dingo's twig

Dig this Ya'll this is fascinating...
Back in Beerstaine Texas where I'm from, I have a mom named Alma Fernandez, she actually lives in San Antonio where I was actually born.
Her husband is a strapping fellow named Vincente Fernandez, his two daughters and son have become my new sisters and little brother.
My sister Lisa has a son that I'm missing A LOT named Anthony.
they live in San Antonio too with my brother John.
The only one out of them that can clown is my mom...for a lady who is part owner of a string of funeral homes and isn't the kind of person who uses swear words, she is one funny broad....I mean it, my mom has been know to clown birthday parties just because she can.

Anyways, she found out during the autumn of life that her parents (my grand parents) weren't really her parents. My Grandfather seems to have taken my mom from a dirt farm in the middle of Texas some place.
See her real MOm is called "Conception" and apparently she thought she was dying because she told her 7 or so kids."...You have a sister named Alma" and eventually they found her.
Imagin someone telling you your parents arn't related to you.
My grandfather John D.B.was a heavy hitting homicide detective in S.A., during the 1950s could have gotten her any way he liked.
I remember as a child everyone around him would cower if he wasn't pleased with them. He also had many many many friends quite a lot of sobbing cops AND robbers at his funeral.
I asked for some names from her family history just for some exploration into my own heritage. My dad's mom was from England and my dad's dad was from Canada (Nova Scotia) I wanted to know about my mom, here is what she wrote...


My Dad's name was John Barrera, of course. His dad was Paul Barrera and his mother was Irene Dunne De Leon. My mother, Eloisa Hernandez - her parents were Vicente Hernandez and Jesusita Perez. On the blood side, all I know is that Conception had the last name of Peshea (spelling?) " Fish " in French. She was French/Indian and her father or grandfather was a casket maker! She went by the name of C. . . Villarreal which was her husband, but not my birth father. I only know that my birth father was named Anthony (not sure of first name) Alvarez and I think he went by the his middle name which I can not think of right now.

cool video that reminded me of my frustrations at 11 Y.O. Click here

My species frustrates me sometimes...I bet we frustrate you too, we are so darn short lived it's hard for past humans to speak clearly to future and present people.
That means our story as humans is so flawed it's impractical and dangerous to base your life on whispers and exaggerations from the past.
How would we know a Bronze age comic book from a news report?
When I was young I was raised Catholic like my parents were and about a billion other folks. People have been Catholic even The USA was a group of 13 imperialist colonies.
But as a Kid I was in trouble with the nuns and priests a lot. Not just a regular boy F-up tearing stuff up and throwing paper airplanes, I also got in plenty of trouble for dis-agreeing with them.
I did read the book they gave me(actually it was the big bible that my parents had)it was a grand and amazing book to me, huge pictures of Harrod killing babies, Moses parting the sea, Jesus racially profiled, framed, detained and stapled to a board. I loved that book my mom has...but it didn't ring true by any stretch.
When I accidentally kicked the head of my mom's giant Jesus statue I waited to be struck by lightning bolts that never came...I was mostly struck with the horrifying shock and disappointment of hurting my mom really bad...I wanted to be struck down by the God in the big book, y'know the micro manager one with the identity crisis, (GOD VOICE: "Baby Dingo You have Kicked the head from your mothers graven image...now ye shall be cast into a sea of fire where you are never consumed and burning dogs eat out your spleen!...or say five "hail mary's" and sit in the godbox for an hour)
The bible as I read it back then looked more like the writings of many grumpy men who's work was compiled over hundreds of years into a giant chain letter.
I didn't understand what I was supposed to get from any of it, to this 11 year old the messages seemed childish and petty, much like stone age man must have been.
They were teaching me from a book that had so much made up stuff and hear-say that my gut wouldn't let me buy into the story.

