Thursday, June 26, 2008

"Hey lady passion can be a curse, I have too much pa-"

I like that I have to look at a lot of maps and plan my days well.
I like that I move my home every 12 hours or so.
I like that there are so many nice folks who ask me to come visit them.
I like taking showers in strange bathrooms.
I love that my friend Joseph let me shower at his place tonight, I needed some hot water to soften up my foot skin and let a piece of glass out.
For a joke; I thought about coming out and saying "Thanks for the shower, it feels good to shave" still sporting my full beard, I wanted them to wonder what I shaved and with what did I shave it.


After the wold night on Hawthorne, I went to my favorite ex wifes house for some kid time.
I pulled in just in time for house cleaning day, I took care of the kids while the ferral punks worked on the house, we played and had a good time.
When night had fallen, I took lots of books from the free porch and rode Caffiene's jankyest bike to all the bus stops I could find leaving two books on each bench.
Once I found a bus route book from 1983 at a bus stop.
I hope someone is stoked to find the radical woman's handbook that I left on Foster and 52nd SE.
Jessie (aka Lil Ass) was also squating the ferral punk house, my heart, my eyes, my soul and my mind did backflips when beholding Caffeine and Jessie in the same yard like we all were this time last year.
My relasionship with them was a big deal at the clown house and I hadn't seen much of either of them since last summer.
I only need to hear one of the laugh for me to be happy, when I hear them both giggle...I faint.
When
i pulled out of the Ferral Punk house, all the children chanted "Bye Bye Daddy, see ya next time"!
They were so loud I could hear them sending me off two blocks away, kids I didn't sire were saying "bye bye daddy" to me, I must look a hundred years old to them.
Next I found a lovley spot to park under a huge tree, I did feel a bit guilty for having so much paradise, I gotta stop feeling bad for doing well.
I had been eating fatty garbage food at the punk house, being one of the only meat eaters around there I get the milk chocolate stuff and the meat pastries...yuck.
So at the new spot I aimed near a grocery store, I found the house of that fellah who has a pink bike helmet but makes out with girls.
I went to his window and introduced myself, I asked if he minded if I parked in front of his house for a spell, he was really cool about it, so was his girlfriend.
'My pals who live in a big truck came by, they reportad to me that the cops are utilizing the high gas prices to force them away from the Lauralhurst park side streets that they like to stop at, unlike me, they get kicked out of places a lot.
The cops make them move every few hours and that costs so much gas they may have to abandon the house if things get worse.
I help them out as much as I can, they are good people.
If you ever need something fixed let me know, this fella bill is a crack mechanic and a handy man, he just needs some work.
I lazed around while the sun was up, listening to my radio and eating lots of raw veggies like yams and broccoli.
For the first time since I moved outside, my hands were dirty and I needed a sink and some soap and couldn't find any, I didn't want to eat with my bare hands after using a porto-potty, I went to Muddy Waters Coffee House and they did me right.
When I got home my phone rang, it was a woman I know.
"Where are you?"
I told her where I was and where I was going, my friends like to park at 30th and Stark, she drove right over.
She and her 7 year old son had run away from home, they wanted to camp out with me.
The boy was loud as young boys are, I didn't tell her how much young kids freak me out, I just said we should move away from the quiet spot and go to a place that they wouldn't give me away at; 30th ande Stark.
I told her to drive her bus over there and soon we were both parked by the abandoned hospital, the boy and his mom went out walking and I watched tv in my bike (lol, I got a battery operated telivision from a garage sale for $4).
She put him to bed in her van and came into my bike house.
We hadn't said much to eachother until then, I said "How are you?"
She just looked at me and said, "My man will never make a house wife out of me, he has no passion."
"Hey lady passion can be a curse, I have too much pa-"
"I know" she jumped me, ripping my clothes off and at the same time handing me a string of condoms.
We cuddled, screwed, and cuddled some more, it was really fun, I don't usually like doing that with anyone I'm not in love with.
Next day I woke early and struck camp, I went to a cafe, she came by later and thanked me for a wonderful night, I like that we may never meet like that again or we may do that every week, who knows.
I really liked her back, chest, shoulders and neck.
The Muddy Waters people asked resident artist to change my billboard, now instead of my face all big there is a cartoon of me pulling my house bike YA!
Tonight is Open Mic at Muddy Waters Coffee house, if you want your big break, get here before 6 and make sure you are on the list.
Mention "Shagging in a house bike" and I'll buy you a beer.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

look at this...

a few days of living on the streets of Portland, in a house bike....

