Twitch is in the yard painting up bikes and I'm also getting the dust and rust off our props.
Looks like it's going to be a great spring.

Announcing the fist ever Clown House Bikini Bike Wash and Hot Dice Tournee!

Thursday, June 15th, come on down to the ol' Clown House for our contribution to Pedalpalooza.
Over a year ago, our friend Mykle suggested that me and the guys wear bikinis and wash bikes. Well, Mykle, this June, you and everybody else will be treated to just such a spectacle.
Also, I traded a painting for a set of jumbo (and I mean JUMBO!) dice, which will be put to use in the final round of the Tournee. Fabulous prizes will be awarded.
for more info., go to:
http://shift2bikes.org/pedalpalooza/pp2006.php#50

from the Hip Mama Web site

Enjoy! love, CJ

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously, he goes to hell
where the devil is waiting for him. "I'm not sure what to do," says the
devil.

"You're on my list but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to
stay here, so I'm going to have to let some-one else go. I've got three
folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but
you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it were Richard Nixon and a large
pool of hot water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over.

Such was his fate in hell.

"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't
think I could stay in hot water all day."

The devil led him to the next room. In It was Tony Blair with a sledge
hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time
after time.

"No!" I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant
agony if all I could do was break rocks all day." commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on
the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a
spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she
does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and
finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said, "Ok, Monica, you're free to go!"

OK, I'm not so mad anymore.

That last post may have been disturbing to some viewers. I have cooled off a lot, since then.
But, jeez-a-loo, I sure was pissed to lose so much cash. Let me tell ya why.
At work, my pal James the Bartender had a game for me. I give him my painting "The Omen," and he would give me the contents of his tip jar. He didn't tell me how much. I gave it about 20 mins, then accepted his offer. The tip jar was full of money, so I knew it would be cool, and I liked the whole game show of it.
It was over a hundred bucks!
Nathan at Free Geek had just hooked us up with a printer that shoots out hundreds of copies all day, so when I got up this morning (3:00 pm), I was going to use the money to buy lots of blank paper to print my novel with, and blank canvases to paint while I waited for the books to print.
Dealing with a 7 year old is tough for anyone. I'm actually pretty good at it, because I raised this one from a larva. It's just that I've been out of the loop since working such late hours; when I said I lost the wallet because I was distracted by the kid, I was reeling from the blow, and needed to vent.
When my friend bought the painting, he left it up till the show's end, but instead of writing "Sold" on it, he wrote "Gambled away...sucker," refering to his game show.
He frikkin cursed me! Next time I see him, you bet I'm gonna give him the "Stink eye."
sigh. Well, ya win some, ya lose some.

I told my kid that I don't blame her, and we can always make more money, and not to worry about daddy kicking the dog until it barks blood.

I think I should leave that stinker of a rant on the blog, though: it's life in the big city.

I just royaly screwed myself

I went down to the local art store to buy some canvases and had to bring my kid along.
I got what I needed and looked to get my wallet and it was gone.
It had all the money I had made selling paintings this week, about 150 bucks.
How did I manage to lose it?
I have the most horrific distraction ever in trying to wrangle a seven year old, It's an act of god to get her moving and when we do my mind is on keeping her safe from traffic, my wallet must have dropped when I was chasing her to the end of the block.
She didn't do anything wrong, in fact she helped me look for it . Nice kid, lover her all day long.

Kids are great, I love mine so much I put up with all kinds of grief, they are a mighty challenge, 150 bucks to me is a fortune (not to mention rent money) This sucks so much.
I'm not blaming my mistake on my kid, I just want to be a beacon to all others, an example...if you have kids you WILL have your ass handed to you sometimes so get your plasered smile ready so ya don't scare them into some ungainly emotional baggage. imagine you are an aircraft controller handling hundreds of flights and there's a baboon with a wiffle ball bat screeching in your ear and smacking you with it, you push a button and a little hand un- pushes it, it's a nightmare sometimes and let me also warn you...they are so adorable, interesting, comical and delightful, it's hard to stay mad...besides... they look like my relatives.
Like what we do? Donation bucket!

