I got myself a new jacket, it's warm and nice with lots of cozy pockets.

It's puffy and lined with a little fake fur.
I thought I looked like a crack dealer in my puffy coat but my friends tell me I look more like a shop lifter.
It's an all new free pass to getting people in shops to come and help me when they usually don't.
If I cant find something all I do is act like I'm shop lifting, people who know me, know that I don't lie cheat or steal...but the folks at the grocery store don't.
I just got back from the Safeway on Hawthorn and the security guard was chasing me all over the place, it was fun.

From the desk of the Clown House Circus of Death...
We got a new game to play friends!
It's called "Tayzee Tag" or "26 watts of fun".
It's a tag game that is played over city blocks and games go from dawn until dusk, with another game starting at dusk and going till dawn.
The equipment is easy, A bicycle, clothing bearing a team color and a 50,000 volt Tazer Pistol.

We pick teams and scroll out a zone of effectiveness like a good 50 sqare block neighborhood and hit the road, see easy.
I bet great games could be played while Zoobombing!
"Points" are scored by sneaking up behind opposing "team members" while riding, and Tazing the living shit out of them.
Ya gotta be at least 21' from the target to get a good "Tag".
Once you have been hit, you are out, extra points given for hitting moving targets.
Remember friends, the darts don't have to penetrate to work!

We should pick team colors that are uncommon so there will not be any problems with Tazing folks who aren't playing, I suggest Red and Blue, for the dawn team and black and green for dusk team. Or if you are already limping back to the starting zone and don't want to accidentally be re-tazed, players can yell "Rotochelli Rotochelli! or fake an epileptic seizure, whatever works best.
Only a "Team Captain" can Taze a "Team Captain", if a "team Member" accidentally Tazes a "Team Captain", they are automatically called out, drug into a bush and kicked in the spine, they can only re-enter the game if the fallen "Team Captain" can get up and remount the bike.
Prizes!
Whiskey and sardines for the winning team and a lot more Tazing for the losing team.
This is off the top of my head, it may be a really stupid idea.