top 5 things that I don't know why exist

#5. Gogurt: just like yogurt, but with chemicals, sugar, a high dollar ad campaign, and tons of over packaging. This junk must play well to folks with kids being raised by televisions.
#4. Pubic hair: is nature trying to evolve us underwear? My zipper is leading a heroic battle to un-evolve it.
#3. Bass guitars with more than four strings: the only person that would ever use a bass like that would be Lester Claypool. When I see people with them, they play ballads or repetitive droning songs that could be just as well played with one string.
#2. Anything made in China (or sold at Wallmart, for that matter): it's cheap, but they may as well just say "Single Use" or "Disposable" on the box. "Made in China," to me, is more of a warning than a label.
Around here, we call that stuff "China sport."
#1. Fake pockets.