Saturday, September 20, 2008

I let my spider go in my house bike.

Yeah I thought it was a stupid idea but what else was I gonna do?
It's cool,I stuck her in a big box off the side of a wall and there she stayed, she is awsome.
I had a little moment with her yesterday, we looked into each others eyes, (I have two she has four that I could see)we are friends and I'm not afraid.
She let me know that she likes to sometimes find some sun so I decided to just let her go, I just have to be careful not to crush her.
I now ended up having to search for her before plopping down in my house or have company.
I wanted to post a BEWARE GUARD SPIDER on my house but I don't want her to get hurt and I don't know where I could get her a uniform.
Speaking of guarding things, I will be spending four days guarding a generator at the hand built bike show, that should be fun.
The open mic at the Apothecary went really well last night.
Now it's my weekend, no kids, no gigs, now I want to soak my body, my pelvis is sore from a tall bike wreck last week, my emotions are all screwy (they always are) and I have way too much equipment to carry around, I may rent a shed to live by for the rainy months.
Have a good weekend friends!

Friday, September 19, 2008

hooked up!

OOOH, woke up at dark O clock in the morning doing some crack-adawn clowning.
See I get jobs doing all sorts of things, this morn, I'm standing outside a Starbucks
handing out $5 and $10 free drink cards.
Some folks don't want to be bothered with anything, others question who I am, a few get hooked up!
I have stickers too.
Last night's open mic was really smart...and stupid...and crowded, I made good cash as I get %15 of the till total.
I researched and found that both sober clowns and sober pirates have done well in the last millenia.
I relate to the folk who not only live between the cracks of society, but thrive.
One of the baristas at Muddy Waters coffee house recently got dumped by his wife, and for another fella no less.
I think he got lucky, the gate dropped and now he can go out and be appreciated...or mercy killed whatever comes first.
Relating isn't so hard, M.S. came to visit my show last night, we clearly still love eachother, it's still not easy, I had to just suck it up
and continue to be the funny guy.
My girlfriend "O" had to work last night or I would have cried on her shoulder...well to be honest, she can make me forget anything.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

waffles...with irony on them!

I'm having a great morning at Muddy Waters coffee house, it's about 7 am and last night I slept out front.
It was a stirring sleep since trucks blow by all night and I'm in the street with them.
Most of the time, I park and sleep on the sidewalks of Portlandia but on Thursdays, I like to get the good WIFI reception
by parking close.
So autos and the occasional drunkards kept me up all night, it was still a good night to be alive.
I thought it was funny that one of the little pods of drunks that walked by my pad at 4 am yelled "WE LOVE YOU DINGO!" really loud, so loud, it woke me up.
I love irony...and waffles...with irony on them.
Yesterday I got to do some Dawg Snax biz with my dog Banjo, we hadn't been out together in a long time and it was fun to work my old company.
Did you know that my ex wife and I own a company that makes wheat free dog treats, I don't make a dime out of it, it belongs to our children and we just run it until they are old enough to take it...or the economy collapses.
Speaking of my kids, I took my boy out to my hunting grounds yesterday as well, he met some of my friends and we ate good.
He was amazing with the potty training and used his kilt well, no accidents all day YAY!
We hung out with Will Workforf Ood, he gave me a briefing on the state of affairs concerning soil, dirt and mud, we also played Wesnoth as Bruce tore up the cafe.
Sarah, our barrista had just quit smoking two days earlier, she had been stressing about it and kept grumbling "I wanna punch a baby", then when I walked in with my baby she didn't punch him...THANKS SARAH!
If she had been on her game, she could have bribed my baby to punch another baby.
Last night I traded with a rock star and got myself some rattle cans to paint my house.
Three mouth breathers and I hung around painting my pad and stinking up the air, my turrantula didn't seem to mind the stink.
Oh by the way, I'm looking for bugs to feed my big ass bug, I went on a date to the reptile store on Belmont, I was going to buy my girlfriend a snake but we ended up getting a big spider, the nice fella who runs the place is going to teach me how to do an insect circus!
No more paying actors, I just will have to keep them from eating each other.
The gig at Rocking Frog on Tuesday was a blast...really, it was a lot like the Clown House in that there was no set list, lots of sound and bike mayhem and there was also fire everywhere.
Mr.Kirtch, myself and the mighty Mr.Bitner got together and played music for hours in the parking lot, all the music and bikes were hooked up to eachother and we are starting to find our sound.
I made a huge ballon sculpture and gave it to my girlfriend, she danced and danced, that girl knows how to move, it's intoxicating, I looked up at her as I was playing a song and she was throwing branches on the fire pit, she was so lovley I lost track of what I was doing to the sensation of falling off a building, I was enchanted to say the least.
Her job was to keep the fire going, shoot the cannon, and dance.
We like watching each other, it's pathetic.
After the bands left and fire was out, the barristas went home and the crowd moved on, it was just her and I. we moved my bike house to a quiet spot and we cuddled.
I'm pretty sure that I ruined men for her, she was treated like crap a lot, I take good care of her and sometimes she cries when I anticipate something she would need or touch her in a special way.
I asked her at the start if she had ever had her heart broken, turns out she had, thats good, she was ready to appreciate me.
I think she is ruining woman for me as well, she has time for me, treats me like a king, feeds me and sometimes I feel like a human popsicle.
I'm a lot more fun since having my warts removed.
The reason I'm saying we are ruining future romance for each other is because the chance of us staying together for any length of time is remote.
We are really different and on different paths, it's possible for our pathes to part later or sooner or if our magic holds...longer.
See, waffles...with irony on them!
I'm just thanking every second I spend with her, I learned that late in my last relationship, at the end I was on SAVOR MODE the whole time, what a drag not knowing if you are solid with someone or not.
I do thank my lucky stars I got to be with M.S. and thus now also being thankful for this special person.
OKOKOK mushy over!
Soon a movie about me will be showing on the silver screen at the Portland Art Musium, I'll let ya know more next week.
Friday is open mic at Essential Elements on 32nd and Hawthorne, 7:00 pm, I really want to see some wiccan stand up comedy!
OPEN MIC TONIGHT AT MUDDY WATERS COFFEE HOUSE 29th and Belmont, it's gonna be huge so sign up early!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008


