Monday, October 30, 2006

Carfree News by Caffeine Jones

I found this little tidbit on the Portland carfree day list. It comes from indymedia, and it's worth visiting, because the comments are really interesting.

I visited your city and I'm sorry for driving

After a lifetime of never owning a car, I recently got a job that is 30
mi. from home and not served by public transit. I brought my car this
weekend when I came to visit your lovely city and I just wanted to
apologize for driving though it.
I arrived on Sunday, just before sunset. Portland has always been
something of a mind-fuck for me, an awesome city that reminds me so much
of Minneapolis, a city I love. This week, I had some work-related
business to take care of in Portland, and so I came early to check it out.

I need to apologize to you. I am so sorry I brought my car. Just because
I get really good mileage is no excuse. I drove my car around to get a
sense of your city, and I feel like I have no understanding of what your
city is really like because I saw it mostly at night, from my steel cage.

I just recently bought this car, so part of this is my own hang-up, but
seriously, your city is so NOT car-friendly, which is such a beautiful
thing. I LOVE all the speed bumps on sidestreets. I love how fucking
narrow the lanes in many of the main roads become. So not SUV-friendly.
I'm sure this is no news to you, but so many of your roads could easily
be converted to car-free arterials. I'm so damn sorry I drove, but I
just want to wish you the best as you transition your city to a car-free
city, or at least with several car-free roads. It's going to be easier
there and than in most cities.

I'l bring my bike next time and I'll take the train.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

wish list

Computor help
Clear plastic sheets
duct tape
Acrylic paint
a Kodak Digital Camera
people to audition
fresh fruit
old fruit

What we have to give away:
Bike Parts of all kinds, We need to rent more space so I told the crew to get rid of stuff, they did, and I came home to see all this cool bike stuff, loaded on a truck, and on it's way to the melter to become CARS or Battle ships or some other demon!
I really hope some of you bike wrenchers can come by and get some stuff off us and use for what it is contact me


The freak show (999 Eyes Carnival, look at is in town and I had to work [the dish washing job] all three dates they asked me to do with them.
They did come by my work and played a ton of pirate songs for the customers. Lucky for us, it wasn't a night when the joint is full of college jerks who act like morons, make huge messes and don't tip, they would have turned it into a frat party.
Instead it was a neat, age old tradition of goblins playing music to drunks who in turn got them drunk, it was the first time in almost two years that I actually wanted to drink, don't worry, it passed.
The baby is into everything all the time and is cute doing it. The other kid has found the dance and music part of after school enthralling.
Caffo and Sprout have been putting on a stylish shadow puppet show and I can't wait to see how it comes out.
Will Workforf Ood has been hit by a car, cut with a saw, been gay, and had an expensive camera picked from his pocket. Worst of all (for him) he had to get a job. You can expect him to be in a foul mood, unless you see him going over the crime scene, or if you happen to have an extra digital camera you can give him..
Pinga has been doing a Haunted House gig (funded by the Army, I found out) and hasn't been around this month. He has been selling his art, and you can see some of it at the Vinyl Killers installation.
He recently lent his friend a digital camera and the friend managed to lose it for him, send sympathy cards and or replacement Digital cameras to
Bizzy Bawdy (the cheergirl) has been taking photos and she made herself a fine cheerleader outfit. She dances Awful..good.
The Red Shoe Of Death got an overhaul by a clown named "Art Stone." I can't make out what he wrote on it but it sure is purdy.I would show you what it looks like but my camera only takes imaginary photos.
The dog was uneffected by any of the above.

Friday, October 27, 2006


Thank you, loyal art-walkers, for turning out to the sunny event, and
doing your part to Keep Portland Weird!
Despite the Mercury Retrograde that plagued the day with technichal
difficulties, we managed to pull another evening of entertainment out of
our rainbow-colored keisters!
Dingo started us off with some selections from our upcoming album, on
the music stage, where he was joined by Will and Chlorine.
Then Clorine, Sprout, Tangles, and Bizzy debuted a shadow puppet peice
called "Global Warming," and a witchy Halloween tale.
The highlight of the night was the jousting, announced con mucho gusto
by our own Will Workforf Ood, aptly assisted by Bizzy Bawdy. No one who
was here last night will ever forget the sight of the Devil Himself on a
tall unicycle, taking down challengers with aplomb...AND MAKING IT LOOK
EASY! anyone who got pix, PUH-LEASE send them to us:
Look for more shadow shows on future events, and, as we were reminded by
the sight of a fender-bender last night on Alberta, LEAVE YOU CAR AT
HOME AND HAVE MORE FUN, when you come to visit us!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

