Monday, July 31, 2006


Tug OF WAR!!!
In an effort to afford more wacky and complicated metal sculptures like for instance, a proper fence we at the Alberta street Clown House are hosting,
The Clown House Tug-A-War Invitational!!!
*Teams can have any amount of players but they collectively can't weigh more than 400 lbs.
*The match will occur over the city famous “Clown House Mud Pit Of Doom”
*Oh yeah you get a trophy too, plus a Super tall bike bearing your banner and proclaiming your victory for a month.
*20 bucks per team to get in.
*We could use some gift cerificates so all who play can come away winners.

This is
not ----------->

It's the same pit

Contact old Dingo the clown to enter, and for time and date.

Parade day

Tuesday gig, big party and parade for the Concordia neighborhood, national night out.
We will be doing the "Pinga strikes oil" bit at the end of the parade and to make matters worse there will be an L.A. movie crew following us doing a film called "Buskers U.S.A.".
Check the Concordia News for info.
I'm really psyched to see the best cowboy trickster in the world (my hero) Leapin Louie Lichtenstien
He is the head liner.
Then tommorow I will be going downtown with the Buskers U.S.A. movie people to do an experament: I will busk for an hour and then beg for an hour and we will see if Portland would rather pay beggars or performers, Portland really sucks when it comes to supporting street level art, I always see Portlanders paying hundreds of dollars for art made by pricks from other places and treating buskers as bums.

cut and paste a link

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Summer fun in the sun: So Far, So Good.

We did some great shows so far. I'm working on some music for a show on the 15th (my birthday!). Since most of my clan will be out at the Mutant Festival, I'll need to do a show with just Chlorine, Will, and whoever else I can round up.
YAY! Only gig in town that week.
This is cool:

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Check out the guy's pool.


I'm watching the news and I'm gonna type my reactions to each story.
AAAAcoff coff!

#########weather###########(N/A I own a window)

*****SPORTS******(N/A pointless)

her boob is fallin out!

have a saying "If it bleeds, it leads" how about some news like "Paul made a friend today under the Burnside Bridge" or something like that.

Here is how jokes are made

Monday, July 24, 2006

from the Hot dice tourney

We had a great Hot Dice tourney and bikini bike wash, I saw way more of my friends than I ever wanted to. Click on the image to see better if you dare.


I was just out dumpster diving and was told that the old couple's apartment across the street from us is gonna be mowed down to build condos, they have lived there 15 years and now have 30 days to vacate.
They were nice neighbors to have and it looks like we better start selling things just to stay in the same place or we may dissapear too.

New rant

Gerbils are a-holes. There. I said it.
Whats up with them all fighting like red necks and stuff and all cracked out on sun flower seeds?
I have a friend who is a rat and she is so cool, I'm sure she would be ok with sharing.
Caffeine Jones just told me that her pet gerbils (when she was 14) had a fight to the death over some sun flower seeds, I bet the seeds were just the surface indication of underlying resentment and guilt brought on by ChiChi, one of the gerbil's mother.
It's always a problem with those people.
The wild ones that live where I came from live in giant networks of tunnels buried in the sand dunes of Padre Island Texas. Those guys are very cool, still wild and free. I used to hunt them as a wild child, and never catch them.
Of course, the habitat has been covered by concrete hotels by now.
I hope those hotels get rats. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

^^^^rant alert^^^^^^^warning! atchtung!

It seems that a lot of funamentalist wierdos are insistant that the bible is more than an over bred book of tarot cards. I see a lot of stuff perpetrated that can't wait to see the prophetic end of the world.
War and environmental degridation are profitable to "Upstanding citezens" and they need god to say things for them, thats where religion steps in, not all religion, just the creepy mind melting ones like "you know who" and "them one guys."
Look at this crazy stuff
HEY YALL creeps
There are other people on the planet too as well as other religions, your dooms day should only include you.
HAHAHA "On the fourth "day" God created the sun and the moon"
WHAT, wouldn't the sun and moon kinda play big on the first DAY?
-It's poetry you heratic-
so then again is the resurection story, don't get me wrong, I want churches to exist, I would always fight for them vs anyone who wants to shut them up, it's just that religion "works" for well informed people but it "works" the ignorant.
Iraq, Bush, Halliburton halleluia

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Script from the Dumpsters and Dragons bit

Here is the first draft of the D&D bit we did for the Geek Fair last week.
It changed a little but this is pretty close.
It got laughs at all the right spots and we got to work with Clown House allum Doc Chopper (as Eric) and Zeela who we have known for many years but havent worked with.

