Brutal kid weekend

They kicked my butt, a two year old and a three year old boy live at the ferral punk house.
This last weekend it was all about the two dads chasing boys around and keeping them out of trouble.
They run into the street, drink gear grease, poke the dog, throw fits, open the fridge and inspect foods by throwing it on the floor and stepping in it.
That was just on Sat.
I'm so tired but proud of my 10 year old for helping us out.
I bribe her with coconuts and fivers.

UTUBE with Paige the Village Idiot

I MISS THAT DUDE, he made me look so smart and I made him look hansom.
Look at this video from Last Thursday!
Chervona!!!!

Good friends in Long Beach Washington

J.Love serves up one hellava Mocha!

What a good looking man he is!
Sorry gals he is a good looking "married" man.

You can see him at Muddy Waters Coffee House on Belmont street SE.

He will hand make and deliver to your coffee to your bike house if you ask him to.

A moment from last year I will never forget.click here.

I thought I was a good circus Doc.
Turns out I'm just a pervert.

Been on Dekum

I have been on NE Dekum and MLK babysitting N's house, met his son J.
The first I saw of J, was his unflushed turds when I came in, he was a little dashed to wake up and find that his dad had deployed a clown in the house without telling him.
I had a BBQ last night, I ended up narrowly avoiding a fight with the local aggressive beggar, he pissed me off and he didn't know who he was dealing with.
He was kind of saved by a film crew that was interviewing me.
I was giving it to the guy, yelling and stuff when I looked around and the film crew had stopped smoking and were taping me.
I never had an argument with a boom mic present before, hope they use it.
Yesterday, I took good care of my kids and N's dogs but failed to rescue the broken tall bike Broadzilla or write the script that the two drummers and some dancers are waiting for.
Maybe I can work it out tonight at the Muddy Waters Open Mic I'm hosting.
The dogs and I elected a leader and it turned out I'm president until the dad comes home from Somegaddamnplaceistan W.V.
The male dog is superintendent meat head and the girl dog is prime minister of toes.
I have had my hands on the dogs so much, I may get sick from not washing my hands enough before eating.
Quess what?
It's my birthday today!
I'm 39...wow, at 29 I wouldn't have thought I would make it this far, turns out I did.
I made it this far and I'm lucky to be friends with the mom of my kids, friends with my kids, I'm virile as a stallion , bike house living has my senses sharp, muscles tighter than ever and now as of last Tue. I'm wart free.
The hottest doctor I ever saw in my life patiently took a cup of liquid nitrogen and slowly burned the warts off me, I'm not talking little shits, my warts were huge!
Now they are grotesque looking and falling apart, it was a birthday present to myself.
I kept them so long because I was using them to keep people away, I thought, only the ones who really love me would stick around if I had a nasty deformation, now there is enough real love in my life that I don't need the fence anymore...in fact, look who I got to cuddle with all night on a wonderful porch sofa...


It was just uncomfortable enough for us to keep waking up and noticing that we once again in each others arms.
It was a great way to wake up on my birthday.
Now it's on to Open Mic tonight!
There is a film crew doing a profile on me so they will be there, I hear Ringmaster Noah will be sending some of his high class circus workers my way, hope so.

Swell time in Longbeach Washington

Whew!
Felt good to work in a tent again!


I'm back in my home turf!
I was feeling a bit crummy sitting in my house bike last week, for the first time, I felt like it was really small, I felt an unpleasant form of alone.
Now I'm just back from Long Beach and I'm in my pad.
BOY is it good to be home, good to see my house bike, comfy and quiet.
Not to say I didn't like all the wide open spaces of Long Beach Washington.
I had a blast and made some new fans to boot!

first off we had to get all the stuff together.
Uncle Jay and his son Danger have been part of the Clown House for years, he began taking his son over instead of dealing with the jock dads of little league.
My big bike was stored at Alabama Joe"s place in South East.
We went to North Portland to load more and somehow, Stumps the Clown was there busking for booze, we played a few numbers on the street.

We got to Long Beach at night so I didn't know what the surroundings looked like till morning.
We had gone to Uncle Jay's Beach house just a few miles from the gig, when we woke I was surprised to see we were living in a Hobbit house, with rolling hills that eventually meandered to the Pacific Ocean.

The phone was dead...so was the color,but we didn't care.

The place was cute, if I had time to find a date she would have been soooooo pregnant...with fun.

When we got on the scene I was a little worried about the turn out, there was only one fan and she was there for the burlesque show.

Heres who hired me...

I couldn't take photos during my act...because I was busy...

I did take this pic while working...

Of course the crowd did show up, the freakshow had started!

old friend and new friend, waiting to go ON.

I love the restraint of the local cops. They just looked on as the Portland folks raged, got nekkid, played in traffic, I'm so grateful that this fella didn't tackle me many times that he maybe should have, thanks!

So I was waving this balloon lasso over some heads, hoping a date would nibble.Being single is great when you are the out of town clown.  ..A voice in the crowd asked "What are you looking to catch?"
..."A date if I'm lucky..."
I went round a corner just in time to hear...
"I got titties"


I poked my head around...saw the biggest guy in the field, he was smiling at me.

"Did you say what I think you said?"
"Yes I did, wanna see?"
"Yes I do."

He showed me he could indeed lick his own nipple.

I am impressed as hell, not just the human oddity, he is funny too.
I quickly found his fun hole...and a new friend, Jayson!

The show went well and we went back to the beach house eventually, but before we got out of town I went into a corn dog hut and spied two wonderful and cute, ladies that I didn't recognize.
One was Lisa and the other was May and they looked deliciously identical to each other.
I found out by asking that it was May that told Jake the alligator man, to hire me.
I was so grateful I wanted the two of them to take me home and wear me like a shirt, I guess thats what I would have been thinking about anyway.
Wish I had a photo of us all, they do.
When we got to the beach house my chore was dog wrangling, it was a good chore.


I rode home in the back with the dog

and watched "The comedians of comedy" a video by Patton Ozwalt on a little device and I also pretended to be a dog when cops followed because humans aren't allowed in the back of trucks anymore
See them next year I hope, if you want all the story, ask me, this is just a quickie post-a-roo.