Monday, July 30, 2018

bike cam experiment

"citizen's auxiliary, nosy, spy, prank, and neutralization klub"

We live in a place that rents out rooms. Lately it's been several pairs of 20somthing women. 
We hit it off with the pair of Canadian friends, now we miss them. 
Currently we have New Jersey and Washington DC in one room and China in the other. 
The Chinese women were much different than the usual couples and friends on Vay Cay. The women from China are here for work. We hung out with them for a long time last night. 
When they first saw us, they had no idea what we were about. "Why you dress like daaaa? Is it festeeva?" We say "No were are the house clowns." "Like actor, Movee staa?" Me: Yeah, we are big movie stars, we are huge here, and in Bogota." 
I hadn't asked where they were from. They eventually said that they are with a Chinese firm. 
They were proud to be some of the few people from China allowed to travel the world (this raised a huge commie red flag). They are here working for marketers in the animation field. As I was defragging what was said it dawned on me. These are humans from communist China. 
I instantly and invisibly put on my "citizen's auxiliary, nosy, spy, prank, and neutralization klub" (C.A.N.S.P.A.N.K.) badge.
 If they are up to any espionage or subterfuge against our country I will sniff it out and lay down a few spoilers and red herrings. Your welcome Uncle Sam, glad to help. 
We continued our counter espionage diplomacy with them until late at night. It was a nice time and they were really delighted when we said goodnight to them in their language.
 I was gonna take a photo of them and Olive but after I got the camera I realized that everyone in the room were gorgeous millennials in skimpy clothing lounging in front of a fan. 
If the cameras come out, it's gotta be their idea not mine (or I look like a creepy douche). 
We have a week to get in their heads and take good photos. We will see what happens. 
Dig this...I could (and should) be wrong about them. They were wrong about us. "We thought you worked for Disneylaaaa." Hahaha. 
But it's still good to keep that security culture up and running all the time. 
It's civic duty. 
E Pluribus Unum!

Sunday, July 29, 2018

That fruit I ate was the only way I can afford her knife-work.

We recently did a gig for a lady who is half of a same sex couple. 
We get a lot of those 2 Moms 2 Dads kind of situations. This lady is queer and Latina, and a Mom...and a surgeon. 
I'm sure she has saved the lives of a lot of people who don't value hers for some of those arbitrary reasons I mentioned above. 
Can you imagine if she was a hollow as the folks who don't want to make gay people a wedding cake? I feel honored to meet some of these people for what they do. Lawyers, docs, high finance, law enforcement. 
It's shocking to me that anyone gives queer people a hard time. At her house she has a huge table full of fruit she carved. 
Of course I asked her "Did you use your precision doc tools to cut this grub?" No she said she used a kitchen knife. 
That fruit I ate was the only way I can afford her knife-work. lol I savored it.

Thursday, July 26, 2018

I'm about to start punching you in the face... a lot.

I just told a man "I'm about to start punching you in the face... a lot. I don't want to do that in front of your son. Be anywhere else right now." 

I was smiling as I noticed him suddenly understand he was in immanent danger. The look on his face said "This clown is about to start punching me in the face a lot." He beat it out of there. 
Fortunately I have a really strong temperament. I wasn't even mad. I simply had to take action. He had put his hands on me, said a lot of really obnoxious stuff in front of several tables of kids. He demanded balloons from me without saying please or offering anything. Actually, he asked for balloons in the form of a guilt trip. Ha! Whadda sap.
 I put up with it but I had to close on him after he started saying vulgar stuff to Olive and trying to force a hug on her. 
I'm so glad he left. He was basically a piggy who was goating a dragon in sheep's clothing...but I didn't want to burn him. The very last thing I want to do is throw down with some palooka in front of a bunch of kids. 
That said I must also admit that when I was a 9 year old the highlight of any parade (especially during the Spirit of 76) was watching 1970's dad fights happening between the floats and marching bands. They had the mustaches, goofy looking shorts and Lone Star beers. Ha! good times. 
Anyhoo...Afterwards another Dad let me know he saw the whole thing and had my back. Thanks Dad.

Tuesday, July 24, 2018


Saw J Ari Sindel at a lit up bike ride last night. We made some new friends joining a lit up bike ride. 
We were itching for another big roll even though we have been doing that all day and every day for months. At first we missed the start. 
Then Olive decided "we can find them" so Olive "the ride whisperer" did find them.
 I was so impressed with her scouting prowess. We were all happy to see each other. Everyone is jumping in the river in this shot. As I started reading the scene an unsettling picture emerged in my carny mind. Is this a cult? First off, they didn't know who we were. When I asked people where they were from they said "out of town" (hmmm). Everyone was over the top attractive and seemingly interested in what we had to say. That was odd. Immediately they made three points of contact with us and collected a lot of information from everyone. 

They were nice. I wasn't judging. I'm just a hustler who is always decoding hustles. It's our civic duty to understand what was going on. We had a lovely ride in what Ari was calling "The opioid tour" we happened to go all the places that junkies hung out. That was great proof they were from out of town. Lots of hooting and hollering while us locals were on heightened states of awareness. At the drum circle a man from that crowd got really touchy with Olive. 

