Saturday, November 03, 2007

The day of the gig at the Montage

Two hours before the show I was a wreck, but the day started nice enough.
I got up from my cozy bed, it was made cozyer by the fact that the room was cold but I have lots of blankets.
I had coffee on the mind so I took flight to Muddy Waters cafe and had a cup of joe.
Went home and practiced rope tricks for an hour.
When I was all roped up, i got on the Behemoth and decided to patrol for jobs and gobs (Gobs are potential clowns).
I turned a corner that I normally don't ride on and ran into a woman I call Nat Perfect, I have been stalking her for the show for weeks and I have had a little bit of a crush on her ever since I saw her do a hand stand on my bike.
Yes it's true, nothing gets me more interested than a woman who can do tricks on the back of my tall bike.
Actually any kind of show biz is a turn on for me, if she spun plates I would still be interested but the tall bike is the most romantic.
I had a kind of friend to do that with, but she is hard to find and there are too many other clowns between us.
Today Nat Perfect was riding her own tall bike, I hear that her and her guy are parting ways and she was taking the family tall bike for a farewell ride.
She bobs up and down as she pedals and it makes her koala tails pop up and down, very cute I must say.
We decided to ride around for a bit and see the neighborhood, we went to Chance of rain cafe for some more coffee.
I made shure to check myself and not act like an idiot just because I have a crush, crush or not, I don't want to scare off someone who could be really important to the show.
I do get crushes pretty easy but they expire just as fast if they aren't returned and I'm not much for going back.
We rode for a bit doing little tricks and enjoying each other's company, she decided she was hungry.
We went to the Cricket cafe on Balmont and sat down, I told her I only had four bucks on me.
She said she would grab the bill If I left a good tip, she knew I wanted pancakes and wanted me to have them(sigh).
She ordered a side of potatoes and an egg, I took advantage and got a big ass stack of pan cakes.
Pancakes are the bomb and I couldn't have them for a long time since I had the gall stones, It was more rare to have pancakes than it was to have a nice meal with someone I like, I enjoyed both sensations to the fullest.
She told me she had plans and couldn't do the gig, that was fine because she didn't have much warning and she isn't trained at all.
Just as soon as it had begun, she split to do her own thing and I went home with a belly full of pancakes and warm fuzzies out the yang.
At home, I called around to find a third clown for the gig, I signed a contract for three clowns, I only had two.
The most perfect person for the job was of course Caffeine Jones, she is funny, cute, knows the job and works cheap, of course that wasn't gonna happen.
I'm sure if she was to ever decided to work with me again, she would be distracted by our kids.
I called around some.
I had tell someone (I'll call her 38) that I didn't want to take her to this gig because her costume was far to hokey, sight unseen I know what her stuff looks like and how she can't hold character.
She got a little mad and said something about "those uppitty Yuppies" and then I knew she was the wrong choice for the bill, I don't like hearing my patrons insulted, they weren't at all yuppies and I wouldn't care if they were, they pay the bills.
I had been working with 38 for some weeks, it felt like she has the same fear of success that I've been noticing in some other show folks, I throw her a rope, she throws it back, it's much easier to hang out with losers and complain about them than it is to take the bull by the horns and bring that fat fucker down.
38 may need to go back to the Rainbow Gathering where nobody cares if your act is successful of even ledgible, sorry it sounds harsh but it's true.
I called Caffeine and thanked her for being my #1 fan for 10 years, it was looking for a friend that reminded me how much I love her.

Skye Blue has become quite the circus gal, she went from being a sexy nurse clown(Miss Diagnosis) full of tits and bad medical advice to a real producer, who tracks down money, gigs, equipment and personel, she was the one who fired Ood from the house for not "Bringing it" to the circus house, her place Skye Tower is a house for clowns to live in cheap, dude missed four shows and when he did come, he was distracted and lame, I was used to it, it pissed her off.
Skye's man, Josiah is huge, sweet and hansome just like a big dog, I wanted to bring him as Tarzan and have him half naked dancing on the bar but that didn't work out so good.
So it was down to the wire, two hours before the show and I was a wreck, we had several costume changes to do and onlt two bikes to carry the stuff in, Skye suggested we take a van that our roomate had left behind, I was down.
I threw my stuff in the back, jumped in and turned the key and found out that the jalopy didnt have the gears listed on the stick so I didn't know where the gears lived.
We rode around the block, both of us tried to drive the thing and eventually took it home and got out of that contraption only after I side swiped the starboard side mirrors off.
We quickly threw out the costumes and began loading tall bikes, in the prossess, I tossed my new glass pipe and shattered it, that sucked.

In the end Skye and I were more than enough clowns for the gig, I stayed out front a lot, helping the door man and doing cowboy tricks and Skye did rounds giving bad medical advice and directing foot traffic.
I can't really tell you what went down because it was a private party and I told them I wouldn't say anything.
After most of the party people had left, we gathered our stuff and booked it back home, Iwent back the next day and got my pay: $150 and a fist full of gift cards.
There ya go friends, it's 17 hours in the life of a chaos clown.
Like what we do? Donation bucket!

1 comment:

midtownriot said...

chaos is the only certainty... any other expectations will only lead to misery...