I was going to teach my kid to throw knives, turns out she already knew how (thanks will)

My girl O can really heave the knives...and look hot doing it WOW!

I missed a target and the knife popped me in the head.


I was looking to chock my wheels on the old house bike, what is chocking?
I needed some stuff to put under the wheels so the house sits level.
I looked in a dumpster for some cardboard and found it was full FULL of brand new woman's clothing.

There were new shoes, skirts, sweaters, looked like the end of a store or the end of a crime spree.
I went across the street to see the witches at Essential Elements on 32nd and Hawthorne, I told the girls about my find and they lit out across the street to see.
What happened next was a fun dumpster frenzy as straingers gathered like seagulls, screeching and pulling out items, it was so fun to watch on a Friday afternoon.

                                                   Good times!

like what we do?

The fellas

We don't have a name but we are really good at what we do, Circus and music with a sprinkle of tall bike mayhem.

Here MR. Bitner and Mr. Kirtch have hats full of lottery tickets, they are finding the winner at an open mic on Belmont last thursday.
Come see us tonight at Rocking Frog 25th and Belmont!

I'm not used to being taken so well care of...

It's hard for her to do nice things for me sometimes,I'm so used to being alone.
She said that I flinch and she can tell I do everything for myself because I never ask for anything.

She is happy to clip my face, trim my nails, feed me and love me like I never been before.
She makes time for me and all of our parts fit well.
I shirked band practice to be with her last night and today I feel like I was swallowed by a whale.
We both have big hair and big mouths they tangle together in the most luxurious ways, I'm lucky and I'm not taking it for granted.
Last night I ate a burrito she made for me off her cute naked butt as she lay on the floor reading WOW!

I make sure to be a saint for her too, she is sensitive and taking things slow and gentle always wins the day.we have explored lots of places inside and out.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

A tribute on my wall to a special person

Thank you

Laundry day on the House bike.

On Belmont is a wash house with WIFI and a nice parking lot.
I spent $1.75 to wash all my clothes and then the reflective roof of my house dries my stuff in a hurry, it gets hot!
I thought my clothes would be stiff like on the line but no, they dry really well.

ran into one of the coolest old clowns in town

I always want to call Extreamo "the Godfather of Portland Clownarchy" but that may be just so the title exists by the time I'm an old clown who no longer wants for money and just likes living with puppets.
I remember seeing him and his fantastic art cars at gigs in the late 90s.I remember him telling me,"Y'know you may enjoy this clowning more if you stopped being so drunk all the time."
I ignored that suggestion or another 7 years.
Look at the sculptures that just pour out of this man and onto his car!
That clown should be locked up!

