Sunday, September 30, 2007

smokin pot luck

Pot luck at my place this Monday, if you know where it is then you are invited.
I will have my son with me and I may break out the movie stuff too.
I got to hang out with my kids yesterday and it was great.
My little girl said "Wow we went from home to home" I guess she feels at home.

so do you think I got sick drinking that potion?

I drank it down, sat there for a bit, passed out and woke up feeling ill.
I ran down to the bath and commenced puking, or trying to anyway.
I had hot water on my back and my head by the drain, mouth open, heaving.
All I got was some stingy salt rocks and a little oily fumes, it was RANK!
It came finally, about a third cup of oil, then I felt better.
"Axle Grease" my new healing friend came over and she made me drink some powdered herbs that tasted like esspresso grounds and cloves, I don't know what it was but I couldn't wait to eat the beans and rice she made me.
She gave me some good ideas, some loving kindness and left.
Now days I'm feeling much better, still in bed a lot but not in pain, only itching from bile salts in my bloodstream, thats awful but It's less everyday.

Friday, September 28, 2007

OTC potions

went to the last Thursday event on Alberta, it was a big garage sale, thats cool.
I really wanted to see my kids but who knows where they were in that big mass of humanity.
I felt naked without a tall bike so I just slunk behind my part of the garage sale and looked at traffic, hoping to see the bambinos.
I did get to see my favorite Croatian band Chervona, they have some clown work for us soon.
I LOVE this band, if you can , go see them, I'll tell ya when.
Took a romantic walk with Bonaroo I was so glad she showed up and attacked me from underneath.
I was so happy to see her I couldn't stop kissing her .
While I was sucking face, my old boss walked up and bought 4 shirts and offered my job at the Ale House back.
I was feeling really ill when we left so I put it out to the cosmos that despite the pain I'm in, I'm gonna have an enriching evening, The kids depend on me providing for them and it looks like we wont get the deposit back on the old place. I reminded myself to breathe.

I also put out an ad on Craigslist looking to gather the next merry band of idiots.
I'll train them and then parade around Portland for money and fame.

I woke up this morning with a very empty stomach, perfect for the potion spell I needed to heal myself with.
It's a grizzly affair, mostly olive oil but a lot of lemon juice and epsom salt.
I cleaned my room and got all the debris out of the way.
I cleared my mind, or tried to, thoughts of my past life and future expectations bothered me untill I gathered focus.
I did this by writing encouraging runes in paint marker on my television set.
The whole time my intent was to get the room prepared for the healing ritual.
I couldn't find the recipe that Ood wrote for me so I would have to wing it.
I took a nice pint glass and filled it a third lemon juice.
This will be THE glass for this exercise.
I took some chalk and drew a circle on the floor, added my rune name and intentions in runes.
I powdered my feet and made a paw print in the circle.
Then I added a heaping couple of teablespoons of epsom salt into my pint glass and lit a candle.
I brought all the smells and bells to the sigil on the floor and got a big glass of water too.
While I sat in the circle, the potion and all the other stuff is holy so I gotta not mess around I only pour things into the original pint.
I oiled my feet, hands and face and poured a bunch of olive oil in my glass, when I shook it up, it looked MEAN.
I was a bit afraid of it, I ran through the last weeks research and filed through all the avenues that brought me to this point.
I'm a stupid dog but I am smart with magic, else I would indeed be dead by now.
I got ready, put on the theme music from "Nightmmare before Christmas" it's mellow and has nothing to do with my problems.
I tried not to think about things that exist outside the circle on my floor.
I was about to drink the potion, i was ready, I threw my chair out of the circle, stood with the potion in my hands above my head and then a hillbilly walked in.
The lovely Skye Blue came in because there were some things stored in my room she needed.
"Hi dingo i gatta dig out some stuf hon'ok"
I told her that was fine and she looked around, saw what I was up to.
"Well good luck with the crazy shit bye"!
Ok that's no problem I'll just have to try again.
See, drinking salt water has been my diet for some time, just not the oil part it's sludgy.
I'm a little afraid that the oil could trigger fever mixed with blinding pain like before or worse.
I looked at the potion and said some words over it, then it hit me...
A voice in my head said "Hey king of the clowns, didn't you just spend over 15 yourself in the freak show bizness?"
I thought about Jim Rose and The Bindlestiff family circus, they inspired me then and they will now.
I started laughing a little and I was reminded that I make the rules here, I calmly drank the whole potion and looked at the water.
I'm not gonna drink any water with this, I'll take it raw and deal with this head on.
I just drank three more doses sans the salt and lemon, just right from the bottle to the glass and down my gullet.
I'm not feeling queezy so far, I started talking to you because I don't know what else to do, I had planned to be convulsing by now but I seemed to have talked myself out of it.