From the net

'Green' arms the new killing trend
From correspondents in London
September 17, 2006 09:30am
Article from: Agence France-Presse
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BRITISH arms manufacturer BAE Systems is designing "environmentally friendly" weapons, including "reduced lead" bullets, "reduced smoke" grenades and rockets with fewer toxins, The Sunday Times said.
Other initiatives include developing armoured vehicles with lower carbon emissions, safer and more sustainable artillery and even recycling or composting waste explosives, the newspaper added.
"Weapons are going to be used and when they are, we try to make them as safe for the user as possible, to limit the collateral damage and to impact as little as possible on the environment," Debbie Allen, BAE Systems' director of corporate social responsibility, was quoted as saying.
But Symon Hill, from Campaign Against Arms Trade, described the policy as "laughable".
"BAE is determined to try to make itself look ethical but they make weapons to kill people and it's utterly ridiculous to suggest they are environmentally friendly," he told the newspaper.
BAE Systems' policy is reportedly endorsed by Britain's Ministry of Defence, which defended the concept of "green munitions" as not a contradiction in terms. The US Army already has its own sustainability website.

I got a piece or two in this show

Vinyl Killers 4 opens on October 26th at The Goodfoot. There will be an opening party from 6 to 10 PM and with music provided by VK’s resident DJ’s monkeytek and Safi. The Goodfoot is located at 2845 SE Stark St. and is open daily from 5 PM to 2:30 AM. The show will be up though November 27th.

One of the original themed street art shows, Vinyl Killers returns this October for another round of rescuing long forgotten records from the world’s landfills. In today’s scene of artists as rock stars Vinyl Killers is the dirty punk alternative. After four annual shows and several touring exhibits Vinyl Killers is still independent, still D-I-Y, and still free of corporate sponsorship.

October 11, 2006, Portland, Oregon
Vinyl Killers has always been about inclusion and remains an open call show where budding vandals have the opportunity to be shown along many of the top names in street art. In that spirit, a big change for this year is the broadening beyond stencils to include all types of mediums. This year anything goes and promises many new surprises in what can be done with a little paint and stack of old records

Since it’s inception in 2003 Vinyl Killers has shown almost 1000 records painted by artists from around the world. Media recognition for this innovative show also continues to build. This year Vinyl Killers was showcased in recently published The Art Of Rebellion 2, and Klutch, the founder and curator of VK, had the Vinyl Killers room he painted for The Hotel Des Arts featured in Time magazine.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Parade day!

Come see us around 3:00 in the Mississippi neighborhood for the Diversion parade!

Meeting Time:
Saturday, 21 October 2006 @ 3pm
Albina Press Cafe, 4637 N. Albina Avenue
corner of Albina + Blandena Avenues
line up art cars along Blandena, and down
Borthwick, ready to go!
[leave no trace]

