Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy New year

I turned the volume down on my TV, I'm learning to read lips, I'm also playing Spanish language TV loud with instrumental music to make more awful Spanish music.
Thank you so much Nathan B. for taking my lap top and executing "Operation fix or extract data" I owe you my wizzard from another gizzerd!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Punks not dead!

stool softener

I just saw an ad for some pills that make it easier to poop, hey! thats B.S. you don't need pills for that, if you don't like the character of your bowel movements then eat a bag of prunes, too loose, eat bannannas and of course put good things in your body in the first place.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

guess what I got them for Christmas?

Same thing I got them last year...nuthing, I'm a pagan.
I'm not a fan of Christmas anyhow, too many contradictions and mixed up religion and mammon worship (like Burning Man), I get my kids the stuff they need or earn, and I do it all year long.
I did give them one thing, a cantankerously wild, great-assed time as you see here and that's all they wanted from me.
Caffeine gave me the ultimate present the other day, as she was leaving I told her "I love you"and she said "I love you too."
I haven't herd her say that or anything like it since July, it's the only thing on this planet I would ever ask for for Christmas.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Parts of my new Rubber Chicken Comic, click images to make bigger.

I love history, let me tell ya'
the rubber chicken is the punchline and time, space, the human condition itself are the joke, I'm not really a very good artist but I come up with funny stuff like a fountain pen leaks belly button lint (WTF?).
I plan to one day spend most of my time painting chickens.
This is the comic that will go with the set of chicken paintings that will be going up at Concordia Coffee House on Alberta street, just after the Xmas holiday.
Most folks don't have $150 to blow on chicken paintings but they will have $5 for a funny ass comic drawn up by the same imbecile.

chilly down (Look it up)

One of my favorite David Bowie songs ever is "Chilly Down", from the movie Labyrinth. It speaks to me and it's fun.
I relate and it was in my head a lot as a kid.

Chilly Down:
When the sun goes down (when the sun goes down)
And the bats are back to bed (and the bats are back)
The brothers come 'round (the brothers come 'round)
I get out of my dirty bed (my dirty bed)
I shake my pretty little head (I shake my pretty little head)
Tap my pretty little feet (tap my pretty little feet)
Feeling brighter than sunlight (oh)
Louder than thunder (oh)
Bouncing like a yo-yo, wooh (oh)

Don't got no problems (no problems)
Ain't got no suitcase (no suitcase)
Ain't got no clothes to worry about (no clothes to worry about)
Ain't got no real estate or jewelry or gold mines to hang me up.

I just throw in my hand (throw in my hand)
With the chilliest bunch in the land (in the land)
They don't look much (oh)
They sure chilly chilly (oh)
They positively glow glow, huh (oh)

Chilly down with the fire gang
Think small with the fire gang (It's the only way)
Bad hep with the fire gang (a smile a day keeps the doctor away)
When your thing gets wild
Chilly down

Chilly down with the fire gang (Hey, I'm a wild child)
Act tall with the fire gang (whoo, walk tall)
Good times, bad food (yeah)
When your thing gets wild
Chilly down, chilly down

Drive you crazy, really lazy, eye rollin', funky strollin', ball playin'
Hip swayin', trouble makin', booty shakin', tripping, passing, jumping
Bouncing, drivin', stylin', creeping, pouncing, shoutin', screamin'
Double dealin', rockin', rollin', and a reelin'
With the mackin' sex appealin'.
Can you dig our groovy feelin'?

So when things get too tough (get too tough)
And your chin is dragging on the ground (dragging on the ground)
And even down looks up (down looks up)
Bad luck heh heh,
We can show you a good time (show you a good time)
And we don't charge nothin' (nothin' at all)

Just strut your nasty stuff,
Wiggle in the middle yeh
Get the town talkin', fire gang

Chilly down with the fire gang (think small)
Think small with the fire gang
Bad hep with the fire gang (hey, listen up)
When your thing gets wild
Chilly down

Chilly down with the fire gang (hey, shake your pretty little head)
Think small with the fire gang (tap your pretty little feet)
Good times, bad food (come on, come on)
When your thing gets wild
Chilly down

Chilly down with the fire gang (wooh)
Think small with the fire gang
Bad hep with the fire gang

Friday, December 21, 2007

I'm going to a meeting about a film

I'm hoping to trade. myself being in and working on this movie in exchange for them editing lost Clown House Movie,
"The Robbery" wish me luck, I'll also have to track down the tapes from my bro Pinga.
HEY PINGA de clown, wheres the hard drive man?

