the porch rail singing.
That was KISSBANK, and they were great.
When I came home hours later I found them in the bathroom, B.G. with pants around her ankles, they had Loren stripped down, as Will Worforf Ood took photos and laughed like a jackass. Now, to really picture the scene, you have to know that they were all piled into a bathroom thats the size of a small phone booth.
I was too tired to enjoy the sight, and just bitched at Will not to break the commode.
Eventually, I went down to where they were and decided to interview them.





Kiss Bank interview part 1
Dingo: Is Kiss Bank one or two words?
Rocket Montana: One
Brandi Gump: Two.
Stella:
(5 minutes of arguing)
Stella was tired and had gone home so I promoted Will Workforf Ood to Stella, but he wasn't listening anyway so he missed the question.
D: Where is your band from?
S.M.: Portland
Stella: a class m planet, milky way galaxy, Earth, Portland.
D: Thats a stellar answer Stella! What is your group's plans? are you touring?

B.G.: We are going to S.F. for a month without Stella, so we wont have the violin, then we will be going to Illinois to pick up our raft and float down the Mississippi to New Orleans.

When I found out they weren't going to be in Portland I crumpled up the paper and disengaged until they claimed loyalty to Portland, the greatest city I've ever known.

D: The Mississippi starts in Minesota, thats a long way to drag a raft, dontcha think?

B.G.: yeah.


D: What are your bands colors?
R.M.: Turquoise & pink stripes.
B.G. No they aren't!
S: --------------

D: Where is your band going, artistically? What are your goals?

R.M. to get like 43,000 hits on our “my disgrace” page, I don't want to be famous, I want to go to outer space & beyond. I want to learn everything & invent my own instruments.

B.G.: Anything I can touch. I want my art to stretch out like the tentacles of a sea creature or to have my dredlocks evolve into a single dred that looks like a beaver tail, so I can use it as a pillow when I go to jail...except I've never been in jail.

Stella: I want to incorporate more traditional Romanian pieces to my violin solos.

D: good answer Stella. What do you think about zebras?
S: They don't exist, but narwhals are important.

D: Wht kind of music do you play?
B.G.: Electric, pirate, gypsy, vagabond.

D: Have any of you ever seen a dead body?

S:.No thank you.
B.G.: Like a grandmother?
R.M.:Yes.



I couldn't get much more of that interview because they had a friend who decided to pull a “Get a load of Me” move and with each question, she spouted a load of verbal confetti that confused the whole thing. It wasn't at all team work.
It was a chaotic interview, which may have been kinda fun, but it was too far out of context, so I had to quit.

The next morning, all of us clowns went down to the basement and woke them up for a “real live band interview,” with cameras and everything.
The plan was for Will to be silent until Caffeine and I burst in with the heavy lights and camera.
Pinga snuck into the room ahead of us, and crawled into the bed with the girls (they were all in a pile). When the lights came on, Will was to start playing banjo, Caffeine was to intro the interview and Pinga was to ask the first questions, they were all to be about the same thing “do you want to sleep with me?”
Then Caffeine was to ask highly technical questions about their act, like “ how many megahertz is your amp?
Well, upon entering, my cable got caught on a wall, and pulled it down on me (pulled the wall down, that is). We lost the surprise, but still did some heavy duty waking.
Stay tuned for that one, soon.

i don't miss drinking

nice

Last night Bizzy Bawdy [escorted by three strapping young lads] made a surprise apperance singing not one, not two, but three songs at stripparaoke. Had there been an actual contest in place bizzy would have at least earned an honorable mention for attempting to sing an Alvin and the Chipmunks song but actulally being about 1/2 a verse ahead of the karaoke monitor.