Scene opens with Willwerkferfood as the D.M., Low rent as himself and Doc Chopper sitting around a table.
This bit was written in such a way that if you had never played D&D you wouldn't get the jokes.

Will: “OK comrades, forget about school and work and all other non-realm activity, through much hard work on my part I have set aside 17 hours of reality free game time so we can finaly get through this Dumpsters and Dragons modual titled “The Last Donkey of Odin”
Ch: Can I play?”
Will: No
Low: Leave
[freezes in tableau] Will puts on costume (Presto)
Voice Over: Ladies and Gentlemen, We take you back, to a simpler time. A time that now lays in distant, fond memory, when libraries still used card catalogs, and the cool kids were hanging out at the arcade, playing Asteroids.
...a time, my friends, before the internet.
Our scene begins in the home of a young man who is considered a nerd, at his school. So are his friends. But today, they can be as powerful as their imaginations allow. Today, they have gathered a copiously organized mess of books, drawings, dice, and other odd items, to play their favorite game...
DM: It's a situation, not a game!
You'll find in your Dumpsters and Dragons players manual that the Dumpstermaster is very much like God. The Manual in fact States:
What players should remember is that the situation in many ways belongs to the Dumpstermaster. In the case of disagreements, they should be voiced outside of the roleplaying itself. If things are not reconcilable, then the player should respectfully leave.

That Said –: There is any increasing number of monsters that i have developed specifically for this game. You may in this scenario encounter such creatures as;

The Buick – it ways 2.5 tons and move very quickley but is unstable when turning. It lives on a diet of Petroleum Distillate and can be found in most scenarios but it's food source is isolated to the area of gascanistan. It has one horn and a trunk but if vanquished may yield change from the center console. It has the special abilitys or ram, sonic horn blast, &dancing lights

Also in this game is..
CHLORINE [offstage]: Laurent!! You have a phone call, !
DM: Not right now! we just got started!

DM: Also in this game I have removed some spells . If you have The Charm Self Spell please erase it. Also banned are Wall of Corn, Potato Famine and Conjure Cock Block. I have added the spell Vanquish Handicapped. Be ause I'm tired of having wheelchair ramps in every scenario. Are either of you in possesion of the above mentioned magic?

L: no
Eric: no
DM: Lowrent, please present your character

Enter the Dark Knight.

LR: the Dark Knight has dark magic+10 with grunting abilities through the roof. He possess a smell of fish potion and enjoys romantic strolls on the beach. and The Dark Knight has a bazooka which makes him a level 37 paladin which means that that he totally kicks ass.
DM: (as he confiscates the bazooka and replaces it) hell no ,dude, the black knight can't be a level 37, and can't have a bazooka. this situation takes places pre-gunpowder. the black knight gets a sword and level 2 stats.

DM:Player 2 do you have your character sheet. ...
Eric: Yes Dingo the Clown is a second rate bezerker who carries the battle axe of eminent demise. he has a scare children rating of +5 and should not be trusted with money. oh.. and he also has open sores. (silence)
LR: wait! you can't have a clown in dumpsters and dragons.
Eric: Bullshit ass hole White Dwarf issue #255 April introduces Clown as a class!
DM:(getting more aggravated) shut up, Wait the DICE KNOW ALL [paper, dice.] Wait [paper dice paper] Hold On. [Dice Paper ] and [paper]
Yes you can have a clown but he can't use two handed weapons and uhhh wait.. [dice Dice book] and he has a tendency towards violent bedwetting episodes. [read from players manual] Clowns are favored for their proficiency flatullence. They get a +20 enhancement to their charm ability. wait (check dice) but... he gets the rubber chicken of weapons grade anthrax, and he has to cover his sores.
Chlorine:[bursts in. to player 1] : OMIGOD! You know what is SOOOO funny? Yer mom is totally here, and she has these magazines with ladies on them, & she said she found em in yer closet, & i dunno why, but I think yer in big trouble!
L: Why Oh, shhhhh....ugar! I gotta go, guys.
Ch: that was her on the phone.
DM: (freaking out)NOOooo! I set aside 17 hours for reality-free time!
We have A CASE of JOLT COLA, a box of no-doze, ten pizzas...
L: Look, I gotta go...
DM: You CAN'T! Who is gonna play the Dark Knight?
Chlorine: Yeah- where are you gonna find anyone DORKY enough to play DUMBsters and dragons?

