I volunteered to go buy someone a pregnancy test today. I was made to feel heroic but I admit I jumped at the chance largely for some selfish entertainment. First place I went I demanded the freshest pregger test they have. "Fresh, don't give me the bullshit old stuff like your banannas." The clerk was confused and smartly asked “Do you know what a pregnancy test is?” They didn’t have any.
I biked over to a little mom and pop shop called Safeway or as we call it “Murder safeway” since there are lots of death memorials in the parking lot.
I went in emoting fear and looking over my shoulder saying “I need a pregnant test quick!” They slowly said “Ya gotta go to aisle 10”
On 10 I didn’t see any tests YES! I was blessed with a third time at bat. I asked a stocker dude where the tests live. As we were walking I said, “I don’t know anyone who is having a baby. I need it for work. My father in law told me that the best way to know if you are gonna pass a drug test is to pee on a pregnancy test. Also where do you keep the pickle juice?” He tried really hard not to laugh. On the way out I heard laughter and saw the three people I had spoke to looking right at me and giggling.
That was fun and the kid wasn’t pregs so it was a win win for all but the folks I confused doing this asinine self inflicted acting challenge.
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