Friday, January 31, 2014

"Have a nice day, stay ignorant,"

"Have a nice day, stay ignorant," HAHAHA a lil old lady at my door got a bit fussy about not saving my soul today. Wish she didn't think i was ignorant, not only can i put everything in her pamphlet into accurate historical context...I could also tell her that the door she is currently knocking on is a Hindu family from India (ironically a place that had a Jesus character long before Rome) who will be even less interested in McReligion than I am. 
 I can tell she is normally very sweet but frustrated today because she is trying to sell superstition to an informed, diverse environment that really knows better by now.
I'm hard wired to come to the aid of any and all Little old ladies, but she is on her own on this one. 
Missionaries suck! They are the first steps to stealing a country. #1 send in missionaries to undermine existing culture and set the population against itself (and it's own body). Then comes the army to enforce, then the companies to exploit. It repeats over and over. I'm too sick of mass disinformation to be any fun at the door.
She brought a pamphlet to a tank battle. I didn't feel the need to blow her out of the water with facts and deep understanding. I just can't give energy to something that is that harmful to the planet.It was deliciously ironic that she picked me to call ignorant.
 I love sharing religious rituals with all kinds of folks, I been all over and had lots of experiences, lots of old knowledge is full of love and there for a good reason. My favorite is "Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water, After enlightenment, chop wood carry water" brilliant. When I say Amen I mean it. I just don't think you are qualified to be president if your religion thinks all other religions are going to hell. If you come to my door with a xerox copy of an Iron age comic book, threats about the afterlife and a shake down...ya gotta expect me to respectfully decline that discussion. Had she come to the door stating "Hiya clown, wanna discuss some Bedouin camp tales and astrology, a Hebrew apocalypse cult, some ancient Egyptian and Assyrian holy legends, an Indian space Jesus, a land Jesus, Romans who launch Christianity, a Medieval translation, crusades and how it relates to the Victorian, industrial and eventually the Space Age...then we would be on the same page to rap all afternoon.

I gave up my groovy pagan/medieval religion( that was working just fine) because I didn't think it was fair for me to utilize superstition while decrying the oppressive iron age religions.We just need to work smarter all around. I have no desire to offend people. Folks I love very much are religious. It's just, if you come to the door trying to convert me to Baptism, you gotta know more about it than I do. It is funny that non-believers tend to know a lot more about the religions they study because we have nothing to lose from learning too much.

also in the parking lot!
landlord: "Like the new parking lot? Pretty cool huh?" "Sorry not so much, it is done with excellent craftsmanship but we only had 24 hrs to move our car. We spent time and money we didn't have just to get it moved, ultimately we only got it too far to push back and it was towed away (with a brand new starter and battery). To us it's a stinky reminder that we need to get out from under the thumb of Portland scumlords."....awkward! Things we would rather the $150 a month rent hike: Security (8 bikes got stolen this year), insulation, updating ancient fire hazard space heaters, replacing the 25 y.o. stained carpet with something that doesn't look like a Great Dane maternity ward, no rent hike.
The Clown House had the worst slumlords,way back then I was weary of people who treat people like cattle. The one thing that restores my faith in humanity is how much more the new generation knows than we did. My 7 YO son was walking on it and said "Y'know this is an attractive color but asphalt like this will be off-gassing for at least a year". Knowing that he is all researched up at that young age gives me hope for our kind of monkey.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

We get short changed a bit much to call ourselves a success but I have been lucky in love.

 I tried to write a zine about it but it just ended up looking more like clown-erotica and not so much D.I.Y. romance guide. Off the top of my head I can posit you the good rules for the young buck in love: Don't ask her for her name, tell her yours. Be yourself, good posture,conversation, hand holding, strolling. Lay off the vid games and car talk (if you want to impress her, learn to dance or better, kiss a guy). Don't give a back rub if you just gave one to a stinky old dog. There is a difference between thoughtful research and stalking, be on the good side of that. Cover the tattoo of the nude woman impaled on a guitar (also don't get a tattoo of a nude woman impaled on a guitar). And the most important rule for the new school is (drum roll) before the date, masturbate! Religion screwed this up for many people but we can set it right. Ya gotta rub one out before the big date to be any kind of success Lil bro. You can't negotiate the 47 Paris Peace treaty if your hormones are still fighting the Battle of the Bulge. Word.
tip jar

Animators drawing us and other performers at the Analog cafe.