L: , I gotta go.. [leaving] Don't wreck my character! Don't frikkin touch my character.
Chlorine: What's everybody looking at? [looking at character sheet] This guy's ugly. I wanna be a pony.
DM: Look, just play the knight, ok?
Chlorine: I wanna be a pony.
DM: never mind, leave
Chlorine:OK OK OK! I'll be the FART knight. [picks up pen] I want her to be a dancer!”
[chlorine takes pen to modify paper] (Knight boogies)
DM: That's not how you play![taking pen]
Chlorine: Well then how am I supposed to play the game?
DM: Situation.
Chlorine: sitalation.
DM: sit-tu-aaay-shun
Chlorine: sit-u-laay-shun
DM: OK OK OK!Just be whoever you want. [gives back paper]
Chlorine: Ok, I'll be a, wait! a pony. No, wait! ballerina. yeah, ballerina.
Eric: You can't have a ballerina in Dumpsters & Dragons!
DM: I know, ok? just let it go. Otherwise we don't have a game.
Eric: it's not a game, it's a situation.
[ Knight removes armor, revealing ballerina.]
DM: Whatever! let's just play!

Ok you see two orcs with clubs at the end of an alley. There are also two dumpsters and it seems as if the orcs are fast asleep. The alley way quickly deteriorates into a path that seems to lead nowhere. This is a PVP scenario you may have to compete with other PCs. [rolls Dice] P2 you go first.

Eric: I want to use my potion on the orcs.
DM: what potion?
Eric: MD 20/20
DM: Ok [checks book] but Wine Coolers and other Malt Potion do not take effect till your next turn. (clown downs md 20/20)
DM: It's your turn Chlorine. what do you want to do?
Ch: well let's go say hi to them.”
[All others laugh! Ballerina waves at the orcs]
DM: alllllllllll-right? are you really going to do that?”
Chlorine: Yes. The ballerina LIKES dorks.
DM: ORKS! they're called ORCS! It's a race. They're really big, slobbery, evil creatures !
Chlorine: [agreeing] mm-hmm... pretty much like you guys. Yeah, I wanna go say hi to 'em.
I'm not racist like YOU.
Eric: No way! I am NOT gonna play with her. She's wrecking every thing!
DM: dude, you have to play with. weve already engaged the situation and a pizza is totally coming any minute. trust me these will be the best 17 hours of DD. I've studied the books.
Eric: yeah, ok, I'll play.[taking dice] but I'm gonna kill that ballerina. Im gonna use dingo's us government grade anthrax (rolls dice) level 6 (clown hand ballerina anthrax)
DM: ok chlorine has to roll a saving throw to keep from your character alive .
chlorine: rolls dice and ballerina sneazes and says “I've wasted my life”
L: [re-enters]You stupid kid! My mom was waiting for me.. My mom wasn't even looking at me.
DM: ___________________slow boil
Eric: You just wanted to sabatoge the game.
DM: (freak out)I SITUATION, not a game. SET ASIDE 17 HOURS OF REALITY've sullied the great halls of the Academy of DD [passes P1 the sheet]
Lowrent: well if i have be a dead ballerina, she has to be naked

Voice Over: 17 hours later

Eric: I bet that someday there's gonna be computers powerful enough to keep track of all the dice rolling and NPCs...
DM: yeah, and they'll probably have really advanced graphics, so you can see the action, almost like a cartoon.
Low: duh... they totally invented a computer like that in japan and the government totally stole it they play DD like all the time
Eric: i bet that If everyone had really powerful computers, the a lot of them would end up as trash, and someone would have to create like a junkyard for computers, where you could drop off old computers, so other people could use the parts to make new ones.
DM: no way dude, that is a totally impossible situation


-Rubber Chicken
-orc doll

One Ballerina dressed as the dark knight.
-dice holster.
- books and dice
Three Dumpsters and Dragons player manual [v1.37]
bottle in paper bag

Naked bike ride

Whatever this is, I'm afraid of it.
HAY Thats Pinga's ass!