I went downtown and saw a group of people chanting "Question 911", I saw twice that many people, half a block away watching some kids do a "Grinch" musical number in front of out cities giant, obnoxious, christmas tree, it was the Jim Carry version to boot.

Round Table Pizza is the perfect job for a dungeon master in D&D dont' cha think?

I'm hearing a story about a guy named "Snowmelter" from my room mate, He tells me about a fella who is the best
Dungeons and Dragons master ever.
He was also gay and a werewolf.
I remember playing lots of those games, they are great.
It's a hypothetical situation that we created where lists of numbers with dice values attached, some short story writing and a lot of imagination create a game/situation that eventually if not right away starts teaching itself and growing, people go through situations, drop stuff or get killed, roll up another character and two weeks later that person will maybe run into the corpse of the old character.
The second character would have to play according to if it knew the deceased or not.
It's like watching TV and being involved with the story, it's exciting let me tell ya.

Last night I practiced balancing Miranda on my chest while playing banjo, it was hard, we also practiced "Carol of the bells" with me on guitar and her on xylophone and some other clowny songs, I'm inspired to work with her.
later I hosted open mic on Belmont street,
Before that I had finagled a mushcap or two from a friend.
I asked if anyone "with hair" wanted to join me for a trip, Last time I had some was over 15 years ago in New Mexico, I had "relations" with a pretty girl with long hair in a chili field when the sun came up I climbed a mountain nearby and slept up there all the time talking to the cosmos, I was waiting for conditions to lend themselves that way again.
A nice lady that I had only met once before said "I have hair" and she agreed to join me after work for a long walk.
I could tell from her language that she was of my tribe and so I let my guard down (reletively)
The open mic place and met some little kids (9 or so) singing John Denver tunes (WTF?)
I shared the open mic hosting with the two brats and they did a great job.
I saw some really cool music played, ate a light bulb in an eating race against Miranda who was eating cake.
I kid named Uncle Joe may be a jack in the box for us someday.
The People tried out stuff, thats what Open Mic is about,I liked the Jazz guitarist who is used to playing with others trying out a solo act, it was good, people clapped a lot when he finished.
Then my whole world shifted...
My beloved Bonaroo walked in the!
She sat down with her friend Carly and after an hour or so I convinced them to have a breath holding contest.
Carly cheated!
They won the drinks that they had already bought.
When work was done I took Banaroo for a quick ride up and down Belmont, said goodbye and walked off with my new friend "with Hair".
She chopped up my mushcaps and added them to some Jasmine tea, we sipped off it all the way back to SkyeTower.
By the time we got home, my friend opened up to be a wonderful companion, we talked for hours about cool stuff, I wrote a lot of it down for use in story creation.
I was peaking when Food not Bombs showed up, loaded with food for us to distribute, it was all I cound do to keep my head together for that conversation.
Later "the lady with hair" and I got under the covers and groped around to the tunes of Mozart.
I brought a set of string lighting under the covers with me and wrapped them around us.
It was fun until they started to burn us, we got up and sat with me under about 50 pounds of blankets, and her sitting in her jacket and mittens right next to the window that was open all the way with a blizzard coming in, that sucked a little.
She changed characters and began giving me this window into her darkest places, she showed me her pettyness, spite,and malice, selfishness and vanity.
She would relive moments in her life, arguing with people all over again, cursing them and spitting on thier graves, I just stayed there stunned, how can someone with such a tight ass be so bat shit crazy?
We turned the lights back off and in a few hour were able to sleep, finally we had some soft cuddling, she woke, got dressed, left.
I learned a lot last night, I had done spell work to run into some woman energy and I was specific, it wasn't just hair, it was "shorter than me (to fit on my bike)with dark hair, teeth and personality, in that day I got just that from three people that all fit the bill.
I'm all about the give and take, I do things with much respect and never try to influence the will of others in any way other than by mouth.
Now I'm gonna conjure a companion that is blonde and hopefully a simpleton, my brain is full, I need a back rub.
There ya go friends, 20 hours in a trip to the chaos clown
Like what we do? Donation bucket!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

working on a new comic book, here are the corners of the pages and my name in runes

great wiki

Well just like that...

my kids are here!

