I stayed up as late as I could last night

I was trying to get to sleep through at least part of the morning, it didn't happen.
I always wake up first because of my last few years waking to kid noise and the high stress.
Now I'm in great shape and in a pleasant mood all the time.
If you ever went into the office of the Clown House you would have found purposly uncompfortable chairs, I didn't want anyone sleeping on the job, not around me anyway.
My new digs are all about reclining, kind of an opium pit without the drugs ( Well i hear my room has smelled like pot since the 60s and I'm keeping that tradition, nothing else).
I really don't have much to stress about in comparison, I earned my rent and sent what I had left over to Caffeine, I'm fed, a little lonley but really strong since I work out everyday.
Yesterday I wentto the store and purchased some Ice Cream, after all the healthy raw veggies and grains I treated myself, it was rad.
I like the natural stuff more, thats for sure.
I needed some reward, I spent months day and night clearing the Clown House of other people's debris, I washed walls, painted walls, fixed broken windows (or had them fixed) and spent hundreds of dollars, my reward was, I got to pay more money and was talked to like I was a dead beat who hates my kids, I deserved something nice, I just got the crap beat out of me.
I got to talk to my kid (it took a bit to get the number) she is fine and isn't seeming to miss me, I think the dog and the little boy might miss me, the wife is cold but nice, and not mean or bitter, I don't think she misses me much.
She actually seems happy to have me away from her, good for her, I know I'm a monster sometimes.
I'm feeling good about things and happy, just bumps in the road.
Can't argue with results, since we went different ways, I hear she is doing great and I sure do well making all my own decisions, nobody has thrown any awful ideas into my mix and I'm doing well without all the delays and wild goose chases.
I don't like getting up so early because it's time alone that I have been spending missing my family.
I had to convince myself that they are fine so I can get stuff done, I'm not getting any hansomer.
Now I spend mornings conjuring my day so it will go well and praying it all works out.
No matter how nice a face I put on it, I still feel like I lost my home, company, wife, dog and children, no amount of visiting will bring them back and I will have to deal with other people programing my children with me far away.
I spent 20 years painfully avoiding having kids and dog for that very reason, I saw it happen to many friends and wasn't having any of that.
I know what you may be thinking..."yer a singing cowboy clown, what better stuff to write country songs about"
I don't think anyone wants to see a clown sobbing while playing a banjo so I'll skip that act.
To tell the truth I'm trying to find a way for Dingo to meet an unfortunate accident of the fatal veriety.
Dingo belonged to the Clown House, when it died so did Dingo, I'm just carting around his clothing and props.
Dingo has kids, is in love with Caffeine Jones and helps people way too much, what a pussy.
I have been searching for the new clown who will hopefully push Dingo out in front of a bus so the poor dude can go down with his ship and die finally.
A new clown came to me this morning while I was fighting with a cup of coffee and the General Lee in traffic.
The new guy wears glittery shirts and likes mirrors, I wasn't letting that guy into my world so I killed him right there in the street, I won't give that clown any attention.
I look at the computor banks of photos, scripts and comics, they all revolve around Caffeine, the kids and all the clowns who have gone away. I don't know what to do with such a body of work, maybe chuck the whole thing into the Willamette river?
My novel centers around Caffeine, she hardly worked on the book, and didn't appreciate the honor, it's a good story and plenty funny but I can't publish it now.
The Clown House story ends with a brick wall and a dead end, I don't know what to do with that.
Now I gotta soak my knees inhot water, they are sore from practicing bike tricks all week and I have to heal up before I injure them again at the shows this weekend.
I'll meditate, and create how my day will go and decide if Dingo lives or dies, If he is gonna die his last performance will be at the Alberta street fair main stage around 1pm.
Yu will know he died if this blog dissapears or changes, he may live on depending on if he is needed by anyone.
So far my phone is silent save for a call I got from Banaroo last week, she came over and that went swimmingly well.
I can't create a wonderful day full of prosperity and fun like that was with all this stuff on my mind, thats why I'm dumping it here on you,,,thanks.