Thursday, September 27, 2007


Y know whats I really found to be healing?
Classic-frikkin rock, I'm a shut in so what the hell?
The songs are great, I'm already feeling much better, they have names like
"Flying high again"
"Movin up"
"Back in Black?"
Then the song "Blinded by the light" came on, I think it's about a douche.
Ood's gal and Bizzy drug him off to the coast missing the gig tonight perfectly, I need the dough.
I'm surprised he left when this Last Thursday gig would be the best chance to get a petition for people to sign agreeing that he wasn't indecent on the day of his arrest.
I devoured a whole chicken this morning whithout stopping, I couldn't help myself, I've been on a diet of lemon juice and sea salt water with breaks for grapefruit, wow.
It works though let me tell ya, I cant move any stones out without softening up the room a little, gotta melt the rock down.
This is a wonderful place to be seriously ill in, pople are nice to me, all the tools for feeling better are here or in the hood.
I'm going to do an experiment today,
I'm taking a big speaker and laying it face up, then I'm laying some food service film down on it.
I'm dousing (really soaking) a hunk of flannel with heated Castor oil and wrapping it on my chest over my gall bladder.
Do you see where I'm going with this?
I plug in a Rush album or anything with lots of drums in it, Then I'll be throwing a sleeping bag over my back and laying on the speaker.
Push play and fiddle with some knobs and I should be able to vibrate the heated oil right through my skin and into the gall bladder.
In the end, if it works I may have to write Ted Nugent of Ozzy a letter thanking them for being such apes.
Thats all for later, it's a nice day, I'm going out in it if it kills me, my guess is that it's gonna be great!
When did I become Tony the Tiger?
See ya at last Thursday on Alberta, I'm gonna set up by Trade Up Music Or The Know Or The Nest and hawk shirts.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Ood goes to court today

He was dressed as Jezus in a diaper on the last day of the clown house.
A cop was way offended and took him in.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

still sick yaaaay!

I'm yellow (lol) I'm a Simpson character and boy is it itchy.
I guess the stone thats stuck somewhere in my guts has been leaking another direction than usual and the result is, my skin is filling with poison YAY!!!
It's a life changing thing friends let me tell ya, I'm in hell, it's true but I laugh every day and have tons of plans for the future.
I almost didn't though for a second, boy am I glad I thought things through.
y'see Life has been torturing me for some of the time and pleasuring me the rest, no gray zone, it's hard to make sense of it all.
A monk came by yesterday to minister with me, we have been semi secret friends for about 7 years.
Back in the day he would help me deal with the public so I wouldn't lead people wrong, we are pretty tight now.
I wont tell you what kind of monk he is, but he is really a monk, trust me.
We sat together and one of the first things out of his mouth after "Greetings brother" was "You aren't spilling your seed are you?"
I was like..."I beg your pardon?"
"You cant masturbate or have an orgasm with a woman, you'll lose valuable Qi man."
We looked down at our feet, there were about 4 condom wrappers and some confetti.
"Sorry my body hurts, my soul hurts, my mind is tired and I have no more tears left, I can't eat anything that would turn a napkin clear, can't have Potatoes, Pepper, salsa, Pizza, Burritos, my kids may as well live in another country and my wife is now "The X", I'm afraid the only fat I can put in my mouth is the kind you don't swallow."
Still, I told my buddies here at Sky Tower that I would abstain from sex like a good young republican pretends to.
He leaves and 30 min later I hear a sound that struck right through me...Bonaroo's voice downstairs.

