“Man in the box”, “Hot for teacher” I didn’t have karaoke songs that I wanted to do until now. I have been enjoying a secret romance with a teacher. I get to hang out in this camper outside her house and every 45 min or so she comes out for varying degrees of snuggleupagus before rushing back inside to Mom it up as if there wasn’t a Jack in the Box right outside. It’s soooo cute. We have to keep us a secret because her life wasn’t yet ready for a clown. Her divorce is still moving so me in the mix could complicate things. Also she has young kids. We don’t want them to be confused, or get endeared to me and then we break up. It makes sense to keep me on the DL for now. Works for me. Subterfuge and hiding in plain sight are why I got into clowning. It’s also a really nice camper that's close to my work. The other reason I’m out here is because my Sweetie has given my long lost daughter Scout a room in her house for the rest of her stay in Ptown. I want to be near her so she doesn’t feel passed off. The plan is for Scout to go back to Kentucky, settle her affairs and come back to live with my GF as her nanny. That makes me even more hot for teacher when she sends me a text saying “Our kids are all asleep upstairs cozy and fine.” YES! Olive Rootbeer just came over and picked Scout up to take her to “Goth Coffee” and I’m back at Pandabunny house cleaning up. I get to meet the kids tonight. A4 asked her oldest “Do you remember Olive and Dingo?” kid: “Of course.” A4 “Scout is Dingo’s daughter.” kid: “Whaaaaat?” :) The 13 y.o. Was already suspicious after seeing lots of texts from a guy called “Code Name”. Looking forward to having dinner with the three kids and new sweetie A4. The little ones won’t know about the romance for a long time still. Our coupling is still young and fun and there is a lot we still don’t know about each other. A4 said “I bet you only drink a half a glass of wine a month.” Me: I brush my teeth with half a glass of wine a day.”

Instrumental shed racket.

I had a fab day with my long lost daughter Scout.

She came in last night. My lovely friend April was kind enough to fetch her from the airport. When I woke up today she was gone. Soon she turned up with a coffee and some joints. That's my kid alright. She loves that there are pot shops here and it’s very affordable. After hanging out with Pandabunny a bit, we went to breakfast at Off the Griddle. As a vegetarian she was so pleased to see so many choices. She said pickings are slim in Kentucky for good vegetarian cuisine. She had a Mac and cheese dish and I had biscuits and gravy. Olive Rootbeer and her sister dropped in to give us hugs and kiss Scout's face. After eats the two of us hit the road with hardly a plan. Operation:”Go out into the Oregon.” I aimed us at Cascade Locks. Theres plenty of Cascadia out there. It was magical bonding with my lovely kid. We have a lot in common. Complex music, weed,coffee,plaid,my fingernails are the same color as her hair. Lol We even both decided for ourselves  what our names are. She called herself Scout because she was a loner always searching for her people. I’m so glad her mission was a success. She wants to move here. I think she should.

I’m trying to prevent and break up conflicts but I work at a bar full of Portland Muppets.

It can be tedious deciphering the feels. I hear loud angry voices at Table 2 so I gravitate that way. Then I hear “If Grampa can’t be bothered to get out of bed until Charlie gets a golden ticket than fuck him he is such a con.” Other patron…”Give him grace fuknut, he was the only one that could have gone thru the chocolate factory with Charlie.” I walked off. If they kill one another over it then we all deserve that. Especially me as compense for having to hear that. A little while later I hear voices erupt again and make a move that way. “Penguins are NOT halal man! Other patron…”They are halal because they don’t have talons,” First guy “You don’t think Penguin feets can mess you up? Get outta here!” Companion…”Bit those flippers aren’t talons!” For your records, it was decided Penguins are Halal but NOT Kosher because of the seafood they eat. Write that down. I split to the barside where I can see everything outside and still monitor the bartenders. I look at bartender faces the same way our dog looks at my mug. “Are they happy? Sad/ Frightened? Mad? Have they asked someone the same question six times?” When they walk fast I’m wondering “Are they greeting a parton or chasing someone down to close the tab? While I was stationed by the bar some dude was complaining about Taco Bell. “ The girl at the window was so rude to me. She dropped my change, greeted me with hostility and her make up was way too much.” Thats when a woman bartender said “Woah don’t you dare be a man dissing a girl’s makeup decisions, Stay in your lane.” The dude said “I’m not a man…I’m a person.

All reactions:

32Aspen Pendleton, Noreen Malkiewicz Gibbons and 30 others

“Cornwheelius” can swim.

 Costume party at the Eagle. I was in Dingo drag all day so I decided to ditch my normal look and go to work in bunny suit. I got on my electric bike and took off. I should have planned better. It was pouring rain. My outfit wasn’t ideal. I was instantly soaked. The scarf was all I had to protect my bunny facepaint. I looked and felt like a fresh tampon dropped into a glass of water. I was absorbent. Still I was impressed that the electric bike I ride, “Cornwheelius” can swim. It performed like a champ. It was issued to me by my adopted family on a borrow to own program. The ride home was even wetter as the driving rain was blowing sideways. I put glasses on to keep the rain out of my eyes but Cornwheelius moves fast and kicks up lots of roostertails that blew perfectly under my glasses. It felt great to get home, peel my wet clothes off and get cozy after a super long day.

Curb service

A customer at the Tavern asked me “If I order some food will you take it to…” I was formulating the words to say that I take sentry duty very seriously. I don’t leave my post, also this establishment doesn’t offer table service. I’m not a waiter.  I let him continue. “...that homeless man over there. I have to leave and can’t wait for the food to be done.” I went from a strong No to an easy Yes. Happy to do it. The guy’s date was telling him “Don’t make Dingo do that.” When he was ordering the food I told the woman “Don’t worry I’m gonna eat it.” She cracked up and high fived me. They left, the food came out and I delivered it. The houseless chap thought I was going to move him along. He cracked a smile when I dropped that heavy plate of food to him. “Looks like you made a friend Fella, Good night and good luck.” I love how eager the Hero’s date was to cockblock that whole gesture. I was a little disappointed I couldn’t do a Snark attack. I was gonna say “I’m the bouncer not a server. The only time I care about your food is if it breaks something, attacks you or makes unwanted sexual advances. If your food does any of those things please let me know. I will punch your food in the face and ask it to leave.” That would have been great had his request not been so darned noble. I was reacting to someone ordering me around not saving the world. Harumph.

I love how eager the Hero’s date was to cockblock that whole gesture. I was a little disappointed I couldn’t do a Snark attack. I was gonna say “I’m the bouncer not a server. The only time I care about your food is if it breaks something, attacks you or makes unwanted sexual advances. If your food does any of those things please let me know. I will punch your food in the face and ask it to leave.” That would have been great had his request not been so darned noble. I was reacting to someone ordering me around not saving the world. Harumph.

I'm fine now but I went to the hospital the other day.

 Took myself to the ER yesterday after some concerning pain in the flank. During the pre-screening the medicos asked a bunch of questions One of them was "Do you use Cannabis?" I noticed the Tech's mouse cursor already over the "Yes" square before I said anything. I wonder why?