"Frijoles Pindekos"

The name sounds Greek but this is 100% Texican...it's called "Frijoles Pindekos".
OK, here is a recipe my sainted mother (who aint dead yet) used to make on hot Texas summer mornings.
I have lived in Portland for 12 years now so I hope this works here in Portland.
First take a large stock pot full of tub water and add pinto beans.
I use tub water because it fills the pot quickly, mom used the neighbors hose.
Set the burner on high.
When it first starts boiling (this is important...) slam your hand in a car door...not a new piece of shit, find a Delta 88 or a Monte Carlo.
Warning...slamming your hand may not be part of the recipie but it's what mom did so it's what I do.
Dump in a handful of oregano, thyme, pepper and marijuana leaves and stir with a wooden spoon.
If your religion prohibits the hemp just scrape a little grass off the bottom of someone's lawn mower...that used to work for my Dad.
When the mixture comes to a boil add a full 40 oz. bottle of Big Bear Malt Liquor.
If you can, drink from another bottle of Big Bear until you are standing in your kitchen with the fridge door open, nude, crying and on the phone with your ex.
Drop an onion in whole and un-peeled, this flavor will come from osmosis...tell it that.
NOW YER COOKIN'!
Is it bubbling?
Touch the side of the pot with your inner thigh, if it burns like hell then it's working...go find a belt.
We are gonna pressure cook the beans so they are ready at the same time as the onion so ya have ta tie a lid down on the pot with the belt.
Now RUN!
Most recipes don't have the optional "Run" segment but this is a delicate process that could very well blow up...like sushi or Mormons.
Now after 10 hours you should have a fine meal that feeds tens of people.
I suggest going near Portland's Downtown, to a place we like to call "Vasaline Alley" there you can find an entire dinner party's worth of the kind of people who would have no problem coming home with you.
Nothing I like more than spending an evening with new friends.
I love flour tortillas but I would stay away from "Enriched Flour" and Trans fats...they are really unhealthy I just pour Elmer's glue right on a hot skillet, this really brings out the "Hoove"flavor.
I once made this dish by riding my bike out to Swan Island...fishing half a bloated goat carcass out of the river and I called it "Immigrant Frijoles Pindekos"! I served it to 50 people living in a one bedroom house with no furnature and they LOVED it.
Hope you love it too!
Rock on 503!!!!!!
Dingo Dizmal the clown

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