Saturday, May 19, 2018

"I'm relinquishing my hot clothes to Olive."

I got an indirect gift the other day.
At a party I was loading to leave when one of the Moms handed me two trash bags full of clothing.
"I'm relinquishing my hot clothes to Olive." This was shocking to me. She is a very attractive woman. I said "That's shocking to me, you are a very attractive woman."
She said "I have two little ones and I'm looking at at least 15 years of hardcore mommy-ing..I don't think I need any half shirts and cheerleader skirts for a while."
Well who am I to say what she does.
She knows what she wants and needs, power to her and good luck.
Now I'm stuck having to watch Olive try them all on. She passed a lot of the stuff to others (like ya do). Now I'm hoping a Dad will approach Olive.
"I'm giving up my sweat pants to Dingo so he can look as dumpy as me." and she can say "He already has that exact same pair."
Dumpy Bruthus!

like what we do?

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Thank you Lars.

 After our toddler rock show today (at Know thy Food), we were hanging out with some of the folks who hadn't left yet. 
Lars from next door brought out a flat of mushrooms to gift us and our fans. He sells berries and other organic Oregon grown foods. That was very nice of him. 
We have been doing this show at Know Thy Food for 8 years now. Good times. 
If you want to get into some farm fresh veg and other goodies please stop into Know Thy Food. 
They support parents, agriculture and of course clowns.

Monday, May 14, 2018

Murdering a greasy burrito in the furniture section of Goodwill today.

You know it's good when it's under $3 and half translucent. This is how we splurge our donations from Burritos and Britches.
 I got some new threads to stay fresh looking for the folks. Thanks to the folks who pitch in.
 Especially when their kids have long outgrown us or those who don't even have kids or go to our shows. 
I thought we bought me some sunglasses but it turned out to be Sony 3-D glasses. They have a battery and display the world in crazy colors. 
I knew I wasn't tripping but couldn't understand why the ground was technicolored. The sky was purple when looking North, blue when looking South and all the cars looked like those metallic-looking beetle shells. 
I didn't know what they were till I got home and looked them up.

Sunday, May 13, 2018

back in the day, I pitched in a lot to the country without an identity.

In the 90's (outside of Texas) I had no name or backstory a lot of the time.
I wasn't even deliberately trying to hide my identity, I just couldn't hang on to an ID card with my rough and tumble road-punk lifestyle.
I was a good enough con-man to be whomever the person talking to me wanted me to be. I was good at "cold reading" and could assume many identities based on who I was around.
Fo Sho I was honest enough not to use those skills for ill.
I did get jobs I wasn't qualified for though (like driving a gas truck).
I drifted all over the country having adventures and pretending.
I would get jobs but I never had an ID.
So when I got paychecks It was really difficult to cash them.
Eventually it became a fun challenge.
I wanted to know how long I could maintain being a non person. Lots of times I worked for companies that took out taxes on payday but couldn't have been credited to me because the employer didn't even know my real name.
Sometimes my deceptions were discovered by law enforcement/military police. Luckily I didn't and still don't have a record or warrants so it was never a problem outside of cashing paychecks.
Not voting was the only part that really sucked.
It was worth it to be able to move around the country in invisible mode.
I developed a strong respect for the illegal workers who did great work but couldn't be credited with contributing to the country for technical reasons.
They had no choice.
I was just pretending. :)

Saturday, May 12, 2018

Fun clown trick: If you need help at a grocery store but can't find an employee, go to the condom section and look at the security camera.

Fun clown trick: If you need help at a grocery store but can't find an employee, go to the condom section and look at the security camera.
 Folks don't normally shop by looking at all the cameras. It get's their attention.
 Condoms are one of the most shoplifted items. 
They are watching that aisle. Someone will ask you if you need help really quickly. 
Then you get to take a long walk with them to whatever part of the store you were really trying to find something in. 
 I do this all the time.

also if you are in clown drag a
t the grocery store, they won't search you even if the electronic theft alarms go off. Eric Bang showed me this amazing trick when he sewed a magnetic theft strip (from a book) into his clown clothes. Then filled his pockets with sex toys and clown props yet couldn't get searched no matter how many bells were ringing. 
Presumably this because no employee gets paid enough to have "strip search clown" in the job duties.