We still train for parades even though we aren't doing them these days.

We were out riding and conditioning at a good clip. Heading up a side road to a big road the car in front of Olive suddenly stopped and wouldn't proceed. Sometimes people stall at corners deliberately to see if we will fall off our bikes. We welcome the excuse to show them we can hover. As I catch up I hear Olive laughing her head off. . The guy in the front seat was stuck head pressed to the roof by a big dog furiously licking his neck. He was pinned and the licking had him too incapacitated to proceed. He eventually saw us and bolted away.

Finding vegan jello shot litter in my pockets.

 These were from the "Dazed and Confused" ride. I can drink booze a little with Olive supervision.

We each had a shot and then some fun folks with ketchup and mustard squeeze bottles were offering drinks mixed in the mouth. They were already mixing the streams into my mouth when Olive asked "Are there any hallucinogens' in that?" I was upside down thinking "Yeah that is a great question that I should have asked. Right on Olive." They assured us it was just a screwdriver. I didn't feel very tipsy and didn't want any more. I don't think folks can ever run out the clock on alcoholism but we can have enough reasons not to have an alcohol problem. If I ever get back into sideshow work I would want the booze problem back. In that world it's a performance enhancing drug.

I got to visit my internal, updated Dingo Dizmal terms of service today.

I got to visit my internal, updated Dingo Dizmal terms of service today. I had to look up "What does Dingo do when a random guy throws a kick at Olive's face downtown?" We went to pay half of our lawyer fees (thank you everyone) when this dude throws a kick at Olive, I was in the position to grab him, hoist him over my head and slam him into the pavement.

But I checked...Modern D doesn't do that. Modern D has the clarity to see that he was throwing kicks at everyone, hitting nobody and obviously in a bad way mentally. It wasn't exactly a surprise since in a way we waited our turn as we went down the street. It was as awkward for us as it was for the people in front of us. Soon as we got clear of him he became the most fascinating thing on the street.

How will this end? I can't lie, i was rubber necking and more than a little disappointed when he ran away. Now I keep expecting him to jump out of everywhere. I want to follow him around with a Casio keyboard giving him background music.

what the eff?

 I was wondering around writing a song about ruins when I looked down and thought "What the Eff is that?"

happygram surprise

 After delivering a Happygram this morning I looked across the street and saw something familiar in a freebox outside someone's house. I thought "Those look like the shoes I got married in. I was hoping they would be in better condition than mine. Then I realized Those are the shoes I got married in. We must have donated them to a freebox and they migrated to another freebox. I put them in a freebox. Wanna make someone's day with a Happygram? We deliver balloon bouquets for only $50 in Portland. They come with a custom message and sometimes a song. :) Ths time a song wasn't needed because the balloons are being shipped across country. :)

This lady wanted to know what all the singing and fun was about. No English, No problem, have a flower there Cutie. 

buskaroo!

 

Gooseberries

(Yard porn) Some of our dear friends want us to stay their neighbors so they have been giving us monthly business coaching. "That poor and famous stuff has got to stop." This is the wonderful backyard where it happens. This time we got to try this interesting plant that I have never seen before. The fruit are wrapped in paperlike material and they berries taste of pineapple. I could eat these all day. Since we became their project our website is much improved. I have had many "Project" people in my life. It's really neat to be the subject this round. If I ever become a clown of means. I plan to have lots of project people...and lots of these goofberries.

 

Operation "Fart in church" Jury duty today!

This morning I woke early with no alarm eager to do my civic duty and answer the call to jury duty. I decided I would only answer to the name Multnomah county gave me "Juror #133" I really wanted to be picked so I dressed as square as possible. When I got there I was amused to see so many surly people waiting around.

I walked to the locked door and got a few smiles by saying "OK i see how ya are not telling me they aren't open yet." I was hoping the guy that broke character the most would be my jury buddy. The whole place had new courthouse smell it was great. Looking at all the other potential jurors I imagined arguing with all of them. I'm stoked to fight for what's right but also totally willing to argue stupid points if my fellow jurors make funny faces while yelling at me.

In the jury aquarium i sat scrutinizing everyone. Almost everyone was Asian or older white folks, then two black folks, and 1.5 Latinos (including me) I was glad I was there.

One person was decked out in full anarchist ninja black bloc. I didn't know that was an option. I was glad to be dressed down. I really wanted to be picked. The announcer spoke with a thick Japanese accent. I wondered how she got the gig, then when she started her act I instantly knew. This lady was a riot.

She had trivia questions she didn't understand ;it was glorious. She would add a trivia question before giving instructions. "What country considers a pig to be lucky? What amusement park hires cats for pest control? Then it got really good.

She said a study found that dairy cows produce more milk when they hear music, what kind of music do the like least? A:Country music. Then she asked what musician the cows liked least? A: Willy Nelson (Heresy to me b.t.w.) this is where the comedy gold lives. Beside me were about 20 flannel shirts who bombarded her with country artists she (and I) never heard of.

After every one she would say "Toby Keith? I never heard of dat, try again..." I was howling inside. Finally someone said "Dolly Parton" She knew Dolly "OOooh I love her." She called out 50 names and asked them to call "present, here or Damn!"

She turned the whole room into 3rd grade as someone would yell Damn after their name and everyone laughed. She told those 50 people they can go home but need to return at 8.5 tomorrow.

Yes! I thought my chances of being picked were much better.

Then she dropped the bomb on me, "Everyone else can go home, thank you, your service has concluded."

No more extraneous trivia, no trial, no coffee, not cool.

Not getting picked was crummy. I kept overthinking, pondering what I could have done to displease them. Not getting the gig is not getting the gig. I was mad. I bought a laser pointer for nothing.