From our pal Tucker

hey good-natured people (yes i mean you!).
this friday there will be a benefit for south indian schoolchildren on ne killingsworth and 30th. what they need are a few people to help set up in the early afternoon (2-6ish) and a few more to work the door during the event (8-around midnight). for your minimal labor you get access to wine (poured by the lovely miss sapphire) or, for teetotallers, as much yummy columbia gorge juice as you can pour down your gullet. there's also some snacks, i do believe. plus music all night long to move your feet. here's the event info. get in touch with ansula press (503.281.0959) to sign up?please do!


Children of the Fields presents

DANCE AWAY POVERTY!!!!

Help us break the cycle of child labor and
poverty in India with an evening of music, dancing, and fire performance

Featuring: DJ Nyah
Firedancing by Flamebouyant Productions
& more.

All proceeds from this event will go to help build schools for the
children of fieldworkers in tsunami ravaged South India.

Friday, March 24
8:00 to Midnight
21 & Over
$12 - $20

Acao Ginga Capoeira Studio
3016 NE Killingsworth @ 30th Posted by: tUkTuK

Rubber Chicken Set

I finished this one "Sky is the limit" yesterday, it took two years to do, thats because I couldn't find the damn thing to complete it.
I think I will ask for $25 dollars for it.
I sold quite a few paintings lately, I didn't think I would miss them but I do.
People seem to think that the bigger a painting is, the more expensive it should be.
I price them according to how many hours I worked on them and how much I love them.
Paintings on deck : Noah's arc, Embryo, Why the chicken crossed the road.

Caff wrote about shtuff

I was riding home from work just now and found myself in a conundrum.
I rode “Toaster's super tall, deluxe laundry bike” on the side walk (this is going on at around 3:45 am) to avoid traffic, and noticed a black mountain bike laying in the grass by the street.
light was dim but I could see that it looked beat up and worn. Passing by 10 feet in the air I could see the seat was ripped with a waterlogged hole from which a foam tit stuck out, rust and mud, illegible stickers and parts that were clearly made in china by the Huffy company.
I wondered if it belonged to a kid or a bike thief, nether demographic are famous for taking good care of bikes.
I would think that even a lazy adult or teenager would drag a bike at least to the porch on inside the wooden fence.
I really wanted to stop and throw the bike into the yard of the unlit house it was in front of, Iv'e done crap like that before.
My thinking is that I don't want bike thieves to think our hood is an easy supermarket, also I don't want the kid to lose his bike because cars stink, and I would rather anyone ride a bike places.
So do I get off my bike and risk the cops pulling up and having to tell them I'm “Unstealing a bike” ???
Don't know what to do.
I didn't follow my instinct to care for the bike because at the last second I realized that I have used bikes as bait in booby traps so I moved on not wanting to be a victim or statistic.

Porno

OK I have many crazy hobbies, I collect bus transfers from around the globe (I just got one from Berlin today) that evolved from my initial idea to collect jars of dirt from around the world.
I also like to go to internet porn sites and search for non-erotic themes as a hobby.
I have found some crazy stuff like a space man porn site and once I found a bunch of shots of Jar Jar Binks of Star Wars fame getting it on.
Now I'm doing a little research for a painting and found (drum roll) Freeway accident porn!
Now thats just stupid (even for me) and the tough thing is, I can't show you the site on here because I don't want to lose the blog.
I'm just gonna keep it with the photos from our last show that I also can't show you.

new chicken paintings

The pizza one sold really quick, the other one is called "The Big Bang" , it hasn't been hung up yet. I sold a big painting of the Big Bang and found out that when I sell a painting, I lose a part of the story that they all tell as a whole.
So I guess I'm painting a few of the pieces over and over again.
The Rubber Chicken set is now at Concord Ale House on 33d and Killingsworth and next month they will be at Cup and Saucer cafe also on Killingsworth.

parts of the Underscore Orchestra (and me)

Our Candy Butchers

They sold pins and rubber chickens.

A quiz

The hot dogs in this photo are 23 seconds from being...

A). Airborne.
B). Kind of consumed, then sent airborne.
C). Worn as clothing.
D). all of the above.

Two shows in the can.

