A question of taste

So , I've been in the bathroom a lot more than usual. Under the circumstances I think I will be in there a lot more in the future. baby's and mammas need a lot of wiping, I really don't like to wipe...Wait that didn't sound right... I don't like the idea that we need to wipe.
I find toilet paper distasteful ( kinda tastes like communion wafers) and getting clean with a water spout contraption just seems wrong or at least only to be done when a camera is rolling.
I'm about to get back into the business of cloth diapers, I like diapers a lot, it's just when they become a wet rag full of baby goo that I barf out.
ears ago, I did "diaper- duty" with my daughter AND had a drinking problem, can you imagine cloth diapers and a hang over? Now I'm in the sober administration so I will enjoy wiping baby butt like a craftsman polishing the red stained arm of an antique chair...NOT.

What's the alternative? Dogs have gone as far as to use not wiping to communicate complex ideas to each other like "I have eaten" and "Hi my name is Stan." Cats don't wipe but they pay the price for the luxury, they have to traipse around creation with their potholes sticking out. I have many times woken up and the first thing I see at the start of a glorious new day is kitty sphinctor. It's like they carry a period to end the sentence "A cat was here."

I know it's a crappy subject and all butt I'm just sayin. We are inventive creatures, maybe we can evolve out of the need to eat and take out the middle man, or maybe some day they will find a fun new use for the staircase banister. I'm just sayin...