Wednesday, April 28, 2010

I was unemployed for about 30 min.


The place is called Al Forno Ferruzza. I worked a week for them promoting the show cleaning the joint out and hiring bands.
Showday I walk in 4 hours early and this lady I never met layed into me about how lewd my show is. I always hype it up but my show is cool for all ages.They fired Christopher the manager for hiring us and I couldn't pay the bands or myself at the end. The three clowns all have merch so we made daily bread but got rocked for all last weeks work.


What a ride! I went into the place I have been working all week on and the owners canceled the show! They were very rude and called my show names like "Nasty" and "Vulgar" and they thought the band " a dirty little Christmas" was sacrilege.
They were so VERY barking up the wrong tree about us. When you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME.
I was asked if we would do the show without the mild nudity and I said NO!
I was respectful because they were much older than I and we were in their place but I had to protect myself. The truth was they were reading the hype at face value without talking to "the man behind the curtain" it was like talking to red neck mentality. I think she may have been insulting me to help stomach them breaking a contract.
Was it a written contract? well it's on paper for all to see all up and down Alberta street in poster form bearing the time date my name and them HAHAHA(see the post below).
Posted all over the city on poles and in windows everywhere.
I worked all week on the show THEY asked for. I rose to the challenge and was punished for it. As the lady talked at me I didn't feel any anger, I was just sad for her. I had to blurt out "I'm very glad that I'm not the man that your brain thinks I am" it wasn't a line...it was the reality. I just have to deal with this pushy person briefly...others have to deal with her ALL the time.
Oh NOW THEY TELL ME...
As I walked down the street on Alberta I know LOTS of people and they all ask me "Wutz up clown" and I tell them why I'm on the street crying and they say "Oh yeah Ferruzza is shady they don't pay any of the employees and they treat people terrible". That isn't the charming old fellow I met could I be mistaken?
They made no offer to reimburse me for my work.
As I was loading equipment out a friend stopped and asked whats up.
I told him about getting stiffed by the venue and he offered to help carry the heavy speaker. On the way he got on the phone and started working his magic. He convinced a lady who owns a cafe in his building to let us move the show there for the night.
We made the same deal we made for the other place and managed to get the internet to help us get people to avoid the original place altogether!Problem is we couldn't charge at the door of the new place so we lost a bunch of money on the deal.
The show went off like gangbusters. About 50 people were there over the evening(amazing) and a great many of them had Grey hair. A charming couple came with a 2 year old who at one point stole the show. We did our music and stunt show. Our partner Firefly had wonderful hustle all night and she looked fantastic. We did her act where we painted a giant clown on her chest...I can't say what we did next..you gotts come to a show. My audience was nothing but delighted and after the show many people came up and handed me little wads of money while thanking me.
People came up to Olive Rootbeer asking "Was that Real? Really was that REAL?"

and we all had fun. It still sucks to be stiffed by a venue.

I am pretty glad to be home!

What a great colorful experience for all of us! Out of the ashes a new flame. Thank You Esmerelda Strainge for playing so well and being so easy to work with I'm so sorry Ferruzza stiffed us...DITTO Dirty Little Christmas your band is so resilient and uncomplaining!
Your bands name was part of why we were fired NEVER change that name! When they had a problem with your bands name it gave a window into what THEY have in mind, you are innocent and the name you your band reflects a time frame not anything about religion.Thank you all!!!!

Home! Bloody, battered, disheveled but feeling good.Tonight I did the Plate Break without my banjo protecting me. It feels like a hand grenade went off on my chest as Olive slammed a bowling ball on me, held from over her head while standing on a chair. I got punctured fingers, face, big ones on my chest. I wish my girlfriend didn't think that a bunch of scars are sexy .The crowd reactions made it worth it!
My little show got attacked by small mindedness. The show that was killed for lewdness just happened in front of a 2 year old and parents who loved it. Props to Star E rose for making your neighbors folly your financial gain.All of us made some money the crowd had a blast and we have a regular gig now.
I'm looking into legal aid to recover my money spent and work. Going to court sucks but I have no choice. I have children support and bills so I can't afford to lose a weeks work. I will let you guys know what I find out. I'm pretty well connected in Portland and lots of local lawyers hate it when beloved local clowns who entertain local community for over a decade get burned.

The next week I got a nice letter with a $50 bill attached. They also made a kind offer to work together in the future. Thats pretty cool.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

some Facebook posts...

In half an hour my little girl is gonna be a real live 12 year old!!!till then we are just gonna love and kiss and squeeze our 11 year old!!

I treated my kid to a birthday tall bike ride, gellatto and some vintage clothes shopping.
As we walked through the shop I was looking at the stuff. None of this stuff is vintage I was thinking...until I saw a mirror..oh...this stuff don't look vintage because I'm vintage!