Kids return to Dad!

Yaaaay, I missed them so much.
The roomates and I, put the bongs and torches away, put some clothes on, bought healthy food and locked the bleach cabinets, then bright and early the next day, my kids show up.
I go from wild, debaucherus, chaos clown, to mild mannered, stern minded, parent of two...Shepard of the innocent, roll model.
Thing is, on those days the kids get the best and I eat the worst food (time and money factors)save for the yummy vittles Caffeine packs for us.
This time I had help and so ate well.
Yesterday I left the room for a moment to move something (my bowels)and when I came back my little girl had let my little boy spill milk all over the front of my lap top, it had all the Clown House Photos I had been saving for a book.
I may get it back, may not, I can't let stuff kill me so I won't.
They are a lot of fun to be with and I made a point to spend quality time with both.
My friend came over to visit and helped me out a lot, the kids had a second adult to hang with and I got more pleasure out of taking care of them.
We went out, ate, had coffeee at "Chance of rain" went to the "Dollar scholar" on Hawthorne and played lots of games, we forgot to do homework.
As soon as the kids were asleep last night, I got to take a shower with my friend and enjoyed a soapy shag with a flexable acrobat, WEEEEEEEE she is amazing!
So nice kids, helpful company, good food, great music, all that makes the loss of the laptop interface and the debris field that my room has become not such a stress bucket.

Just dropped this Rubber chicken painting off

"Chicken in Turkey", it's $100 if you think you need it, I think it
is really funny, it's hanging at the Concordia Ale House on 33d and Killingsworth

Friday, December 14, 2007

Event went great, still have to pay other people's bills

Well so much for taking a year off, I wanted to take a year off of everything to be with my kids and work on a new act.
As of last month I was still paying Clown House bills, got ripped off (punished for being nice), and lots of people owe me money, I had to go back to dishwashing.
I was smart enough to get a job without much responsibility, I don't need to know english and a lot of the other workers speak Spanish, I'm looking at it like getting payed to learn more broken English YAY!
I always pay my bills early, I wish everyone did.
The Bingo at Muddy Waters was a blast, we did a few games, ate, had some fun, played more games and then lit our bikes on fire.
My bike was ablaze far too heavily to ride so I had to wait around for it to burn out before I could go home.
This morning they handed me some glossy fliers with my picture on them promoting the next event.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

i don't swear much, well I try not to, it seems cheap to me.

Caffeine hardly swears and we don't stop our kids from swearing (sometimes you just have to say Fuck yeah!
We do stop them from saying hurtful things, at least until they can be taught how to use that language correctly.
In the late late 80s I was in a christian cult, they would tell me that it "I wasn't displaying god's glory unto man" or they would ask "Would you talk like that around the lord?"
My answer is yes, irritation of foul language is a human comfort, a being that can create a planet couldn't possibly care if I say cunt-dumper-twat-cock.
This started unraveling all the hooey, I looked into many cults over 6 years, trying to give christianity every chance... sorry I'm a scientist, if I was a soldier in a foxhole I may have other ideas, I would still swear a lot between prayers.
I didn't swear before on my blog because I lived at the Clown House and I didn't want any youngsters who were fans to read my stuff and get in trouble repeating it, now I don't give a shit.
All this is to tell you one thing...Adolf Hitler shure fucked up a good mustashe style don't you think?
Many people wore that style before Der Furer but none after so much, it won't come back for at least a hundred more years.
I shaved myself one during my drinking days, an accident that grew with the Camo Malt Liquer into me traipsing around the North Michigan ave. as Benny Hitler, Adolf's benevolent brother, I never found anyone to benevolize.

Well we have made some "Bingo" ideas known at a little meeting, they are as follows:
1.Grid a football field with bingo (or Keno) numbers and throw live chickens off the gondola of a mighty zepplin.
2.bring live chickens into the Muddy Waters Cafe and have them decide via droppings.
3.Bring an old rooster to the dump and let it go.
The meeting went noplace, still bound to be a blast.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Tonight!!!! Bingo!