Opening doors
The world took a grateful shift when last night, I went to Col.Sumner Park (last Sunday).
I rocked the house bike in the shade of a tree and watched this dood go through a mess of circus tricks.
I sat there for a couple of hours, teaching myself, learning how to sit and do nothing, not easy.
It has never been easy for me to sit still and when I learned that I could use that for creating stuff, I was on.
After a bit I went into the hood and came back out on a tall bike I had stashed nearby.
I bought two hot dogs and gave him choice of onions and mustard or ketchup and olives.
We ate and talked and quickly came up with an act.
A few kids came up to us that were playing "Bigger or Better" they traded a bannanna for Dan the juggler and Dingo the clown, we were paraded around and it was a fun distraction.
Food not bombs was feeding nearby so we decided that we would have a captive audience to try this new act on.
He had a slew of tricks and we practiced with me doing music and barking, people started to look and clap.
Hell we havnt even started yet and people were digging us, it was the boogie, my man can dance.
We went to the feeding, a car drove up, it had a decal across the front PARK RANGER.
Two officers came out, they made a bee line to your's truely.
"Zis thing got a motor of any kind?" pointing at my house.
I told her all about it, we made friends then she asked "Are you one of the Food Not Bombs Leaders?
I accidently said no but nodded yes, she said, "great well will you have your people clean up better, last time you left the place trashed".
I wasn't there last week or a part of whats going on other than showing up to entertain and spred good will.
I still apologised for the whole and told her I would make sure the place was clean after folks left...and I did.
A woman overheard me saying it was time to get a bite to eat, it was all gone by the time our set was over.
I would tell you more about the act but it's a live thing, it messes it up to put it to words.
She brought me to her place several blocks away, she was a stripper named Cherry Blosom, she was tired.
She had been living the fast life for some time, she seemed quite young but her eyes have seen some things.
"I came here from a very conservative community, this place changed my life."
We hung out and I ate, she was cutting nude photos out of a stack of dumpstered Playboys, not bad, some Penthouse, the pages wern't wavy or smelly like the jack mags of my youth.
She wanted to be in the circus, she wanted to know about the numbers, what works for the best payout and if it may be more lucritive to do clown stripping.
I had just been thinking about Will Workforf Ood, then out of the blue he called, on his way to a Solstice ride, he dropped in and took photos while our hostess, stuck matches to her nipples and attempted to light them with pure titty power.
I have some photos, they don't quite tell the story.
It was getting dark, we all split ways and i went looking for coffee and a place to write and draw.
My search went longer than I thought possible, it was amazing, everyone had booze no coffee.
A young man walked up on me as I stopped at a light.
He was sporting a suitcase of beer, "Dingo the Clown gets a beer YEAAAAAH!"
He couldn't hear me say I don't drink and in seconds I was the proud new owner of a 12 oz. Natural Ice.
I threw it in my house knowing it would be a good bribe to some unlucky stiff.
I drifted up streets to Hawthorne and 5?nd to a house that I had been to before, some of it's denizens had been to my open mic.
I connected with a couple who were in the parking lot and then after plugging in my lap top and phone,had mac n cheese with a sweet, charming lady who took my breath away.
I slept well and dremt nice dreams.

Woke up and ignored my morning ritual just to be an anarchist, well I did pee.
I moved my house to another cafe a few clicks away.
I moved areound a lot, I roamed until I found a spot to play my guitar and make some dough.
Then to Muddy Waters where we discussed a new pay structure for me, see summer is slower and now I get a precentage.
That sucks for the summer but rocks when the weather starts to get cold again.
I'll have to find some new industries to get into, all my normal shills are drying up.
I'm thinking of hussling enough green to buy a bad ass snow shovel and huge Hiway department style broom and do some badass sweeping jobs for folks.
That stuff could velcro to the side of my house easy.
I washed my house with some good old soap and water, it looks innocent and shiney.
If my place looks sharp, nobody will want to give me grief, they just ask a lot of questions.
A house builder gave me the stink eye and at least 15 people, thought I was cool and encouraged me, one fella gave me two bucks.
I didn't need his money but I also didn't want him to lose his sense of giving to a community, so I put it into the first tip jar I ran into.
You really get to know about yourself when you carry your water and pee in jugs, you know day to day how much is in and how much is out.
I may need a monkey to help me out around the house.
Hanging out around "The Triple Nickle" on Belmont I ran into some folks who were getting ready for a rager (party) they knew who I was and invited me to stay and entertain at the shindig.
I called as many people as I could but couldn't come up with any good circus workers at such short notice.
I wanted Will Workforf Ood or my man Dan.
My tit lighting friend showed up but she was in hussling mode and decided to try her luck downtown, she quickly went through the crowd sizing everyone up, what a woman...a scarry woman.
We played a lot of music for the folks and I got treated really nice.
I found on the street:
Bag of weed, full pack of ciggs (I don't smoke but I do bribe) bunch of beer and a back pack full of other great trade goods.
I made over $100 in tips busking and trading with the drunks, I'm in my element, I really did well.
It was too drunk in the party to plug in my lap top for recharging so it ran out as I sat in my house playing Wesnoth.
I took a lot of breaks to my house to recharge my personality, too bad that didn't recharge my lap top.
Today I have to go down to the Guardino Gallery to take down my Cycleseen art, boy that photo exposition was really expensive, time consuming, and pointless to me.
It suould have said clearly across the top "This is for people with lots of free time and money" I would have avoided it.
I wish it hadn't sucked my ass so hard but still I'm glad to be able to say my stuff has been in a big time gallery.
I have to leave my home parked on the road alone for hours just to bus across town to pick up the last photo, I'm thinking it may be worth it to abandon it all and call it $175 down the drain, I can't carry all that stuff with me.
Best part of last night:
playing music, dancing barefoot, and holding hands with Hazle Monster, I'm getting kind of sweet on her, not all crazy, snotty faced sweet on her, just enough to feel good.

Floated to Walgreens to dump my photos, turns out I just needed to clear off a bunch of photos that were taking up space.
I found myself looking for a parking spot, went to Division and thought I would see how friendly the Stumptown coffee shop.
I walked in with a big smile and waving...
There was a dude at the counter he was writing something, he looked up "We're closed".

"I know, I can tell by the chairs on all the tables, I was just wondering if there would be a problem with me parking over on the corner"?
He looked at me kind of pissy, like I was asking for money, "Uh...you can't block any doors or anything out there."
He didn't really answer my question, he went back to writing and I decided I didn't want to be around that spot.
Some places are great, some ok and some, like Stumptown, always such stuck up bungholes, it's just Coffee!
I went to Hawthorne and found a nice spot near some boxes and a pay phone.
My pad looked like an album cover for a crazy Las Vegas cover band, it was too cool, I had to make myself relax and enjoy the paradise of doing nothing on a fine day.
I watched the Sunday night life for hours, all kinds of life happens when you sit in one spot, most folks are only in any on spot for a moment.
A marimba band was playing down the street, a bunch of them went into a bus stop to practice, I bet it was a couple of hours until they were "ON" and they were making sure to be sharp.
Many times in my life I have went to a bus stop near a venue to practice.
The buss came and went and the driver had a look like, "Of course theres a marimba band playing in a bus stop, it's Portland."