There are a lot of people who own real swords I found out today. I did the pirate treasure hunt and met scores of folks bearing arms. None were brandished. I was still surpiized to see so many fantastic, authentic (hollywood)pirates!

It's a bit rainy so we are pondering if we should go out hustling balloon animals today. We use good strong balloons but unfortunatly they explode in green foam and blue flames when exposed to the slightest bit of water. It smells like burning phytoplankton.

We had a meeting @PSU today then planned on Alberta but we only got as far as Pioneer square before we had a crowd. She just wanted to make a balloon while we waited and Portland's livingroom sucked us in. While there we saw 4 beggar fights and a nude woman. I love livin in the city!

I saw a lady walking around in just a fur coat and heels, she had a fellow with her taking photos. I thought "she is gonna be nude VERY soon." Of course I don't give a rats ass about nudity but I love watching the public react to nudity.A dude was walking near me and I guess he needed to tell somebody.
"I saw titties! I was just going to get a ... See Morecurry and there they are!~" I looked over his shoulder and there she was doing Nude in Public porn.It's legal here to be nude in public but the people still got a kick and a shock out of it.
Able bodied beggar#1 postures, A.B.B.#2. Bleats something belligerent, BLOWS ensue, A.B.B#1.'s GF(#3) yells too close to A.B.B.#4w. baby(Mom bum fight)THEN R.B.B.A.(Random bruser w broken Arm)sprints across the street and lands one on A.B.B.#1 who takes off right at a phalanx of Rent A Cops. The R.A.Cs saved his ass. Mass movements of bums and street kids as the faint sound of police sirens are heard a few blocks away.


Congratulations OLIVE! You are a class balloon sculptor. Now as long as you can get balloons you can make a living anywhere. You made killing yesterday downtown and your phone is ringing with jobs. Now that people are giving you $30 an hour for events you need INVOICES.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

pirate treasure hunt!

CALLING ALL PIRATES!! The annual Hawthorne "Pirate Treasure Hunt" is free this Sunday, APRIL 18TH. Come meet at 33rd and SE Hawthorne at 11am to start. 1.000 last yr attended. Prizes4costumedPirates! AND VERY KID FRIENDLY.

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

gross prank I forgot to do.

I forgot to do our new room mate the favor of the "Coffee Prank". When you get a new room mate brew a few gallons of coffee. Hide the liquid in milk jugs somewhere.
Now the prank...
Invent a "House drink" and introduce a pitcher of ambiguous colored liquid.
"We drink this all the time! it fruit and stuff!"
now...
Every time you think about it pour some coffee in the bathroom commode. Be seen leaving the bathroom holding your stomach (don't over act!).
At first your new roomie will be disgusted but not too alarmed.
Then let the roomie see another housemate leaving thin brown water in the toilet.
If you guys are really creative you can create an awful smell that happens with each bathroom visit. You new friend will think everyone has one foot in the grave from punch poisoning!
Won't they be relieved when they find out that they arn't living in the shit house!

Monday, April 05, 2010

blurry, grainy, rubber chicken photos

Do you like any of this art?
I would like to trade for a nice digital camera.
I would love to be able to post clear photos online and make puppet clown pornography or Urban fauna&foliage documentaries if we want to.
I like a camera that goes macro. I used to have a camera and a jar of crickets that I loved looking at. With a good macro setting you can see the bug's damn underwear sheeeeeeeeeit!
Just please don't shake my tree with some whack ass camera;those paintings take a long time to do and I'm rough on equipment so I need good stuff.
WORD!
If you gotziz a fine piece of electronic gizmotry for me then contact me through my facebook page cool?
Paper
"Huston there is indeed life on Enoh 7"

Giant frikkin painting
"the Page of birds" I wanted to paint an entire giant rubber chicken themed tarot card set...I still might!
this is a fine deal if you judge your chicken painting value by the square foot.
trade me for a high 8 video cam!

Normal sized painting
'KONG IN BLUE'
Better be a nice frikkin camera lol.

painting
"4 CHIX OF THE epoxyclips'

painting
"Ice Age" or "why there are no rubber chickens native to North America...(all hunted to extinction).
i would have to trade for a camera and a couple hundie.

painting
"Chix of TROY" 1st one ever.
i would have to trade for a camera and a couple hundie.


Paper
"Red Riding Chicken" this is the one I want to trade if possible. I love it and I think it's worth a camera.

I try and keep my prices low so i can sell/trade a lot of them and spread them widely.
I don't want to trade stuff with folks out of Portland. Sorry just entertain me with cash offers and I will mail along with some local Stumptown coffee!!!
Thanks to Kile for taking the photos.
Like what we do? Donation bucket!