Thursday, May 27, 2010

Thank you so much Phantom Chicken screenprinting!

The Open mic shirts look phenomenal!



Wanna sport an Open Mic fish?
I'm keeping them cheap at $10 each
fastclown@veryfast.biz

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

open mic




ALRIGHT! I'm so excited Wed. is here and it's the day Open Mic at Flying Cat! Last week I put out flyers and got a lot of different acts that all were sweet. This week we put out thrice as many so who knows who will show up!sign up7pm SE 31st&Division!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

touched


Debra Samuel commented on your photo:
"When my brief time on this planet is over I'll take the memory of a sunny afternoon spent riding a tall bike on the waterfront with me as one of my magical moments...thanks to you and Olive! I had so much fun I didn't even notice the huge bruise left from my bad dismount on my left inner-thigh until 3 days later; doesn't hurt but it's the size of a grapefruit and a lovely deep purple with green edges. It makes me sad to think it's gonna' fade as I consider it a badge of joy...

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Facebook posts

+So we wr poppin up posters today when an amazing woman runs by us. She was being pulled by a big dog. Two braids.. about 25-30.. cut off shorts.. sneakers and a big smile for both of us. I ask Rootbeer (as I often do) How hot is she?
"She is so hot I want to finish the run with her and her dog, introduce her to my paren...ts and then take her home with us to swim in the deep waters where we like to swim. "Um...wow" I took the heavy posters from her arms; the lady was half a block away. "Go get her Tiger!" "Really?" I smiled, turned and kept working as Rootbeer hauled ass in the direction of the hansom stranger. I hoped that I hadn't just given my girlfriend away.
15 min. later she returned empty handed. "She was too fast."
"Good!" I thought. "That hints that maybe she isn't a smoker." We had work to do but Olive insisted that we drive her car up and down all the streets. I thought, "How is Olive gonna get this girl after 70yrs of dudes failing at chasing women with cars?" I guess if anyone was to do it it'd be my partner... She never found her quarry but there's still every other day in the coolest city in the world to swim in deep waters. Unfortunately (for me) it took many years for me to learn to be honest with your lover...y'know about what you like...eventually you may find the person who likes what you like!
I don't often mention adventures of this kind. This one was a misadventure that was so poetic I had to share.
true ironic poetry would have come if Olive in her haste ran over the dog!

+We went by our old work today. The energy hadn't healed...it was bleached out. I like that better for that place. The neighborhood needs time to heal from the blight it had become.

+It's pouring rain on us while we are flyering. It feels like taping wet toilette paper to a giant slug. Olive says "It's really pouring on us and we are getting soaked" I say " Thanks Capt. Obvious I'll write that down on my soggy underwear".When I talk on the phone to my friends in Texas I always spend a few hours after sounding MORE Texan than when I was a Texan.

+Have you ever ran your fingers inside old sink plumbing? I thought I could plumb but it turns out I can't. VHS tape is not the same thing as Teflon tape. I messed up outr bathroom pipes trying to unclog it. And the smell won't wash off my fingers.

+I think this little Angler fish that I drew with a mic is gonna be my symbol for all the open mics I do. It says to me "Hey I may not be pretty but I'm giving it a shot! Man but my friend Blair has made a knock out poster for the Alberta Open mic.

+I was throwing up circus flyers when my 26" back rim with a back pedal brake begun complaining loudly. I took it to the knowledgable service of Mr. Ben Applesauce and he said he could have another one for me in a week for $60.
+Hey buskers! The frikkin bums are out earning you 4-1 with only some cardboard and a lot of second hand smoke. I see ya'll dying out there every day and it kills me because you work so hard. I care for all of you.
Please play for the crowds not yourself! Treat it like the most relaxing job you ever had and be happy to l...earn stuff you would never listen to off duty.
If we do this we can train Portland to stop paying them and start paying YOU!
They (the passing citizens) don't care about your "emotional baggage songs "that's between you and whomever you are breaking up with. Do yourself a favor and play something they know. For example: Banjo play Dueling banjos, mandolin -Dr.Zivago, gut string guitar-play Greensleeves, 12 string play (Ick) stairway to heaven, any Cheap Trick song on accordion will pay your bills!
Everywhere we look there are bums in the best spots because the street musicians are all bleating like injured goats. Good luck and Goddesspeed friends.
+Are you turkeys hip to the game "Buck Buck"? Its an east coast thing I hear. I don't know what this would evolve into here in Portland. It is worth investigating.
+Takes money to make money. We doubled the money Olive was making selling balloons! All I had to do was invest in a BB gun and take sniper positions on rooftops a block away.