glyptodonts

Hi, it's Christmas eve and I don't really care.
I'm watching the pope do his Xmas B.S. for the world on TV. They are using all the "smells and bells" ruse that they always use to fool people. When I was in second grade I was in Sunday school at a Catholic church and even back then the stories they were feeding me didn't have the ring of truth so now that I know much more they just look stupid. Thats ok to look stupid (really, i do it all the time) but this cult has used it's propaganda to really screw over people for 1,500 years or so. Right now the Pope is telling the story of Jesus, he is in a giant room full of people and his rap sounds like a load of horse pucky. The room is full of large, expensive props and the idea of grandeur, gold, silver, big hats, latin chanting fool people into thinking the guy at the pulpit knows god personally. Christmas trees and all those Christmas/solstice rituals were a corporate take over of the Druids and Picts, they wuz robbed!Now the church has gone all over the world and converted all who didn't get enslaved or small poxed into a made up religion the Pharaoh would have been proud of. A big enemy for Catholic leaders are the gays, I love gay people, I think they are the part of our species that is in charge of population control. Think about it, if we have evolved out of having natural predators, wouldn't it make sense to have a large part of the population not breeding?anyway, in the spirit of sending out some real information through the cloud of catholic disinformation, heres my favorite extinct animal of the week. Glyptodonts: AW man is this critter sweet, a mammal, related to the Armadillo, big as a Mazda, no front teeth but huge back teeth and at the end of it's tail...a big ass club like bone. It ate plants near the waters edge and lived in the Americas during the Pliocene Epoch. The heavy weapons and armor protected it from most predators but it didn't stand a chance vs. human apes that crossed a land bridge and hunted the slow moving animals with spears. The last breeding pair were accidentally killed when Noah's arc landed on them, they are now up in heaven with white Baby Jesus.

my last comic zine

send me two bucks for a copy, it's really frikkin funny (B&W 12 pgs)

up in

Hi friends
I gotta share somethin with ya. I also have to phrase it in the window thats created between my own sorry English skills and the fact that I don't want to generate the kind of “comments” spam that such key words draw...so bear with me.

Y'know that stuff that the companies sell that we get hold of, set on fire, suck up the fumes and slowly die... well it's really bad, don't do it.

let me try again...
Smoking anything is bad news, I really wish I had never started, it stinks , it rules your life, and the legal stuff pays bad people a lot of money, the illegal stuff sends otherwise decent people to prison.
I wanted to get a patch but was advised that replacing the addictive additive would only treat the symptoms.

Now I guess I'll have to get needles pushed in me to keep me from burning stuff and huffing the fumes.
YUCK!

cold day

Woke up to screaming kids and Will Workforf Ood playing sporatic bursts of what at some point was an actual beat.
got some coffee and got to it.
This evening Caffeine got her peeps together, we turned on the "Moving picture window" on and she gathered the Solstice carolers.
My kid played dreidel with Pinga on the porch and I got some good video of the whole mess.
The only problem was that it was buttass cold out there and nobody was out on the street as they are in non-arctic conditions.
Dave, Loren, Will (in a santa costume ) Caffo and Robin sang many anti corporate xmas songs and one song about a pancake.
I brought a CD Will made of some guitar and 4 people who are not known for singing prowess yelling "Too much information".
The cd is 20 min.s long, I pushed "Play" and split, it was funny.

my other blog

http://peptodizmalstreet.blogspot.com/

(C.M)from 2004, a fun adventure, the photo is from last year

It started out a pleasent day on Alberta street, lots of barking dogs and catterwalling kids. After all our day's shinnannigins were done, the idea came up of riding tall bikes downtown and visiting Critical Mass.
"Mayday" the clown said he was into it and picked a bike out, so did I.
So I ran into the clown house, stabbed my finger in the peanut butter jar for my dinner, kissed my dog and scratched my wife, pulled my finger from my mouth and whala'Two big ass clowns are squeeking downtown on teetering tall bikes.
We rode down to the Max station and had to enter {the train} from opposite ends because of the size of our bikes.
I got to ride on the end with the suburb kids who were on lots of what I expect were powder drugs, they were hooting and acting like tweaking chimps.
Mayday got the end with the guy who suggested that tall bikes be used at his mental hospital. He never said exactly what role he played there or what the bikes should be used for.
We roll up to the park. Twelve people scattered about with bikes looking uncomfortable. I didnt see many cops or anyone at all, hahaha with our numbers we could do the critical mass ride on the bus and make a party of it.
We swooped up to the first set of friendly faces and started gassing with the kids.(YO)

