From the mayor of bike portland...

Heres a report and some great photos of last night's shinnanigins.

Last Thursday, and a Mayday Movie

Hi, folks, Caffeine Jones here, sneaking onto Dingo's blog to crow about the first sunny Last Thursday of the year.
Everything went swimmingly. Speaking of swimming, we filled the mudpit, and even had a few rounds of wrestling!
I was thrilled to test-run our new hot dog cart, Happy Dogs! We have veggie dogs, and free-range meat dogs, sodas, circus pins, Dawg Snax, rubber chickens, and more!
The Clown Crew worked tirelessly over the last week to prep the racetrack, the pit, and the gallery. They all deserve much kudos for making the evening fun for all.

Next event: Mayday Movie!
Monday the 1st, after a hard day of general striking and protesting wage slavery, come relax at the Clown House, and watch A Day without a Mexican.
The plot: All the Hispanic people in California suddenly disapear. Talk about a general strike! As the economy collapses, rich White people have to paint their own houses, and make their own dinner!
25th and Alberta
8pm, not-so-sharp

Hi friends, I'm at the Star E Rose cafe on Alberta street, seems the house computor is down, it has been for a few days now.
Pinga is working on it but I don't see how pouring coffee into it will help, we don't need it to go faster, we need the internet.
Capt. Insano and the crew have finished the mud pit of doom and we should be racing mini bikes this thursday for the start of the Last Thursday thing we are so well known for.
Tonight I'm training some more as bartender down at Concordia Ale house on 33d and Killingsworth, I love going to work.
So if you are a computor wiz come on down to the clown house and talk to Pinga, if you can get us back on line I'll trade ya something cool.
The baby Bam is looking so much more human than when he began his life, cant wait to teach him guitar.
Talk to ya soon friends

New painting

I call it Steve Martin Luther Vandross nails a rubber chicken to the door of the church in protest.

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher, whose
hand
was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a
conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to former Texas Governor, George W.
Bush and
his elevation to the White House.

The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, Bush is a 'post turtle'."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post
turtle'
was.

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you
come
across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post
turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to
explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong
there,
he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to
help
the dumb shit get down."

this just in

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was
>> > manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000
>> jars
>> > of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which
>> was
>> > to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in
>> New
>> > York. This would have been the largest single shipment of
>> mayonnaise
>> > ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not
>> make it
>> > to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was
>> forever
>> > lost.
>> >
>> >
>> > The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were
>> eagerly
>> > awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish
>> was
>> > so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they
>> > still observe to this day.
>> >
>> >
>> > The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is
>> known,
>> > of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

Wow

I was just infiltrating around the neighborhood looking for perps, bike thieves, nerdowells and desperados when I came upon a horror.
I was listening to the Underscore Orchestra CD that I swiped from the merch box on head phones.
Have you ever had head phoned music blend into your surroundings so much you forget you're wearing music?
that's what happened, I was looking over a fence at some bike racks when I noticed a bearded guy sitting on some steps sawing on this little guitar.
WTF?!!!
Let me tell ya friends, I don't own a bike but I do own four guitars and a banjo and I defend them with wild ferocity, I,ve been known to throw grouchy house cats full of ear medication at people who come too close to my guitars.
See, I can't watch a fool take a saw and cut the poor thing in half, it's not a coffee maker or a TV, it's an extention of your soul if you let it, so.
I did what anyone in that situation would do, I began throwing rocks.
I threw rocks like a gorilla, head down, no aiming, just a fury of stone and cold mud clods in the general direction of the perpetrater.At one point all I had in reach were muddy handfuls of gravel and grass.
Only after I could hear the guy stop screaming did I get a good look and realized that he wasn't cutting a small guitar in half at all, He was playing violin.
Boy was I embarrassed, It was Cooper from the Underscore Orchestra practicing his fiddle and getting ready for his gig tonight.
He understood my mistake and we laughed really hard after he hit me in the face with a frying pan he pulled from a recycling bin.
The lesson...If you are stalking show people, make sure your not listening to their music at the time cuz it may look like they are sawing a guitar in half.
Hey my kid turned 8 today, I got her a set of hot dice.

I found this photo on the net, good wall paper.

Stuff commin up at the Clown Hizzy:

This Monday, The _ orchesatra will be playing jazzy swing music at Concordia Ale House on 33d and Killingsworth, they start at 10 and I'm gonna see if they will let us do a bit of our act during the set.
You may know them as the band who has played the last few gigs with us, our two teams work great with eachother in night clubs or on the street.