This was last Jan. we were hired to pose and perform as animators in the crowd drew us. Some of our friends were there as well as some new ones. At the end we were given some of the gesture drawings. It was fun to do rock n roll in an adult venue. Our act was mostly music, jokes, a stunt or two and then painting our friend's chest. A good time was had by all, can't wait to do it again.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

angry olive

Olive was biking on the road.The sidewalk is safer but sometimes crowded. 3 sec. into the road and a car starts honking at her. Some think her look and choice of transportation mean she shouldn't have a right to the road (where the real people with real jobs live). HONK, after angry honk, she was left with no choice. Olive exorcised her birthright as a U.S. citizen and deployed "the bird" large and in charge, over the shoulder and while barreling down a hill on her tall bike! The honker angrily sped off. Then the cool thing happened. A car behind the road rage car caught up to Olive and she saw arms hanging out the window giving the thumbs up and yelling "That was sooooo frikkin cool!!!!!".She got where she was going and found tweeker Mctweekeson standing outside the building she was entering "Olive right?...mummble mummble hug mummble squeese, I gotta squeeze ya!" Olive ran in, he followed, she evaded and before getting away she hears him yelling "I hope it's not over!" It must be fun to be Olive. I was cringing as she told the tale. Glad she acted right in both situations. She won't be bullied but she will stay out of hairy situations. Glad she didn't hurt anyone. She is sweet, sensual and loving but she is also athletic and street smart. If she misses with the right and the left you can bet she will go in with the head butt...or the stink eye.   
Swag    tip jar

Just passed by a high school where some kids were doing the lunch thing.

One kid freaked when he saw us on the big bikes and in clown drag. "WTF?" 
I overheard his companion "Dude yer not in New Hampshire anymore, that's the town mayor...and her husband."

tip jar/election fund

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Things I learned that day:

Things I learned that day: 
1.That's not how scaffolding works. 
2. Scaffolding isn't s'posed to be excessively noisy or fall apart-y. 
3. I don't speak Spanish or Russian (like every other workman on the site).
 4. I don't work there (that may be what they were trying to tell me). 
Since I hired myself, I gave me two lunch breaks and then went home early.
tip jar

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Tried to fill out Safeway card form. Too dyslexic and i need glasses.

When i look at forms the letters dance around like rodeo clowns doing the CanCan. 
Thats ok for an artist (everything's crazy) but some forms are very important. 
Check out this neat Dyslexic font.
I am glad that I was dyslexic, I hear it's a prime motivation to encourage kids to think outside the box.
I live outside the box.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Almost beating the rain today .

Almost beating the rain today in FOPO. Too bad I have all this music stuff on board or I would love to be kicking up rooster tails in the puddles. Great photo Olive!

Wanna help keep us rolling?

I updated the update.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Time for some perspective from the trench.

