a siren and blue and pink flashing lights

B.A.M. has had his first day in his new career as a hominid.
He didn't have a lot to say about it at the end but I think he may be impressed.
The madness started when Shmanarchist reporter and part time preggo, Caffeine Jones came home from the mid wives place on Ankeny street.





I guess the lady hit Caffo's "on" switch because by the time she got home, she was in LABOR.
She had been in bouts of mini labors for weeks before and so she knew it was time.
I called a cab and told them it may get messy.

The folks at Radio cab sent us a minivan being driven by a granny who had a giant brood of kids and grand kids to her credit and she sure kept her head on for us.
The ride was bumpy, Caff breathed and my sister prayed (that the place would be warm, shes from Texas) and I petted my girls shoulder.
We got to the Birth and Tire center but the midwives were stuck in traffic downtown coming back from another baby emergency. We just had to sit there and wait for them.
I think they should be legal to have a siren and blue and pink flashing lights, the siren can be the sound of a kid screaming.
Caff breathed some more, my sis sat there looking concerned and the cabby asked "Ain't chall the kids I saw in the paper that do the clown stuff? Thats really cool what you do,"
I faught the urge to kiss her full on the lips.
The midwife technitions soon popped out of the building and brought us all in( the cabby left).
We went into one of the grande birthing rooms, and it had a big bed, stacks of towels and a frikkin Jacuzzi!
I spent the first few hours helping Caff, by doing the "Kneading bread" manuver on her butt and legs, making sure to hang on to parts of her that cramp during contractions.
She was in agony.
The "middys" hovered around checking stats every so often but for the most part let us do our thing until the real fireworks started.
At that point they became Birth Ninjas working as a team, two would comfort Caff during hard times, writing stuff down and using tools and when anything big happened the third would come in, prod around, give orders and sit back down.
They did a lot of motioning and whispering to each other like witches or comandos.
Caffiene was in agony some more.
Eventually the head popped out and he hung upside down the way I used to hang out of my tree house.
Kid landed safe with all 21 digits and baby blue eyes.
He looked pissed, I would be too if someone evicted me from my womb.
But at least nobody mangled his Penis or slapped his ass like most barbarian doctors do.