Sunday, May 25, 2008

damn, having music in my ear is ready effecting my rides, I get some classical music or some metal and I go nuts.
When judas priest or anthrax come on,primus or anything hard and fast and I just say to myself" I gotta be going fast right now.
sometimes I find a parking lot and wear outmybatteries practicing rolling dives.
I still don't have a partner for the back of my bike, all the ones I liked seemed to flake.
I would rather not have the act than force someone to take the gift.
some music reminds me that my bike is a magic wand, my eyes roll into my head and I quietly cast spells in the dusky rain.

now I'm fortifide

I smoked a bowl then ate a bowl...of Chex with a handful of trail mix.
I'm in the throws of moving, it's fun to ditch drop stuff I don't need on my friends.
I'm an avid loot stasher, so in busting out of my drawers and closet I reclaimed $ 140 and some grass.
I also was able to find the paper telling me that my kicker check was donated to a school in Clackamas, if I was in a spending mood I would
have got pants that fit.
Yesterday: lightning storm, tall bike, wow!that was scary I rode around for a long time in the rain.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Treat your dog! Dawg Snax rock

Print it out and get a deal!
No wheat makes the dog happy!
This is my family company, the profit feeds and clothes my two children...and dog.
I grabbed my Blood Sugar Circus shirt on my way out the door this morning, it stank bad.
Theres the most unpleasant cat here that pisses on things as it dominates and is a selfish, petty asshole.
This shirt reminded me of the whole situation, it stinks but it's not all unpleasant, I wish I didn't like some bad smells and the effecty of decay.
I'm gonna put the shirt on a pole and leave it to the godesses.
I gave away all my witch craft stuff, now I'm ditching all my art stuff and band equipment, it's all going out to true friends to take care of.
I'm gonna live on my bike for a bit, just riding around all summer, staying in yards and with friends, I'm a good luck charm to people who appreciate me and don't piss on my shirt.
you really know who your friends are when your in trouble, I have solid friends out there, they just live kind of far from my turf.
It seems to be the same people every year living, loving, helping and being helped, I'm so grateful that when my little world here let me down, so many folks stepped up that I don't actually need an apartment of room.
Next stop...a fortress!

great night

I had a wonderful night working for eastern bloc, super party band Chervona, they put on a great show, the russians always ask for me by name and have loads of love, they pay well.
I think we should work together more often.
Tonights affair was at SE 8th and Main "Plan B" it was them, and another band, they are doing a mini tour.
I brought balloons and toys, we raffled off toys and porn.
I did ok, I had a nice meal, danced and was a rock star
I got a terot card reading from Brandi Gump and got groped all to high heavan by a hot, drunk, ex-soviet vixen in a red dress no less.
The last three shows were the best in a long time, all because I wasn't argued with like I was getting for a bit, tonight worked out well because I was alone and didn't have to keep track of anyone else.
I do wish Ollie had been there but he was out ped cabbing

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

heck yeah!

I asked for help and boy did I get it.
been hanging out with a nice girl from Nabraska, she showed up just in time to turn a bad way around.
now I'm feeling free, free to roam, camp, romp and put on a great rock n roll circus.
my friends live on a ranch in town and invited me to set up a tee pee off my bike.
Ollie did so well at the gig last night wooooooo he rocks.
we did really well and earned fans.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