We did two nights at the Know on Alberta street. They went great, both shows were over booked and complicated but we made it through.
We got to work with the Underscore Orchestra, so it was neat to behold so many talented circus folks all in a tiny club.
Our show was a bit more blue than usual and we had the benefit of the Candy Butcher girls selling circus toys for us so we had a riveted crowd and we made a little money for the show.
Suzy took care of our kids for the two nights and I'm so grateful, the kids are the single most distracting part of my job.
The require so much planning and grief that I usually can't make it to the shows at all, I'm so very grateful.
The pics here are of the first night, someone left a camera with great shots of the second night but I can't figger out how to extract them from the camera to the computer.

Look what Pinga found on the net

WHO RIDES THE TALL BIKES?

Special to the TC Daily Planet

by Ken Avidor

Last week I reported that the city of Minneapolis is looking to
regulate tall bikes. Tall bikes are made by welding two conventional
bike frames together.

I talked to a city employee who explained to me that he had received
complaints about the tall bike riders. He asked a city attorney to
research whether there were existing statutes that would apply to
tall bikes. He also expressed concern that the tall bikes were
unsafe.

The city attorney found a state statute that said a street-legal
bicycle needs to be low enough to be straddled with at least one of
the rider's feet planted firmly on the pavement. The law also
required a bicycle to have a brake. These regulations may not extend
to bike trails in parks.

Officials hope to clarify the city policy on regulation and
enforcement of tall bikes in the coming weeks.

I decided to see for myself whether tall bikes were as unsafe as the
city official I talked to claimed they were.

I biked over to the Hard Times Cafe which is where tall bike riding
members of the Black Label Bike Club meet. I talked with several
members of the club about the city's plans to regulate the tall
bikes. They shrugged and said it was nothing new; they were used to
being ticketed and having their tall bikes confiscated.

I asked them if the tall bikes were unsafe. They said tall bikes were
actually safer because of the increased visibility to both the rider
and motorists. They also said that in the event of a collision with
an automobile, a tall bike rider would more likely fall onto the hood
of the car or fall clear rather than be thrown under the wheels of
the car.

They also explained that some tall bikes had brakes and some didn't.
They pointed out that many of the standard-sized, fixed-gear
bicycles, which are becoming more popular, don't have brakes.

I was given a demonstration how tall bicycle riders easily stop and
dismount. I made a small movie and you can see for yourself here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8Y4G0xQEqc

It isn't clear what would be gained from a crackdown on the tall-bike
riders. They seem determined to ride their bikes at all costs. Police
enforcement of a tall-bike ban will likely be a wasted effort at a
time when serious crime is on the rise.

The Black Label tall-bike riders reminded me of the descriptions I've
read of bicycling in the 19th century, when nearly all bikes were
tall. Often referred to as "penny-farthings," the popular tall bikes
of that time were fixed gear and most did not have brakes. If the
Black Label bicyclists sported handlebar mustaches and straw boaters
instead of piercings and tattoos, the city would likely celebrate
them as re-enactors of Minneapolis's colorful bicycling history.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm glad Pinga found this. I'm wondering if it's just a matter of time before we start to get hassled. At Critical Mass I remember a cop car driving by me and I could clearly hear an officer on the radio asking the others "Did anybody get the tall bikes yet?" and a few seconds later they did stop the two of us on tall bikes. My friend got a 160 dolla ticket for no rear reflector.
So they had planned to stop us anyway. I hate that they did that to us but I'm glad to see people making plans and seeing them through.


The cops that I run into every day are always either non commital, ignoring me or pointing and laughing. At least one cop I know of noticed how traffic slows down when tall bikes come around, they see us exact expert control over our bikes.

SHOW NIGHT

If you come see us at the Know on Alberta, bring a camera, it will be an exiting show and none of us will have tiome to take shots to post on the net.
I really need a two burner camp stove, do you have one rotting in your garage?
I need it for the hot dog cart.

gifts of love

I don't know what to say!
First our old friend Vaiden, who lives in Arizona, gave us $250.00 for the new baby. That's a lot of bread. I wonder if they had a fundraiser for us, or if it came out of her pocket. I'm really grateful. Vaiden hasn't lived with us for quite a long time, and it's cool that we stay in touch.
Then, today, Nathan kicked the Clown House down a laser printer that we can use for making all kinds of stuff. I can't wait to get that stuff rolling.