Friday, October 20, 2006

The PISS fest

Thursday night was the gala opening of the PISS FEST!
That's Portland International Short Short Film Festival. Yeah, dogie!
Our short film, "Dingo the Stuff Fixer," directed by me, written by me, starring me and my friends, with an original score by me, was included in the illustrious lineup.
We got a late start, but we made it to the theatre in time to entertain many of the movie goers. Since the Fabulous Franc is in Indonesia and couldn't be here to see his movie on the big screen, Will Workforf Ood had to take one for the team by painting Franc stripes on a shirt, changing his makeup to Franc's, and being gay for a night.
For those of you who don't know, Franc produced and starred in the Clown Shorts that we put out last year. In his honor, we decided to bring our version of Fab Franc the 1940's gay French soldier clown.
Franc and I took tallbikes and Merica, Sprout, and Bizzy Bawdy rode in a car.
We don't usually ride in cars, but it was wet and we wanted to bring the banjo, guitar and film equipment.
The bikes arrived at the venue first, and boy did the Hollywood theater look grand.
My improvised plan was to do some tricks on the tallbike while the others did stunts and did the meet-and-greet thing.
My lighter took a dump right as I started my stunt routine, so when it was time to light the pyrotechnics, nothing happened. As the people filed, in we did the bullet catch, some silly hoop tricks, and Sprout did her hoola hoop act, playing the recorders with these huge clown gloves on.
After a bit, the organisers told us that we had scared off enough people, and asked us to come in. Tony Fuentes, El Presedente de Zonker Films, and father of the PISS Fest, opened the show with a heartfelt rendition of the "Different Strokes" theme song, which he referred to as an old Negro spiritual. Some of the more "artful" flicks incorporated a lot of blurs and focus shifts, and that gave me a headache in the front row, so I was darting in and out a lot.
The after party was held at the Jupiter Hotel, next to the Doug Fur.
We saw a group called Fleshtone. Will/Franc put it best when on the bike ride home, he said "They came out swinging!"
I won't tell you much about how they did, other than they are my new fav act. They don't mind camel toe, face paint, wierd noises, a driving beat, and a dude in a diaper. I also love a group who requires a program, like an opera. Ya gotta go see them when you get a chance.
Bizzy Bawdy, cheerleader and photographess exrordinaire will have some pics for me soon. I'll get them up as soon as I can.
After they finished, they announced: "And now the Alberta Street Clowns!"
We had made no paticular plans, so Caffeine scrawled "Whats Up Your Ass?" on a large piece of cardboard, then we got on stage and started begging for volunteers. The two gals who were pushed up first had no idea what was going on. Caffo/Merica said they had a deer-in-the-headlights look to them. The last person was a volunteer called John, who turned out to be on the crew that planned the party (This guy took it in the BUTT for the team, thanks John.).
We had them all drop trou, and one by one, put stuff in their butt cracks. It was fun as hell to do that old routine, but what we didn't know was that in the crowd was Phil Busse, former editor of the Portland Mercury: he's the reigning champ of W.U.Y.A. since at a gig during his mayoral campaign. He was able to guess that Doc Chopper had stuck a computer hard drive in his butt.
When the party was over, the girls took the car home, and I got to take one last ride with the Fabulous Franc.
In a NE Portland Neighborhood, if anyone was watching, they would have seen two clowns come out of the darkness on tall bikes and jump in a dumpster.


I'm watching this movie about civil war reenactors, it's WONDERFUL.
Part movie and part documentry about reenacting, this show has one of the things about the american ape that I love the most; people in period costumes eating natchos and talking on cell phones, I see this at Pow Wows too.
I'm far more actor than re-enactor that stuff looks hard to do, a lot of standing around for hours while all the pieces get set, then running with some kind of stick (gun, sword, bugle, flag)in a cloud of gun smoke stright at some other guys with sticks who are yelling and firing blanks at you, then you collapse on the spot they tell you and lie there in the hot sun until the battle is over YOWZA!
Wow that's hard, plus those cats reenacting are much fatter and older than the soldiers of 1863, so they are huffing and puffing during the "charge" holding thier pants up and when they fall they look like someone dropped a bag of meat.
With the beards and boots, they look kind of like two thousand homicidal Santa Clauses, groping down a too steep hill, cursing and shooting guns.
The war part looks real too, with all the blank cannon rounds and screaming horses, those guys really get into it, they get all welled up and start crying, full of emotion, I got like that my first Critical Mass ride.
I know what it's like to be a bad actor but what is it like to be a bad reenactor?
The folks in this show all seem to be good reenactors

Thursday, October 19, 2006


Tonight we will be at the Hollywood theatre at Piss Fest, they will be showing one of our movies and we will be clowning a bit.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

F.F. R.I.P.