Some said God talks to people through brush fires (smoking weed?)some say God just yells at you and makes you build boats or sacrifice your children, some say "inspired word of God" ...Yo that sounds like permission to make stuff up and I'm all for it...my "Great Flood" story has ninja manatees in it!
I wondered what else the adults had so much faith in that was fundamentally untrue, misleading or at least a red herring. It caused stress in my pretty, little pre-pubescent mind. Understand that this was the same time that the Jonestown massacre was happening in Guyana, I was pretty freaked out by organized religion after that and it would take a long time for that to jell into a lesson about crowd control.
As long as you don't inflict it on other people ENJOY FAITH! it's not just healthy it's necessary for good spiritual health. Faith is HUGE to have in your life and the less baggage you have the finer your faithful focus can become,make sure to remember VISION and PERSPECTIVE, you can fine tune your body to see through walls, smell fear, heal itself (I'm waiting to get good at that one).
I feel like we are all mini-gods who can manifest the world right in front of us as we go along...think cancer-get cancer, think money get money, think healing!!!!!!HEAL PEOPLE!
So be grateful that you are an amazing creature.
Now to a kid, I was greatly disturbed by all the adults around me who bought into a story brought to you by the frikkin Vatican of all places, a place I knew to be a wicked, unhealthy, church state that was happy to burn the sin out of you with a hot poker!...to be honest as a kid reading about Pope Sixtus lV I wanted to be an evil pope! The worst part of me wanted to be that nasty tyrant with an air tight scam!
Who argues with GOD?
I was in the bottom of Texas surrounded by sheeple, other than my friends and family I had no connection with any of them, they are to me; cogs, willing slaves with big Texas sized blinders made of tortillas and oil money.
They were never very kind to me for being different in Texas as you may imagine.
I feel sorry for them living in a culture that shuns and degrades it's own evolution.
It was torture sometimes growing up so different from all the other "Blanks" in my grade.
Now if I really held a grudge I would go back, dress up as a cog, create a religious sect of whatever is the popular religion. I would use carnival tactics, propaghanda and psy-ops to engulf the competition churches and soon I would have those red-necks doing all kinds of crazy stuff, "GET TAZED FER JEZUS WEEEEEEE!" it would be so much fun...but Naaahhhh! I'm so over it, cool fantasy still.
I must admit, to this day I have to stop myself from preaching the gospel because I'm an honest man and if I ever go to the dark side my scam will have more to do with bikinis than religion...maybe real estate.

The better side of me wanted to warn my parents not to buy into the hype!
I guess I kind of forgot that the Inquisition was in the late 1400's and neither myself or any of my family members were poked by anything during that catholic time and none of my family is Catholic today.
Ever since I have been dedicated to finding truth and using imagination as an asset and you can believe this....I love you very much...so much that...if I ever do find the perfect, world, religion...I promise I'll never mention it to you or any one else.

new Tall bike!

toaster has constructed a new tall bike for me YAY!
A bike built by Toaster is made to last, like having a fine musical instrument.
Now I'm looking for a set of pedals that go to a three piece crank, two BMX chains, two whole 26" wheels and it needs the back wheel to have a Bendex so it is a back pedal break.
I went looking for parts at a bike shop near i think se50th and Division but there was a customer saying he got ripped off, the guy running the joint looked drugged out of his mind, he ignored the man yelling at him and glared at me.
As the angry man stormed out Mr.freako asked me what i wanted like i had just asked for change.
What the hell is wrong with that intersection?
Bearly Worn re-sale clothing store is there...the little dark haired dude was such a jerk to me there, the pawn shop next door sold me a camera that still after 6 mos hasn't taken ANY video because it's crap and now the bike shop.
Now the burrito truck that sits between those jerks is amazing...I don't think a burrito truck has ever done me wrong.
(smile)

today I worked on the video for Floater!

