Friday, July 31, 2009

Olive thought this was sooooo funny. Click here

Two bad ass photos

I'm sitting around watching video of the "History Detectives" that I found on the PBS website.My coffee is hitting the spot.
My legs are sore from stunts and hours of bike riding this week, my gigs were far apart and I really had to earn my money.
Y'know how a baseball game isn't as fun in the dead of Winter?
My show usually is blowing up in the winter and slows down in the summer because I work in rooms not so much outside.
Because this is my slow season I didn't bring a good camera to the last two gigs... and now I regret it.
The Dante's show Wed. was rad because I showed up to work and found the whole room full.
I don't have to tell you that we do well when we have every table filled WOW!
The acts were "Top Shelf" and I was blown away by the fact that I got paid to play with the boobs and booties of some of the most amazing women I have ever seen.
The acrobats do stunts that amaze me every time...there is fire acts, comedians, Burlesque!
Portland is full of healthy, sexy people and some of them just can't wait to show off their bod...they just need the right encouragement and a safe atmosphere.
Now don't think I'm dissing my "Old Lady" Olive Rootbeer when I'm playing with strangers butts and boobies... she helped me set some of it up.
During my first act of the night I pulled a couple out of the crowd that I had been talking to and walked them up into the bright lights.
The two got to have "a moment" that they will always remember and cherish when she took center stage... loosened her blouse and let it fall to the floor revealing a heavenly inspired, awe-inspiring woman's torso.
I was excited to see that her breasts were much whiter than her arms telling me that we are a privileged few who get to behold such a magnificent specimen.
Her attitude (and his too) were great, they were having fun together and shooting quick looks at each other as the crowd cheered encouragement.
Her Man and I painted designs on her fantastic chest with Yellow, Purple and Brown (the only colors I had when I left the house)and the art was really keen.
Really! the artistic value was there, I saw shading, texture, design, perspective...shitty I got no photos right!
I'm glad there were no pro-exotica-photogs there that night, I really had to concentrate...I respect them but it's hard for me to work and keep our people out of the porn industry at the same time.
I know this couple didn't want to be that famous.
Sometimes when I work naughtier gigs men will be there with cameras and I think they are getting great shots of the stunts, pageantry, the story! and when I see whats in the guy's view finder I see they are framing crotches and tits.
I'm a horny guy and I love erotic photography but only shots of the willing lol.
This is good clean fun we are having here and it's tremendously rewarding I want it to last because I think we have the correct formula.
The National Geographic people spoiled me and now I'm only interested in being covered by those type photographers or the local News...and of coarse the fans.
The stage lights are hot and my clown make-up was melting in my eye. I had to peer through a blurry black streak that had dripped down the front of my eyeball just to see where the audience was.I also had to act like nothing was wrong. In time I was able to pull my hat down quick and clear my eyes. When they cleared I was showing the crowd an impression I made on a cardboard slab of her chest as the two hugged on stage. We all bowed and the last thing I saw before more make up streaked my other eye was our lady of the hour smiling and waving to the cheering masses.
I love watching the adrenalin coursing through the veins of the people who didn't know they would be naked on a stage when they left home for a night on the town.
Last Thursday was also super easy and paid really well.
We did it! We made a noise that was louder than any other sound on the street and perfectly UN-Amplified...the sound was the roar of a crowd during a gladiator single combat tournament Tall Bike Jousting!!!!
We ruined ALL of our bikes and I'm gonna spend most of the day hammering out wheels and getting the fleet back on the road.
I was glad to be able to pay Twitch and the other nice fellah out for working with me.
I think that the August Last Thursday will be out of this world!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

"Frijoles Pindekos"