June 15th the bikini bike wash and hot dice tourney

I'm looking for a giant wooden beam to cut into 5 dice, I got a few more gift certificates from restraunts around alberta street. It's gonna be dope.
Thats what I got so far, I'll yack at ya when I can friends.

cut

I didn't make it to the "filmed by bike show" last night because I had to work.
Turns out they cut our stuff from the bill anyway, OUCH!
I don't know if we got cut for good stuff or bad since I wasn't there (of course I'm not saying all I know because I don't want to hurt anyones feelings.)
We are still making movies (they take a long time to make) comics, art shows and live stuff and we have a whole spring and summer to blow out in Portland.
The Clown House seems to be the best place for our work to live.
This is why I don't like to be in shows that I'm not producing, it also tends to be a bad idea when there's any event that involves judges, jurys, or organizers who have agendas.
This is also why we no longer do talent shows, there's no score there.
We are working on rebirthing the weekly movie nights, shown on the wall of the Clown House.
Last year it went spankingly well, it was full of fun, action and then silly movies and films.
Here is what Ayleen told me, I found it tragic that we got cut but funny that she would sell our stuff back to me.
I guess I know better than to submit stuff.
Hey Dingo,

the clown movies are awesome! They didn't make the cut for last
night because the jury had some really tough decisions to make and
wanted some balance in content and wanted to bring in some filmmakers
from outside the US.

However, we put two of them on the DVD compilation (available for
sale through the website or if you ever see me I'll sell you one in
person) and I encourage you to keep making movies and keep
submitting! I especially liked the one with the wedding, it was SO
well done. the jury loved it but said there wasn't enough of bikes
in it to let it get into a bike-themed film festival. But it was a
pretty sweet film.

thanks,
ayleen

some news from afar

I hear Cyclecide may be losing thier spot in San Francisco, they are working on finding new digs, I told them I would help with a benni show if they need me to.
I also got wind that Seattle's Dead Baby bike gang lost thier warehouse but moved into a church...Cool!
Ed Twisted from San Diego's Choppercabras just sent me two dope ass shirts, a patch and some pins, Those guys have chapters all over the world...good stuff I tried to post a link to thier base camp but the web site is overloaded.
Quite a few bikes have been stolen and right now Susto Loco is waiting to talk to the police about getting one of his bikes back.
Speaking of cops, A P.P.D. canine officer came by looking for me because he wants to build himself a tall bike, that sounds great to me, I cant wait to talk with him about traffic, bikes, dogs and guns.
I'm thinking of paring him up with Twitch just to see if they rub off on eachother, Twitch can use a course on law and the cops could stand to brush up on some chaos.

quiz

Guess what this is.

Thank you Liz

Clown House alum Liz took great and careful care of our two kids last night so we could do a gig.
It's so wierd to be able to go anyplace but work.
If I'm not at work, I'm here working so thats why I havent talked to you for a bit.
Caffeine has been working 24 hour shifts since the baby was born, she is really beat after the show and the constant needyness of her family.
The show went over great exept for one thing, there was hardly a crowd to perform for, I kinda wish I had gone to work instead (for the money) we really need a more commited crew, this one is running on most of the work being done by only a few people so we couldn't get many fliers out, good thing because we also couldn't get anyone in charge of merch.
We had a new clown work out with us, that was cool, she had head gear and a hoola hoop outfit.
I got us into a little trouble when I was doing my "Stunt Banjo" act and as I played bluegrass music at break neck speed, laying on the stage, a stack of plates was placed on my groin, the top one filled with a puddle of gas and a bowling ball dropped into the whole mess.
So my crotch exploded in flames and broken china and I finished the song.
Your not supposed to have fire on stage in a little club so Caffo (as Aunty Mcdonalds) got balled out by the owner for doing that, next time we will use a candle.
We got new buttons, it took the guy forever but here they are.
And now for your quick lesson in Clown Show jagon:
"pencil holder" Thats pulling the back of your pants down only far enough to expose the top of your butt crack.
"Hey Rube!": yelled when a member of the team needs help right away, like if they are getting robbed or attacked, this works in carnivals and circuses all over the world.
We got asked to do a corporate gig yesterday but that was too little notice to get the show on the road.
When I got the email asking for a show I first thought "Corporate gig, no way!" but then I got to thinking how much fun it would be to have free reign in an office building, we could be gremlins, running all over the place, sitting on zerox units and throwing stuff out the windows.

click to enlarge

I give this guy my stamp of aproval

This is my friend, let him live with you.
He is always nice and he is one of the few freaks that has his sh*t together.
D.
hey all-
i am trying to nail down a fresh, new living situation quick-fast (middle of april is ideal), as i am feeling rather stagnated, unproductive, and unstimulated in my current home. not that i don't love my roommates (i've known them most of my life), but i just can't do this any longer. my housing end game involves a sweet converted industrial space, but as i'm finding that harder to get than i originally planned, i'd like to find something at the very least more connected, less messy, and, frankly, bigger.

as for me, i am 30 years old this month(!), financially stable, involved in too many things to count on my fingers and toes, intellectually curious and in a loving, long-term relationship with the sweetest dog in the world, raven girl. we are not, of course, intimate, though at times i get the feeling she wishes we were. i am male, eternally optimistic, not subject to mood swings or long periods of weltschmertz, and generally carefree though studied in my approach to life. very much a burner and no stranger to late nights, though i am respectful of peace and quiet. in fact, i prefer that in my living situation. i am interested in living alone or as part of a positive household, can pay up to $800/month for the right spot (but would of course prefer less), and promise to clean up after myself.


please get ahold of me asap with recommendations!

love and light,
-Tucker

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