Look at this neat poster I found online!
Stuff like this makes me get up in the morning, I didn't ask her to do this and look how great it looks!
Click above title for context

Monday, December 10, 2007

momentous struggle of paint and boob.

Thats cool sitting in a cafe and doodling a cartoon that will one day become a T shirt that I see everywhere for years after that, it's joy to see.
I can't wait to see one of our shirts at Goodwill lol I may already have and forgotten.
I decided that the coffee is free at cafes, I'm renting table space, it's my office, I write scripts, do comics, make deals, it's like my moms old kitchen table.
All kitchen equipment at my home lives downstairs in someone elses pad, we use a lot of hot plates and a toaster ovenry up here in Skye Tower,
today I dumpstered a new forman grill, it's dope looking but still I have to paint it, I'm compulsed to.
This summer I hope to string power to the roof and do all our cooking up there in the trees, it's just out my window.
If I was in ninth grade I would love my room, the older Dingo needs a cavernous mansion or farm house full of bussle and hussle to be happy, I'm working on it.
I took my friend Axle Grease to the grocery store, she is somewhere between a greco roman harpy and a fine ballet dancer, also she is bat shit crazy, really.
She doesn't cut herself or anything like that, but she is insane, we played this game called "Nekkid pirate vs. nekking rabid monkey", she went mad as the monkey, she ripped me to shreds shreeking like a rabid monkey, I thought, why not bring her to the grocery store for lunch, she had no money so I told her to get whatever she wanted and I would get it.
We split up, I got a milk and a head of raw broccoli, I saw her and she had both arms full of stuff, I couldn't make it all out but the swinging bucket of ice cream sorbet told me this would be pricey, by the way she is really nice but her face is always contorting she moved and looked just mad with all kinds of stuff wrapped in plastic bags.
She had this look on her face like it was normal, I cracked up.
I decided it gave me enough of a laugh it was worth $17 I would just have to help her eat it all before she split back to NE portland.

That was a cold ass show last night, we had a van or two but Skye and I rode tall bikes, Josiah (her dude and my ape) had a gig dealing Texas holdem in the hills so he couldn't make it.
Geoff Marsh and the props rode with "Axle Grease" in her little colorful circus van, sprout and her gaggle of baby clowns had a station wagon.
Sprout's teens had a gig at Free Geek's Holiday Party two blocks away.
I got myself a duraflame log and placed chunks of it in Topher's drink holder (on my handlebar) it makes a keen torch and hand warmer, the only bad thing is it sometimes showers the bike and ground with molten bitumen, going down hills it becomes a torch pointed right at me.
I went down a long steep hill and the warmer flame acted really mean at 25mph and 10' off the ground from my eyebrows.
Dig this friends, I walked into a bar with a face full of clown make up, and a huge battle ax and nobody jumped me...I love Portland.

I walked among the 80s rockers (from the 80's) the grizzly bar hounds and found the kids who were the punk band, they had them corraled in a little spot, they started playing exactly on time, thats somthing to remember about playing with under age bands, they always start on time.
They tore it up, I didn;t know much about them because they kept distance from us, I don't blame them, we are creepy.
We didn't have all the stuff we needed for the show so we lit out into the hood, dumpstering crates, a loaf of bread, 25 bottles (for the bed of glass) the whole show comes from the dumpster.
I thought we would have more time but the show started when they said it would, (buncha jerks)and besides that the recycling had gone out that day so we had little to choose from.
Geoff ran into the night and found a spot with tons of recycling, I went on my bike and collected much more, good team work.
The two of us started the show with a lasso, juggling ball crunching stunt and we were off, the show went great from the Booby painting to Geoff's juggling and rope trick numbers.
Sprout looked hot in her hand made jester motley, doing head stands and swinging a sword in a fantastic dance of multitasking.
Axle Grease portrayed a wild Hessian woman who I had to fight for the chance to paint her bare chest.
She and I engaged in a momentous struggle of paint and boob.
Geoff had a partial deck of cards that we used to raffle off the artwork I made with her tits, You give us money, we give you half a card, we throw all our halves in a hat and let the lady pick the winner, thats where most of the money we raised came from, two of clubs.

