Horror Story for Halloween

Once upon a time, there was a president who was retarded with religion. He was the puppet commander of the most powerful country in the world. He was also a feeble minded frat boy that was owned by some powerful corporations. He had no idea how most people lived; his dad had no idea how to buy food from a grocery store.
One day, one of the sons of the president's Saudi oil friends ordered some other fellas, who were also retarded with religion, to crash some planes into a couple of big buildings.
They were trained in Afghanistan, so the president called up the military and sent it to blow stuff up and chase people into caves. They bombed that stone age culture into a dead age culture.
When people complained, the president said, "Don't worry, y'all they were retarded with religion. D'jasee them suckers tarpin' the wimmin?"
When the time was right, the president decided to tell his people that a dictator of another country had W.M.D.s. In reality, the country had O.I.L.
He sent many troops into this other country, including army reserve troops. It was ok to send out the reserves, it's not like his country was ever going to get hit by multiple hurricanes, or anything. He had never REALLY served in the military, but he did have a uniform, so that qualified him to make these decisions.
His strategy was very simple, "GO,IN'ER AN GIT DAT OIL! YEEEEHAWWW!"
Thousands died, and the oldest history museum in the world was sacked by looters, because when they attacked this country, they only decided to guard the oil, and not the people. It was all ok, because the president couldn't see any dead people from his house, and he didn't read papers. Plus, his puppeteers made sure YOU didn't see any dead people, either.
They blew the hell out of that country, and in the end found no W.M.D.s. When he saw all the devastation he had done, he said, "OOPS! I'll get it!" and sent his VICE president, a goul named DICK, to rob his countrymen of billions of dollars by "rebuilding" it, contracting with a company that owned him, called Halliburton, at a cost of about $35.00 per nail and $53.oo a board.
At the same time, those reserve troops and regular soldiers were killed every day by road side bombs. The people with the bombs were defending their country from the same form of religious retardation that had been killing them for centuries. The president called them "Evil doers" and "terrorists."
You would think that behaving like this would get a president in a lot of trouble, and he would never be re-elected, but this guy had a smart ally and part owner...The FOX.
The FOX did a great job going all over the country, tricking people into voting against their best interests. When thousands of people protested the war, the FOX told everyone there were just a few, or none at all. When people didn't want any more troops to die, the FOX convinced them that they "Didn't support the troops." Fox also liked to call protests "riots,"
The president did his job, too, distracting people with cries of "Mushroom clouds, gays falling out of the trees and into the schools, and lets get cheap gas by digging up Alaska". He had a huge contingent of people who were really retarded with religion that were happy to send him yet more money to do the Lord's work.
When it came down to it, on voting day, the presidents friend DIEBOLD, who owned most of the voting machines, told everyone that the president would surly win. DIEBOLD is the guy that makes a lot of video poker machines, yet people took their chances. Why would a gambling machine manufacturer ever think of fooling the people?
Now the president can't get elected again, without imposing martial law on election day.
During his last election, he had a really silly color wheel hat determined when it was likely that the people he had just murdered would strike back. It worked like this: When he was down in the polls, the terror wheel of fortune would turn red, and airports would grind to a halt. When the polls were up, then people could move again.
So, the president just threw his money on the pile with the rest, colored in his coloring book and when he wasn't on vacation, and concentrated on filling the White House and Supreme Court with people who have no idea how to do the job, but plenty of ideas how to be religiously retarded.
WOOOOOOOH!
HAPPY HOLLOWEEEEN!
Now more cat stuff