There were no grocery stores around, that sucked, I craved raw fruits and viggies, instead I had Zach's Hot dogs (the Chicago) and some soup with way too many mushrooms.
I felt like Templeton the rat after eating too much junk food. Sitting on Hawthorne, I really had a nice time.
A woman was getting her bike unlocked near my house, to the world I'm just a big silver box, I opened a door and scared the shit out of her.
"Sureal huh?"
"What the Fuck?"
"I said surreal to see a marimba band playing at a bus stop."
"And sureal to see a man pop out of a box on Hawthorne street, thats why I love Portland."
I made a friend, I made a few that night.
It's now several days later, I wish I could blog in real time.
Like what we do? Donation bucket!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

shower

Laundry day and all around clensing fest for the "Flying Flop house" I found a nice spot to hang out at and discovered that theres no reason in the world to eat micro wave burritos, no reason at all.
I moved it on to Wash World on Belmont street, they have internet and a clean operation.
Sticking the whole inside of my house in two washers I was able to upload photos.
When it was all done I threw most of it on the roof and it dried quick.
Then I set up camp at the Muddy Waters Coffee House building and noticed I was filthy with clean clothing.
I asked someone to let me upstairs to where six units share a shower room.
Whats with the plumbing in this town? it's freezing or hot with a hair trigger .
I spent a lot of time dinking with the knobs, I didn't use any soap really, just a few dabs where it's needed.
Drying off with polar fleece was about as absorbant as drying with a handful of rasins.
I cleaned up real nice and now I'm standing outside the venue with my amp blasting the IPOD music and the sides of my rig advertising the nights open mic.
Dollar beers!

where am I?


Joes place


Stayed a few days with Alabama Joseph, it was fun and all the people liked me until the ex cop across the street started with "I usually wouldn't care but are you livin in that"?
He looked disgusted...
"Cuz I'm trying to sell my frikkin house ok, don't stay too long yo."
And I was gone.

an Iron Maiden Car!!!!



I'm all over town seeing all kinds of things at street level, wonder whats next?

upcoming show out of state


I'm at Haven Coffee on Division, they have chocolate for the coffee, I have nothing to do for hours until my show this evening at the Muddy Waters Coffee House.
I do a lot of work in cafes, thats great because I LOVE coffee.
I'm watching two teen aged, twin dwarves (Little People) riding around across the street, on scooters like hellions, I want to invite them to do a show with me but they look really young and they have plenty of time to get into adult shows, they live for a couple hundred years I hear.
It's fun watching people look at them when they arn't looking back, I want to do a zine called "Sneaking a peek" where I find people looking at pretty girls or other interesting humans when they arn't looking.
I used to be so distracted in Eugene Oregon about 13 years ago, I had a job as a fry cook just off the university campus.
Everyday it would happen, just as I have a vat of something boiling in my hands, a herd of super hot ladies would march by pointing and staring at my mohawk, I would always try and look as good as I could and end up spilling hot liquid down my pants...all the better I guess.
My IPOD isn't connecting to the internet, everything else is working, the cafe rebooted the system twice, I guess that means I have to quit dropping the IPOD.
Last night I parked across from a restraunt with a wicked wifi hotspot, it's fun to be in a little box full of gadgets, I had so much fun I forgot to go find water and woke up parched.
A couple of fellas from that neighborhood dropped in to see what the silver box was, one ended up inviting me to the house for a drink of water and a smoke, I forgot to fill my jug then, see what herb does to you?
He was an automotive fashion designer prodigy in Ohio who was ready for a long career at General Motors designing interiors and with the goal of making General Motors as gay as possible.
He stupidly got drunk and then tried some cocaine at his graduation party, a week later he got hair folicle tested and lost it all, now he lives in Portland and washes dishes.
See kids! Weed, coffee, are OK in moderation, booze and coke will screw you over.
I told him he has a new lease on life and that he should try and do something he has never done before.
Simon Dimond has been my acting agent lately, he calls up venues and tells them in a thick brooklin accent.
"Hey Yo, I went to your place, it's all good and everything but the host you had was a bit dry, what you need is some Dingo the Clown runnin this shin dig, he's the best yo.!"
Then he invites them to a gig and calls me, now the pressure is on to do well.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The phone rang,

The phone rang, I was 10 feet up on Broadzilla (a tall bike) in the air riding down Yamhill street to where my house bike was parked.
I was headed to a gig on the other side of town so I was in a hurry.
I answered the phone and it was an employee of Walgreens, WTF?
"Hi This is ****ch** from Wallgreens, I had a question, Do you have a partner in your show?"
"No not really I went solo last month why?"
"The another shift worker left a message, a woman was in, a blonde woman, she was developing photos of you and claiming it was her show, is this right? is there a copyright issue?"
"Um...no theres no problem, it's ok, but Thanks for looking out for old Dingo!"

WOW! that was cool, Walgreens has thier stuff nailed, dialed and in style, thanks yall, sure glad you read my blog!
Hats off to you for looking out, the copyright stuff is clearly written on all the reciepts and posted on the wall, it's a big deal to some.
I hung up and made a mental note to do something nice for them and soon!
I went to my "Inner wild one" and asked what the balanced way to feel about this issue, (I have gotten a lot more ferral since living in a 24 hour life survival mode) I hear stuff like this a lot.
I can only hope to be the best man I can be, so I try and be nice and fair.
I got into position, activated my temple and quickly an image of a Cicada bug..or actually the shell of one.
For those who don't know, a Cicada bug lives underground for 18 years and then one summer night it climbes out from underground, sheds it's skin and hangs in the air drying it's wings, in this time they are vulnerable, a lot of them are eaten, only the strong and lucky live on to sing loudly, fly, and fuck eachother all night until they all die of old age or become bird food in September.
Behind they leave shells of the former bug, made of thin ectoderm.
In my vision, I saw a spider touting such a shell while running to the web.
The real bug just had a teriffic breakfast date this morning.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Skelital farm house:


Theres Caffeine after her clown gig
Skelital farm house:
I'm having a morning smoke and a cup of coffee while watching my kids and dog play in the garden.
Don't worry I'm not into any tobacco, I'm smoking ganja mixed with skull cap.
Just a little relaxing smoke and java after waking up at 6 (in my ex wifes bed) and making the kids breakfast.
I have been pulling into her yard at her house and tagging her out, she leaves and I take over being the oldest fool in the house.
I usually sleep in my trailer with the baby moniter on my chest but last night I passed out on her bed exhausted after fighting the two year old to sleep, I had to resort to "Psy-Ops" to get him down, I may have hypnotized myself too.
I hope she don't return to find her bed smells of clownfeet, that would piss me off.
I like how well they get along here, they are living in a style that reminds me of pages before the Clown House was so big, when it used to be just another punk house.
Caffeine has showed them a lot of tricks that we lived by in the Portland Punk Houses of the 90s.
I'm talking about when the focus of the house wasn't all about making a living off of personality and undermining the stupidity of government, we used to be happy with the simpler goal of punk rock, drinking, having little to no carbon footprint and of course...undermining the stupidity of government.
This place smells like all the other great punk houses I remember...awful...good awful.
They grey water/bucket flush here, that means that sinks have pipes removed and empty into 5 gallon buckets, bathwater is left too.
Old water is rotated to the bathroom where it flushes the toilettes, the water from the laundry fills the garden, this is how I have lived too many moons ago, it's cool to see them at it.
They want to fill all the grass space with food growing...Ya think thats a good idea?
Yes it is,
Grass is so stupid, what an idiotic, useless crop, the summer brings constant mowing all around the place, it disgusts me...ick.
Today one of the old boys next door got to blowing the dust and debris from in front of his parents house, this moron blew it all down the street at all the other neighbors houses, now his moms house looks like the A hole that covered everyones cars in dust.
The folks who live here that don't have children still do a lot of baby tending, it's as important as growing food and all the other stuff they do, they respect the kids, they arn't a chore like they are to me (lol).
It's so nice taking care of my kids on thier own turf, it's way easier, they do Food Not Bombs here, that means there is so much free food around that I have to leave the house a lot to keep from getting sick from over eating.

Thats Anya and Meghan, they just scored a whole truck load of Tofurkey!

The dude next to her is James.

This is one of the most ferral tribes I have ever lived near, they are colorful with sticks and feathers in thier hair, they are already warning me that as soon as it gets hot enough they will all most likely be naked a lot, thats cool with me.
They have a free box section of the porch it's full of garage sale type stuff, it changes a lot.
The free food section of the porch has a fridge full of goodies and boxes of veggies.
They sometimes have just garbage, the food rots and the free box is just full of detritus, most times theres something, I'm waiting to help out with a dump run.
We went to a garage sale and I got a huge cammo net for my trailor bike, it was fun, I may go garage saleing today but the thing is, I have only the size of a footlocker to keep stuff so I may buy stuff I can't keep.
I got the kiddo's fed and before bed Meghan, (a swarthy, roomate here) played a Prince record for us.
We had a nice dance party.
While we were dancing, James (another punker that lives here) came in with a perplexed look on his face.
They don't hear much 80s pop music around here and they were both babies when that disk came out.
I asked Meghan , "Should we let him off the hook?"
She lowered the volume and then spiked it for thje song "Purple Rain" nice Meghan!
James is from the East coast and then grew his punk wings in the American South West, we have one thing in common and that is that we both have seen a lot of human on human carnage in our time, if you walk up on us talking and we are both laughing, you may listen in and be horrified, we both come from violent parts of the south and we are both damaged from it, joking makes it less terrible.
I got my baby monitor and layed down in my bike house, I heard the dead bolt on the front door lock and then it dawned on me, "what good is a monitor if I'm locked out and two floors away from my kids"?
I went around, climbed a fence barefoot and eventually got into the house, I bedded down on the couch downstairs, I don't like sleeping in Caffeines bed because it hurts my back, I also don't want her bed smelling of "Ex-dude" if she brings a date home.
I never say anything when I smell other bull male humans on my dates or girlfriends but I do notice, I'm really in touch with my primal side and often it's a deal breaker to smell other bulls.
I didn't know that where I was sleeping was in the direct path of a rat super highway, the two rats that live here run free and the couch is a major hub on the nighjt time activities.
They messed around on my face, got in my toes and eventually I got sick of it and moved on, when I got up and shook my blanket, rats fell out, it was cool.

Bruce pissed in a potty!
Bruce has another little boy named Andrew living in the house, they are great for teaching eachother about the potty, they also kick each other asses a lot, we are working with them.
Robin is the coolest kid in the world I enjoyed all the stuff we have done so far, we went on a treasure hunt, went shopping, the girl has mad skills and good instincts.

It's fathers day and I'm doing fatherly things, drinking coffee, micro maneging little fuzzy things and feeding everyone.
I broke the kitchen down and scrubbed some walls, I like to be an asset to the house, this one's pretty happy with your friend and nerrator (C.W.O.ref).
I ran out of Caffeine brand dog food, it comes in a can...a bean can, see she takes a big stock pot of animal parts into the garage.
There are vegans in the house so she cooks meat outside, so she cooks the meat and adds some rice and healthy stuff, then whala mammal food, it gets divided between the two kids and the dog, thing is, I ran out of dog rations, she freezes the dog's food in cans for when she is away, I'm telling you, she ruined women for me, the lady can do anything, anywhere at any time.
RPM was riding Bam around on her bike and when he caused her to bail she threw herself into the rose thorns to keep him from injuring himself, then HE cried, what a chump!
Will buried some wood in the driest part of the garden so it would hold water, cool huh?

Monday, June 16, 2008

fathers day



I spent fathers day in a ferral punk house doing what Dads do, parenting.
I also learned what GOLF stands for: Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.
Workforc was there too, we wore tights and got oggled by the punk girls,it was fun.
I don't know how to get my house bike over the bridge and to city hall this Tue.