It was kind of like being cast as the Big Bad Wolf, they didn't want me smiling or being funny. Floater is a heavy rock band and the song has some heavy themes like homelessness and un-understanding.
My part was of a Clown King who rules an urban underworld and menaces the protagonists of the story.
I sure love experiencing life with Olive, today she was able to go to work with me, she even put my make-up on.
On the set I saw quite a few familiar faces as well as met some new friends, I dealt with wind, rain, cold, traffic and still had a great time.
Having a cool job is still work so I had to concentrate when I'm "ON" but the rest of the time I hung out and enjoyed Portland and all the commotion a production set stirs up. Getting paid to stand around has perks...mostly in the nipples when it's as cold as it was today.

This is Kile, the guy who hired me. THANKS KILE!!AND ROB of course.

The skate park, not part of the video but still a cool place to work near.




On the set ya do a lot of standing around waiting for your name to be called, farting was very popular during the down time...



Staying warm and watching the Rock Star (Rob Wynia)work in the rain.

from the show Thursday

The crowd loved some of my monologue, hated the rest and I got cut when a sledge hammer fell of some plates I was holding but it was an amazing show.
I feel luck to have been able to ride my tall bike around during the sound check.
Olive and I worked different jobs, she was stage manager and I was some kind of clown, Kelly and I did a number that was spectacular, next time we will do it more and longer!!!
Thanks everyone who came and saw us!
Once I got home I shaved my face clean and I'll be reporting at 10am!!!tommorow for a job acting in a music video from the rock band Floater.








thats Professor Gal above and here's a note I just got from the fellah that hired me...
Dingo, Olive & Kelly,
Huge thank yous to all three of you!
What a fun and unique event it was.

I very much appreciate all the effort and enthusiasm you brought, as
well as your positive energy, flexibility and creativity, flowing with
the chaos of the night as it unrolled.

Dingo, you were a consummate entertainer, the perfect choice for the
job! Olive, you kept things flowing and on time, which is exactly what
was called for!

A huge pleasure getting to know and work with you, looking forward to
more fun in the future.
1love,
-john

obsolete!

Hm.....
My Olive is leaving to do errands, I'm hanging out and relaxing before the big show tonight.
I'm in her house alone for a bit...
Usually that would be (as more of you than admit would know...) a perfect time to masturbate!
Unfortunately this form of pre-show relaxation is now obsolete!
I'm with a woman who won't leave me alone...one who has the most voracious appetite for loving, I'm easy prey.
Nowadays when I'm alone, for once, I don't know what to do with myself.
(sigh)

ZAPPA SHOW TONIGHT!!!!!

I'm at the Fez working with Kelly Clark AND lACY rOOTBEER hosting the Celebration of Frank Zappa's life and work!
I will be playing a bicycle and at the end will be a round of W.U.Y.A?
Starts at 8
Fez ballroom.

Kelly Clark!

an evening of spirited rocknroll macaroni wresling!

April 10 The village ballroom 700ne Dekum will be hosting an evening of spirited
rocknroll macaroni wresling!
howdy, i'm dingo dizmal and the Village Ballroom has charged me with Macaroni wresling!
I have hosted countless mud battles but never Macaroni!
I'm registering dueling couples and or tag teams to compete for prizes and bragging rights.
B.Y.O.V. or bring your own victim, light grappling and then first one to put the others chest to the floor wins!
Cmon yall, I know ya got a beef with some one and a groovy costume too!
Here is your chance to bring someone out to the pasta and kick some noodles!
Would ya give me an email if you decide the pit fights in pasta are the games for you?
I need time to make a card with your name on it and one for your opponent?
I am also looking for volunteers to keep time, ring the bell and a hot looking boy or girl volunteer to show what round it is between battles!
fastclown@veryfast.biz

next few shows

mac donalds click (here) for video

My D&D character died

His name was "Al Perry" and he was a Dwarf mage.
A.P.RIP

cool video....

