Well I'm far from the place I called home very far, and sitting down at a cafe.
I rode around my new neighborhood looking for a cafe that actually needed my money, it didn't happen.
All the coffee round here comes from corporations, I will do it today...I'm sick.
It's odd to be where nobody can find me, it will take getting used to.
Far as I know, nobody wants to find me, also hard to swallow.
Today I woke up in a bed I had never slept in, to sunshine beating my face.
I couldn't stay awake last night, I just thought i could or should be doing more, it's exhausting.
I was so burnt out and blown away from the past week that last night I asked Ood to rub out some Charley horses but passed out cold before he could get to me.
I hear Will had a little party over my dead body, playing guitar and spilling tonics and potions on me.
I woke up to silence, well not silence, quiet.
Couldn't hear my son's ear splitting screech or my daughter bickering with friends over "who goes first".
It made me want to cry, the sound that tortures me, is also the sound of them being safe,fed, and out
of danger, now all I can do is trust Caffeine.
Trust comes easy with Caffeine she is a wonderful woman.
I didn't hear the kids, and I think thats what woke me up, i looked at the clock 10 30 am, I thought of them (and Caffeine),
sat up in the unfamiliar bed and asked out loud "What the Hell just happened?".
I haven't "slept in" that late in I cant remember how long, I'm alone,really alone.
Funny, the reason I needed change so much was that I was lonely, it's an old story, circus mom has too little time for
circus dad to the point where a conversation is dashed and dotted with so much interruption from little voices (and big ones) who have so many needs
that the point of our conversation is lost.
The "hard communication factor" is so difficult to live with and almost impossible to love with.
Ever hear Richard Pryer's work?
One of his lines is "Dija ever notice yer old lady looks really fine when your parting ways?
Last night Caffeine was smoking hot, the kids were somehow somewhere else and if that was all there
was to it, we could have had a wonderful evening together.
Truth is, she couldn't have gotten me out of her face quicker.
We haven't been getting along so well and I don't blame her.
The last night of the Clown House was a riotous event, the fans made me feel like a diposed king that everyone still loves.
We made lots of runs down the street, waving at people and thanking them for such a great time on Alberta Street.
As we were returning to base we saw a line of hot ladies in red helmets The B.C.Clettes had arrived from Canada to do a show with us.
We rode up and passed the bike dance troupe and entered the Clown House yard with a bang.
They really got the crowd going with a sweet set of dance numbers right on the scene of the Mud pit of Doom.
The mud pit hasn't been in action for a year so, every move or wreck resulted in huge punctuating clouds is dust.
My favorite band in the world Johnny Punchclock started their set, with my favorite song and I grabbed the cop clown costume and a Baby Battle Bike.
Now I'm a frustrated, 175 pound, Texan who is at the going away party for my whole world (that i created).
I spent my whole life working hard and playing hard so I have collected quite the arsenal of strength, cunning and nerve.
I was armored, heart broken, sitting on a baby Battle Bike, and under the costume sobbing, my number two guy was in jail and I wanted satisfaction of any kind.
If my opponents were Real Estate Developers I would have decorated the fence with their entrails, they brought the rent hike, and all the police.
I hope they choke on all the money they made.
It was me vs. the Grope on Battle bikes with Transvestite Jeremy in the shoe bike, we rode opposite circles around JONNY PUNCHCLOCK crashing into each other and wrecking all the bikes and some spectators. I could have the whole story wrong by the way.Sweat and dust stung my eyes as we collided into each other, bike parts tore off and flung around it was mayhem.
Jeremy was coming up behind me at one point to take out my back wheel, I noticed the clothes line in our path.
I grabbed the clothesline after I got passed and Jeremy didn't, wow what a wreck I thought that only happened in cartoons!
We crashed lots of bikes, I got in a tangle that busted my knee armor off, of course I then hit someone really hard and put my knee in a pile of twisted metal (ouch!)
We had fire, dirt, blood,metal, tears, more fire, love, fear, hate, food, love,all viewed by hundreds of people.
Will Ood was in jail, oh did I mention that Will got busted for "Disorderly Conduct"?
Ya, see, he decided after reading an article in the Oregonian decrying our bonfires and nudity that he wanted to march down the street carrying the one good high wire pole on his shoulders Jesus style, wearing a bike diaper and being the best little Jesus he could while we beat him along in a possession of hot girls on Baby Battle Bikes, Me, the Bunny, The Grope.
I made a Roman Centurion outfit and on the right time we deployed the Grope and Will in the street .
Will Workforf Ood began telling the crowd that rent didn't need to be so high.
My roman kicked his ass down off the big red shoe bike and we placed the pole on his shoulders, off he went.
It took the cops only a few blocks to find us but it took much longer for them to cut through the crowd to get his ass.