Friday, June 13, 2008

just had a great Open Mic

Cheers to all who kicked ass!
My faves:
JR Soap Box
AJ Rock
the chello guy

hope it's ok to share this Matt

Hey Dingo,

This is Matt Steadman, over in Alberta. We've met a couple times, I wrote an article about you guys in the Concordia Neighborhood Paper and you had perform at one of the concerts in the park.

Anyways, sorry to read about all the drama that's been inflicted on you.

I was recently reading Another Roadside Attraction by Tom Robbins and thought you might enjoy this passage.

The clown is a creature of chaos. His appearance is an affront to our sense of dignity, his actions a mockery of our sense of order. The clown (freedom) is always being chased by the policeman (authority). Clowns are funny precisely because their shy hopes lead invariably to brief flings of (exhilarating?) disorder followed by crushing retaliation from the status quo. It delights us to watch a careless clown break taboos; it thrills us vicariously to watch him run wild and free; it reassures us to see him slapped down and order restored. After all, we can condone liberty only up to a point. Consider Jesus as a ragged, nonconforming clown, laughed at, persecuted and despised-playing out the dumb show of his crucifixion against the responsible pretensions of authority.

If you haven't read this book and you get a chance, it's a great read.

Laters,
Steadman

Thanks Matt, your really a sweet guy.
Remember that my blog is getting moments in time, it may make me look like I'm unhappy for days but actually I'm really happy and most of my fireworks go off as planned.
Much Love
Dingo

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Greshes.

OK now It's morning and I'm at Tiny's coffee shop, I stupidly tried to get into my house without properly securing it and busted a bolt.
Darn! and I knew better, see I was stopping at Starbucks, not my usual digs but I had a coupon, I went into the house to get it quickly and blamo, busted a bolt, well I know better now.
I had a coupon!
I hit up the hardwear store a few blocks away and picked up some $1.35 cent bolts that fit my house.
I need some good tools, I had to make do with my hands.
I got a pump from the hardwear store on Division SE and it was such a turd, it hardly filled my tire because the pressure was too much.
It acted like I was asking it too much to fill my front wheel tire w slow leak.
I brought it back after hauling it with me for days and passed it back over the counter.
The goon at the desk looked at me, blinked and then called a manager, she came out, picked up the pump and turned away from me, she never looked me in the eye and did a few other clues that told me she was afraid of something.
That was confusing, I sometimes forget how creepy I am.
She kept turning it over in her hands and looking confused, the line was being held up and the guy behind the counter was like...WTF?
She said "It just don't look like it's malfunctioning..."
I only carryed that thing with me to get my dough back, I didn't think it was out of line to get a refund, I said, "Get a flat out there lady and see how well the pump works."
She nodded at the goon and sighed (B.T.W. I don't mean goon in a bad way, he was a hansom, inteligent goon)he gave me my money back, lucky they had sold out of shitty pumps or the fight would have lasted a lot longer.
It just dawned on me that they thought I was using the tool and then returning it after using it...ooooooooooh, I get it now.
So next week when I have some more money, I'll buy a pump from them, but a good quality one, then I'll tell them the tail and clear me name....sigh.
Tiny's had good coffee, great juice and the lady behind the counter liked my pig tails.
I have been taking plenty of time to stretch, meditate, concentrate energy, and of course, write matierial.
Pushing all those bikes, living hard, and eating right have made my body really strong, thats a bad thing when the muscles are trained for high action, they spasm when at rest, I have taken to slipping out of my house at night and hunting invisible prey.
If I paint up my house to look like a circus gypsey wagon then it won't be invisable anymore, when I pull up next to a construction site, people just assume it's a big piece of equipment, the shine is great for heat shedding too would hate to lose that.
It's also a shame not to paint on all that blank space.
I have a gig tonight at Muddy Waters coffee house for the big open mic event, then it's over to my childrens house for some kid weekendage.
Tuesday I'm going to try and haul my ass from 52nd and Foster all the way to city hall...um...by myself, what an epic run, it should be fun and I bet I pick up some friends on the way.
I want to take a long bike trip with someone, like a bike up to Beaverton to look at beavers or to Greshham to look at Greshes.
Looks like a fine day in Portland, as soon as I hit the road, the sun came out.
I got my hands on some Dawg Snax for Caffeine, it was cool to go in and do the thing, I'm thinking about re-starting a SE Dawg Snax franchise, I want a new way to earn a living and that's a good one, I could pull that off in a week, if it's cool with Caff, I'm sure it would only boost her buissness.

been in a lot of cafe and nightclub bathrooms lately...

Whats wrong with people's butts?
It's amazing the patterns iv'e been seeing in bowls and comodes far and wide.
It must be the water.
Tiny's on Hawthorne is a cool parking spot, I looked at traffic and drew comics.
I came up with some cool stuff, I'm working on a comic book, it,a pretty funny so far.
I went from low rent to no rent and I saved a bunch of money in the bank, now all I gotta do is write some funny stuff while I have the chance.
Real friends are popping out of the wood work, it's been great re-connecting.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I'm camped at division and 32nd tonight ( until I get a better offer) it's nice and quiet.
I'm becoming more happy the aloner I get.
I like that I can make it dark anytime I want, I love dark places.
My life was all about the tribe, the family,the gang...now its all about taking care of myself.
I'm getting a bit like a friendly Golem.
its funny that I woke up around 33rd and NE Prescot and bedded down on Division SE,the bedroom stayed the same.
Everyday a different front yard,lots of pic,s soon.

my pad on wheels



"The Flying Flop House"

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I'm at home base in North East

I just got into the Alberta street community.
I broke down and then hobbled over to City Bikes on Acne, those people are rock stars.
They were kind of like the folks you meet backstage at big events...maybe it was just that it was morning, it took forever to make sense of it all.
Finally a lady with blonde hair saw how stupid I looked and showed me the right wheel to buy.
I liked the big guy who was spilling out of his shirt, he reminded me of the back stage people.
Now I'm on Alberta, I may camp at Buddah sprout's place tonight, rrrrrrrrrr!

