Saturday, February 23, 2008

a broken heart is a sterile wound


Wow, heart ache is a lot more painful than crashing bikes or getting beer bottles broken over your head.
But to it's credit the pain of a broken heart is a sterile wound.
As long as I hit the ground running it wont get infected ( pretty smart huh?)
I keep having my normal day all cool and stuff and then it hits like a frieght train and I cant concentrate on anything but the heart ache just makes me want to drop to the ground, if I'm alone, I do drop, it's pathetic...and real, we didn't want to split up.
I was on my floor early this morning feeling the loss when the pain of it reminded me of another injury, this one on a scortching hot, dirt road in the bottom of Texas.
I had crashed a bike and had been wandering around by the road for a long time covered in blood before anyone came along to help.
I didn't know what was going on but I remember feeling gravel in my wound after I had collapsed and I remember noticing how the blood was keeping me cool when the breeze blew, I could feel it all along the new holes in my jeans and t shirt.
I remember the blurry view of the flashing lights comming to me distorted by the heat of the day, that was a bad wound.
Within a month I was on that abandoned construction again perfecting the stupidest jump ever, and on my thrice stolen BMX.
Dirt in your body is bad but Heart ache just hurts, no cure outside of booze, drugs, pool, time, distance, star wars whatever people do.
I choose to savor it, sometimes the broken heart brings me on a trip reminding me of that exact feeling through a clowns age.
I lost count of all the lovers I have had but I do remember all the romances, I also remember the pain of getting broken up with.
I realised today that I was dumped in 10 below zero weather in Minneapoilis as well as 110 dergees in Corpus Christi, they hurt the same.
It's not all hell fire and bon Jovi records, the romantic endevor also has the "shock of first attraction" the "first date" and of course all the loving and adoration, powerful stuff.
So is it worth it to have an invisable wound in your heart if it means you can spend some time in Xanadu getting laid six ways to sunday, holding hands while walking around, kissing and looking at eachother, all night massages and hot hot showers? taking trips, drinking mochas and dropping bowling balls?
Yes
It was worth it.

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