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

puzzle pieces

Thats a miracle, people in Portland are too cool!
I was at the Bellmont street fair busking, made a good amount of cash, that was good.
I opened my house bike for people to see and charged them for it.
I talked to the local Land Use Commissioner, he had NO problem with me living in my house bike.
Thats the cool thing about Portland, I was at a street party talking to two local commissioners, one was on a bike
and the other fella was removing Street Closed Signs.
hey want to call me soon to help them educate the people about the Electrical Sub Station thats on Belmont.
The power company plans to buy the three houses by the station and make it much bigger.
Theres nothing anyone can do about it, I wonder what they want me to do for them.

I have been hanging out with Olive a lot, last night we had the conversation about "Is there an us?
We have a lot of correct answers for each other, for me, long awaited correct answers.
We rode all the way up Hawthorne to the top and sat eating grapes, drinking water and smelling flowers.
We would get into deep conversations talking about our wants and desires and then have to get up when
cars drove up, we were sitting in the road like idiots.
So we decided that if there is an "US" then we will need to find out how it will work.
She fits into my life really well, it's amazing!
She has time for me, we can hang out without thinking that we need to talk to each other.
We fit together in most directions, it feels like puzzle pieces or leggos, a perfect fit.
She has no problem with the house bike and spends the night with me all the time.
She jumps my bones like a hungry python attacking prey, she grabs me and holds on tight.
She is good to my children and has space for them in her house and heart.
The other night I informed her that our hosts for the night were Queer Activists and that they tolerate
my heterosexuality.
"No problem" she said, we'll just get another girl in here with us..."
Thats a correct answer!

Saturday, September 06, 2008

I'm in front of Chance of Rain cafe on Hawthorne

I'm spending my Sat. resting and healing my two over worked feet.
I blew my legs out last night on the Behemoth and on my House Bike, too much blasting up hills and careening into stuff, promoting and showing off.
My girl O was late for her bus so I put her on the back of the Behemoth and shot from Powell to Hawthorne up lots of hills and in a big hurry, I could feel her hand rubbing on the small of my back as I pumped away and remembered that I don't just like heavenly hands on me, I need Heavenly hands on me.
But her inspiration came with the price of overworking my leg joints.

Well, the open mic night at Essential Elements was a little lack luster, most of the crew that supports the event was out of town.
It really makes a difference when people back me up like Muddy Waters Coffee House does, the events there are always big and wild and fun, I make great money and have a great time.
I'm amazed that people come from far away to see our little open mic show...A frikkin OPEN MIC SHOW?
This last Thursday show was off the hook, there was a belly dancer named Kelly Clark, Zach and Sara did a neat guitar and violin combo and there were the usual side show stunts and foolery by the new crew.
We still don't have any prospects for a circus name, I think it will come when it's really needed.
I may be the Clown House if things on Alberta go the way they are pointing.
Speaking of being backed up by the powers that be, we have a stage to ourselves on Alberta street for the Last Thursday events, thats huge.
I'm going to split the stage time up between my circus and people I choose from the three open mics I host each week.
Open Mic people like to be seen and I'm gonna bring them in front of thousands, they will be so stoked.
After the show, all us clowns gotta mount tall bikes and do what they pay us to do, traffic and crowd wrangling, this time we will have some big water canons and maybe fire (cops willing) and I'm sure we can clear the streets even faster than last month.
My friend Meghan really did me a sweet favor by getting me a phone, I'm very grateful (for her in general) before, I was using a tracphone and it SUCKED! She wasn't having it and took me to the mall to get a phone and put me on her plan, When my patron Magnus found he could get hold of me faster than email he pitched in $20 and was very happy to do it, this is a man who once gave me $40 to stop rolling in broken glass, it held me back for that day but next show...y'know, gotta work.
OH yeah....
A short movie about me is about to come to a big silver screen someplace in Portland, I will let you know where and when soon.
This guy that I call the Ron Howard of Portland did a short documentary about me last month, I met with him last night and looked at the art work, it's sweet, it looks like the opening credits to "The Good The Bad, and the Ugly" in that all the images are over exposed and colorful.
And now , just for fun...
Heres a photo of the donkey I wish was my bike!