Tue. Open Mic Alberta!

Now I'm in my home turf again, I'm outside of Sound Grounds Cafe.
Tonight I'm landing in North East for the Swap Meet/ Open Mic at the Star E Rose cafe on 24th street and Alberta.
As I left Caffeine's house I noticed that I was much heavier than I was used to, thats odd because I was giving away a lot of my favorite stuff just to lose wieght.
It was my left side trailor rim and it was (now I'm coining a phrase) shedding spokes at an alarming rate, I had to limp it from 52nd and Powel to Belmont and 37th.
Along the way I met a meth-american who gave me a whole 24" wheel to go where my 26 lives, I installed it and now thats what I'm running.
My plan today is get another wheel and pedal out to NE Alberta for a swap meet/open mic.
Last Open mic was packed but nobody was buying anything, thats how I get paid, this time I saked the folks to bring some trade goods.
I wish they had equipment at Star E Rose, I have to truck it from SE to make open mic happen.
Yesterday I had a sweet date with my son Bruce, it was awsome, we tore up some coffee shops and roamed some streets.

Monday, June 09, 2008

adventures so far


Odessy of the box
Funny how when life throws you a curve, ya gotta make fruit Loops out of them.
My room mates were bad friends so I had to leave, I didn't care where, friends who screw you arn't safe to be around.
They didn't deserve the gifts that come with my friendship.
I was gonna leave before I got onto the second gear of aggitation (Hostile, Chimp brutality).
I could have led with an iron fist, I could have yelled and screamed, but naahhh, I wanted them to learn and teach with me.
I encouraged them, tought them a lot of tricks and stayed on thier side, they just turned into assholes.
One night, I was coming home from doing some horse trading in North East, I was mad that my so called friend always asked if I needed any help only after I was done, I cant really blame de jerk for being distracted by a woman, it happens to all of us but he was distracted by two, the girlfriend and the mother substitute, then add that he was always congradulating himself for being so bad ass, and you have a monster.
Good clown, bad friend, I wish I hadn't asked him here from Texas, he was so loyal before, I never thought Skye was loyal, I never had any reason to, thats ok I just worked around it, sometimes it's even helpful to have a self centered bully around.
Enough drama, Those guys don't deserve my friendship, now I'm free and if theres anything going wrong, it's my fault.
I ran into Brian C. a fella who lives in a bike near 20th and Powel SE.
I had been telling people that I was moving into my bike a lot.
It was during my stand up act that I came up with the idea, and now here I am looking at a guy who has made a career of living in a bike.
I paid him off quickly and was gone in a week, out in the world in a giant ice chest on wheels.
First stop, my kids place for my bi monthly weekend custody.
I havn't really spent any time around where my kids live until now, I pulled my bike in front of the ex old lady's pad and it was good.
I piled lots of trash on and around my rig and it vanished into the debris field, Caff told me that a huge pile of trash is more offensive to her neighbors than a hillbilly clown living in the yard.
Heck yeah, we just got a lead on a gig hosting a kids open mic here.
My little girl may be the circus partner Iv'e been waiting for, she is highly trained, she really cares aboutr me and she will work free as long as I feed her.
it's great to be able to lend my abilities to this household (Caffeine's) and fill in any gaps, I did yard work and K.P. duty.
I'm turning into Workforf Ood or at least I have a simular career path, I'll live all over and have little piles of stuff that I visit at all my friends places.
The punks gave me the key to the city: thier house anyway.
The kids running the Boise House have come a long way in thier time on Earth, they have overcome some dificult challenges and are now full on trying to do good for the world,
They care about a lot of things that I care about, plus some stuff that cracks me up, my Pantera shirt is cracking them up, I got it from thier free porch.
I guess in the punk scene what you wear is important so people fuss over what you do and don't wear and the kind of music you listen to, I like the shirt because it's warm and unworn.
Boy! they are super nice and now becoming fast friends, trust is hard for me but this gang is pretty transperant.
Seeing Will and Bizzy was a god send, i missed them, I filled my eyes and ears with them while we hung out.
I was thinking, "This is messed up, losing my home and ending up at my Ex Wifes home." but actually it's cool.
I pay child support, in a way thats rent so it's cool that I'm here as long as I'm not a jerk.
I showed up and Caffeine took off for the weekend, I could sleep in her bed but I like my house and I don't want her bed smelling like me anymore. it's good to stay near the babies, I have a monitor in my house.
The kids house is home to the dog Banjo (who may be leaving with me soon) three cats, and two rats.
They don't know which rat has what name because they are identical, huge, white rats.
They never have a locked cage so they run loose all over the place, I have been watching the one who likes to roam the kitchen, that image of a rat eating scraps off a cutting board and then someone cooking on it would gross out most people, I'm sure.
Eventually the weekend ended, Caffeine came home after a well deserved rest with her friends.
I pulled out of the punk house and went back to my old hood.
Now I gotta think about maps:
Not just how to get from point A to B but what grade the road is, in my mind I have to know how to get around using mostly flat ground if I can. The Alameda rift is the biggest and baddest pitch yet.
My rig is light but also heavy when moving with momentum.
I went to my old house on the last day of the month to get my stuff, if they hadn't been such assholes to me I would have done a better job cleaning up, they deserve eachother, I deserve better friends than that.
I was supportive, helpful, encouraging, they just acted like cliquish pricks, they crapped on my whole deal.
I filled my bikehouse with as much as I could, left paintings on my neighbors porches and sacrificed the rest of the rubber chickens, many paintings made it to friends houses and I'm mostly drawing comics now anyway.
Art is easy, to me it's harder not to do art, like avoiding a slow moving baby, I will circumnavigate and restart the act, art and fandingo.
I parked outside Muddy Waters Coffee House, getting there was a challenge, see my rig is now really heavy.
With all my stuff, I'm gonna need to be a real pilot, this is really hard and I'm an expert!
I had bought a bike that was 21 gears for $40 the only problems were that the front wheel was warped from being kicked in, it's also a couple of sizes too small, thats why it was $40.
I sacrificed my favorite touring bike "Little Texas" and robbed it of it's oversized handle bars.
Now I can stand up and controle better, I asked some of my street droogs to get me a new front wheel, they are working on it.
Riding down hills is just as tricky as moving up them, with my wobble wheel I'm shifting around on the street and fish tailing a lot, then I better hope the one brake and my feet work when I get to the bottom.
It feels like I'm a puppet and the house is the hand up my ass, it decides to pitch me in the air and I go in the air wow!
People keep looking at me like I'm crazy:
...living in a syrofoam ice chest, they think I'm gonna get robbed, beat up, attacked, they think they are safe in the house...it's the same.
I'm a big boy, a trained soldier, a wizard, hyper vigilant and I would imagine a handful when cornered in a little box.
I'm not worried, I have lived on the street in Nashville, Huston, Dallas, San Antonio, Santa Fe, all up and down highway ten and only got over my head once, in Jacksonville Florida and thats because I got sick from the weather.
Portland is like a cartoon city to me, I have to keep myself in check to avoid eating the population!
I went from battle grizzly Corpus Christi Texas to Minneapolis MN. once in the early 90s, I did eat a portion of the population and learned my lesson, I miss those people, I hurt them too bad to ever return, I won't make that mistake again, few cities are as wonderful as Portland, they need to be protected, even from me.
The people I'm moving away from are very lucky they didn't betray me during the 90's they would have been in real trouble.
I ask "Do I stink?":
No worries now though, everyone I run into seem to like me and they all keep offering me showers.
"No just thought you would want one."
Meghan, my ex girlfriend that I'm still in love with and can't keep my hands off of, convinced me to take a shower at her place after telling me how nice i smelled...WTF? If she hadn't suggested that I get a savings account I wouldn't have had the money to do this, THANKS STINK!