Hubba Hubba

From New York "Bizzy" the clown

Low Rent the clown

This is Low Rent the clown, he came from New Orlians when his clown house floated away during huricane Fema.
He is doing the "hot dog catch" thats a %100 all beef dog shot at amazing velocity from his white, double barrel cannon and caught in his mouth.
He has never missed.

Wow thats an ugly ass clown

The clown on the bottom (Bump) looks like he got hit with an ugly stick.
This was after a gig when we split the money up.
I'm posting photos without knowing what they are, I just see numbrs and tell what the photo is later.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Stem cells

ALRIGHT! president chimp just vetoed federal funding for stem cell research, that's great if you own a company that SELLs cures but awful if you are a clown who wants to cure stuff for free.
A stem cell is a blastisist (my favorite word during the first week of May this year) of cells that are what all the other cells develop from, they are very small.
The chimp declaired that it would be murder.
Now, since you are on the internet, do a quick search to find out how many people G.W.Chimp had exicuted while govenor of Texas, how many were retarded and how many were later found to be innocent?
What is the death toll in any of the oil bearing countries?
Speaking of irritants, I was scrubbing some stainless steel at work tonight and accidently read the lable on the cleaning chemical, it read "Eye irritant" It's bright yellow liquid that smells of death, I thought "irritant" is a bit wimpy for this clown so I dumped enough of it in my eye that I can now write the company and have them change the lable to say "blindant".
Sorry my typing is so crappy, the dog is giving me a "toe job" , I'm eating, blind in one eye and look what time it is (you gotta tell me cuz I'm blind in that eye)

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

DI frikkin Y


Events Schedule So far....
So, a few folks have been shaky about getting back to me on things, but this is how it's starting to look:

Vegan Experimentation Block #1 w/Liz (come try something you've had a hunch on!) @ 12 noon
Kidney and Liver Health Talk @ 2pm w/ Megan
Beginer's Spanish w/Thomas @ 3pm
Making Seitan w/Liz @ 5pm
Knitting Workshop any skill level @6-ish

Brunch to cure hangovers and discuss a future DIY weekend @ 11am (with vegan bacon)
Soft Structure Building Workshop w/Liz Noon-4pm
Various Food Demos and Expiramentation including Veganaisse, Kombucha, rice milk, etc.2pm w/Liz, Taryn + others
Culminating in a Vegan Potluck of DOOM!! and mass exodus to the Capitalist Casualties show at Liberty Hall


Tuesday, July 18, 2006

I found a use for the boy

You know I don't like it when I have to pull someone elses wight so to keep the peice I cam up with a job for BAM thats perfectly suited to his shape, texture and education...pencil eraser!
I will tell ya if it works out, I have yet to try it.

This is cool


Knock knock.
Who's there?
Gross national product of Isreal!
No thanks, we don't need any war or religion today.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Da Sto'

I went to the grocery store as part of my "day off" ritual.
I usually tend to do lots of laundry but today Caffo got it and I didn't get to wash diapers after all.
She is already working on potty training the little one.
So I got to the store on my tall bike and ginormus trailor stopping only to peek my head into the door at work. Colter was cooking and he bellowed "Are you here to work or just look pretty?"
I told him that I was indeed there to look pretty, I grabbed a large cardboard box and crossed the street to the store.