Friday, September 05, 2008

This kid offered me a "solar hit"

I didn't know what that meant, when he told me, I thought the idea was beautiful but with the gig soon, I didn't have time.

a "solar hit" is using a magnifying glass to light your pipe with the help of the setting sun.
I wish I had more time, I could only take a photo and split to the show.

getting the house bike

getting the House bike to work past the Alameda rift is a real challenge, I'm glad I have good people backing me up now days, it's not nearly as frieghtening.

ok Olive rocks my world

spent a quality day with the lady after a good show on Belmont.
Times like this is why I'm on the planet at all.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Are your dog's nails long?


I have seen lots of things in my life and since moving to Portland, even more, I like to reflect on cold mornings.
A cold morning reminds me of adventures, old and new, I like to play the music that I was listening to at the time of whatever chapter I'm thinking of.
The first cold morning of fall always brings me back to foggy mornings on Highway 10 down in the deep south, (I used to take walks during the mid 90s that went for hundreds of miles), I was insane.
I would leave telling my friends and family that I was going "on a walk" days later I would wake on the side of the road or in the woods to a chilly morning in Alabama or New Mexico, Florida, Dallas Texas, Minneapolis all over.
Once I woke to a cold morning in the swamp, in Louisianna, all my bedding was wet so I had to give it up, I didn't care I was adventuring and looking in amazment at the gray and green colors of that part of the world.
I would look at the faces driving down the causway to work of wherever, I was wet and cold but I was smiling, most of them looked like wasted lives, pushing cogs and full filling other's dreams.
You know who picked me up a lot?
People who do their own thing, folks who are their own boss.
I spent quite a few cold mornings in the corporate circus and some carnivals, when I think of that reality it triggers the smell of animals and deisel fuel in my mind.
If I let my mind go I remember cold mornings in Corpus Christi waiting for the school bus, I try to forget those memories...Texas sucks!
OKOKOK, not all Texas memories are bad, cold mornings also remind me of my father warming up a truck for work and blasting Rush or ZZ Top for the 8 am neighborhood, my dad was a cool dude.
I also remember a cold morning where I went to the garage to find our dog had puppies, one of those little dogs would grow up to become my best friend for years.
I also remember some cold mornings that I was up all night playing Dungions and Dragons, never went to bed, foggy mornings would find us plodding away from the game house to a place called "Boy's Canyon Tunnels" a network of drainage culverts that took us all around underground, we would split up and drop into opposite tunnels each with weapons and tortches.
Anyone in the tunnels (not with us) would'nt have noticed the two factions finding eachother until they did, and all hell would break loose, friends would beat the crap out of each other with sticks and stones, once a guy had saved up a bunch of inch long roaches from his house and dropped them into a morning battle from a grating overhead, I was scraping a guys face across the side of the tunnel wall, when all of a sudden a cloud of giant roaches fell into my face and we all ran like hell, it was cool to have a place that was so infested with animals (gators, roaches, snapping turtles, rats) that none of the Corpus Christi Citezenry would EVER go down after us.
Recent cold morning reflection, remind me of cuddling with Lil Ass in the attic room I had, we had a very long hug the other day and I remembered how much I enjoy her company (we hug with our lips sometimes).
I saved a blanket I used to hold her close to me, we had danced some spells post Clown House, lost touch and when I gave up on ever seeing her again I gave the blanket to my kid, now pop, here she is living blocks away from the children's house.
Coffee is way better on a cold morning, I used to wait for fall so I can enjoy the ciggs and coffee on the doorstep, it's the best wat to enjoy tobbaco and java, smokes are what killed my dad so I dropped the ciggarettes, I'm into the coffee still, this cold morning I'm going to "Coffee Lovers" on Foster SE, just behind meticon bikes, the woman Lisa is entertaining and acts more bartender-ish than barista-ish her man and I may start up a Dungions and Dragons game soon at the cafe, he has all the stuff.
One of the potental players is a lawyer, the other a cafe owner, I wonder if there are any sizable tunnels for us to bash each others heads in after?
People who didn't like cold mornings:
Napolians troops invading Russia,
Hitlers troops invading Russia,
those guys were not fans of the cold.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008


all my spells went off well, as usual i thought it would crumble but in time the blessings I needed took root.
Now it's getting closer to the Castle step but not yet there with it.
I may rent a lot on Alberta, I haven't decided yet.
I'm headed to Wallmart, WALLMART??????
Yes it's painful but my mom in Texas wants to send some dough to my kid for school clothes and she uses the Wallmart as a cash sender.
I don't know where to even find a Wall Mart, I'll make sure not to spend a dime there.
We need more hand made goods in this country, call me if you manufacture kids socks and underwear.
Too bad I can't cast a sock spell...maybe I did?