I had to leave my rig at Alabama Joe's house so I could fetch my son and deal with other things, I didn't worry about it, they are all cool and nobody wants my stuff anyway.
The bike fleet that I'm in charge of is scattered all over creation, I'm hoping to find my friend Toaster and see if his truck works, then I can get them all in pone place, the tall bikes are going to become tent posts soon.
I'm living in public dog!
"Dog" is what Rasta Man (the builder of my house) calls everyone.
One thing I noticed, if you don't remember if it's an emergency bathroom jug...then it IS.
I don't have too many problems with it, there is always someone peeking in my windows, I don't have curtains yet.
I learned (on accident) that is I stay naked [in my house] people aproaching see enough skin to avoid getting too close.
The nakeder I get, the warmer my room gets, it has one window vent and a door for air, I have to keep a vent open or death happens, I gotta be on my game or it's gonna be game over.
It's a giant ice chest:
Monday night was kind of creepy, I parked on the street next to Sound Grounds On Belmont street SE, the Triple Nickle was across the street and lots of people were partying, laughing and having a good time, thats incense for my ears but then when they got into cars and strarted to go home, it got concerning, I'm kind of in a foil shoe box in the street eeeeeeee!,
I got wet moving my little rig off the street, then went to the 24 hour Walgreens and shopped until I dried out, I bought a radio with a crank so I didn't need batteries...I like it.
To do this, I saved a lot of money all winter and worked hard, I'm so glad but soon I will have to start earning a lot of dough to pay child support and such, my show biz gigs pay pretty good and some horse trading is great, I sell art too.
Portland streets are full of gold if you know where to look, cans, bottles are a trickle of money, I won't tell all my money makers but I will tell you that flat cans on the sidewalk are worth more money, the more of them you have, everything is recycleable to someone, I bet you could make a nice living recycling baby food jars!
Decoys and red herrings:
I don't think creepo's read my blog so I'll tell you, by my door, I keep a small bag of dirt weed and a wallet full of fake money and magic spells in the hopes that if someone breeches my door looking for treasure they will get something I don't need and then they will have a magical paint trail for me to follow.
Sounds kooky but I can't mess with what Iv'e known to be the way to do things most of my life.
Iv'e yet to climb the hill that seperates SE from NE, I have a gig in NE so it's gonna be time to rock or fail with my belingings all over the road...no pressure!
I'm in my spot on Alberta street, it's awsome
It's raining and I'm dry, I'm so glad Caffeine has taught me how to enjoy the simple things like the sound of rain on a good roof, warmth and food.
I met a man who loves keeping turtles:
Todd kept turtles in his home land of Florida, he claims they teach him about time and how we spend it. I eat like a turtle...kinda, my favorite diet is raw veggies like yams, broccoli and carrots, I like simple meats too.
You can go see Todd at the Footprint gallery on 24th and Alberta NE.
We had a sparse gig, I was too busy with moving and kids to promote the show properly but it was fun.
A kid i watched grow into a teen had a gun, it was crappy to see him all gangstered out after being such a sweet little boy.
My friend missed me:
My friend Axle Grease called, she missed me and thinks I'm hot.
I needed to feel wanted, desired, I needed my body rubbed, she came over and we did a "clothes on" dressed rehearsal of what "getting it on" in the trailor would be like.
My heart is somewhere else so I didn't get kissy or mushy but a chest rub and some naughty calistenics with the harpy, was cool.
Met my new neighbors:
Todd is so cool, he runs the Footprint Gallery on Alberta, we sat up one night, just a bunch of men in a circle passing stories and having a good time, we ended up telling them that Jonny D and my kids grew up in the very room we were in, they were glad to hear it.
They genuinelly want a good energy around them at all times.
Next to the clown house
Met my old nieghbors: Jonny D. and Gary and Bobby Pannama, One night Jonny, Dwight and I watched a Tan Suburban (S.U.V.) side swipe the car of some of the Christian ex gang bangers.
It's the group home across from the old Clown House, Dwight chased them on his bike and reported thier position to the Christian'os, they lit out after them like hunting dogs.
Now theres new meaning to the phrase; "bible thumper"... those Jeezuz Chrispy's are hard core.
We came up with a great name for a bowl legged stilt walker, "Scissors".
Framed:
Got some frames for photos that are gonna hang on the walls of Tea Time on Alberta, I made some dough last night so that's gonna cover the cost, I didn't like trucking around those large format prints, they were getting banged up.
Too Late: I left my belongings alone on Alberta Street and took the bus out to NW Portland, I had thought that the tea shop that would house my photos was on Alberta, nope it was in the Pearl district and drop time was between 8 and9, shmit!
I got to Tea Zone and they looked at me like I was a jerk, they were barely helpful, they kept passing me off to eachother, I felt like a major pain in thier asses and all I wanted was some answers.
That blew, it was expensive and took a long time but I did meet a delightful ped cab driver named Adona, she had fairy wings and a green TUTU!
I guess I would have rolled with her where ever she was going, she took me to my destination.
After many busses I walked passed my friend Bethany, she was all decked out in City of Portland help squad gear, it was raining so she had the big green hat and was bundled, she said hi.
I didn't recognize her, i thought the city was after me, later I got lost enough to find her and her friend and ask directions, thats when I reaized that she was actually the hottest women you would ever want to see on roller skates, she IS as hot as she thinks she is and I have watched her for hour at bike events over the years.
I was amazed and happy to get directions from someone who could break it down into stupid language so I understood.
Stories:
I told a lot of stories about my life in Texas and all over the country, since I don't live in a house any longer it's pretty sweet to have the time away from the boob tube to go out and have real conversations.
UUUGH!:
I went on a nice date with Meghan to Laughing Planet, I had the rice and beans, it was ok, we cuddled and it was nice until it ended...
She put me on her phone plan!
Yup, we went to the mall and she trusted me to not burn her on the bill, isn't that nice?
I waited until she had signed the contract before revealing that according to my research, %50 of all tv court cases are about phone plans, it's like a baby except you can bounce your phone off the wall and get another one cheap.
She just helped me stop using the track Phone, that was sucky to have to pay all those feds for a rip off deal.
Thats designed to rip off the poor.
I stayed at Alabama Joe's house: well in his driveway, I love those folks, them and thier neighbors let me camp there whenever I want, me blocking the van makes them have to bike more and then it saves them money.
We played music and in the morning his wife Emily brought me breakfast WOW!
I had some good and bad times in that neighborhood, great show, good friends but crappy in the romance department, this lady beat me up emotionally I moved on to far South East.
I rumbled to where someone was waiting for me to do laundry and dinner, I did find my mark after several large hills.
I stopped into Meticon Bike show on Foster to get my front rim replaced and back wheels trued, Seth hooked me up really well and his homie took pictures of him working on my rig, "I never worked on a house bike before."
I had to jettison more of my stuff because it was too heavy, it was warping my tires.
Not really in the Love space but very into exploring:
I hung out with a lady who is nice but I'm not in a "love space" with, I really wanted to shag in my house bike though and she was fine with that.
I had been saving myself for the longest time, Ther girl I really like has been trying to talk me out of it from the gate, she may have succeeded.
I pulled away from my friends house at 5 am and lumbered over to Caffeine Jones's house, I passed out and a few hours later my children and dog opened my house door and piled in.
We went to Speed Boat cafe, they have a play room for the kids, great coffee, they are nice and a super dreamy girl works there.
Now that I'm open to romance it's all over the place, and here I was getting beat up like a sucker.
Today I'm missing being in a huge production, I'm missing the big stage, the roaring crowd, the screaming amps, I'm in a little box waiting for the right connection to happen.
Right now I'm in Speed Boat Cafe, I like this place a lot.

