W.T.F?

Pinga and I were "improving Will Workforf Ood's photo

Look at the posts below!

Pinga and Will Workforf Ood

As you all know, Former Republican President Gerald Ford has left his body so it can be displayed in the National Rotunda (the one in Washington DC, not to be confused with America's many fast-food customers),to be mourned by the people.
I, Bizzy Bawdy, would like very much to be among those expressing their sorrow in he Capitol. Unfortunately, I cannot afford the plane ticket. I would need to get there before Monday.
If you can find it in your heart to sent a poor clown to a national spectacle, please email bizzy@clownhouse.org, under the subject “can't afford a Ford.”

KISS BANK

OK, it was the last Last Thursday of the year, cold as a W.A.S.P.'s nipple, and silly as hell.
I (of course) had to work that night, but it's ok, at least I was sick.
Y'see, sometime in one of those early mornings, when I was standing around trying to put the baby to sleep, the cute little bugger stuck a finger in my eye.
It took two days for the babygoo inoculation to go from my eye to my jaw, to my neck, and eventually full blown babygoo disease. I have one eye swollen and glued shut, no energy, a headache, and little to no support (I'm kinda last on the list within my family).

That sounds pretty crummy, and believe me it was, but there were plenty of good things too.
First off a wonderful A.V. class from the local Catholic High School came by. They chose the Clown House as their yearly project, so the place was full of kids with cameras and their teacher, asking questions and documenting.
I pulled out our video camera and began doing a little documenting of my own...well, that is, I gave the cam to some 8 year olds and we will see how that goes.
More great friends showed up.
Caffeine was dressed as a pirate and looked really good, but had to build a baby cage while all the stuff was going on, it was a race to build it before kiddo's bed time..
We had friends taking care of our chiddrens, that was so much help!
Thanks Arolia and Heather and Mike!
I had asked someone to start a fire in front of the house to keep people warm while the band played. They did, but neglected to dump the water out of the fire pit, so it took Johnny D. a long time to start a flame. Loren tried to do his bow-and-string fire start, but all the stuff was too wet.
Caffeine had da pajecta shootin Three Stooges videos on the front window, and a crowd gathered in the cold.
Soon, after much work, the fire was hot and toasty.
Pinga was on his high stilts with a 1,000,000 candle power flood light and Bizzy Bawdy was in her cheer girl motley, looking great and dancing worse.
My throat swelled shut, my other eye started gluing shut. Then my bike, which was loaded with stuff, fell over, making a big mess, and I had to be at work a long time ago.
Stressed as usual, and feeling like crap, I tried to call in sick to work.
They told me that wasn't an option.
As I passed the small throng of onlookers to mount my bike, I saw three angels on the porch rail singing.
That was KISSBANK, and they were great.
When I came home hours later I found them in the bathroom, B.G. with pants around her ankles, they had Loren stripped down, as Will Worforf Ood took photos and laughed like a jackass. Now, to really picture the scene, you have to know that they were all piled into a bathroom thats the size of a small phone booth.
I was too tired to enjoy the sight, and just bitched at Will not to break the commode.
Eventually, I went down to where they were and decided to interview them.





Kiss Bank interview part 1
Dingo: Is Kiss Bank one or two words?
Rocket Montana: One
Brandi Gump: Two.
Stella:
(5 minutes of arguing)
Stella was tired and had gone home so I promoted Will Workforf Ood to Stella, but he wasn't listening anyway so he missed the question.
D: Where is your band from?
S.M.: Portland
Stella: a class m planet, milky way galaxy, Earth, Portland.
D: Thats a stellar answer Stella! What is your group's plans? are you touring?

B.G.: We are going to S.F. for a month without Stella, so we wont have the violin, then we will be going to Illinois to pick up our raft and float down the Mississippi to New Orleans.

When I found out they weren't going to be in Portland I crumpled up the paper and disengaged until they claimed loyalty to Portland, the greatest city I've ever known.

D: The Mississippi starts in Minesota, thats a long way to drag a raft, dontcha think?

B.G.: yeah.