Last Thursday

We had a meeting last night, the new gang and I that is, we decided we kind of sucked last Thursday.
Well, during the day we were victims of our own chaos, there were so many people in the street that we couldn't freely ride the tall bikes and do our tricks and such.
We rocked when it counted, let me tell ya, our job was to clear the streets at 10 pm, last month we did it in around 16 min, this month we did it in 10, that means we made $200 in 10 min!
The gang is happy and they have skills building every day, "O" was there as a clown on foot, she stayed right with me most of the time and was excellent support by running along side moving barricades, at the end, she declined any share of the money (*)(*)!
Next month we are gonna really be ready, street clearing time will be a watergun/cannon/fire fest, I'm hoping to clear the streets in 5 min.
One skater kid rolled up to me and said, I guess Dingo the Clown sold out to the cops huh?"
He skated away too fast for me to hit him with my palm across the head and call him a ninny!

I just had time to tell him, "That was a stupid thing to say", I was gonna throw a fumble spell at him to make him eat it on his skate board but I was distracted in traffic.
I hope people understand the goals here, Trimet has people all over waiting for busses, we need that open as soon as we can FOR THEM, the street clear is really important for us to keep the festivals going.
The Lord, the captain of the guard and the fool work together to keep it going.
I also think it should be said that personally...I have never had a bad run in with a Portland Police officer, there I said it.
People expect me to hate the cops, thats stupid, people are people, a holes are a holes, the Lieutenant I work with on Alberta street is a sweet man who has yelled at me before during the old Clown House days but now we have known each other for a long time and are cool with each other.
My grand father was a homicide detective and had a long career in San Antonio Texas.
So it's our job to do traffic clowning, pORTLAND is cool enough a city that we were allowed to evolve the state of the art (F.U. Eugene OR.)
Our tall bikes really can clear a street and they are cheaper than police horses, the people respect us and we move FAST.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

I'm at Rocking Frog Cafe on Belmont Street SE doing an open mic!

Come on down and have some pie, play a tune or watch me make a fool of myself.

Had a day off with the Kallisti

I spent last night doing nothing other than being treated like a king by the Kallisti, mostly the one called "O".
They summon me, I come from the wasteland, we rejoice!
I am made to feel like a knight, I'm actually more of a wizard but for for the Kallisti, I'm a large stack of man and the knight roll is more apropos.
You better believe I will protect them like a knight and a wizard if ever called to, when their hands caress my skin, pet my hair, bathe my body I feel like a beast, I feel in company with the Goddess we all touch each other well.
I have real romance with one of them and just cant keep my hands off the other one.
This morning we were in bed in a pile, we were loving each other and petting, my eyes rolled up into my skull in ecstasy, I can't imagine doing this drunk or on drugs, that would SUCK.
My girl "O" explores me like I'm a new car with lots of toys, I'm so glad to be wart free she kisses me all over, we took a two hour bath.
I had a dinner of meat and veggies, made for me by "O" and we devoured it at midnight in a field under the blurry stars of SE Portland.
We had santaria candles burning for light and we looked at each other like "Who is this fascinating creature?"
She ate meat for the first time since age ten, she liked it, I hope she won't get sick from it.
Finally, I'm in as good a shape as I was last year, at this time.
I waited and waited and my reward finally came, I'm in this peaceful state now, content and immune to any feminine charms thank God.

The Ferral Punk House anti Fly bag

They claim that a bag of water over the door repels flies, I think there may be something to it, there were very few flies in the house.
Will Ood said they may have been born there.

The Boy

He now wears a kilt, its way easier to piss and potty train, he lives in hay all the time so it's not a big deal, I just won't ever take him to cafes.
He had an accident that I didn't notice and I was humiliated and shocked to find the owner mad at me.
Now we just keep him on the grass and hay