i need a friend...well a local one

Well I should say, another friend, Nathan B. hooked me up where the circus crew screwed me off.
I set up the Behemoth to carry my two kids and planned to go out in mass with the crew to the Alberta art hop, some how they all went by car leaving me to haul all that stuff myself.
To make matters worse I had no socks and blah blah blah (more tales of why it sucked here).
It was the most helpless I have been in a long time, the bike broke down, the baby was into pulling cotter pins out of the trailor, if it wasn't for some dirt in the pipes, he would have released himself into traffic with me not noticing till too late, where were my people?
I'm always there for them, I'm always there for a lot of people...they suck.
I think I need a new city, I know I need new digs, drunks and babys are driving me mad.
Nathan took care of Bruce so I could do the parade, Meghan held my bike while I looked for my friends, they are cool.
Maybe I can go live with one of them.
Well time to change a diaper.
at the end of the parade I had to getvmy son and so lost my ten year old.
I told my friends...nobody got up,I told a strangerr lady and an hourvand a half later other people helped my to my child.
on good news my kid looked devine in her stilts, her circus instructor tells me she is a star, a natural.
I got to take the two year old into a school lavatory so he can log some urinal time in, he is getting bathroom 1.1 pretty well.
I do have lots of friends, I'm just hurt by my cloest friends,dissrespecting me.
who wants to teach a cool craft to folks who pull out the rug at go time.
Guess who was at the parade staging point for briefing?
Will Workforf Ood, it was just like last year he was a treat to work with.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Friends, let me tell ya, I've climbed a mountain in New Mexico just to talk to god, got healed and climbed back down, I have been in a limo barraling through Manhatten for a gig living the punk rock dream.
I have explored Portlands sewers looking for treasure and hung from a frozen waterfall in mineapolis (almost died).
I have seen both my kids born in houses and into my arms, I have ran away with the circus and years later, ran away from the circus.
I don't remember how many lovers I have had or how many battles I havebeen in, you can say that in my 38years on the planet I have seen a lot.
This morning I'm at Sound Grounds on Belmont, I got here at 7 am (stalking someone) and I'm seeing an old, blind woman.
She is with her friends and they just had coffee.
On the way out I noticed that she was looking at my bike.
Her hands are slowly moving over all the angles and form of the tall bike.
She is giddy as she palpates the seat witch is almost too tall for her to reach.
This lady has a huge smile on her lips and an excited, perplexed look in her totally blind eyes.
cool I'm so glad the bike can give someone such pleasure.
Toaster has agreed to build us another one,any one have a mountain bike to donate?

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Ollie and I working out some new acts (click here)

Star E Rose Tonight!!!!!!7pm

I just realized that a good way to do a cleasing spell (emotional) is while taking a dump.
Woman have known for years the joy of having a good cry while pooping and Caffeine Jones likes to eat while she poops, just to be decadent.
How about taking all your troubles in your head and balling them up, then timing it to release just as you Drop the kids off at the pool, yell and scream with it if you have to.
I would have but I didn't think about it until it was too late.
I still have to poop but at the moment I don't have any problems.
Everyone on our block got new trashcans (Skye Blue Reports), she is mad MaD MAD!
We think it may be because our slumlord decided it would be too expensive to change anything.
Thats the rule they go by (english isn't the first language) they don't like to change anything, thats why we thrive here and my rent is a hundred bucks a month.
The Belmont Open Mic went over like gangbusters, talk about a huge crowd.
We did stunts and played games, it was amazing to get such a crowd on a first thursday and on a sunny day.
Conditions were bad for a good turn out and still they came, in droves.
We worked it out pretty good, Katie tore up the stage with the prizes, Ollie did most of the stunts (lucky me) and Skye was making sure everyone knew what to do.
I took pics of Alesha the barista just because I (we all) have a huge crush on her.
I got a friend who got food stamps and didn't know how to spend them.
YES, in this I am an expert at what to buy, now how much to spend and keeping the budget, they on they own fa dat bro, I'm an imbicile.
First thing, I got a huge bag of brown rice, if it was my "Grub Stub Account" I would go to an asin market and blow the whole wad on large bags of apocalyps foods, grains and dried meat.
For this order it was just a sensible couple pound bag of rice, Cashew butter, some cheese, whole wheat bread, a large tub of Yogert and six apple sauce baby foods, and six coconut pudding baby foods.
She said, "I don't have any children what are you doing"?
"Oh, first you open the lid, eat some, then dump the baby food into the yogert tub, if you survive that, use a spoon dipped in the cashew butter, trust when your done,y'know the can put yer weed in them!