Well so much for that plan,all her stuff fits in my stuff perfectly...I tried brother I did.
Funny thing was, earlier that day, I had cause to go round Burnside (near the Skate park) to carry our house computer to a fixer.
I rode all the way there. it was downhill and that blew me away with fatigue, I was itchy and sore and I was looking at the trains.
I thought (with a smile)"This is a good jump off point, It's not like I have a lot to lose."
OK I'm sure Will would be mad at me for not doing it in front of him so he can say "EEEEEEEW!"
I could just dive in front of the next train, smear my sorry ass over the next six miles and I wont have to pedal back up the hill."
I'm so glad I didn't react stupidly, Bonaroo came over within hours and you better believe I was glad I didn't go dancing with the trains.
I have never begrudged anyone a suicide, I think that and homosexuality are the key to natural human population control.
Yeah sick sucks, madness sucks, and having my body sent to Texas really sucks, Bonaroo gave me a bunch of hours of vacation from this bad time (Thanks lil ass).
I spent the night fitful in sleep after my friend left, i was again alone in the dark with the intense itching that comes from my body storing waste in my cells.
As soon as I woke up and it was light out I got dressed and shot out the door to the free clinic, I wished I had that computer to check things better.
I had gone there 6 months ago and I knew what day they see people.
I bussed down there and they told me they didn't see anyone until 1pm, so much for bright and early, I had to haul my busted butt around town and wait for the afternoon.
I went to the library, YEAH.
Since the fall of my family and the Clown House I have had time to do things I never could very much like read, take busses and be sick.
I looked up toys I had as a kid, it was fun.
When it was time I hobbled myself to the clinic and waited about an hour or two.
I knew if my strength lasted long enough to get there, they would fix me up good like last time, I was ready to pay extra like last time too.
They called my name..."Uh..sir...says here on your form that you are over 30 and rent a room?"
"Yes thats right"
"Um sorry, we can't help you, your too old, heres a list of other places you can maybe go."
I was really wishing I had looked at the web site now, as I looked at the paper I noticed it was all in Spanish.
"Oh sorry Dingo, let me get you an English one, as he looked around I read the Spanish one.
When he got me the other one it confirmed what I had thought, those others wont take me either.
I would have to be a junkie or a woman or from the Baltic countries or a black woman from Baltic countries with gambling problems.
I spent the next few hours lost in Portland trying to find the bus that goes where I live.
See downtown is a clusterfluck of construction and it took a lot of marching to find my way.
Dig this, finally, to get the bus home, I followed signs until one told me to board a bus going the opposite direction from where I was going, then it righted itself.
Once home I called a voice that still sounds like a friend no matter how surely she speaks to me, Caffeine, I had to let her know I'm too much of a mess to hang with my kids.
I wasn't this lame when I was a drunk ....I don't think i was anyway.
She gave me good advice on where to go and how to deal with this.
Will and I went shopping and tomorrow I get to have this for breakfast:
Distilled water mixed with sea salt and epsom salt in a glass,
a grapefruit peel and all,
as much olive oil as I can take,
That should set me to convulsing and going through some hell and if I'm lucky, the rock will move and my skin will return to it's normal Texican brown
Thats some heavy stuff huh?
36 hours or so in the life of a chaos clown.

