Saturday, December 28, 2013

We were just house and dog sitting and it inspired me to write a poem.

Jill stares at you. Stares a few moments then "BAWWWKRK".
Jill is still hitting up her stainless steel mixing bowl. (BANG-Clank bump!)

Jill is a bulldog two years young, strong as a bowlin' ball and ever so dumb.
The dumb part doesn't hinder, how she get's her kicks,
voraciously eating kibble,
voraciously pooping on the bricks.
Jill is a snorting train wreck!
She likes the ball she likes her bowl.
She likes patrolling her lair.
But how she acts to the other dog
Can only be called unfair.

Dusty is a gentle heart and peaceful mellow soul.
He looks around with concern as Jill attacks the bowl.
He looks at me with sad eyes when Jill humps away at him.
Humpty dumpty is givin Dusty the hard sell again,

Jill sexually assaulting her friend is really messed up!
I tripped over myself just trying to break it up!

"Yo dawg! That's not cool!
Not cool at any time!"
Not only is it "frowned upon"
I'm pretty sure it's a crime!

10 min after I broke it up she was back to her humpy trick.
I needed to find an end to this and find an end real quick!

"Knock it off woman, this is craziness!"
I didn't recognize my own words.
I usually don't like to raise my voice in such an angry way,
With swearing and canine slurs.

When she points her beady eyes at me,
All i see is catastrophe JILL!

Black eyes brindle butt, jacked up grill like a piranha.
Big white head,all kinds of inbred, This mug could scare her own Mama.
She is shorter than a wine bottle but just as wide at the chest.
The dog is fast as lightning and never seems to rest,

Jill is a tiny behemoth who makes me scold her like a one dog riot!

As I sit here she is going to town, beating up this mixing bowl.
It's her second favorite thing after humping a pit bull,
For hours now, it's all about, flinging it in the air
then shoving the down turned bowl across the floor wedging it under the chair.

Her hideous snout, it slams into a corner .
Then she lunges up attacking her toy
flinging ropes of spit in all directions.
grossing out my little boy, (BANG-Clank bump!)

Jill is a beast! A stinky, rude, calamity, (BANG!)
You can tell when she is around because I'm using profanity,
She is human nature's cruel mistake.
She ate the frosting, she ate the cake,

So why can't I stop smiling while looking at this thing?
What's wrong with me? Am I insane?
Is it her thousand mile an hour wagging tail that looks like a chimp penis?
Or the way she always wants to get between us?
Did i mention yeast builds up in the eye folds of this dog,
I had to clean it out with a surgical swab,
In our world I think all creatures fit,
But this one needs surgery to be born and comes with it's own haz-mat kit.
I gotta love that she outsmarted me though.
I thought I would be clever and put out the bowl,
Outside she shall play,so we could get some peace.
She didn't want to go but I begged her please!.

She ran outside, and caught her bowl, thrashing left and right,
Sending shrapnel of dog shit everywhere, into the freezing night,
Then she ran inside like she owns the place, into her warm house,
I was stuck cleaning dog poop (Some even got in my mouth)
She had caught me unaware, now she laughs at me from the top of the stairs.
Around this dog, it never stops, it's never gonna be quiet,
Jill is a tiny behemoth who makes me scold her like a one dog riot!
Jill threw up jelly, Jill was a strain,
But I guess I would totally dog sit, Jill-zilla again.


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1 comment:

Dingo Dizmal said...

Dingo's book.