I flew around on the bike all day, same thing yesterday.
It's funny, Ollie spent 8 hours downtown driving a pedcab (bike taxi) and what did he do when he got home? go out riding with me for a few more hours.
Lots of tourists have been snap snapping photos of us and applauding.
I was riding today and felt a little strange in the wheels, Y'know how if you are in tune with your vehicle you become part of it and can feel it as you own body...I felt wheel sick.
I decided to shake it loose by upping the speed and blasting down Hawthorne, that didn't help.
I finally stopped and noticed the tires are worn and I could see the tube.
Not a big deal with a normal bike (well yeah it's a big deal) on a tall bike it's dire.
I limped it home and switched rides.
Between riding and working I hanging out with my son, today he shat his diaper so hard he managed to get excriment all the way up to the shoulder blades YAY!
We tricked out his wagon with a sterio and food, he had fun today.
I came across a flyer I took from the St.Francis apartments as a momento.
I grabbed on as I was leaving St.Francis Apartments for the last time.
I had been haunting it's halls every day visiting Meghan, I knew the chapter was changing, I didn't know how much, I knew I wanted to remember the layout...(sigh).
I have been wearing black wings on my back a lot, big black feathered bird wings.
they flap with me as I pump my pedals and they actually keep my back cool and I like the sound.
Now I'm off to host the Star E Rose Open mic, wish me luck!

Monday, May 12, 2008

I'm working out a pretty cool Chicken comic book

I'm hoping to get it printed soon, I was gonna have it now but some of my photos were accepted in the Cycleseen art show, thats a mixed blessing because now it's a huge bill to have 5 photos printed,enlarged, glassed and matted.
The five pictures will hang, one at New Seasons Market, one in the Guardino Gallery and three at Tea Time, it's a nice gig, but an expensive one till someone buys the photos.

The meetin at the pancake house

Yeah, Deeee Deee, Ollie Ollie and I went to a pancake house to disgust some upcoming shows...kind of like a planning meeting with yelling.
DeeeDeeee's cast will be off next week and she will begin training on tall bikes again, what a champ!
She sure is good at getting injured, I can't wait to see what she breaks next.
Skye Blue wasn't at the meeting because I guess she may have been romancin someone or meeting sewing deadlines or something, we missed her input.

DeeeDeee, "OOOh the straw action tickles my brain heeee heeee"....

Ollie,"Mah stomach said STOP but I said, NO!"

He eventually ate the whole thing.

Friday, May 09, 2008

wow, stuff happens faster than I can post

things happen and by the time i get to a lap top, the story changes.
Ollie, Skye and I are doing well at Skytower, where we live, it's spring and we have been out in force, on tall bikes and on foot, busking, being charming, stalking, hunting, gathering, getting into things and such.

Heres the gig we will be at on Sat night, every tuesday we have the Star E Rose on Alberta Street to host the open mic and every thursday we have Muddy Waters Coffee House on SE Belmont, both places get packed and both start at 7.
I'm looking for a place to host open mic on Wed.
I also joined another band but I wont say what one because I will be so buried in costume, i may scrub the new character.
Come see us in NE!

Sunday, May 04, 2008

We are having a meeting today to discuss the bike porn movie night plan

(Bike porny stuff from last year)

We are the dirty clowns doing the live show for our old friend Rev.Phil, so far we have the Hula Hogs re assembling (I'm had to find all new people) and some tall bike jousting (naked)plus other shinnannigins, then it's a Spartan ride to someplace lusty I'm sure.

Saturday, May 03, 2008


Meghan came over last night...

She came at dark and we cuddled, then come mornin...

...discovery by my children...

I prayed for her.

Ollie Ollie Oxenfree, getting ADBIKE together before the show.

He had to do it in the rain under a tarp.
It was a good long ride from Skye Tower in SE to the Star E Rose on 24th and NE Alberta.
We bitched the whole freezing wet way there, as we careened through traffic on tall bikes and loaded heavy with clownarchery (we even had a bowling ball).
It is Spring, and even though it was raining heavy at times, and sunny moments later, lawnmowers were blasting away in all the neighborhoods between Hawthorne and Alberta,
The pointless march with the stinky motor starts me in a foul mood everytime, I wish I didn't notice it sometimes.
At some point, we passed a group of 11 year olds on a corner, they were sitting like penguins, huddled together in the rain, there was no bus stop around so they looked even more "On the ice shelf".
As we passed they began cheering us and yelling "GO GO CLOWN HOUSE DUDES!"
That stopped us bitching about the cold for like, ten blocks.

look at this hottie I met on NE Vancouver BLVD,

Times like this may be why I like Portland so much.