Monday, September 24, 2007

feeling betterish

I was going to do a ritual that involved me drinking a pint or more of Olive oil to loosen the gall stones and set them on the way but it's gonna have to wait until I'm stronger.
I went on the bus for the first time this year, I started reading a book about magic, it was cool.
I got to have one of those moments where I witnessed a moment in time frozen forever.
As I went passed Broadway, I saw a homebum, newspaper in hand, ass of his pants dripping with fresh excriment, smiling as he looked both ways and entered a Starbucks.
I bet he made them earn thier pay.
I can only imagin the hell that guy raised.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

ok that was harsh

I'm kind of insane but still ok I guess.
I sure don't want to go out like that, I have visions of my death on the field surrounded my cannons, not fading away in an attic.
I found a cure online for my Gall problems, it entailed drinking lots of olive oil and lemon juice.
I was feeling pretty bad, sick and nausiated (still do) so I played a bit of Motzart and felt not better, correct.
Motzart lived in cold climate where everyone was sickly due to masses of lead powder all over the wigs.
I could imagin myself in his day and time with the music, suddenly I felt like I was there, cold, nausiated and crazy.
I'll be fit soon so watch out when I get free I'm taking Portland by storm.

ahhh a moment of clarity

I'm sick,,,real sick, I havent left me bed in two days, even a trip to the bathroom winds my entirly.
I don't know if its systems shutting down or getting better.
I'm lethargic and dizzy, thats not my style at all and I hope it ends soon (one way or another).
I can't tell if it's part because I failed my family and they don't want anything to do with me or the sickness of Gall Attack, but I really dont have the strength to try getting better.
I want it to end.
My friends are very nice, they cook for me and encourage me .
I still have spent hours and hours laying there like a stunned bug waiting to be eaten, my body wont respond but my brain is wide awake, thats a great environment for thinking too much.
I keep breathing and trying to keep my thoughts in the here and now.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

went to work

I shouldn't have but I did.
The other day I worked too and it busted my bones, I did get lucky though.
As I went to score some life saving grapes I was flagged down by a young woman in a head scarf.
She asked me "So what are yall doing now?"
I didn't pretend to know what she was talking about, I just told her that I live alone now and my neck was a wreck.
Turns out she is a healer of the yoga kind, she also is into other stuff I don't understand or know I need.
We went to have some coffee, during the cup we decided I would trade her something for her healing powers upon my neck.
I was happy to have someone to talk to at that hour of the morning anyway.
She dropped her child off ar school and then came over (well, she skinned a roadkill Racoon first (no kidding) and then came over.
We never got around to trading anything or getting healed, we spent a couple of hours dancing around and throwing on costumes.
She wore a gas mask and I put the cop outfit on and we made them make out.
She then told me that our relationship was getting a little too serious.
(Don't think I'm cheating Caffeine yall, she told me that it was over between us and I believe her, sucks because I still love her.)
So we played around and had some cuddling good times, I sure needed a friend, I think she did too, fun gal.
She split and I went to work, by the time I got to the Alberta Hood I was spent, I had just gone through an ordeal, i should have rested but the bills keep rolling in, we are looking at $400 in utility bills for the last month we were there, I don't think we will get a deposit back and if we do Caff needs it, I have already spent half that on dump fees, thats rough but not too bad.
I limped my bike home after making a few bucks, it took a lot out of me to get home and it was down hill.
When I got there my new friend was there too with some groceries and her little boy.
We made some dinner ate and then my stomach went back into gall attack mode mixed with fatique, my friend took good care of me, she did energy work, did some voodoo with her hands over my body that made me have to run to the bathroom.
She made me mushy rice to eat and ginger tea, it was all done with love, hell she even had sex with me.
It was great to be loved and cared for, I'm a mighty guy when my wings get all unfolded but I still need a lot of love and support.
I told her that I don't think she would be able to handle "getting it on" with me when I'm well, being sick is just right for someone who is delicate, she does have working hands, thats good to see, i hate lazy people more than I don't like stupid ones.
So there I lay, with her in my arms and her son sleeping with us too, and i wondered,"shouldn't this be my wife and son?"can't force a flower open.
Kind of intimate for someone I met that morning, she was kind of freaked out for a minit, I told her I didn't know any strangers, not without condoms anyway.

She told me that she didn't want romance to hinder her traveling because she likes to get lost a lot, I told her to have special friends in a bunch of towns and make me one of them.
That was a great ending to an awful ordeal, it could have been worse, I could have stayed crazy, lost my will, broke my brain or had to die of stomach death of the stomach.