The name sounds Greek but this is 100%'s called "Frijoles Pindekos".
OK, here is a recipe my sainted mother (who aint dead yet) used to make on hot Texas summer mornings.
I have lived in Portland for 12 years now so I hope this works here in Portland.
First take a large stock pot full of tub water and add pinto beans.
I use tub water because it fills the pot quickly, mom used the neighbors hose.
Set the burner on high.
When it first starts boiling (this is important...) slam your hand in a car door...not a new piece of shit, find a Delta 88 or a Monte Carlo.
Warning...slamming your hand may not be part of the recipie but it's what mom did so it's what I do.
Dump in a handful of oregano, thyme, pepper and marijuana leaves and stir with a wooden spoon.
If your religion prohibits the hemp just scrape a little grass off the bottom of someone's lawn mower...that used to work for my Dad.
When the mixture comes to a boil add a full 40 oz. bottle of Big Bear Malt Liquor.
If you can, drink from another bottle of Big Bear until you are standing in your kitchen with the fridge door open, nude, crying and on the phone with your ex.
Drop an onion in whole and un-peeled, this flavor will come from osmosis...tell it that.
Is it bubbling?
Touch the side of the pot with your inner thigh, if it burns like hell then it's working...go find a belt.
We are gonna pressure cook the beans so they are ready at the same time as the onion so ya have ta tie a lid down on the pot with the belt.
Now RUN!
Most recipes don't have the optional "Run" segment but this is a delicate process that could very well blow sushi or Mormons.
Now after 10 hours you should have a fine meal that feeds tens of people.
I suggest going near Portland's Downtown, to a place we like to call "Vasaline Alley" there you can find an entire dinner party's worth of the kind of people who would have no problem coming home with you.
Nothing I like more than spending an evening with new friends.
I love flour tortillas but I would stay away from "Enriched Flour" and Trans fats...they are really unhealthy I just pour Elmer's glue right on a hot skillet, this really brings out the "Hoove"flavor.
I once made this dish by riding my bike out to Swan half a bloated goat carcass out of the river and I called it "Immigrant Frijoles Pindekos"! I served it to 50 people living in a one bedroom house with no furnature and they LOVED it.
Hope you love it too!
Rock on 503!!!!!!
Dingo Dizmal the clown

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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

show tonight at Dantes down town!

near the bum fight and across from VooDoo Doughnut's.
five bucks and if ya don't like the show you can look out the big tinted windows at Portland going ape shit on the street.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Sorry no comments anymore because of cowardly TROLL

So sorry, i had to write on the go and did so quickly earlier.
I just sold the last shirts of the current line to a wonderful couple and had to deliver to them.
I guess some one has a problem with me but no courage to confront me (good idea, I'm a real ripper)they can't touch me with a pole so i guess it's desperate, jealous TROLL TIME!
The funniest ones are really prejudiced about my age and implying incest concerning my daughter and girlfriend, super-retarded and really idiotic.
The un-funny ones attempt to take away my lady's womanhood by calling her a child. sssssss thats just mean.
truth is...
I didn't get with a woman that looks like my daughter...I got with a woman I want my daughter to be like...and I don't care who my baby girl falls in love with as long as the person loves her back.
I show my kid the right way a man loves a woman by being the best man I can to my lady.
Te way Olive looks at me tells me that we are soooo solid, no creepy troll can do ANYTHING!

Sorry I had to disable the comments...well not disable, hide them, I still get them but they just don't show desperate negativity to you nice folks...I however am wizard enough to collect them and enjoy them myself.
I printed all the negative comments up and I'm keeping them.

Now I'm laughing at them as I concentrate and conjure a little spell I do well called
"I'm rubber yer glue, bounce off me and stick to you."
Maybe I'll stick them up someones ass wed. night at the Side Show Speakeasy?
If some one sends a comment that has a name on it then (for better or worse) it's a conversation.
When it's an anonymous tag, then it's just some kid throwing a tantrum whatever.

shoots dogs (wolves) from a plane?

What a messed up ho bag!
I picked this photo because I love the cigg in the back ground being the deadliest thing in the photo lol.

The planet Earth will survive the humans no matter what.
People who live off the exploitation of the planet only speed up the end for our particular brand of clever monkey.
Can you live and breathe boiling water?
Some creatures live and thrive in boiling water.
Maybe they will be the new top animals the global temperature is rising and so is the Sea level my friends!
The planet will shake itself off of our infestation and make creatures that breathe our pollution no problem.
If I was the king of the planet, I would be getting rid of Ranchers before wolves.

I love taking photos, I really love this shot.

I made it my wallpaper.

M.B. turned 20 today

I texted her Happy Birthday!

Then me an my old lady celebrated in the parking lot.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Gunner got canned!

