Script from the Dumpsters and Dragons bit

Here is the first draft of the D&D bit we did for the Geek Fair last week.
It changed a little but this is pretty close.
It got laughs at all the right spots and we got to work with Clown House allum Doc Chopper (as Eric) and Zeela who we have known for many years but havent worked with.

Scene opens with Willwerkferfood as the D.M., Low rent as himself and Doc Chopper sitting around a table.
This bit was written in such a way that if you had never played D&D you wouldn't get the jokes.

Will: “OK comrades, forget about school and work and all other non-realm activity, through much hard work on my part I have set aside 17 hours of reality free game time so we can finaly get through this Dumpsters and Dragons modual titled “The Last Donkey of Odin”
Ch: Can I play?”
Will: No
Low: Leave
[freezes in tableau] Will puts on costume (Presto)
Voice Over: Ladies and Gentlemen, We take you back, to a simpler time. A time that now lays in distant, fond memory, when libraries still used card catalogs, and the cool kids were hanging out at the arcade, playing Asteroids.
...a time, my friends, before the internet.
Our scene begins in the home of a young man who is considered a nerd, at his school. So are his friends. But today, they can be as powerful as their imaginations allow. Today, they have gathered a copiously organized mess of books, drawings, dice, and other odd items, to play their favorite game...
DM: It's a situation, not a game!
You'll find in your Dumpsters and Dragons players manual that the Dumpstermaster is very much like God. The Manual in fact States:
What players should remember is that the situation in many ways belongs to the Dumpstermaster. In the case of disagreements, they should be voiced outside of the roleplaying itself. If things are not reconcilable, then the player should respectfully leave.

That Said –: There is any increasing number of monsters that i have developed specifically for this game. You may in this scenario encounter such creatures as;

The Buick – it ways 2.5 tons and move very quickley but is unstable when turning. It lives on a diet of Petroleum Distillate and can be found in most scenarios but it's food source is isolated to the area of gascanistan. It has one horn and a trunk but if vanquished may yield change from the center console. It has the special abilitys or ram, sonic horn blast, &dancing lights

Also in this game is..
CHLORINE [offstage]: Laurent!! You have a phone call, !
DM: Not right now! we just got started!
leave!



DM: Also in this game I have removed some spells . If you have The Charm Self Spell please erase it. Also banned are Wall of Corn, Potato Famine and Conjure Cock Block. I have added the spell Vanquish Handicapped. Be ause I'm tired of having wheelchair ramps in every scenario. Are either of you in possesion of the above mentioned magic?

L: no
Eric: no
DM: Lowrent, please present your character

Enter the Dark Knight.

LR: the Dark Knight has dark magic+10 with grunting abilities through the roof. He possess a smell of fish potion and enjoys romantic strolls on the beach. and The Dark Knight has a bazooka which makes him a level 37 paladin which means that that he totally kicks ass.
DM: (as he confiscates the bazooka and replaces it) hell no ,dude, the black knight can't be a level 37, and can't have a bazooka. this situation takes places pre-gunpowder. the black knight gets a sword and level 2 stats.

DM:Player 2 do you have your character sheet. ...
Eric: Yes Dingo the Clown is a second rate bezerker who carries the battle axe of eminent demise. he has a scare children rating of +5 and should not be trusted with money. oh.. and he also has open sores. (silence)
LR: wait! you can't have a clown in dumpsters and dragons.
Eric: Bullshit ass hole White Dwarf issue #255 April introduces Clown as a class!
DM:(getting more aggravated) shut up, Wait the DICE KNOW ALL [paper, dice.] Wait [paper dice paper] Hold On. [Dice Paper ] and [paper]
Yes you can have a clown but he can't use two handed weapons and uhhh wait.. [dice Dice book] and he has a tendency towards violent bedwetting episodes. [read from players manual] Clowns are favored for their proficiency flatullence. They get a +20 enhancement to their charm ability. wait (check dice) but... he gets the rubber chicken of weapons grade anthrax, and he has to cover his sores.
Chlorine:[bursts in. to player 1] : OMIGOD! You know what is SOOOO funny? Yer mom is totally here, and she has these magazines with ladies on them, & she said she found em in yer closet, & i dunno why, but I think yer in big trouble!
L: Why Oh, shhhhh....ugar! I gotta go, guys.
Ch: that was her on the phone.
DM: (freaking out)NOOooo! I set aside 17 hours for reality-free time!
We have A CASE of JOLT COLA, a box of no-doze, ten pizzas...
L: Look, I gotta go...
DM: You CAN'T! Who is gonna play the Dark Knight?
Chlorine: Yeah- where are you gonna find anyone DORKY enough to play DUMBsters and dragons?