Skye Blue stood on my chest as I played banjo in a pile of broken glass, I had never had a woman in heels stand on me, that screaming was real...real funny.
I gave the bartendress a rubber chicken for her trouble, she looked tired.
It's funny and it always happens like this, we show up to people who don't know us and they look at us like we are insane.
They act all stiff around us and give lots of dirty looks.
They see our insane ass show, we astound them, we make them think, we crack them up and show them something they may never have seen before.
After that they look at each other with huge frozen grins and figger us to be alright, then they spend the rest of the time being our bestest friends, they go from mad doggin us to telling us we are great, I love i

We went to the Free Geek party, still freezing ass cold outside with Todji and Heather, we saw friends we hadn't seen in a long time, it was nice (Hi Nathan Shawna, all the Zoo Bomb friends, everyone else, geeks who dance funny) glad to see yall!
Rev.Phil was stunning looking and I saw someone buy a painting of Caffeine by Tiago DeJerk, that was rad.

That night was so surreal, l `asked a lady I was "hanging out" with if she would "hang out" with my friend so I could "hang out" this other lady who didn't want to "hang out" with me, so I "hung out" with this couple and then went to my room and "hung out with the original girl until morning, that took place over 30 blocks of South East Portland.
Ever find two clowns screwing in your living room? How about if they didn't stop just because you walked in?
They were better than any tv show (on at 4am), we made bagel sandwiches.
Geoff will be moving on soon, we will have to find the next star of the show.
I kicked it at a cafe today for a long time, it was nice to sit (it was packed) I asked a lady if I could borrow a chair, when she said yes I just sat in it in front of her (sorry) I played a game called "Ink comics in my lap near a door in a packed house".
This evening we went to a Rainbow potluck and hung out with a lot of nice people, I saw a 7up bottle from the 70s and was inspired by a tribe of people who are totally motivated by love.
What a bunch of suckers!
They bicker, fuss and fight, get jealous and pitch fits like you do but they just don't have as many hang ups and they laugh a lot.
To the untrained eye they are lazy hippies a few generations of a few families of hippies hooked up with hippies far and near and to the trained eye they also are a few generations of a few families of hippies hooked up with hippies far and near.
Sometimes they are so stress free they make me want to slam their heads in a car door, you lose a lot of snap as your stress levels get dangerously low, say as low as the crustations of a corral reef or talk show host, Oprah, I'm a busy guy .

Days like this I'm listening to ELO, Johnny cash, Holst, I'm eating from a huge pile of Food Not Bombs bandannas, avocados and apples, generic honey comb cereal, April Danger cake, rainbow bagels, and potluck gruel, strudel, more bagles raw veggies.
still practicing and learning LaGazza Ladra
still hosting bingo with Skye Blue this Thursday at Muddy Waters, I'm thinking of playing a little Hot Dice.

Theres a few good hours in the life of a chaos clown.
Like what we do? Donation bucket!

look at this( click here)

da chickens are moving North East!

Dingo Dizmal, Hi, it's nikki at Concordia Coffee House on 29th and Alberta. We talked about you having a show here beginning last thursday of December. That's the 27th of this month. Do you still want to hang your art here? Get back to me when you get a chance,

Saturday, December 08, 2007

morning of the show

I did laundry, made breakfast and scrubbed the tub...just kidding, I did none of that stuff, I woke up with a pretty lady and spent the first few hours of my day under the covers, then off to coffee, the audition went well , she has the job (circus and girlfriend), you can see her act tonight at the gig.
I call her "Axle Grease the clown" she will be a fierce warrior harpy until I lovingly convince her to disrobe and let me paint her boobs, I bet she won't attack crowd loves that act.
I'm running on coffee and fruit, can't wait to get on the road, I'll be running off fliers and then heading out around town asking people to come to the show, then it's a 3 hour practice, some herbal remedy, a shower shave and make up, then a quick loading of the tall bike trailers then.....
The Show!