Aw man, theres nothin the bosses of the Side Show SpeakEasy and I hate more than losing a good compelling act but Gunner Dizmal is a train wreck wrapped in a mystery, coiled into a "Springer Episode" and coated with stomach bile.
They had to make some tough decisions and pass them down to me.
here is a peek behind the curtain at what the bosses and I were talking about...
from Mr.William Batty...
"Dear friend, I am getting so so many complaints about Gunner.

He got blood all over the place in the bathroom, left tacks all over the stage, people walked out during the puke act, performers backstage are creeped out by his behavior. The venue, the performers, and the audience are all the people I'm trying to make happy, and they're all complaining.

Let's give him a rest for awhile, okay? There are aspects of Gunnar's act that I enjoy, but I don't want it to become a recurring part of the show.

5000. - N.

It takes a lot of work to make it look this easy and part of the job is Quality control.
I talked to Gunner and we agreed that we like doing the act so much we will keep doing it and perfecting it.
We will just do it at Punk rock house party gigs where ...anything goes.

bad ass cat video (click here)

Thursday, July 23, 2009


The show last night was a lesson in improvisation that's fer sure.
I was told that some folks upon hearing about last weeks "Puking act" that Gunner Dizmal and I did decided not to come out to the Side show.
The two show bosses Mr.Batty and Mr. Creature decided after much debate to strike the Puke act from our set.
We had to decide a new state of affairs to perform two acts and the closer "Whats Up Your Ass?"
We are the opening number and the closer and we have a big problem.
All of our practiced materiel hinged on the Puke act bombing! Without the Puke act bombing we have no motivation to punish Gunner.
By the end of the night we had sorted it out and as usual Gunner was a bloody mess.
A thumb tack got stuck so far into his skull he had to remove it later.
On stage I was grabbing it, tugging it, all the other tacks fell out being pushed by blood but this one was buried.
It took a long time to convince the crowd members to staple 9/16 brads into his body.

My favorite part of last night was when the announcer William Batty took the mic and told a shocked crowd..."Hey this is the Hump Day five dollar show, ya wanna see the twenty dollar show come see me Sat."

I met a nice fellah called Orian online after posting a bulletin asking for a helper.
He was more helpful than he knew and we will be working together soon doing a house show.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

songs I listen to before a show to get ready (click here)

all the songs on my Myspace profile are placed to be listened to by me while I put on make up and load the tall bike.
My favorite music is Chervona and they get me in the mood (inside my head)that I need to make a living.
Sometimes ya gotta erase whats going on during the day and reprogram the right attitude for the occasion at night.
Grumpy clowns don't make any money unless they get hit with stuff it seems.
The song "Reality Show" is so frikkin insane that I can't hear it without getting in an amazing mind set.
I love that it feels like they are talking to me.
I get chills when they say "Screaming and shouting like April Fool" because I'm the clown they hire every year to be the April Fool.
Oh by the way...
Tonight the show is at Dante's inferno Downtown Portland, not for the squeemish.

I woke up with this music in my head (click here for video)

I decided that I wanted to cover it because it's so powerful and it has been an important song to me since I was 15 (that was in 1984).
The song deals with the confusion of a little boy who lost his father in the big war and is trying to make sense of it all.
The thing is...I can't seem to sing the song without's TOO emotional.
I wish I could do something to prevent all kids from losing parents.
or I could just stick to doing original loony tunes.

Just thinkin'

Much the way that during the American Civil war the bugle was essential in rallying the troops and charging them forward music can be used in many ways and in some ways to create the future.
I like to sit back and have time travel fantasies.
Can you imagine if the HUNS or some other ancient marauding horde had Death Metal?
Like on a hillside about ten fools up there with drums and some yelling through horn.
The guitars would need BIG sound holes.
In those days you could strangle a guy and call that "Lyrics" to your song.
I would think that Genghis Khan would find Heavy Metal irritating noise in his ear...just a hunch... and so would a lot of his friends i bet until you get to western they would dig some Metallica...they do now!

I bet there are many early European tribes that would have loved Speed Metal along with the other folk music of the day.
They could have used Speed Metal to turn the tide when using untrained troops like Boudica had to do.
I think about her sometimes...she got her ass handed to her by the trained Romans.
What would a viking do with an IPOD in his helmet playing Speed metal?
Well for starters I bet nowdays there would be more kids named Yngwie!
Just thinkin'

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Seen a "10 Australian Bull Whip?