Up at the crack of four

I'm up, been awake all night painting and dish washing.
Funny, when I get home from work at like 3:30 am, I can't just hit the sack, I gotta stay up because I'm still all hyped up from work.
I do as much as I can to relax (computor on, tv on, radio blasting, paint flying), by 4:20 am I'm still wide awake and kicking.
I trained myself to try and force myself to sleep when I see the sun coming up. I have always hated the dawn, it's the world telling me that the party is over. From my window I can see the volcano (Mt.Hood) and it is really pretty looking at day break so at the Clown House, it's not so bad.
All the Rubber Chicken paintings have been done in the wee hours of the morning.
We have been rehearsing a lot for the twin shows we are doing Fri. and Sat. at the Know on Alberta street.
Yesterday Caffo and I were practicing the act with a nude woman, My 7 year old kid walked in and didn't even care, she is being raised knowing that the body is a thing of beauty. She knows it's part of our job when doing burlesque shows. Don't think we were involved in any kind of sex act, it's a silly exposition involving paint and a nude girl as the canvas. Tame stuff intended to get laughs.
Like I said, come to the show and bring a camera, On Friday we are opening for an act involving hot girls in skimpy clothing running around, breaking stuff and exploding with lots of gore and blood,

Hey yall
I havent posted for a week because our computor is down.
I think it's because we keep fixing it.
This time it's not "adult stuff" gumming up the system, it's the Bear share program that has the computor confounded.
Pinga is on the job, he has the thing in DOS mode. Out of all of us, he is the one who is savvy enough to fix it.
I asked him if I can do anything for him in return for his work, but his suggestion was just obscene.
I'm in a seedy cafe somewhere in NE PDX, here are some highlights of the past week:
The baby is fine and dandy, little girl,dog and rat holding stable.
We are playing two gigs at the Know this week the 10th and 11th, come see us, bring a camera.
We got a ton of nice food donations from people who bring food to ladys who just had babys, I had no idea that was a costom.
Craptain Insano and friends managed to hit up the Tofurkey plant and score the neighborhood a whole flat of Tofurkey dogs and philly steaks. We distro'ed them and saved a few cases for hot dog eating contests during our upcomming gigs.
An anonymous doner baught us a frikkin HOT Dog Cart!!!
We have to pay them back $700 bucks for it but that was a really nice thing to do for us.
We are getting the heating system together and soon the Clown House will be that much more sustainable.
This blog has seen many ups and downs since it's inseption, I think this is an upswing, I sold like 5 paintings this month, it was so cool to sell paintings faster than I can photograph them for you.

bam

The new baby is looking more human than ever. He yells, laughs' snarls.Yesterday he was able to pee from where I was changing him all the way into his drawer full of clean diapers. He has been working on sevral projects besides the drawer pissing, he has been grunting out gas and steam as his insides act like a deisel tow truck on a cold morning.
If we don't sell a lot of hat pins I guess we should use them to hold on diapers.
wish list:
Tarps
calking
acrilic paint (any color)
New room mate for the end of the month.
food box (for the extended clowns who hang here)
circus art

We gotziz buttons for hawking!

Yes the "Alberta Street Clown House" button is a fashionable, stylish component to any outfit. It says "Hey, I don't eat dog food."
It's a dandy hat pin, a wonderful back pack caddy and can be used in a pinch to open hand cuffs, you can also jam it in your eye.
Here Shown actual size (not actual size) it was created by international fashion guru Tiago Loren in his abandoned fish packing plant in Oslo Norway. It was first hammered out in seal blubber and then slowly refined to it's current, smart looking, metal and plastic motif.
If you have to ask what the price is for such an item, then you can't afford it...It's a buck (only a buck you say? I make five of those every hour!"
So email now at fastclown@veryfast.biz and get both the 1st button design of the 2006 season AND some kind of thank you.
I'ts a great value at only a dollar per full inch.
It comes in three colors, Black, Red and White and depicts our two most popular Tall bikes "Godzilla" and "avocado". Give the gift that says you don't eat dog food, give the pin of the Clown House.

We just got a cool job offer sent to this blog, it involves a lot of bike riding so we are well suited to it.
I can't do it because I don't want to insult the place that re hired me after the Barakka fiasco but Pinga and Susto are going down there in the morning.
here are som cool pics of the mimi bike joust at the mini bike winter olympics.

Heres where I found them Canada really did kick ass.