I'm now feeling tired and ill, I'm getting the rest I needed the whole time at the Clown House, I'm not crazy anymore and I'm counting my blessings.
I got to see my kids today, I got to show my boy how to pee, got to help my little girl with her homework and Caffeine fed me.
One thing I noticed was that her space is clean save for the piss my son added to the floor before his lesson it's spotless, my place is super clean too, the first day of the Clown House there were several puddles of liquid from varying species, it was a dump from the gate.

rest is good, it's work for me to rest, but I'll do it.

Monday, September 17, 2007

I just had the privelage to endure one of the trials of life that whole religions sometimes spring out of.

I think the archetype is "travel to the depths of hell and then return ordeal" if i'm now stronger it is still to be seen.
I did a gig in my old neighborhood, I saw some folks I love a lot and I guess I didn't feel much love back so I went home like an idiot and poisoned myself with fat for comfort ,
I'm reminded of when I was a child and hung out with dogs, they know how to let you know they care when you return to the pack, my dog did that.
They are really happy to see you, I guess I saw connections that wern't as strong as I thought.
so I was upset inside but still Dingo the Clown outside I wished I could have hugged them but I can't inflict myself on anyone, it has to be mutual.enough babymamadrama.

After the gig on Alberta street Will Workforf Ood and I, on tall bikes, went back to south east.
He was pulling the big cattle trailer, all it had in it was some cardboard, a battle ax, a banjo,and lots of rope.
I did have a huge bag of bagels and a pile of merch, we sold almost all the stuff and tossed the bagels.
Our cargo moved around a lot during the ride, we didn't tie anything down, odd because we had LOTS of rope.
At Burnside Blvd. the banjo fell off an into the street at 14m.p.h. confirming my notion that banjos sound good in all situations.
That must be why we didn't tie anything down, we wanted to hear speed metal on the banjo.
I stopped and grabbed it before a diaper truck came and hit it, I played a few bars in the street and then tied it down kinda.
We got to the crib, tossed the props and went right out hussling the streets, I didn't want to think about stuff.
I hate to say it but an amazing hunk of luck happened when Ood's girlfriend went out of town, had she been here, Will would have maybe been around an hour and then left into the fair, at the gig i had him all day, we had perfect team work and grossed over $300.
Sounds like a lot but it's dough long spent, I'm sure you know that deal.
The streets around Hawthorne were mostly empty and hard to busk, all i wanted was yogurt.
After playing with some kids we set out in search of yogurt, couldn't find any, went someplace else, closed, I told Ood "I sure hope I don't go home and eat all that ice cream that I'm allergic to just because I miss my wife, girlfriend and children and dog."
He shook his head much like Howdy Doody.
I went home and ate the ice cream, the only other thing I had that day was a hunk of greasy meat in a tortilla and coffee.
To a guy with gall stones, thats really bad.
I got some laundry together and stuck it in the trailer while doing that, I felt the tang of pain in my side, but it went away quickly.
It was morning, early morning, I always go to bed late and wake up early, I went looking for a laundry mat.
Passed Belmont passed a few other streets and I found one, $2 a load cool, it took me almost a month to generate one full load of laundry.
Thats because I threw most of my clothes away along with my furniture at the old house.
I could feel a painful sensation in my guts, I remembered the ice cream and hoped that it wouldn't be a bad attack.
I also remembered the what and why about the ice cream, Bonaroo don't like chocolate and Caffeine don't like nuts so I sure as hell was eating Rocky Road, intentions are important, those intentions could make me real sick.
I know they don't owe me anything, I love them and care for them and this hunk of insanity is all my own I hope they can forgive me this self serving rant.
I put the clothes in and went out to the bike to sit down on a crate.
I occupied myself by thinking too much and looking at some newspapers that I didn't have the strength to reach for.
My sides were really stinging, my head was dropping and I was starting to look like a junkie, I needed yogurt or at least water.
It took being this crazed to find the cheapest, coolest laundrymat in town and then lose it.
I went into a "murder mart" but all they had was high fructose drinks, I never touch that stuff, I have enough problems, I couldn't use the saturated fat potatoes or pork derms.
Here is where it gets tricky and more surreal, 7 art cars pulled into the murder mart parking lot, If you don't know what those are, look it up, that was cool.
Cheap laundry, a nice community, art cars and I'm too crazed to enjoy it.
My eyes felt like they had dingle berrys hanging from them, my side was splitting and I'm not sure what I was looking at across the street.
I had to go, if I stayed there I would wake up in the hospital so I went to check the time left on my machine 27min. Damn!
I couldn't abort "laundry mission" so I decided to drive through it.
Let me tell ya friends, im almost more secure in the saddle of a tall bike than on the ground, as long as I can see I can ride.
I took to the road and the delirium began.
I stayed away from people or property, luck for all the streets were empty save for one insane clown on a tall bike.
In my minds eye I saw a man who was once my martial arts trainer at Ft.Rucker army base in Dothan Alabama, this man betrayed me and in my head I saw him training Dingo Dizmal the character I have desperately been trying to kill off.
He was rubbing Dingo's shoulders and telling him how to hurt me without killing me.
I yelled out "F YOU DINGO" while listing down Powell street and my eyes rolled into the back of my head for a second I looked for a bush to crash into.
I regained my balance and continued on, all i wanted was some yogurt.