+We taking tall bikes to hustle balloons at the Sun. Market downtown. We just have a little window before the rain so we are attacking full gallop. It took a long time to even find enough balloons on a Sunday.
+Olive always apologizes for her farts... WTF? I hardly notice it's like speeding past a sewage treatment plant or maybe passing where a skunk has been. You smell it for a brief moment and then it's gone. ME? My farts smell like taking an acetylene cutting torch to a dozen eggs.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

OPEN MIC TONIGHT Star E. Rose

I'm launching an open mic at a place that won't have a booze permit until June.
I would be scared but this open mic gig has a sweet feature.
One night a month there will THOUSANDS of people to perform for (Last Thursday)!I'm gonna let it evolve.
sign up at 7 and starts at 7:30
24th and Alberta
Tonight!

Monday, May 10, 2010

The standard DEAL IS...


Dingo Dizmal and The Star E Rose are happy to welcome the people of Portland to come have a drink and
share your wondrous artistic expression in our Open Mic show.
The standard DEAL IS:...
performers sign up at 7pm we start at 7:30pm, and we'll go until someone
tells us to shut up. Every slot gets 3 songs or 10 ...minutes (whatever
comes first). Bring the least complicated set up as possible because it
eats up a lot of time. NO PRESSURE, NO PRESSURE, NO PRESSURE, NO
PRESSURE!
This is not a contest, people are nice and the host is on your
side!
Let Dingo know what your needs are (fastclown@veryfast.biz).
Along with the
singer/songwriters, dance numbers, comedians, and exotic instruments, Dingo Dizmal and me, Olive Rootbeer will be peppering the
evening with sideshow clowning, burlesque and regular visits from talented friends from Portland's night life!!!

Oh... If you care deeply about your act then Make sure to bring your "A" game 'cause you never know what
stage will come after this stage and there's no tellin' who's going to
be in the audience. No pressure of course.

All ages welcome but criteria may not be censored.
Opening night we will have a performance by Yesterday's Train wreck. They are a mix of insanely difficult circus tricks and fun upbeat music. Come see them Thursday with me!

Happy Trails!

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

bankroll the new show!


I need strings (for 5 guitars and a banjo) 2 mic cables and a bunch of plungers (for the act)+ a bunch of other flotsom for my show. Can anyone out there not live without the "Paige of Birds" (acrylic on 30"x40" canvas) painting? message me an offer i need some clown supplies.
I had it in my head to paint the Tarot in Rubber Chicken Theme. After this I decided I wasn't smart enough yet to come up with 82 chicken jokes and not rich enough to bankroll 82 canvas.
I did this one with all new materials one day in the back yard of the Clown House circa 2007.
It's one of around 150 rubber chicken themed paintings i have been doing since 2006. This is the second biggest in the collection. This painting has hung in a LOT of places around Portland over the years. I just got it back last month from where it was prominently hanging in the Cannabis Cafe. I bet a lot of people (card holders) have photos of themselves legally smoking a bong in an American cafe with that painting in the background.
I originally posted the price at $500 but that included sex with the artist... now I would expect $200, be happy with $150, be OK with $100, kinda cool with$75, I'll take $50 but feel hosed because that won't cover cables and strings...ya bastid!
put the screws to the clown when he is down huh? Well I'm not down fer long Bucko!
:) ya have to buy the painting for me to tell you what it's divine interpretation is.
Word to ya mutha.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

In Sandy OR yesterday

I saw one of those huge obnoxious pick up trucks that you see little men in all the time. This one wasn't at all stupid looking for one reason...It was actually bearing CARGO! I was so happy to see that it also showed signs of being used for what it is...farm equipment...not a penis extension like my huge bike is.


I hope not to offend said men...I only call them little because the bigger the truck the smaller the dude looks. The truck I mention above gets extra points because not only was it loaded, filthy, towing a full sized thresher and the crew cab full of men...there was a hound dog in the bed hiding from the drizzle. sigh

jousteramuh

We need some donations of mountain bikes (24")to make battle bikes out of. We have the tools and know how; now we just need some bikes. Two will have cow catchers and battle gear to be used like dueling pistolas.

Sunday, May 02, 2010