pay day

Just got back from Walgreens, I had to make myself spend my $80 windfall on myself or it would go elsewhere and into oblivion.
It's hard for me to treat myself to anything, I can hardly relax on a couch for chrissakes.
I went in, the canned, holiday music inside made me happy like sugar hitting a bloodstream, It was true, sonic joy, then happiness.
"Happy"began falling to tolerable and then eventually the music inspired irritation, rage, then thoughts of suicide.
I got some medicine I had been needing to remove warts, I bought some pencils, some markers and some super thick mints.
After getting some blueberry 420 from the hood, I went home.
Good combo:
Mints/ pot
Our friend Gypsy Geoff the clown is visiting from Milwaukee, he is gonna blow your mind when you see his act, he is a card shark,
a magician, comic, juggler, acrobat, lots of things, he is staying here for work trade but he is hardly here when it's not work time,
he is having a blast with one of our tall bikes and the city of Portland.
Tonight he is at Reed collage doing Juggling night.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Open mic went well, We had some kid doing stand up comedy, (I liked him)an acting troupe (ladies with gray hair having fun and enjoying themselves), 9 singer songwriters, Two great, some of them pretty good, most average and some awfulI (my favorite).
I ended it, taking the last slot with some stand up and two songs.
I always expect the worst from 2 to six hours before any gig.
As time was running out, I got back from running errands and got the word that my musical partner for the night "Baz" (Sean) couldn't make the gig, it would have been his first gig with us.
Stuff like this happens all the time, and in the past I would have flipped my lid if I found out my only partner bailed hours before show time.
They told me, I said "OK you come with me Skye"
"Nope can't"
"Ok no problem."
I couldn't believe what I could hear me saying, I must be in a better mood since the demise of the Clown House and my family unit.
Nowdays I'm not so kiddo stressed so I can handle work stuff no problem...I would just have to be twice as entertaining.
I thought Skye Blue would end up working the gig with me in his stead, she likes money like I do.
She likes money so much, she couldn't do the whole show with me because she has been getting tons of work seam stressing, she had to work.
Thats a good problem to have, be your own boss with me and make a little money or be her own boss at home, not getting free food or fun but making a lot of money.
Ring my bell if you want a job clowning or sewing.

playin around on bikes

Geoff and I spent the morning on tall bikes handing out fliers, he for his show at the overpriced Hippodrome and I asking people to go to our show this Sat. at the Jolly Inn (Not the Jolly Rodger).
His line was "Hey what are you doing tonight?" phrasing it like a date proposition, no matter the age, gender or political motivation.
They would look at us on the tall bikes and say "What?"
"Why don't you come to my show tonight at the Hippodrome" as he hands them i tiny flier made from another crumpled tiny flier for a $20 show.
I would wait for him to roll by and tell them "Go to my show instead, it's free.
What a partnership, huh,.
Watching the 700 club, I'm amazed that people are so easily led by this,
It looks like the story of the Emperors new clothes, the whole shebang depends on them all buying the same lie,
an economy depends on it as well as many fascist, political factions.

look what I found under the fridge...

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

don't forget open mic thursday

Muddy waters cafe on Belmont 7 30 pm

"Didn't take!"

Iv'e been having lots of stupid thoughts, not bad ideas as much as stupid ones, they just flow like peanut butter out of my head.
Heres one: "make a car that runs on sword fighting".
see, stupid, Nuther one: "I would have learned more in school if I had to adventure and quest for a few simple answers that mean everything one needs to know", hahaahahha, thats stupid.
The only thing on tv this late at night is a Barry Manillo concert and Poker after dark, all else on the dial are infomercials, think I'll watch it all.
See thats stupid too, the spanish station is the best thing to watch, you don't have to know spanish to enjoy the hot women they have on ALL the shows it seems. I sometimes play tapes of instrumental music to the tv blasting mexican drama to make new Spanish language music that also sucks.
I'm a card dealer and I hate "Poker After Dark", it's a table full of dark glasses and smirking gamblers, mummbling, yuck, give me a show with a real eye in the sky cam over a casino near the bar, thats entertainment.
I want to see more shows with Little People, I can't help it.
"shapoopi" Vern Fonk comercials make tv worth watching.
enough small talk,
I cast a money spell the other night,
I know it sounds rude, I normally cast spells for things like Global harmony,protection from addictions and strife,
Sometimes I'm undoing slavish devotions of the body, banishing warts, contemplating grace with grammer.
I cast spells for my family, for romance, for understanding, for the ability to give sage advice to bozos.
I like to pray that the sun comes up everyday , I pray for Portland, this is what I think magic should be used for...
I'm still paying back bills from the Clown House and I'm still paying for the trash removal of the place.
Even though we got burned for the damage deposit, I have to pay them, then add child support and rent it's a little creepy.
I can handle anything and I'm not afraid to work more let me tell ya.
I needed some dough so I asked the powers that be for some flow, it's not very wizardly to ask, it's a little embarassing.
I worked on it for four hours in the darkness of my room, as the sun was good and up,
I went to bed.
That next morning I had woken two hours earlier than usual and kind of sleep walked three and a half blocks to a wet,
busy intersection, stooped down and picked up a waterlogged wallet with $80, lots of blurred paper turned pink,
and no ID of any kind, I bet it fell out of a car dashboard during a drunken turn the night before.
It was the right conditions for cosmic cash because if there had been even a shred of a name or address
in the wallet I would have tracked the person down, gave the wallet back and then had to rob them.