Suddenly like a roaring group of motorcycle police riding in formation down the street, a large group of motorcycle police came roaring down the street in formation (Mercy sakes alive!)
I wondered "Is all that for us? For Bikes? wow".
With the large number of Constables On Patrol I decided that maybe I should have a light on my bike (it was a better idea than asking the cops for one) so I bopped on down the street to a bike shop and Molly hooked me up with illumination. I layed down over a thousand cents for a light but gave it to them in bill form.
When I got back to the park a lot more folks had shown up. I saw some christians that may or may not have had bikes, lots of friendly faces contrasting with the "all buissness" attitude of the traffic police. It was like the people that first arrived had changed into brighter more colorful clothing as reflected by there smiles.
The bells started ringing and the horns honking! I have a button and speaker that says "Mota-cykes" and revs like an engine for 8 second blasts. we all gracefully moved to the street as bike riders do using our skill and experience to effortlessly glide into the road in a tight pack...exept for Mayday, that boy is almost 300 pounds he hasnt been tall biking very long and looked like a bear on a trike wobbling into stuff, I hoped he would stay as out of sight as a bear on a tricycle possibly could. That didnt happen,in the first block of the ride he got pulled over.
I turned around and stopped as a witness like the paper thay gave me said to do. A cop looked at me and asked his partner, "Should we get him too?"
"Yeah"
then he came up and looked for a problem, I was lucky my two brain cells were home when I put a red light on my tail (The bikes tail not my butt)because thats what Mayday got a ticket for HUNDID DOLLAS!BAM!
They cut me a break and we played a little good cop, bad cop, good clown, concerned clown, and walked bikes back to the bike shop. As a squad car rolled by I could hear the radio,
"blib.blib Did anyone get those weird bikes yet blib,blib"
Molly was closing the store when Mayday pulled up. He pounded on the door looking like a cat stuck in the rain. "Ya Gots ta help me I just got a ticket and I need a red tail light." Mollys shoulders dropped, the key slid back out of the lock and Molly went behind the counter.
:Oh it costs money?"
Mayday thought I had more cents to throw in but I didnt, Molly heroiclly kicked the dude down a red reflector.
We lost the ride but lucky day had a map(Yippy!)
I couldnt read it so Mayday used his potty training to decipher the map that led us into a mess.
The mess was the Critical Mass ride, all divided up and kattywampus with murdercycles and squad cars darting all around.
Mayday tried so hard to obey all the rules that he took a dump off his tall bike right into the max track. he hurt his arms and legs, he was getting tired from all the starts and stops, i dont blame him.
I decided that the police made the ride a helluva lot more dangerous for bikes but luckilly no less conveniant for farty smellin automobiles.
We had a white knuckle ride until it just got stupid. We eventually broke off and made it as far as Killingsworth. thats when my experiment on Maydays bike went wrong:Coffee grounds make awful bearing grease. His cranks locked up and he walked home while I took both bikes home, ghost riding one until my arm hurt.
So I think I will be skipping Critical Mass until June when there are so many more of us to keep track of, or maybe instead of being a swarm it should be a mob of bikes flooding whole grid squares, a real Mass.
So sad that the city and it's citizens cant see eye to eye on the Critical Mass thing, it's good clean fun were havin, heck it could be a tourist attraction and they treat us like Tweekin chimps, I think suburb kids, high on powder drugs and gangster rap deserve more attention than 50 bikes full of happy people out for a bike ride.
This is Dingo Dizmal with KSUK clownarchist action news MOTA-CYKES!!!

day off !!!!!

YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Gotta skip the weekly Hot Dice game.

I gotta meeting this monday night with some folks about a big show we have in January.
I can't run the game this time but we are still on for games next week, stay tuned here for details.

end of an era

At the first of the year I will be undoing all the mud pit related stuff.
I gotta get the damage deposit back and it takes a yard at least a season to get back to grass (the way we found it).
So all thats left of the pit will be memories and photos.
...unless you want to take a winter romp!

stand up

The day I did a stand up gig in Iraq.

yabblettes

http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=15281595&postID=112371211827365461
This is the second posting of this blog ever, summer of 2005.
Since then I'm still reading and writing like an illiterateet chimp and
talking long and strong.
I noticed that from the time I started my blog till now this one posting has gotten hundreds of spam requests in the comments section.
This month I got 34 "comments" acting like they relate to my posting with quips like "Nice Blog you have there, is your penis working? go to www. biggerbetterlonger.com"
or
"I was looking into the subject of your blog and found it very profound win a trip to Dysneylandfree tickets"
How many code words are in this one posting that attract so many spamers?

scary

Ablutophobia: Fear of washing or bathing
Aerophobia: Fear of swallowing air
Ambulophobia: Fear of walking
Anablephobia: Fear of looking up
Anemophobia: Fear of wind
Anthrophobia: Fear of flowers
Arachibutyrophobia: Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Arithmophobia: Fear of numbers
Aulophobia: Fear of flutes
Auroraphobia: Fear of Northern Lights

chopper

Dingo the Grinch

I hate to have to say this but, the commercials calling for "Toys for tots" is buggin me out.
Don't buy new toys, we all know that within a few days all that corporte, China-sport crap just becomes a debris field.
If you want to help the kids, go to a school and flip the first teacher you see a $50.
Tell the instructor that the cash is for whatever and thank him or her.
How can they call for more crap that just ends up in the lanfill when the schools are failing?
Do I sound mean?
Well it is doing the kid a favor too, any kid worth his spit can have fun with anything from a tree to the contents of a recycling bucket.