I wore my pith helmet, breeches and tall black boots to promote Dawg Snax our dog treat company I like to have a uniform.
When I go shopping at "yuppy seasons" in summer, I wear dark glasses because it's halter top weather and I don't want to creep anyone out.
I walked around the corner in time to hear this "mouth breathing" store emplyee stammering at a pretty young lady. He thought he would be very clever and tell her she "looked like someone from Josie and the Pussy Cats" but at the last min he balked and acidentally just said " you look like the girl from Josey's".
I went into the produce section, even with food stamps I can't really afford too much of the produce there, it's a yuppy store so I got some grapes I like to spend the "foodies" or "Grub Stubs"in places like oriental markets and other bulk places
I noticed that a woman and her two elementery school aged boys were shopping so I made my way to them knowing full well that I would have a show on my day off watching the two misbehave.
I don't know the boys but I was 10 at one time and I knew that any second a fight would break out.
As I rushed to intercept the two rug rats for the show a guy whished by me really fast, I compensated for his trajectory and we navigated perfectlly, unlike the other shoppers around him who were not as all buissness as he or I.
It was an old man YEAH!
I hope I'm that good at that age.
The two boys didn;t dissapoint, one wanted to drive the cart and the other wasn't having that at all.
They made the noise that sounds like wild animals fighting for survival in the bush and mom just wanted to talk on the phone.

i got a day off

One day a week the clouds part and I get a day off.
I found a great way to relax... laundry.
We had a few shows recently and I would like to thank Clair, Arolia, Michaline, Bizzy and all the cool folks who took care of the little one while we did the thing.
Heather and Topher reallyt made the difference helping me get the equipment back to the house when my crew decided they just wanted to party.
I never needed so much help, usually I was the guy saving the day for other folks but babies require so much time and effort that I need all kinds of help.

Ever wonder what you need to become a cop in
I was just curious how much school they needed to finish.
this is Willwerkforfood's page
money fun with

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Have you ever noticed how some people are different and thats ok?
Yesterday a tv crew from upnorth taped us practicing for the big Geek Fest show we are doing today.
They were filming, the clowns were acting and flailing and I noticed our christian cultist next door neighbors watching.
Those guys have been a bit upset by the noise we make but for the most part they are great neighbors. They thing we are days away from judgment day and I can't stand organised religion but I went up to them and started narrating the story as it unfolded.
The story is about Pinga bin Poopin finding oil and the resulting war.
They watched and laughed at all the right times, we shook hands and that was that, we are polar opposites and we get along great, thats cool.

People are complaining about the yard of the Clown House again, afterthe film shoot, I had to go to work and Caffo had to go back to baby work so we never cleaned up (the other folks didn't lift a finger because they all hate me and want us kicked out. I don't just want them to help me clean, I want them to kick the butts of the jerks who come overand leave messes.
Anyway, it's not just debris and broken props, the grass is ragged and only grows in corners, we can't pull it out because it's load bearing grass thats holding the fence up. Besides that I really don't like grass anyway, I don't like mowers, gas, grass, noise at 8 am or especially LEAF BLOWERS yuck, some people think thatthe useless crop needs to be copied in all yards, A guy walked by this morning and called the house an "Eyesore", at that moment I made a wish that he see Basra or Bagdad or any place that grass and pomp are nowhere near as important as food and not getting bombed.
I'm such a jerk, I don't like grass, sports, malls, cars, sunlight, The Christian, Hebrew or Islamic religions , or indoor cats, I hate Christmas, holloween and Burning man and I really can't stand president's day.
To make matters worse I hate listening to the Blues, Blue grass or rock music but love playing them on my guitar.
You would think I was mad until I explained myself and I bet our critics would be more understanding if they knew what we are about and how very hard we work.
If they insist we keep a lawn full of grass I'll do it, but I get to pick what "Grass" I'm growing.

Thursday, July 13, 2006


Look at this mess!

Ya gotta cut and paste because I suck at computors..

Look what it said about Yoga.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Why do Gnomes have such big noses?

So they have a place to keep thier fingers!
We are working on a Dungeons and Dragons spoof called Dumpsters and Dragons.
We will debut it at the Geek Fair at Free Geek on the 15th this month.


I wondered why tired, overworked people eat such crappy food, and then in my head I heard Caffeine Jone's voice saying "I beg your pardon? I don't eat garbage."