It was my spell, cast and returned, just like it was when I was 10 my magic works again and again!
only thing is...
I added a rider to my magic spell...I kinda asked for some "lovins" too.
In preperation for this part, I had stopped any sexual contact of any kind a week before, thats no pudding the budnick for a fortnight!
It was easy, I didn't want upstage (something I'm not telling you about) by masturbating anyway, it's a chort cut to cheaper chee.
I had a visitor the day I found the money, a 20 year old, cross dressing daredevil named J came over and hung out.
He is hell on the roller blades and can fling himself high in the air, around poles, over my bike, through traffic, all with huge fake tits.
We cracked wize and made lots of jokes, he flirted heavily with me and it went over my head like mayo in an elevator.
It wasn't until I talked on the phone with him that I realized he was my "lovins" .

I need to be more careful, I wasn't specific enough, I'm actually attracted to the likes of Bonaroo or anyone I know named Liz,
not guys or even girlish guys (sans pinga).
I thought to myself, "can I do gay?"
Sure I can do gay, how hard can it be?
Iv'e been bisexual before and I went a year with a male partner back in the day.
I was "Christian" and "Carnie" don't see why not another crazy state of human affairs.
All my money "goes to things" I decided to keep the $80 gift from the cosmos for myself and shag the cute fella.
He deserves it as he is the only person I know that is nice enough [to like me] that much right now.
Of the three gals I like, all of them have better men than i already, I'm more of a prop or rooster behind glass,
thats fun too (to a point), i get all the dates and none of the fights, half the credit and none of the sex.
Bills can wait, kids are paid for this month, I bought myself some new socks and when the "J" called next, I invited him over.

Long story short, he dropped in, I put on a motorcycle cop, jacket, boots and helmet and nothing else (really),
I had a bunch of fun to the tune of La Gazza Ladra.
He wore a red dress and heels, we did the tango, I hate kissing dudes.
For a male he was ok!
I fantasized how cool it would be if I had a full time male lover, how terrifying I would be arriving on the scene with a heavily armed, tranny, clown at my side and fire and brimstone at my feet, too bad I'm not into guys, I'm just kind of being a team player on this one, or at least a vampire living on rats because the usual prey is retarded.
Later we took off to catch his bus and I hoped he didn't think he had a manfriend, i'm going back to the land of the curves.
The night before I told some homebums what I was doing (trying gay), I had them chant "YAY GAY!" over and over, I payed them to do that until I was out of earshot, best $2 spent that day.
They spotted us and yelled from across the street "Well are ya gay?"
"nah" I said, "Didn't take!"

thats 20 hours in the sex life of a chaos clown

Tuesday, December 04, 2007


We are hosting!
Come to Muddy Waters cafe on Thursday
2908 Belmont SE

Just got a gig hosting both Open Mic night and Bingo night at Muddy Waters Cafe, can't wait.
Just as I was sitting in the cafe one morning, writing a prosperity spell, the owner came up to me and asked if I was Dingo.
He had gotten an email from someone who suggested that I get the job because I'm funny, I work cheap, and I have coffee most mornings.
So come on down any Thursday at 7:30 and I will be calling bingo (2nd and 4th Thursdays) and open Mic (each 1st and 4th Thursday).