D: What are your bands colors?
R.M.: Turquoise & pink stripes.
B.G. No they aren't!
S: --------------

D: Where is your band going, artistically? What are your goals?

R.M. to get like 43,000 hits on our “my disgrace” page, I don't want to be famous, I want to go to outer space & beyond. I want to learn everything & invent my own instruments.

B.G.: Anything I can touch. I want my art to stretch out like the tentacles of a sea creature or to have my dredlocks evolve into a single dred that looks like a beaver tail, so I can use it as a pillow when I go to jail...except I've never been in jail.

Stella: I want to incorporate more traditional Romanian pieces to my violin solos.

D: good answer Stella. What do you think about zebras?
S: They don't exist, but narwhals are important.

D: Wht kind of music do you play?
B.G.: Electric, pirate, gypsy, vagabond.

D: Have any of you ever seen a dead body?

S:.No thank you.
B.G.: Like a grandmother?
R.M.:Yes.



I couldn't get much more of that interview because they had a friend who decided to pull a “Get a load of Me” move and with each question, she spouted a load of verbal confetti that confused the whole thing. It wasn't at all team work.
It was a chaotic interview, which may have been kinda fun, but it was too far out of context, so I had to quit.

The next morning, all of us clowns went down to the basement and woke them up for a “real live band interview,” with cameras and everything.
The plan was for Will to be silent until Caffeine and I burst in with the heavy lights and camera.
Pinga snuck into the room ahead of us, and crawled into the bed with the girls (they were all in a pile). When the lights came on, Will was to start playing banjo, Caffeine was to intro the interview and Pinga was to ask the first questions, they were all to be about the same thing “do you want to sleep with me?”
Then Caffeine was to ask highly technical questions about their act, like “ how many megahertz is your amp?
Well, upon entering, my cable got caught on a wall, and pulled it down on me (pulled the wall down, that is). We lost the surprise, but still did some heavy duty waking.
Stay tuned for that one, soon.

i don't miss drinking

nice

Last night Bizzy Bawdy [escorted by three strapping young lads] made a surprise apperance singing not one, not two, but three songs at stripparaoke. Had there been an actual contest in place bizzy would have at least earned an honorable mention for attempting to sing an Alvin and the Chipmunks song but actulally being about 1/2 a verse ahead of the karaoke monitor.

glyptodonts

Hi, it's Christmas eve and I don't really care.
I'm watching the pope do his Xmas B.S. for the world on TV. They are using all the "smells and bells" ruse that they always use to fool people. When I was in second grade I was in Sunday school at a Catholic church and even back then the stories they were feeding me didn't have the ring of truth so now that I know much more they just look stupid. Thats ok to look stupid (really, i do it all the time) but this cult has used it's propaganda to really screw over people for 1,500 years or so. Right now the Pope is telling the story of Jesus, he is in a giant room full of people and his rap sounds like a load of horse pucky. The room is full of large, expensive props and the idea of grandeur, gold, silver, big hats, latin chanting fool people into thinking the guy at the pulpit knows god personally. Christmas trees and all those Christmas/solstice rituals were a corporate take over of the Druids and Picts, they wuz robbed!Now the church has gone all over the world and converted all who didn't get enslaved or small poxed into a made up religion the Pharaoh would have been proud of. A big enemy for Catholic leaders are the gays, I love gay people, I think they are the part of our species that is in charge of population control. Think about it, if we have evolved out of having natural predators, wouldn't it make sense to have a large part of the population not breeding?anyway, in the spirit of sending out some real information through the cloud of catholic disinformation, heres my favorite extinct animal of the week. Glyptodonts: AW man is this critter sweet, a mammal, related to the Armadillo, big as a Mazda, no front teeth but huge back teeth and at the end of it's tail...a big ass club like bone. It ate plants near the waters edge and lived in the Americas during the Pliocene Epoch. The heavy weapons and armor protected it from most predators but it didn't stand a chance vs. human apes that crossed a land bridge and hunted the slow moving animals with spears. The last breeding pair were accidentally killed when Noah's arc landed on them, they are now up in heaven with white Baby Jesus.