The cat

Ok so I've taken money to do many gross things in my life, you would be happy if I didn't submit that list.
Nowdays it's really hard to gross me out.
A large gray/black cat had met it's end on NE Dekum
It's body had been there for some time, it had become a health concern.
I got wind that it was bugging my dog and grossing out the stream of tiny tots that walk by it everyday.
Caffo mentioned it to me that it would soon start stinking, I took the case...for the kids y know.
So I asked her to give me the biggest shopping bag she had.
I had spotted the contraband kitty while delivering my son earlier, yuck.
When I revisited the crime scene, I noted that the cat had been frozen and thawed on the sidewalk, it's remains seemed intact.
I needed to transport the deceased to someone trained in the safe disposal and burial of bodies, Nathan B.
(Little known fact:Dingo's family in Central Texas are Undertakers by trade, Nathan B. has nothing to do with this, he safely dismantles computors.)

It had stopped raining the night before so it was dry out but very cold, the kind of cold that makes ya just go AAAAAAAAAAA!.
I grabbed it's half frozen, soggy paws and stuffed it head first into my paper sack.
The sack dropped and I cried like a bitch aaah!
I quickly regained my composure and noted that this cat is heavy and my back is sore from rolling around on my floor with Meghan and some foam, mmmmmmm Meghan.
I was loading the critter in jabby movements, not because it was morbid work, but because it was butt ass cold out.
The paper sack looked at me like, "Wha- yer asking me to hold a wet what...in this weather?"
I then started my trip down Dekum to Union blvd.
The first folks I encountered were a couple of hop hop looking kids , they were liying to each other so much then didn't notice the crazy guy with the sopping wet cat.
On my way I spied the silloette of a fella walking at me, I say At Me because he was using the whole sidewalk, his body gyrating and tagging all his corners of time and space.
I thought he was talking into a cell phone, it was a pantamime phone and he was singing into it.I quickly put it together, this is a crack head.
I always wondered what could be on those fools minds.
The man diddy bopped up to me, looked me up and down using his full body range, saw the cat and with a cartoonish frown asked "Whats wrowng witcho woman?"
I like that I'm a normal part of this dude's day.
He kept on down the way and I turned back once to see him bothering the two young men, then I herd screaming, I kept walking.
Thats night time Dekum North East Portland, I ve lived here a long time, my eyes went into "Terminater vision"as I went I looked at the terrain, every bush, look up all around because you can get jumped easy in a hood if they don't see right away that you have a dead cat.
I walked on and switched hands a lot, the labor warmed my blood and I soon was comfortable.
I spotted a homebum with a shopping cart, he was sober and looking even dapper, I hid the cat as I walked and yelled across the street, "Say Dad, you looking for cans? theres some three blocks this way and on the left!" no need to freak him out, the man is working, and I can't ignore a huge pile of money laying on the curb, I was glad someone got the deposit cans I noticed.
As I was hiding the cat from the home bum, a car came up to me standing in the intersection and completely lit me up, I walked off but the whole intersection was now onto my secret.
A really tough looking lady (bald head, combat boots, spikes) saw me coming and her gruff expression turned to the frightened look of a little kid, I was looking right at her, her age melted.
See, as I was getting out of the intersection I was traveling quickly, in big boots heel to toe and purposfuly and she was in a bus box cornered, I was already in that far so I made my lips as small as I could, the cat parts happened to be parading right in front of her face as I said "Goodevening."
I could feel the relief behind me as I dissapeared into the night.
I hid the cat the rest of the way because I was passing restraunts and cafes, my bread and butter industry.
Upon arriving at my friends house, he didn't answear his door, I rang all three bells, both buttons , yelled and just for good mesure called his dog, bird and children.
he was gone, can't take the cat on the bus so I wrote a note to him and put it in my pocket.
I walked to the bus stop at North East Dekum and M.L.K. it was there that my karma came back, somebody scared the crap out of me.
A man walked up to me sporting some gold chains, products in his hair and a pushy nature.
His hands were in his jacket pocket and he was looking at my hands and asking questions.
"Is the bus coming soon?" it was a question but he told it to me.
He kept looking me up and down and answering questions that nobody asked him..."I'm the drummer man, I play the drums".
His body didn't stop moving back and forth, each time getting closer to me, I put my hands in my pockets and threw my back to the wall just nodding with him and being agreeable.
He would have made a great dance partner with the crack head.
In a trick I learned from my aunts in San Antonio I pulled the cap off my pen and got ready to put him down, I have two aunts who get through parking lots with sparp keychains.
I remember looking at the street curb behind him, and seeing how it was dry mud and soot from the bus, his nice clothes are about to be really dirty when he fell there wounded.
I just wanted to go see Meghan..mmmmm Meghan!
I hoped it wasn't gonna have to go down like that I'm I'm glad as hell that it didn't.
I thought about how ironic that this wouldn't be the issue if I still had the wet, dead cat.
The bus came and saved us both a lot of trouble Thank You Trimet!
Later in the ride the man walked up to the driver and spoke to him as he was making a dificult lane change, he was asking about a nearby connection, he didn't notice the driver was concentrating and asked again.
The driver said "Get off in two stops and walk a block, you can catch it there."
The man stared at him blinking and smiling he then said back the entire wrong directions, the driver repeated himself three times and the guy never played back the same tape.
He looked at the driver and then at ma and then at the driver, "I'm the drummer".
See the guy wasn't making a kill to get into a gang like I thought, we was just a simpleton.
See! Told ya it would be ok...I didn't say that? OK sue me.
I got home and called Nathan, I told him that I had left a present for him in his front yard.
Nathan called me a few hours later "You left a dead cat on my front lawn? I dismantle computors not cats!"
So thats the story of the baby jesus, the kids will be looking for lost cat signage to let the owners know in the coming weeks, that's gonna suck to tell them.