She was and still is pretty angry about that. She was so shocked she missed her chance to slug the guy. We moved on down the river holding hands and enjoying our new cult friends. We connected with several of the folks on the ride and liked them. It ended under a bridge with a fun dance party. The ride leader was very charismatic and accommodating.

 As we were leaving I was glad Ari was gonna hang around collecting counter intelligence. Then the ride leader gave me a beer. 

I don't drink but I kept it as a souvenir. That's when Olive relayed her opinion. She liked my conclusions but added her own in a great way. I actually liked her conclusion better than mine. She said College people are (like cults) very organized, charismatic, collect info to perpetuate events, look very attractive and come from out of town. We were rolling with college folks. Ahhhh that's plausible. They mentioned doing the ride again soon. If they call us I will let ya know how to join the cult. 

One of my least favorite perks of living in a house that rents out rooms.

 When the guests leave they give me the remainder of their weed (and lighters) that they bought. I know it sounds like a boon for Dingo (it saves me a lot of money) but I'm not all about me. I want them to keep their stuff.
 I want them to take it home and show the red states how green our thumbs are here. They tell me how backwards their states are treating herb like it's a hard drug, crushing peoples careers and filling those private prison cells. 
They come here on vacay to get away from that mess.
We don't live in a hippy house, everyone thru here are well to do mainstream types. They pump a lot of money into our community. 
We personally aren't part of the business (we are just the house clowns, kind of like dogs in that we aren't on any payroll but when people come our tails start wagging.) We live out of a tip jar. Our home pay is getting into people's heads as single serving friends. We learn a lot.
 They have stories to tell about a nation in turmoil.  Places with access to legal pot have so much less opioid addiction but that doesn't make the big pharma companies any money. It's sad but a perk of the perk is that the guests buy a much higher quality of ganja than I get. I'm mostly all about homegrown but these folks get the real fire. I guess that's why they never finish it. 
 Last night a couple from Kansas gave me this little can o goodies and a bunch of joints. 
I threw it in the pile with the rest of them. Then late last night I dipped into it and realized...whooo, this is kind of strong. 
I like a head change but I'm never a fan of being intoxicated. Cannabis evolved with humans, keeping it from folks for profit is a scam. It's a racist scam too. Ever notice that the law calls it Marijuana but everyone else (including scientists) call it cannabis?
 It's because it's a lot easier to get folks to vote against something with an ethnic name. It's also easier to throw the book at people who are just taking an herbal medicine if it has that Spanish name attached.
Luckily I'm not complaining about too much weed. I just wish they could keep what they bought themselves. 
 Lots of old people rent rooms here just to get pot. I'm so sad that they can't bring the pain relief with them back to the South.
The folks who are driving live in places that don't care about weed (Ca, Wa.Canada) the folks in the lower states always fly and they also tell me horror stories about how the people are highly regulated where they live but big business like pill companies and tobacco aren't very regulated. They are terrified of getting caught. Getting caught with half a joint kept me out of the military when I was young. I was in the county jail in San Antonio for weeks just for being in a car that had roaches in the ash tray.

My favorite weed food recipe. Bratwurst!! Don't forget to decarboxylate before cooking the greens. I love the music in this. I recorded it all in one take.

It's related to that gross line Trump used calling Mexican immigrants rapists. It's the old "sleeping with your white women scare" When they were outlawing Cannabis they used to scare folks by saying "Ya don't want your white wives raped by a black jazz musician all hopped up on the marijuanas do you?" It worked like a charm and W.R.Hurst didn't have to compete with hemp as a material for printing his newspapers. He owned lots of trees.

Saturday, July 21, 2018

Division parade 2018

Here are some pics my bike took at the Division street parade. It was a blast. Olive Rootbeer got some good photos too.

This year Olive Rootbeer took a spill on the road. 
It's very rare that that happens but parades bring out our A game and that means taking more risks. 
Don't worry, she got fixed up real good at the end of the parade. 
Mad props to feirce Olive for still doing a great job and riding it out to the end. :)
They are faking the sad faces, we didn't get paid for this gig but they did kick us down coffee, chocolate bars and coupons for waffles. :)

The start:
Another lovely morning in SE Portland. We have been in this parade many times but this is the first time we actually live in the neighborhood.

looking for friends. The Sprockettes were here woohoo.
Not as many exhibits as in years past. We speculate that it's because so many artists who used to pitch in cannot afford to live in Portland any longer.
Bunch of folks missing.

                                           Getting our marching orders.


                                         Almost time to fly!

Olive is groovy

                                          Here is where she fell. Bummer. I was helpless to help. The folks behind                                        us were very kind to wait.

Road rash!

That was a blast. We offered to help gather more acts for next year. If you are into it and have sometim=ng to offer the parade drop us a line of contact them. 
We had a blast being in the parade, hearing the crowds chant our names ever block and visiting with people at the end.
Good times!

      Hey, do ya like what we do?
          We make a lot of people happey every day but we don't make much scratch.
If ya wanna pitch in, we have a virtual tip jar