shoplifter!

Some store employees were tailing me. I reckoned they think I'm shoplifting. I decide it will be a real gas to take them on a little ride. In my pockets I have $20, a feather, some string, some D&D dice a jacked up marker and about 20 ping pong balls. I can't wait to be searched. I took them to the birth control shelf (most stolen item) then lightbulbs, then meat and as I was getting to the beer Isle I hear footsteps shuffling to me. My butt tightens as I prepare for the inevitable tackle and then I hear "Hey!.. weren't you in Portlandia?"