Saturday, July 08, 2006

If you have seen my Rubber Chicken set of paintings, you know I am a fan of history.
When someone asks me a question, my answer is not based on what happened today or yesterday, but on all of history, and probable outcomes for the future.
Someone asks, "Ain't it hard doin plumin and stuff?"
I say "Yes plumber is a trade thats messy and full of math and planning but imagin what plumming was like in 55B.C., all the pipes were made if lead so ya had to work for people who'es minds had been melted by lead kissed drinking water,now that's craftmanship!"
The first Christians were nothing like the Christians of today. They were a rebel sect from Judea, following one of the many messiahs that were popular in those war-and-plague-ridden times.
Before Constantine Ceasar decided to switch Rome to the more "user-friendly" religion of Christianity, they used to throw Christians in with the lions for entertainment. This was both cruel and uneccessary, as lions are adapted to eating big, grass-eating animals, & dislike humans. Imagine thinking you were getting dinner, only to find it had very little meat or fat, and was criss-crossed with thousands of little tooth picks, guess what buddy, you have no thumbs to take them out, so sad..
Then, someone figured out that monotheism makes a lot of sense, as all the money goes to one god/government organization, and the Cristians, who were numerous, could contribute to the enonomy. So they converted to the hippy-like religion.

Now, the Christian paradigm has come full circle, and has become as facist as its poytheistic predecessor. They have revived the eagle as a national symbol, & based their ideology on plundering foreign lands.
Now, all Chritstians are not plunderers, but the modern Christian propaganda reiterates these talking points:
1) If you are not Christian, you are bound for Hell (sorry, Eskimos & Bushmen).
2) the Earth will burn after Armadeggeon (the word means "like the city of Geddah," but that's its own article), so lets tear up all the natural world, and get all the gas, because we have Eterntiy in heaven, in which to breathe clean air.

Which brings me to
check out this quote I found on the internet while studying Julius Caesar:

Beware the leader who bangs the drums of war, in order to whip the citizenry into a patriotic fervor, for patriotism is indeed a double-edged sword. It both emboldens the blood, just as it narrows the mind. And when the drums of war have reached a fever pitch and the blood boils with hate and the mind has closed, the leader will have no need in seizing the rights of the citizenry. Rather, the citizenry, infused with fear and blinded by patriotism, will offer up all of their rights unto the leader and gladly so. How do I know? For this is what I have done. And I am Caesar.

Turns out, this is not a real quote from the man; I looked it up on and it was there, someone just thought it would be a good idea to say Caesar said it.
Bummer that its made up, cuz it could apply to what's going on in Washington with all the stealin and killin and such.
But, in a way, its being mis-quoted makes a piont:
Our understanding of history is very flawed.
Words can change their meanings over the course of decades. Imagine the changes over millenia, and across languages.
Don't take my word for any of this, look it up, in your time, in your space and in your language.

Hammer Down

OK, here's how I heard it: "Hammer," our set builder and the dude who plays the Dark Knight in our field show, is in the Hoosgow!
He took "Broadzilla," a tall bike, out on the town with no head lamp. (this bike's seat is above an adult's head)
The cops pulled him over, and after writing him a ticket, discovered a warrant he had in Bend, OR, for bar brawling.
Some of the Clown House gang were down the street, and spotted our beloved Broadzilla surrounded by police, so they went to investigate, not knowing how or why our bike was at Killingsworth and Albina, or who was on it.
They were gonna tow the bike, and wouldn't release it to Roadkill and Reddish.
The cop asked, "What's the serial number?"
"It's the fifth one Toaster built, so it's number five."
Reddish Radish posed the question, "How will you put it on your car?"
The officer looked at the bike, and then her, and then agreed that they sould bring our horse back to the corral.Thanks, y'all!
I know a bunch of you folks that read my blog know Hammer, and know he is a helluva dude who always has time for both kid and dog. He thinks about his friends and always chooses to do the right thing ... except, I guess, when he is in Bend, dancin around in the mud, & the blood and the beer. (We all go through it, I understand.)
If YOU want to make fun of his Summer vacation plan, write to his dumb ass :

Michael Murrin
c/o Deschutes County Jail
63333 hwy 20 west
Bend, OR.

I don't know the zip. I got the address on a wet napkin, in the rain, from his girlfriend who was on a bus and I was on a bike, written in lip stick.
But it appears to be the right info. So write to the guy, and ask him what kind of bird in Deschutes County can't fly? (a jail bird).

next gig: Geek Fest, July 15th!