Wow a whole bunch of republican top brass who got caught being slightly more greedy than the rest of them have been filing into jail this week, busted and now doing federal time.
Our country has been duped by despots, thousands die in trumped up wars and the news item that floored me was the death of Freddy Fender.
For those of you who don't know him, he is a fella from my home town in Texas who made it big, crooning country songs.
I'll get over it but sheesh that was the only man on the o[planet who could convince me to drink again.
In other news "Donald" came by today, a long time ago the Fabulus Franc and I created a company called Aplied Homebum Technologys, the idea was to outfit home bums with tricked out carts to tow thier cans and bottles, animals, pornograghy and pieces of clothing that would never fit them, whatever.
The idea was to push the limits creating bigger and better tools for the modern hobo.
Good thing we didn't expect to make any money because we didn't.
We needed a spokesbum to try out our stuff and scare the kids away so one day Frac brought home Donald.
I began calling him Franc's "client"and Franc would drop what he was doing each time the guy showed up and they would build him stuff.
When you see the Clown Shorts video he is riding the Spin Cycle backwards with his little dog running with him.
He quit showing up one day, he was really helpful when he was here, at the time he was doing a lot of yard work for bike parts and we never had a problem.
Come to find out he was a meth junkie!
I had seen a treaker and posted a sign on our front door saying NO METH IN THIS HOUSE!
I meant it, but I didn't think he was using that stuff, I just thought he was filthy and retarded, he was too nice to be a junkster,I thought.
He saw the sign and didn't ask if I suspected him or not, he just had the repect to stay clear if he was on that crap.
He showed up today having been sober for 9 months, he was clean, had a job and was in school, not a bad place to be at 38 years old.
He walked up and said "remember me?"
I didn't know who he was, and when he told me, I didn't believe him.
In other opther news, Holly is no longer working at Collage on Alberta, that sucks, she was really the one I need to talk to when spending dough on art stuff.
In Other other other news, it's 7 in the morning, Caffo is waking up,the baby is crying and I havent slept since (I think) noon yesterday, gotta get up around 1 to get ready for circus practice.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Three got printed, not bad..

OK. Here's the Dingo Dizmal unadulterated Top Ten Improvements for the great city of Portland.
This is off the top of my head so the spelling may be bad, but at least the ideas are worse.

#1. Move Dignity Village to the West hills, re-name it “Diggity Village”.
#2. Less concrete, more dirt, no grass. Grass is a useless crop, paving is hot and bad for the planet, if you need a green yard, then paint the dirt.
#3. Make the tops of water towers wheelchair accessible so gimps can drunkenly tag towers like the rest of us. FREEDOM!
#4. Reduce the Mississippi neighborhood buildings to one story adobe structures (that should piss them off, buncha jerks).
#5. All Portland cops should at least have the opportunity to try pot, they look silly wearing rubber gloves while confiscating your stash. It's not crank fellas.
#6. People who spend all the time and money to climb Mt. Hood and then get stuck (I call them “Cravassholes” ) should be left to their fate, it's the only deadly activity that is more avoidable than smoking.
#7. Re-name SW 23d street “Jihad ave.” Rename NE Alberta street “Wallmart”.
#8. All city mens' rooms should have separate circumcised/non circusized sections so people stop staring at me like I'm some gimp on a water tower.
#9. Local restraining orders should be served by gang bangers. They need real jobs, and I think they could make the point clear. In cases where Gangsters need restraining, they should be served by the elderly.
#10. Next to Pioneer square, build “The Museum of People in Beaverton Who Manage to Get Hit By Max trains” (what's wrong with them?) It's not like it quietly creeps up, the thing is huge and loud...just like me.

Ice cream trucks in Portland should have rotating songs, or at least be required to give tests of the emergency broadcasting system.
Bars that have pianos for the customers to play with must enforce a two hands, melody and harmony rule. Any plinking or two fingered garbage playing, it just leads to violence.
Have kids paint all the curb extensions on Portland's streets. It will disperse heat better, have more traction when wet, and it may be the closest thing to schooling the kids can afford.
Create a roving comity to establish what graffiti is really good art and what is self-aggrandizing bull poo.
Snow plow demolition derby in the summer to help pay for schools.

I have been all over this country and Portland is the one city that has kept me here for almost 10 years, I beam with civic pride.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Aw, rats!