One of my hobbies is tracking Human Migration over the millennium, where I come from is the first step in finding my soul.
I have looked since childhood and found understanding about why people act as the do by looking at what they eat and how.
Dig this...if you tell a stone aged fella not to eat pigs, the dude will tell you to go screw yourself...eat a pig...get trichinosis and kill his whole gene pool in one dinner.
Now tell him GOD will throw you in his barbecue pit if you eat pig...and if you time your commandment right before a good lightning storm...the guy wont eat the pig...that is until a fool down the road a few hundred years tells him that we now have refrigeration and proper cooking standards and it's cool to eat pigs.
Now in another human migration, one on the other side of the globe South Texas where I'm from) they too had pigs but not the same crazy religious dietary law...so they just stuffed everything with salt and hot peppers and were fine.
Those people also have many crazy religious laws don't get me wrong...did I just hear that the Pope declare that condom use contributes to the HIV problem?
http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5hoINS_JuqDuL85UVqlbipy--E61g
I found this video (click above title) and thought it was very telling of a food migration.
If ya wanna find a crook, follow the money, if ya wanna track migration of mammals follow the food!

Been doing some FANTASTIC shows with my old lady...

Olive has been top notch at all the shows she has done with me, we have done Open Mics, Parades, little shows and big ones that ended up little...what an amazing woman.
Now is the part of the year where she gets her real test...BIG shows with lots and lots of people, dressing rooms, yelling and organized chaos at places like Dante's inferno and The Fez Ballroom. places that play for keeps.

My girl is way up for it let me tell ya...
She landed herself a stage managing job at the Frank Zappa celebration show this Thursday.
Homegirl is also gonna make sure all my fireworks go off on time, do her card tricks, stunts and be my girlfriend WOW!
We will be celebrating Frank Zappa with
Professor Gall
Dead Beetles
and the Jacob Merlin band!
(Fez Ballroom 316SW 11th 8pm 21+)
I bet she is gonna find her career someplace in there.
last night we wound up taking tall bikes to the LOVE show at Olympic Mills Commerce Center
107 SE Washington St.
We took Tall bikes to give Olive a good night/rain tall bike training mission.


My Old lady was on the bike one day and performing on it the next, now she practices every day.
We were at the Love show for a a meeting with Andre and Rose Alma of Chervona to work out the details of the April Fools day show on the 4th of April.

It's gonna be a blast, with a parade, a cock fight and Mermaids!

look who i got to work with last week...Seeds Of Euphoria!

look for us doing shows together in North and South east Portland this Spring.

second hand store

Boy was the weather right for second hand smoke yesterday...I thought I was gonna get into a fight.

I took my kids out to get them some things they needed and all day it seems was assaulted by tobacco.
I always hate the smell and I can feel it from far away and from down or upwind.
Walking behind two people who are smoking sucks  if you are walking in the same direction for a long time , I would rather be late than live like that.
When it's raining and some one is in the bus stop smoking...I freak out.
At one bus stop we got stuck standing in the rain rather than breathe the toxic fumes in the bus shelter.
The "Mouth breather" with the butt didn't realize how bad she stunk. She looked at me like I was stupid subjecting my kids to the pouring rain when there was so much room in the bus shelter hahaha.
Some folks think that smoking outside the bus stop is better, it's not, you still stink up the joint.
Walking through an underground parking lot where employees and home bums take smoke breaks was awful...blue air for over 100 yards to the door.
It seemed that everywhere we went that it wasn't raining was full of tobacco smoke YUK!
I hated the smell of second hand smoke during the 21 years I smoked ciggs. I always hated me cigarettes and only started smoking so I had an excuse for the cops about why I had a lighter.
This one lady was REALLY classy, she saw us coming to the bus stop so she threw her cigg out onto the side walk like a feeble minded litterbug...the butt just lay on the ground pumping smoke into the air like it was signaling a helicopter where to land, I had to grab my kids and run away!
The sun is out more today...I think second hand smoke weather is drawing to a close, still...if you read in the paper that some one was bludgeoned to death by a clown...the person having died by a silver cigarette case (with turquoise turtle-shaped inlay)crammed in the nose...you will know it was raining during a kid week.Just kidding, we all are getting gas masks. :)

the animals that roll with me...