In the end he was talked out of our yard where the busted him and made my world that much darker, it was also very frikkin funny that Ood went to jail wearing only a diaper and clown face.
Ood eventually got out, I hear they gave him some pants moments before letting him out.
Kitty Litter, Bizzy and April Danger all donned diapers and tape across thier tits and went down to the jail to wait for him to get out.
They were pretty sure when they got back that the made him stay much longer.
He told me that they paved the way for him to get offered smokes and a ride out.
Will is a lucky mutha trucka, all the times I got locked up they put me in with the apes and rape'os.
I hung out on the roof with my closest friends and leutenants holding hands and watching the last of the Alberta street clown house gladiator events.
I think the best MC we have ever had was Adrianne, she is dynamic, she got the crowd going, she got naked, she jousted!
April Danger nude jousted for the first time, oc fit in
so did many others (thanks Doc, it was fun watching you crash into a crowd of people with your weenie swinging).
I was in my old office smoking weed with some show people, a fella came in and gave me a fist full of hot dogs, we went to the window and looked out on Adrianne running the show.
I looked at the fella and said " for the worst day of my life, this sure isn't bad." right at that point Adie, Had the whole crowd yell "Thank you Dingo! Thank you Clown House!!"She of course, didn't hear what I said, she just had great timing, I started again crying (like I am now).A lot of men go through what I'm going through
I don't think many dads have gone through what I did being supported by HUNDREDS of people's good wishes and love, they saved me (and the world) from myself.
I told someone that my heart was feeling great loss of house and home and that it hurt but was made soft by all the true friends and well wishers, just seeing th faces brought my spirits up.
At the end of the night, I was sitting under a tree with some friends, the night had slowed down and a group of well dressed morons were surveying their new neighborhood.
I heard a voice drunkenly say "glad to get this drug house out of the way"! and then heard the sound of my vending machine getting punched, seconds later another punch and the dog treat vendor hit the ground broken.
They didn't see me in the dark, I really hadn't seen them either, I just could hear that there were at least six of them and I knew that at least one or two would soon have a life changing event too.
They continued walking down the sidewalk as I stalked them, I saw they were 8 yuppies, drunkish and full of themselves, my wrecked brain put a plan together.
Four were ladies in high heels, and four men dressed up however the woman told them to (like tools) my plan was to embarrass the guys in front of thier dates.
You can beat guys like that up easy but it won't trash them as bad as a good insult...I know.
I started yelling at the from the dark, relentlessly barking at them like it was thier first day at boot camp.
"Holy Mother of pearl did my eyes decieve me? Did you morons just walk up and punch our equipment?
You kicking me while I'm down...Yes I'm talking to you puddin head, what kind of parents raise kids that kick puppies?
You look like a PUPPY SHOULD i KICK YOU?
One guy stopped as his girlfriend now visably shaken was trying to pull him away, when he tried to speck I would unleash another barrage of non swearing insults.
I could tell how loyal they were to eachother as the one farthest away ditched the rest, they were all yuppies on the move.
About that time I could see a guy across the street yelling at the people.
"You messin with the Clowns? You better apologize or I'm gonna take off my shirt!"
The guy kept trying to apologize but everytime we would open his mouth I would fill the air with the stress of the last week and the guy across the street wasn't having it.
That was fun, I said bye to my friends.
An old tent that was on the ground moved, someone was in a collapsed tent at my feet!
By collapsed I mean it didn't have any poles at all, just a dirty tarp.
From between a filthy matress and the tent, a pair of eyes peeked out.
It was a girl from the show.
"I guess it's been a helluva night".
I crawled under the tent with her.
The next day I woke up with the sun, got coffee and returned to the marithon of house deforrestation, we went on so many trips around town I don't remember them all.
I don't think I told you, the pad I got is "the lap of the gods" its big, the people like me, they don't suck.
I'm just in the same darn position I was in 12 years ago, all the cards in one hand and nobody to share it with, it's a curse.
No matter how cool this pad is, I cant stop thinking about my wife and kids, the boy and the dog act like they like me but they don't use phones ...yet.
My mom thinks that us splitting up will lead me back to drinking, no chance, I quit first for myself...thats why I could do it at all.
I of course am gonna have to call her with a thick drunk accent at 4 A.M. once in a while, just to keep her guessing
(trade secret) Being a sober rock star is the best Golden Ticket I have ever possessed, nuff said.
I might call my mom from the new phone and pretend to be drunk on the freeway driving a stolen rental car with some "friends".
I need to learn how to be safe and quiet, this is the safest quiet I have ever seen, it's unreal.
I feel guilty for not being stressed, whats up with that? there is so much stress in no stress.
I am surrounded by good friends with good intentions THANX MR>GROPE!!!
We just built a talk show set in my lair, it has a puppet stage!!!