warm linkage

have a drink on me

Here ya go

Work on this

Consumer warning

Don't let anyone call you a consumer. It sounds like what it is, and what it is,is, yecch!
Off the tall bike, when I see construction sites, my brain sees them as termites, eating away at a giant log and turning it into a self serving hill of re-arranged, spit-up particles.
When I was a stupid kid (28) I was hitch hiking through Oklahoma. As night fell, my strategy was to find open country, or woods, away from people before I slept. One night I came upon a whole herd of Giant metal Termite Tractors with big claws and armor. They had been hammering this little woodland Eden all day and by the next, most of it would all be gone.
Through a clearing behind those ugly beasts I could see what was to come of that land. Glowing a half mile away and behind the Oklahoman moon I shuttered, BEST BUY. The sign glowed in the sky so brightly that it reflected off the clouds giving the whole place the feeling of being in electric blue office lighting.
I kicked my shoe off (I'll tell ya why I was wearing only one shoe in another story) and reached into my fudge crusted bag (same story as the shoe) and pulled out a crayon(Sharpies weren't invented when I trekked across Oklahoma). I wrote on the door of the muddy thing, all my grievances, why I chose to relieve myself on the door handle, how they could be just as enriched by stewerding the land and why they must stop.
Yes I know what your thinkin, what a nerd! YUP! Guilty as charged, I didn't even write the note in English, it was all in theban, an ancient language adopted by occultists around the turn of the last century hahahaha!
I felt the tattered ground between my toes and I could instantly feel all the critters that had been lived there before. Some dead all displaced or claimed by the road. Not one of them had pockets, thus no money = No need for a BEST BUY or anything like it in their living room. I sat on the thing and thought about it. Suddenly, from the deep woods I herd a howl. I dropped down to a crouch and quickly put my shoe back on. In my bag I carried a small brass telescope. I pulled it out and looked in the direction of some backlit piles of dirt near the darkest woods.
I counted 1,2,3,5,7 lost count, a bunch of coyotes or wolves or wild dogs (packs of wild dogs run the night where I'm from in south Texas) I was watching them and admiring them when it dawned on me that they were in fact hunting me. I know what that looks like from being back home in Corpus Christi.
I took my eyes away from the lens and sitting right to my left was a tiny school of deer. They had zero fear of my nerdy, hippy, clown self, what was I gonna do to them, play awful guitar or perhaps swing my shoe at them? I told the deer closest to me that "those sunsabiches (really) were after all of us" and they should skidattle. The deer looked over to the BEST BUY sign and we both knew they had no place to go. They took off anyway and I hope they made it ok. The canines were still getting closer to me so I took off running down the direction of the BEST BUY sign and made my way out of the demolition zone by jumping and dodging holes like an ice cream truck in a battlefield.
I was up against a lot, but in those days I was on the road solo, a road dog, I didn't get in cars as much and had no real destination. I was used to sleeping in the rain, eating bugs, getting hunted by mountain lions and most dangerous of all REDNECKS IN FRIKKIN OKLAHOMA,TEXAS AND ARKANSAS.
So running at speed, sustained was no problemo, the thing was that to those dogs it was even less of a problemo and they were closing in fast. I found a fence and jumped it, and then from some peoples backyard I watched the great looking dogs run by howling and hooting, still couldn't see who they were. I walked into civilization and came to a 24 hour fast food joint. I walked in and they must have thought I was a clown version of Jesus because the guy getting himself a burger looked at me and said to the other guy,"Jesus, look at this clown" in a thick Oklahoman accent. I did look pretty "road worn" with just the one shoe, covered in sweat, blood (from the rebar sticking out of concrete rubble) crusty fudge down the front of worn army pants, shirtless ond unshorn.
I had a shirt in my bag I promise.
The fella bought me a milk shake and some fries, then gave me his smokes and I left. I stood out there in the electric blue glow and decided to take my chances with the dogs. It didn't matter much, by the time I got near the woods again the sun was coming up so I guess the woods got consumed.

Distraction

The stuff going on a such a drag that I have been looking for distractions, taking a cue from my brother Pepto. I've been cultivating my inner pervert. Now, unlike Pepto, I still would never put Vasoline on my face and peer into retirment home windows, but truth be told, my bedding is starting to look like an old abandoned air field where large flightless birds congrigate.
You might think, "What about your girl Caffeine, she shouldn't have to sleep in that mess." Well she is the love of my life, but she has her own room and bed.
She gets off work at the same time I start work so I still have no idea how she got pregnant. It sure better be a clown baby!

JEESUS

Collective housing

porn

Reuse is cool!

I just found out that the city wont let the recycling people give us any more than two recycling bins, that sucks, we have way more recycling than trash, the whole idea is to keep as much stuff as possible out of the land fill.
Anyone have any ideas to get around yet another road block set up by the city?
I love the reuse thing , and I'm sad that it's so hard to do the right thing in this land of over stuffed, over packaged garbage.
I hate being sad sooooooo. Lets look at some frikkin cats in sinks!!!!YAY!!

Last Thursday come and gone

I was at work and Chlorine and Capt. Insano did a stint as the fun police. I hear there was a gaggle of sad clowns across the street holding a candle light vigil for us that turned into a dance party.
I was working with a fella named Tyler and we made up songs about suicide.
One called "Paint the devil on the wall," is a Texas blues tune and "Shower with the vacume it's lots of fun" is sung 20s hoppin jazz style.
The yard has zero props save for a lone clown hung from the neck untill dead representing the way a few people have in many ways killed us.
Now back to the goofyness.
Speaking of dead cartoons

I agree with all of this exept the homophobia

play withyourself,I do

OH MY GOD! some christians are so feeble minded and yet happy to inflict religion on you.

Now this guy knows how to make a complaint

NO Last Thursday for us friends

We cant just leave the place in a high traffic day without security for sarcastic compliance of city codes on the stuff you have in your yard so now without further ado meet your Alberta street, Clown HouseFUN POLICE!!!
Chief chlorine Enema Jones!!!
that's right my friends and she will be ready to deputise other clowns for patrols around the Clown House compound looking for any and all perpetrators of FUN.
She will be on the look out for trash, trashy clothing, trashy novels, Fake trashy (or pho-filth), Trash mountain boys better not come round, and especially trashy looking circus tribe. She has a bat, a badge and a dog so don't you dare come round the clown house laughing or all hell is gonna break loose. In fact, I'm glad Ill be working on Last Thursday because I'm always having some kind of fun and I'm afraid of bats.