Folks wanted to name that new cute commuter train bridge after Kirk Reeves. I don't think it would have been a good fit at all. Rather than having something named after him I'm sure he would  have preferred to just be reasonably taken care of in the first place. I worked many of the same spots he did and we both made people happy all day but still made less than the bums. People assume we just need attention. His magnificent hustle earned him the right to be treated like a public drinking fountain. Just like me, everyday is like attacking the world with the best attitude possible and then getting slammed to the ground. Often to get any cash out of the day we wait for anyone from Japan, Europe, Australia, they know what to do. Reg-a-ler "Mericans can be like spoiled 12 year olds, too TV ignorant to know what they are looking at...actual 12 yo's actually tip great! I once got $5 from a bum who felt sorry for me! (to his credit, he thought I was a hallucination). After a while we begin to consider the home bum tactics. I too almost considered swallowing my pride and finding an on-ramp to get my clown on, but the pollution keeps me away. Plus I'm a highly trained performer, not an able-bodied beggar looking for handouts. He had to go where his music wasn't even part of the the loud noise and thick smog of the bridge. A guy who committed suicide rather than face another day struggling sick, broke and cold on that bridge is not a great choice to name a bridge after. Give the bridge a number and Kirk should have a statue with the words "Protect civic treasures". And the bums? maybe we can convince them to move to Eugene (I hear there's no work there)".
Kirk never said to me "Boy I wish they would name something after me" but he did say "I sure hope this entertaining thing gets me on the other side of my illness." 
What a drag. So If I die from a keg landing on my head, please don't name the next delicious micro brew Dingo'stout. I don't drink..just get the next guy a forklift!  RIP KIRK! I will never look at an expando ball again without thinking of you!

Thursday, January 16, 2014

I was delivering paintings across town today. A man ran up to me yelling Blahblahblahaloolooloo!

 He was buggin his eyes and flaring his nostrils. I was about to ask "Are you out of your mind?"but as i looked I noticed he really is out of his mind!I played it cool,"Charming"I said smugly as i rode by.He started laughing.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I tried to get my used car seller character down but I suck at it.

 I know too much to be any fun. "Thanks for looking at this fine automobile Friend, before we start I must warn you that every drop of gas you buy for this car will go to the MOST profitable industry in the world, They buy crooked lobbyists and politicians, steal counties and poison land the and water...yet somehow get whopping subsidies from our country! Maybe you should find a job closer to home for less money rather than letting your hard earned gold go to the forces giving our planet roughly the same climate as the planet Mercury." See that's no way to start a friendship

Saturday, January 11, 2014

The good news. Olive's grandmother survived,

 the bad news, the room she was sleeping in (and the one below it) did not when a huge tree fell and crushed the side of the house. They don't have insurance and they just had the roof installed last year. So stay tuned for some clowny disaster relief fundraising.

Woah, turns out it was 3 trees that hit the house, a Giant cedar and a couple of hemlocks. They shoved each other around in a way that made the big one perfectly miss creaming grandmas bed. Also Olives Mom took a spill off a huge ladder while trying to tarp the roof. She hit her head hard on the pavement. All through this the fam fam have what I can only call heroic attitudes. It's going to be on the channel 12 news tonight. Olive is setting up a proper fund site for this challenged but steadfast family.

drawings of us from the other night.

Friday, January 10, 2014

When I hear trouble, I come running.

I was looking into some screaming last night and found 2 young women in fast food garb, waiting at a bus stop. I ran up expecting a crime scene. "Were we too loud? Sorry, she's getting married and we are practicing fake orgasms. I decided to give them an unsolicited acting lesson. " I told them that if they were going for realism they shouldn't shriek like monkeys in a shark attack. Save that move for emergencies. Rule of thumb is, "Less is more." I suggested a more realistic method would be to act like a stroke victim. "Let half your face go limp… Or you could go the easy way and  be sure to marry a person who is a good lover.” They were very appreciative, “Thanks random guy in a bathrobe!”

Olive rootbeer and dingo virtual tip jar

Thursday, January 09, 2014

Wanna pitch in to what we got going on?

It's safe to say I have never been a fan of the Gova mint,

but I have always supported the troops any way I could. Today a troop supported us. She noticed that after we finished an exciting show to an over-packed house, the back quarter of the room just split stiffing us entirely. "Did you see that? You can't go on at that rate". She was livid. It was great for us not just because she stacked our deck, the fact that somebody noticed and cared left my head clear to concentrate on what I'm good at, clowning. She is considering being our manager soon as she finishes serving our country.

Thursday Storytime rocks!

Sunday, January 05, 2014

Golden Gate Silver! Taking our shirt on a tour of the USA

a facebook post