Dingo would come at me with visions of happy times among family and I would just take it as his hand pushing my sides making tears stream from my eyes.
I was lost and dehydrated, crazy and falling apart fast, I had to get home at least, I was desperate.
I don't think I knew what was happening at the time, I was just rolling with the punches...i knew I had laundry.
I wondered into a Wendys fast food bathroom to let loose some bloody pee (sorry yall, this is real).
When I got out on the floor I looked at all the poison those people were eating and I could feel and taste all the fat and sugar in my body coming off them.
They had all just been to church, they were all fat, they all had fat cars.
I looked at my bike, it;s longer than a station wagon and 8 feet tall, if I made a "scene" it would reflect bad on the circus, so I walked out still speaking to the people like fish out of water breathes.
I left in disgust, got on my bike and staggered off I had no idea when I left to do laundry that my whole world would go south like that.
I eventually found my laundry mat, the art cars had gone and my stuff was almost done
Then it was a back and forth between me and Dingo, he was drunk and his hat didn't fit anymore, he was crass.
I was alone but had lots of weapons.
I had no way to fight him under those conditions, it really is blinding pain associated with Gall stones, easy to go crazy and almost impossible to kill a chaos clown that screwed me.

I was dizzy, far from home and not really knowing where my home was if there is such a place.
I couldn't relate to the people I love most and so I poisoned myself, stupid huh?
I pushed my sorry ass up all the hills that lead to Sky Tower, I found a store and bought myself some yogurt went home, pulled some artifact props out of the rain that was due and went up to my lair on auto pilot.