Big Sky Bronco Bamma!

I almost voted!
I thought his name was "Bronco Bamma" that sounds like the name of a cowboy clown like me.
I thought the world was saved until I saw the dude Obama, he looks like a grade school principal not a clown.
they can't mail me a ballot anyway, I live in a bike.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

I rolled into Medicon bike shop, they hooked me up!
my house bike was listing so they fixed me up.
life on the road is fun, some challenges but the food is good and the bed is cozy.
I'm hanging out with my son at Speedboat cafe ok Foster road.
I visited a lady who treated me nice and then at about 5am moved house over to the ex's yard.
I woke to her and my children smiling at me.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

my new mantra:

"When one door closes, another one opens" I just had a pretty, perfect door slam shut on me tonight, it sucked, I deserve to be treated well, so I shouldn't knock at that door ever again.

Getting duped left me reeling in the rain for an hour or so, I was confused and in disbelief, then a voice in my head sang and was joyful.
I asked "Kind spirit, how can you laugh so when such turmoil is afoot?"
The answer was a resounding rushing noise created when a vacume is unsealed-
When one door closes another opens and as I recall. the cowboy clown tends to get quite a few doors opening when one closes.
I found my way back to my house bike.
People keep offering me couches to sleep on but I love my house bike, right now I wouldn't want to sleep anywhere else, it's a place that I don't have to trust or depend on anyone but myself...I sleep good.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Hanging out with Mr. Bobby Panama

Yeah Bobby is back in town, he is the original plate breaker and one HELL of a circus worker, we have been talking and plotting the destruction of the known universe.
He likes Ninjas.
I have been living in a trailor bike for a week and I love it.
Gigs going well and art for sale on the walls, see my work at the gardino gallery on alberta, the new seasons on Division SE and also at Tea Time on Alberta.
I'm working out trhe Blood Sugar Circus with a new and loyal lineup and look for us at the bike porn movies June 13th at the Clinton theatre.
I just got a gig performing at Jake the Aligator man's birthday party in Washington August 9th (I think).
Stay tuned, I'm slimmer, stronger and open for bizznizz!

I sat behind a prayer meeting.

A rubber chicken comic book is well under way.

in Mr. Bitner's studio with Jess