Monday, July 23, 2007

Pig Farmer and the clowns (or How clowns are built)

Pig Farmer came from the pig farms down south, Hog Season was over and a little bird told her the Clown House was short handed. Sounds like a cool job, but what is a muddy pig hugger to expect from clowns?

She was met at the Clown House door by a clown who looked her up and down, smiled and introduced herself as Mis.Merica.

She told Pig woman that the clowns were indeed short handed and have been for some time.
She then instructed her to follow upstairs to meet the rest of the gang.
Pig Farmer couldn't help but notice a clown lady dressed in yellow and black colored cheerleader garb following them.
She had a camera and was taking lots of photos, she later found out that was Bizzy Bawdy the circus cheerleader and human photomat.

They went up flight after flight of stairs, some made of wood, some marble, some concreate, some carpet, one a rope ladder and eventually they winded through a dark store room and into the attic where they found two more dopes, Will Workforf Ood, and Dingo Dizmal.

To "clown" with the mighty Clown House denizens, she would first have to be re-built from a Pig farmer to Shmanarchist clown. They all jumped into action... they love jumping into action.

As soon as they peeled her shirt off, the room filled with a deafening stench, they all laughed and complained so much, the barometric pressure in the room changed and all their ears pleasantly popped.Will Workforf Ood complained the most, he should have won a prize.

You could feel and smell the love in the room...and there was some near the dresser too. The dog is really good about cleaning up any love left in the room.

They have a table that crawls up the wall it's kind of a work bench for re-building. They wrote things on her butt while eating jelly and cackling like baffoons.

We didn't know Pig Farmer was a girl, she's hot!
We added the markings to her body that spell "New Guy" and "Clown Power" they told her many things about crowd control, getting in the right head space and the math of funny.

She was so darn hot, Will Workforf Ood donned a red white and blue boxing glove and punched her in the kidney.

It was overwhelming to have so many hands all over her, the clowns acted like a pit crew, stripping the old gal off and replacing it with a new color, a new stench, and new philosophy.

Ood was eating grape jelly out of the jar with a butter knife...he used it as hair grease.

Dingo had to inspect for crabs, there were none so he got her some.Then he gave her a pubie sculpt.

New clowns aren't made...well yes they are I guess.

Hey, you don't measure stuff with Teflon tape you dork!

The hair drier would have worked great if we had plugged it in.



It was a unique pleasure of life to get a real clown makeover.I think we made a friend, look at her face.


If you don't powder, the stuff smears, I good powder job should be strong enough for a clown to get pied in the face, wipe it off and still be painted.
We used marshmallow paste and some ajax so it shouldn't matter on her.

Nobody added any color to her face, I guess it's the Ajax reacting to her skin.

aND nOW INTRODUCING .....The Hula Hog!!!!!Next biggest thing on the planet!

She ended up SLAYING the crowds within hours of becoming  a clown.
We are all proud of her.
Like what we do? Donation bucket!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Amazing transformation! My cat Fox tried to transform the bathtub into a toilet the other day, but I was not so impressed.

Anonymous said...

To my Darling Daughter who has become a Hula-Hooping Clown, I love you more than words can say, miss you as much, and Baby, while clothes are optional, grape jelly, Honey, is for the tummy, not the hair! Stay in touch! Momma

Sorry I forgot your birthday song.