Ok it's on!

hOT Dice At the Clown House!
A fun game involving 5 dice, rolling (1s and 5s) to get to 10,000.
Monday night 7ish
$5 bucks to get in, Winner gets half the pot, the other half gets donated to the Clown House to keep the doors open and the wild stuff flowing.

cool movie

I'm doing research for an epic album I'm writing called "The Adventures of Captain Swave LaStrange" nd I found this nice movie from the days of the silver screen.
It's called "Dawn Patrol"(1938)starring Errol Flynn and David Niven.
Pick it up, it's cool, WW1, Bi planes, heavy drinking.

WOOHOOO

Thank you Portland dumpsters!
So far I have dumpstered a nice round of warm clothing, art stuff and blank media!
Now when I say "dumpster" it can mean free box, found on a fence wet or even from a dumpster.
Also Caffeine spent hours at the food stamp place this morning in the dark hours and secured for us state funded child care for us GOOD JOB CAFFO!
We were at our witts end about missing work and shows because we couldn't afford child care.
On that note (Cm) I got word through the grape vine that the butthole that spray painted our neighborhood, realized how bad that was for us and feels awful...well I hope so, that added to my grief!
I got a street full of restraunts I can'ty afford to eat at...and wouldn't want to.
Who wants to pay $10 for an egg breakfast?
The record store "Thunderbird" is closing down, he has a ton of used or independant cds and records but the people who have moved into the neighborhood are only interested in the mass produced corporate crap that they get from Wallmart or Circut city, no way in hell is he gonna sell that.
Dumpster diving is good for now, I hear rich neighborhoods have awful dumpster diving because they haul the trash away real fast or keep it out of sight minding property values.

Abiogenesis

McNutty the Clown and I were talking about Lemmings and the crazy truth and myth that has followed them for centuries.
I thought that the mass suicide off a cliff that they are so well known for must have been human created, he looked it up and this is what he got.
(Citing Wikipedia)
"Lemming populations go through rapid growths and subsequent crashes that have entered popular consciousness as a supposedly "widespread" phenomenon, first noted in an encyclopaedia in 1908 but famously promulgated by the Walt Disney Pictures film, White Wilderness. White Wilderness depicted a mass suicide using staged footage of a dozen or so tame lemmings purposely driven into the sea. This created one of the greatest myths, causing many people to believe that they ran off cliffs on purpose, commiting suicide. Based on this myth, the term "lemming" is often used in slang to denote those who mindlessly follow the crowd, even if destruction is the result.
In fact, the behavior of lemmings is much the same as that of many other rodents which have periodic population booms and then disperse in all directions, seeking the food and shelter that their natural habitat cannot provide. The actual reason for their 'suicide' deaths is because lemmings have poor eyesight and cannot distinguish a small river, which they can easily cross, from a fjord, in which they will almost surely drown.[ citation needed]
Stories about lemmings go back many centuries. In the 16th and 17th centuries, there was much speculation in learned circles that lemmings were in fact spontaneously generated by conditions of the air. This was argued against, successfully, by the natural historian Ole Worm, who provided one of the first published dissections of a lemming. In his investigation, Worm showed that a lemming contained anatomy similar to most other rodents.
The populations of predatory creatures like foxes and owls follow the population changes of lemmings and voles."


you were spot on about those pesky humans slaughtering innocents for phony facts.

PENCIL FIGHTS!

Hot Dice and Pencil fights commin soon!
I need a fund raser for the house so thats what I'm working on.

If I did tag the hood, heres how...

