I'm back from Dante's

OK so I didn't end up having a proper line up... so I worked with my ex wife Caffeine Jones . Caffeine got word that circus sideshowgod Jim Rose would be in the crowd at Dantes Synferno laz night AND da wall came down. Twas quite the feat in itself. Typically asking her to work with me is a fruitless endeavor. I feel like I'm a conglomeration of her ex-husband's worst traits and her dad, All bad things-- lots of baggage there. Okay so here goes (deep breath): Last night I gathered my children and loving companion Olive, and we went to my Caffeine's brothers house for a feast. That was cool of Olive to join us and even sing along when the whole family gathered for a jam fest. After a great meal, we loaded two bikes, I kissed my girl and we set off to downtown Portland. We rode in silence mostly. We have done this so many times (riding to shows whilst packed with gear) Usually it's a loud affair full of clowns and fun, this was quiet and methodical--almost clinical. We may have said everything to eachother during our 10 year marrage, so be it, we got there fine. As we walked our bikes in, Jim Rose walked by, I didn't say anything to him or Caffeine but I was glad to have been able to meet and thank him for his inspiration to me during a meeting last week. As we entered the venue the door folks and staff all knew my name and flagged me through the crowd. I was impressed at how tight the Dante's crew is. As I walked, the staff kept saying "Hi Dingo, the dressing room is that way" real friendly. On the big stage, mostly nude, highly decorated women danced with fire in the smoke filled room. I smelled the fog cookie and had an idea Caffeine would be sick from it, she was, but she sucked it up. Rudy is the stage maneger, he introduced himself and asked what I needed. I said "Well I'm going to need a bucket of freshly broken glass for this pretty girl here to stomp me into". Without a pause, he dashed upstairs and half an hour later returned with a bucket and some bottles. Caffeine and I went out into the alley and found a bunch more, we broke them into the bucket and returned to the darkly flame lit club. I saw a man with two fire torches on stage doing a fine dance. He was covered in blood and wearing only a bananna hammock. I didn't have a chance to meet him but seemed really nice. So there I was, under the Sinferno, Ringmaster Noah growling his banter, introducing sexy act after sexy act. For hours I was surrounded by hot naked woman in that dressing room, they were stretching, dressing, gossiping and hanging out. I am a full grown human bull-male; I have lots of sex drive and a strong will. I was getting lots of compliments and flirty looks. I thought, "I could have got a couple of dates out of that gig"-- but Y'know what...All I could think about was Olive. Being in love with someone who loves you back the same ...is out of this world to me AND all I need to be happy. I hear that I sound like I'm talking myself into it but I'm just dealing with a new thing that I don't know how to introduce to this world. Anyway: My favorite act was Nick Creature and Barnaby the dancing bear. They were skilled and funny as hell. I also took notice of Kyoko the arialist. The sweet gymnist looking lady was visably shaken by the two danceres (Porcelin Twins) on da stage, marching around dressed as chiniese military and wearing big exploding cocks. "I don like dat" (she peeps) She took the stage high above the floor suspended by two long red pieces of cloth. It was the most amazing act: the talent was rich. She slowly spun into the cloth and commanded it to lift and drop her into fantastic contortions. The manuevers and poses were not tricks. They looked like a way of life. I grinned and I looked at R.N. and said ' That lady just made all the strippers look like bitchez." One of the strippers was in ear shot and agreed with me. Heh heh heh-- Ringmaster Noah argeed too and told me "The crowd wasn't getting it tonight", and said it's his job to get the crowds energy back to where we want it. It's a tough fight to know that all the crowd wanted to see was tits and they didn't respond as well to the circus stuff. (..I'm glad my act had tits in it.) I was downstairs for Barnaby bear and creature, I could only hear what the mics picked up... I can only guess the crowd loved them. It's odd, sometimes the crowd seems dead but then you get great gigs out of it later. I hope that this is the case. During our turn, we got into the spot that leads up a tall bank of stairs and to the stage. All I can say is that it's big, loud, bright and packed with the kind of people that you may think would show up at Dante's Sinferno. Ringmaster Noah was curled up in a human question mark as he elegantly howled my introduction, silently and in the dark, Caff and I took positions. My name was said as I slid the bucket of glass ahead of myself and walked onto the stage between Noah and Caffeine. I cant tell you what our act looked like...i was working, they did laugh at all the right times and they were delighted to see Caffeine strip while standing on my chest which was imersed in a bed of glass. I remember thinking..."My, I havent seen this much of Caffeines crotch since our son was born." Maybe it was the glass slicing into my back (it's not a trick, it's a stunt) the smoke machine pumped fog and it looked like a battle field with all of our props littered on the stage. We hadn't even tried to rehearse, although we did talk about the set the day before and quickly went over it again when the venue was in sight. Guess what??? We did fine. Caffeine was happy. I wont tell you all that happened except for-- Rudy paid me, I met up with Twitch in the parking lot and gave him my pay as a down payment to build me another tall bike. Caffeine loaded her ride and went to St.John's, I loaded up and went back to the kids house. There you go friends, a gig in the life of a chaos clown!