It's that time of year, when the sewer work outside is about done, the weather is getting colder and the rats of Alberta seek food and warmth indoors.
We have had a few roomies (in the past) who were, how do you say...morons? They didn't heed our warnings to not leave food all over the place in the basement, so when the rats came in, they already had hiways and biways carved by the mice those chumps had been feeding.
It happens every year that the mice migrate in, but we've never had to deal with gentrificated rats in the house before.
Current basement dweller Skye Blue didn't mess around. She moved the compost bin farther away from the house, cleaned the basement, and installed wire gratings over the sewer pipes they get in from.
She had put a large brick over the drain, but the rats teamed up and moved it so she had to take direct action.
We left traps out, baited but not set, for a few days so the rats get used to them, then the other night she set them all. The next day, two of the traps caught two rats at the same time, the other two traps each caught a rat.
Pinga gathered them all up and threw them in the fire pit.
It was his little gift of incense...rat flavored incense with added hair for the lovley restraunt cusomers who helped raise our rent.
Banjo the dog is sweet. She really is an awful rat hunter, she won't wait for the right moment to strike, she goes at it more like a chimp in the silverware drawer, stuff flies everywhere and she needs a lot of help.But she is full of duty. You can see it in her face, she cares.
Last night she spent the whole early morning hours running up and down the corridors of the Clown House patroling for rats.
She advised me of a glue trap in my office that had caught a mouse, I had to get the trap, drown the mouse in the toilet (ugly work, but better than letting the poor critter suffer) and dispose of the body in a place where Banjo won't be able to pull it out.
Y'know what would have really staved this problem off?
A Cat. But the land lord wouldn't let us have a cat. It's amazing, he didn't want any pet damage.
Imagin if you were three inches long, and in the place of the ball in the photo.
She kills rodents she catches, but not with killer instinct or hunting prowess. She drowns them in saliva then looks at me like she broke it when the mouse no longer moves...good dog Banjalina Rodriquez!

great video of our summer show this year

Go to Google video and search "Clown Power"

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Buddha Sprout, mud champ

Buddha knew that the Mud Pit of Doom will soon become no more, as we get ready to "condition" the yard back to normal. Next fall we can hand it off in better condition than we found it and get our damage deposit back.
She tore it up on last Thursday, here she is sharing an intamate moment with a girl from the crowd whose name I won't even begin to try and spell (I hope she posts her name in the comments).
Buddha is the one winning with the stategy of getting the crap kicked out of her, shes the one on the bottom who eventually won.
She went up against 200 lb "Bump" and was creamed,
She tried again and was creamed again,She gave it a third try and was creamed.
look for more play by p[lay comming soon on

the nightly news

I just noticed the teaser for a news cast claimed to have the latest in the "Fight for Iraq".
I thought they were all about W.M.D.s, they didn't find any, they did find fortunes and create a civil war as well as more people who hate the U.S.A.
Why are they fighting for Iraq?
The corruption is so clear.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Free Geek

Pinga has his art up at Free Geek, GO SEE IT!
Mine is up at Thunderbird record store next to the clown house GO SEE THAT TOO!
I found a cool thing to do last night.
Dig this...I broke my face mounted bike light somehow, so on my way home from work, I just dangled it from the front handle bar of my bike.
As it tossed around with the motion of the bike the light pitched and swung around, twirling about and looking like a dwarf (D&D Dwarf not little person) looking around a small room with a flashlight, it was so cool.
I don't know how that would look on a normal bike but on a giant Tall bike it was great.
We just finished the music recording we were doing, it's funny but I sure wish we would have had the time to do it well, too many distractions.
BIG thanks to Eric for kicking down a digital camera to me when he got a new one.
Bizzy Bawdy won a pro camera from a contest at her work and she took some really neat photos of Last Thursday, I'll be posting them as soon as she gets them to me.
We are planning the last ever mud pit of doom, see we have to give back our house in good shape if we want our damage deposit back next summer so I'm starting soon.
It's getting cold out and by next summer it will need time to grow new grass.
I need some prizes and contestants, I;m thinking two weeks from now, give us a holler if your interested at

I stuck that game on because I was trying to find a way to get my computor to post video, it didn't work here but I looked it up downstairs on that computor and the game comes out fine.

go to piss fest

sorry My computor cant generate hyperlinks so ya gotta copy and paste
the link.
It's a festival with one of our movies playing (Dingo the stuff fixer)
We will all be there opening night so come check us out.