She was sporting a Clown House shirt and was so cute I decided to stop and introduce myself.
She already knew my name and told me she was the barista working at our Tue. Star E Rose gig.
Sure enough on showday, there she was, her and her boyfriend had a wonderful time.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Shanty the Clown Fixing my bike

What a cool cat, glad we got to meet him, I wish we had done some shows together while he was here.
He went to Humbolt co. to hang with Slim Chance the clown.

ANGER!I have to look at my fav photo to feel better

You don't even know man,
My good friend came over with a gift that hurt, well stung.
See he took a bike out of our bicycle graveyard and stuck an obnoxious motor on it.
And to make matters worse the crew was so into it.
I got pissed off so mad I was shaking, I took advantage of the moment to use the "angry hands" to wash up the dishes.
I could hear them crooning over the beast, stupidly calling it "Environmental" becouse of it's high gas milage, it's not "Environmental unless you mean bad for the environmental.
They got irritated at me for being mad at them.
I may have offended my friend who spent time on it, I feel bad but I'm firm.
No G.W.Bush brand transpo!
Those mopeds are stinky, loud, ugly and the parts are all from China YUCK!
People come up to me all the time saying "You should put a motor on that thing, then you'll be cool/good/cookin", that brings out only hostility from this clown.
Thats like saying "Hey your wife is hot but what she really needs is to be taller, have stronger ankles, more nose hair and a third leg."


Thursday, May 01, 2008

open mic on Belmont today!

Get there early if you want to perform, the list fills up by 7 pm.

It's a 21 and over gig.
Last week that fact didn't stop Phil from trying to come in and do his stand up.
He is really good but saddly only 19.
He tried to get "in" right as the boss was going out and got caught, I would have caught him anyway.
See I respect his act a lot, he is one of the only stand up comics as well as the only funny one that hangs out.
I dropped the mic out the window and he agreed to do his act from outside.

He couldn't tell if the crowd was laughing or not, it was a bad ass lesson in stand up.
Good luck Phil, keep trying, you are relentless and thats what it takes in show biz.

D.D. brought bad candy

Right before the gig last week, D.D. bought a huge bag of candy, all those fools(not me) ate it at one sitting and then half of them fell sick.
They used to to that with beer.

anything else?

OK thats that
My 2 year old little boy BAM came over for a visit this morning.
I got up at 8, went to the boy's house, his mom got up and came to my house, I was there , she was here, then thankfully someone picked up a phone, and the right parent was then in route to the right house.
That worked out great because I had wanted to find a way to waste time AND money.
By the time I got home, Skye Blue was up and let them in.
She said he came in and right away said "Hi Skye Blue!" like a real human.
No chattering or screeching, no turd throwing or hooting, just regular American english.
(We arn't out of the woods yet, I had to stop typing to change a dumpy diaper).
It is a wierd kind of love hate thing seeing your kid grow up, baby age is a short time, they are "need factories" and ya gotta give em what they want because they look like you.
(an hour later) I actually don't like being in the company of babies, as we speak, my kid is occupied with going through every fork in the drawer, licking it and replacing them, I'm impressed that his vandalism has gotten so sophisticated, before he would have just pulled forks and thrown them in the trash or took them to the bathroom.
I don't like the smell or the sounds of babies and yet as my son gets older and easier to handle, I'm sad to see the inocent ape go.
A laugh only sounds like that for a few short years, he is a cute little fellah.
I have been spending lots of quality time with turbulent flame, Meghan, we sure do like eachother.
HEEHEE I think about her just about every day one way or another.Turns out we still have very strong feelings for each other, it's worth it to me to communicate with her, we were good to each other.
I go on like 4-8 dates a week but she is still the last lady to really touch me.
I hate being in love, I sould just get a dog.
Brian Corn was so cool, he took an old hard drive from an old Clown House computor and salvaged the data!
Lots of interesting photos, the computor is stuck at the moment it died on us so long ago.
Like the bronze age, city of Pompei, the whole society was frozen in time, everyones files stand as they did.
Telling thing found by Corn, his accomplice and I:
The individual clown's porn was recovered with everything else, we made a startling discovery...The woman clown's had porn folders full of costumage, plots, inuendo, story, props, they were high production value and cost lots of money I imagin to produce.
In contrast, the dude clowns were just fine beating off to images of normal boobs...not counting of course that one clown who didn't have any woman in his porn (Will OOD).

Happy 10 years old munchkin!