L: , I gotta go.. [leaving] Don't wreck my character! Don't frikkin touch my character.
Chlorine: What's everybody looking at? [looking at character sheet] This guy's ugly. I wanna be a pony.
DM: Look, just play the knight, ok?
Chlorine: I wanna be a pony.
DM: never mind, leave
Chlorine:OK OK OK! I'll be the FART knight. [picks up pen] I want her to be a dancer!”
[chlorine takes pen to modify paper] (Knight boogies)
DM: That's not how you play![taking pen]
Chlorine: Well then how am I supposed to play the game?
DM: Situation.
Chlorine: sitalation.
DM: sit-tu-aaay-shun
Chlorine: sit-u-laay-shun
DM: OK OK OK!Just be whoever you want. [gives back paper]
Chlorine: Ok, I'll be a ballerina...no, wait! a pony. No, wait! ballerina. yeah, ballerina.
Eric: You can't have a ballerina in Dumpsters & Dragons!
DM: I know, ok? just let it go. Otherwise we don't have a game.
Eric: it's not a game, it's a situation.
[ Knight removes armor, revealing ballerina.]
DM: Whatever! let's just play!

Ok you see two orcs with clubs at the end of an alley. There are also two dumpsters and it seems as if the orcs are fast asleep. The alley way quickly deteriorates into a path that seems to lead nowhere. This is a PVP scenario you may have to compete with other PCs. [rolls Dice] P2 you go first.

Eric: I want to use my potion on the orcs.
DM: what potion?
Eric: MD 20/20
DM: Ok [checks book] but Wine Coolers and other Malt Potion do not take effect till your next turn. (clown downs md 20/20)
DM: It's your turn Chlorine. what do you want to do?
Ch: well let's go say hi to them.”
[All others laugh! Ballerina waves at the orcs]
DM: alllllllllll-right? are you really going to do that?”
Chlorine: Yes. The ballerina LIKES dorks.
DM: ORKS! they're called ORCS! It's a race. They're really big, slobbery, evil creatures !
Chlorine: [agreeing] mm-hmm... pretty much like you guys. Yeah, I wanna go say hi to 'em.
I'm not racist like YOU.
Eric: No way! I am NOT gonna play with her. She's wrecking every thing!
DM: dude, you have to play with. weve already engaged the situation and a pizza is totally coming any minute. trust me these will be the best 17 hours of DD. I've studied the books.
Eric: yeah, ok, I'll play.[taking dice] but I'm gonna kill that ballerina. Im gonna use dingo's us government grade anthrax (rolls dice) level 6 (clown hand ballerina anthrax)
DM: ok chlorine has to roll a saving throw to keep from your character alive .
chlorine: rolls dice and ballerina sneazes and says “I've wasted my life”
L: [re-enters]You stupid kid! My mom was waiting for me.. My mom wasn't even looking at me.
WHAT'S WITH THE FREAKIN' dead BALLERINA? Where's my Knight?
DM: ___________________slow boil
Eric: You just wanted to sabatoge the game.
DM: (freak out)I SITUATION, not a game. SET ASIDE 17 HOURS OF REALITY FREE...you've sullied the great halls of the Academy of DD [passes P1 the sheet]
Lowrent: well if i have be a dead ballerina, she has to be naked

Voice Over: 17 hours later

Eric: I bet that someday there's gonna be computers powerful enough to keep track of all the dice rolling and NPCs...
DM: yeah, and they'll probably have really advanced graphics, so you can see the action, almost like a cartoon.
Low: duh... they totally invented a computer like that in japan and the government totally stole it they play DD like all the time
Eric: i bet that If everyone had really powerful computers, the a lot of them would end up as trash, and someone would have to create like a junkyard for computers, where you could drop off old computers, so other people could use the parts to make new ones.
DM: no way dude, that is a totally impossible situation





Props.

-sword
-Rubber Chicken
-orc doll


One Ballerina dressed as the dark knight.
-dice holster.
- books and dice
Three Dumpsters and Dragons player manual [v1.37]
bottle in paper bag