Anyone seen a "10 Australian Bull Whip?
I use it in my Summer act and I can't frikkin find it.
I put it away last Winter so it would not get wet and now it's gone.
For a few months it lived in the equipment locker inside Muddy Waters Cafe.

I just don't recall if I lent it out for someone to learn tricks or maybe it fell off the back of a tall bike.
That would be an expensive loss.
Is it at Your House?

god Bless Louis Black (click here)

daily-show-with-jon-stewart-video with Louis Black.
Mr.Black makes me laugh so hard sometimes I tear up.
thanks for not taking any shizzle Mr. B.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Photos by Hudson Henry taken in the House bike

Wanna live rent free? Try living in a house bike.
It's not great for housing kids but it's perfect for living near the kids house.

Nowdays I'm living inside and the house bike has become a temple that lives next door.
I still love taking it out for gigs on the other side of town so I don't have to bike home.

guess what this is...

A greasy pan.

In the mid 90's I lived in Minneapolis...

I lived a lot of places and with a lot of people, one of which is a nice lady named Gail.
By and By I ended up landing many years later on the West Coast and I kept seeing a lady in Portland who looks just like Gail.
I immediately didn't like her even though I never spoke to her, I just didn't like some lady looking like my friend.
Sounds crazy huh? I have just had my ideas ripped off so much I'm a little touchy and insane about those matters.
Turns out my friend Mango in Texas had her as a myspace friend...soon as I discovered that it was indeed my old friend Gail, I was so happy to be talking to both of them.
I learned that she owned a screen printing shop called Phantom Chicken with her man Greg.
I couldn't wait to throw some money at them to turn my friend Shane's drawing of me into the next Dingo Shirt.

They made my shirts quick, on budget and they look great!
I already sold out of the smaller cut "Girls" shirts and I still haven't sent the artist a shirt yet.
Thanks Mango! Thanks Gail! Thanks Shane!

Good Morning!

Well it's almost 11 on a Mon. in Sunny Portland OR.
My woman Olive took the liberty of waking up and fixing my kids up some bad ass breakfast of pan cakes and fruit and turkey bacon.
She woke me up twice with her amazing self but each encounter knocked me out again.
Yesterday I hung out with my kids at Wunderland on Belmont and then Olive took my little girl to the movies in Gresham with her G.parents and siblings.
My boy and I spent the evening on the Trimet Bus out and about downtown Portland making contacts and paying bills.
Last week's gigs combined; I worked in front of hundreds of people, then spent last Sat. in an apartment alone entirely (that was rad) and now we are a small family unit of man, woman, and two children.
What a trip it is to go from one extreme to another.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

How to Video about detecting lies

I found M.B. in the sink...

Stepped on a hot curling iron AWWWWWW!

Hosting the Ezza Rose CD release party at the Melody Ballroom.

I got there and they informed me that they were making a live album and my voice would be in it!
No pressure or nuthin...

It takes a long time to set up a show like this...

admission guy with clever cash register.

A room this big swallows up people so a hundred souls look like about thirty people.

I love the hour or two before a show starts...It's the anticipation, the stillness...the silence.

Right as it was getting time to start; the crowd began filing into the grand hall.
A nice fat sizable crowd all dressed up fancy, all my hopes of a messy act went out the window.
I was still pretty happy to see a huge turnout for my friend... and me too, the door cash gets split between the sound guy and the clown.

The boss makes her plan and tells her fool what to do...and more importantly, what not to do!
"No biting, no kicking, no licking my grandmother.

The night started off with Shoeshine Blue, and Ezza sat in for some songs, it was tight! I wish I had more photos.

Sound guys are hard to photograph because they are always moving so fast!

Olive visited me at work!

Audie Darling! She had some cool merch for the folks!

I think he was just out there to rock my face off! he was an animal and I don't think he was there to hawk any CDs he just had some songs to deal with.

Ezza had a hansome fella playing a typwrited in her set. (I wonder if my girlfriend knows what a type writer is?)

Right after the show the crowd rushed to the cd table a bought a bunch of CDs.
Good Job Ezza!