Ok, I'm just funnin. I didn't paint up the neighborhood. Don't believe me? Let me tell ya lil story...
I woke up after getting two hours sleep (up with the baby), to find all the new buildings around the Clown House marked up. I was awake when it happened, but as usual I was far too distracted by work and baby to notice any shadows moving in the night.
That really sucks, tell ya why: it looks like I had something to do with it.
The colors are similar to the ones we use, I had just published an article on this blog complaining about gentrification, and they used themes like “Buy Nothing Day” and “Gentrification,” like we have been.
When the news was doing a story about the tags, I was riding by on a colorful bike like a buffoon, and the news quickly turned the camera on me, so they got pictures of the tagged wall then me. A few hours later, another news crew was doing a story, and also got me on camera. I look like a desperado!!!!
Little known fact...I hate spray paint, it's nasty to the environment, it's ugly, and it stinks.
I do like tagged railroad cars, I must admit.
The thing is, if I were to do a tag job, I would use a brush and it would be cool lookin. Also it would be in the Clown House yard on a plaque not on anyones property.
We have a few clues as to who did it, I think it was someone's way of supporting us, turns out it was a stupid way to help. YA COULD HAVE JUST DONATED A FEW BUCKS!
We have the best propaganda machine in the territory, and there's no score in tearing up the neighborhood. I feel like I got framed, people are giving me dirty looks, and this crap really blew the credibility of a comic we are putting out, called “Gentrifigal Force.”
I have people whispering about me being the tagger, and the other day a man put his finger in my chest and blurted, “This used to be a Black neighborhood, mother fucker!”
In a world where 70% of what people say to me is asking for stuff, little sleep, too much work zero apreciation, I sure could use a break.

No Room at the Inn by Caffeine Jones

Thissere Clownhouse is known for being a place where people can get some food, or pay $5 for a night on the “Traveler Couch,” or get help with their bike. There is usually some Commie Vegetarian or another here, willing to help out a Fellow Traveler in need. But last night, there was no room at the inn.
It was about 11 pm, and my 9-month-old woke up hollering when someone started hammering on the door (the dog, of course added to the din, the way they do). I went partway down the stairs to investigate, and Bizzy answered the door. It was some dude and his pregnant girlfriend, just got kicked out of the place they were staying (and it was one c-c-c-cold mother-truckin' night, my friends), and he said he was friends with Dingo, and could they come in for the night?
Well, my first thought was, why not? It was bone-chilling cold out. My 2nd thought was that the boy was still hollering, and I needed to go rock him back to sleep. My next thought was that sane people usually pre-arrange these things at a decent hour, and these guys were likely to be the equipment-stealing type (I hate myself for being so judgmental, but I used to be too nice, and it was a mistake). Bizzy mentioned that Will, who doesn't even live here, had said something about the dude being 86'ed from our house (????). Dingo was at work, but if HE knew the guy, and could vouch for him, then it would probably be ok. I sat down with Junior, and thought about how to handle this.
I called down the stairs that if they could be patient, I would call Dingo when the baby settled down. Well, the guy decided to call himself, and asked my roommate for the number. Now, 11pm is a busy time at the bar where Dingo works, and a person's wife/family member/best friend can get away with calling at a time like that, but bars are LOUD, and cordless phones are CRAPPY, and if you've ever tried to call a place like that with a detailed problem, you know what I mean. So I called down again (re-waking the baby, of course), that if the dude called, Dingo would definitely say no. I didn't want the pregnant lady to spend the night in the cold, so I wanted them to go over to the bar in person (9 blocks), and check in with the man whose house they wanted to stay at.
Well, the guy was impatient, and somehow, it happened that he was gonna use my roommate's cell phone and call from the porch, so it wouldn't bother me ((????)). Add THAT to a loud bar with a cordless phone. Sheesh.
I was liking this guy less and less, and somehow doubted that my husband (not a patient man,) had ever kicked it with him. But I was concerned about the pregnant lady (We gotta look out for each other, eh, girls?), and my baby was finally snoring (so cute!), so I went down to see, and told them just to go talk to Dingo. And then they left. And then I called, and Dingo said he'd be expecting them.
Then around 3 am, when the baby always wants to nurse, I was obliging him, and listening to the wind, and noticing that it was freezing IN the house, and wondering about the pregnant lady, and if she was safe and warm, when I heard a man yelling outside. It sounded a lot like front-porch-dude, shouting “Alright, f*ck you, then, b*tch, if you wanna be that way, FINE!” and stuff like that. I was dying to go to the window, and see if it was him, but the little guy had me by the boob, so I stayed put.
When Dingo got home, he said they never came by.
Then I got pissed off at that lady. I railed at the dishes I was washing that I hoped she learned a lesson, and didn't put herself in that kind of position anymore...that she had a huge responsibility inside her, and I've BEEN homeless with a baby before, and so have a number of my friends, and dammit, you DO what you have to do, and you get your sh*t together, and YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE F*CKING GOING TO SLEEP AT NIGHT!
And then today, my daughter told me about an advent tradition in Mexico, where people dress up like Mary and Joseph, and go from house to house, and get told there's no room, until they get to the last house, where there's a feast. I really want to be that feast house, you know? I hope that baby's ok.