Heres the "Hell and back" part that I could never really explain but can indeed try to...
My fever woke me, my back was sore, sides splitting I needed water and couldn't get out of my bed.
I could hear people talking and laughing downstairs but they couldn't hear me yelling for help, the most I could yell through a headache was a hiss "Sombody help me please" over and over again I reached over with my hand found the neck of my guitar, I started pounding in on the floor *** ** *** *** ** *** but I don't think any of them knew Morse code or were looking for any.
I have a fever, I'm ripping at the seams, having this epic battle with myself and all I want to know is where the hell is Yoda?
I came in and out a lot over the next few hours, really sick.
It began raining just as the worst of it hit me, I tried to ignore the pain and visualize the rain washing the imbalances from my systems, it would have worked had this not been so intense, I guess it did work a little.
I found myself on the stairs leading out of my lair, I was wearing a skirt and a blanket, I took that opportunity to get into the shower, the hot then cold helped a lot, I left without drying off and went back to bed.
I made a few trips for short showers after that, it was a brief reprieve from the pain, in bed and in the tub I had to continually turn over like a weenie on a hot stick, it was exhausting.
On my third or so trip to the shower Skye Blue was in the hall and said "Nice skirt sexy"I looked at her and our other roomate and just said "Gall attack" she swung into action.
When I got back to bed there they were "team wellness brigade of death" Josea, Skye and Will all helping me out, Skye looked it up on the internet so she would know what she was dealing with, she rubbed my back, her hands felt like gunshots, any touch was agony but I needed it.
Will rubbed my feet with what I thought were ice cold hands, Josea didn't know what to do so I asked him just to cast spells.
He did, at one point I heard him telling someone "Shut up I'm trying to cast this spell!"I think he was talking to me.
I could still hear lots of rain, sweet Portland Rain, I love this town.
People spent the next hours coming and going to my room, one person would lay with me and pet my head and leave, then Will would come in grinding herbs into tea, lighting candles and overall doing some witchy flower Ood magic on me, he kept feeding me water, they all fed me lots of water, they even found me a straw because I couldn't lift my head high enough to sip.
Josea came in and kept me company and then Skye gave me a KILLER back rub.
They treated me really good, lots of hands on me , praying for me and with good intentions it was grand, I was blessed.
They left the light off once, I woke up and looked around, I'm not that familiar with my room I've only been there a short time.
I saw lots of dark angles hinted by faded light and the sound of rain, of course I thought I was on the island of Crete in the minotaurs maze.
Dingo the clown was looking for me he wanted to hurt me, I wanted to kill him, I was insane I drifted off into some deranged fever induced torment of my own design.
I hear I was making a considerable noise grunting and such, I said some things I don't recall, I guess I have some good friends, loyalty is hard to find.
I used to have to get drunk to sound that stupid.
I would wake up to see a face looking back at me, kind of creepy but that went away, I saw Will's face in my face lit by candle a bunch he went out and bought us some water and did my house chore, he really is set up for fixing broken circus bosses.
I woke up a few more times in pain but I could feel it going away, the fat that I was digesting was spent, the gall bladder was deactivating, the stones that were grinding into ducts were finding better places to be.
I will have to go through this again at least once, I have to get someone with an ultrasound device to break up the stones a bit and then I gotta pass them.
Boy howdy, thats the cowboy way!
I came out of the dungeon after fighting Dingo the clown with a few ideas, one is that you can only really blame yourself when things go wrong.
My name is Dingo so that would be kind of hard to get away from but the character better stay away from me for a while.
I walked in the yard this morning, the rain had stopped, my feet stepped into the mushy moss of the soaked backyard and I felt happy to be alive.
Happy to be a clown in a town that loves clowns.I love my blog, my friends, family and fans.
I think it's gonna be ok.
and thats 20 hours in the life of a chaos clown.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Bagel wars!!!

OK so If you don't know, I started a non profit organization callad "Bagels for Seagulls" it allowed Will Workforf Ood and I to go to a popular breakfast place and take hundreds of bagels for re-distribution (Thank you Orian!).
It just so happened that "pick up day" was really close to "show day" (the day before actually, how did that happen)?"
They were still good so I kept a bag or too for us and loaded the rest on the trailor.
During the night someone took a bunch of them but thats cool, it's what it's all about.

All our stuff was scattered all over Portland and I didn't exactly know who was even in my show.
Ood and I gathered as much as we could show day and rode to Alberta street.
We were late and falling apart, Will had to leave with only the black and white parts of his face and I didn't make up at all.
Funny about the "no make up thing", the whole day people called me "clown" or "Dingo" or both, they knew Will Workforf Ood too, in that place we didn't need make up.

Sprout started the show and did better than Iv'e ever seen, she was funny, she danced and had a snake.
We did as much of the show as we could when Doc appeared with the "Baby Battle Bikes".
When the showdown between bikes started I passed out the garbage bag of bagels to the crowd.
We had a nurse there just in case of an emergency but all she had was a giant needle and some rope I think.
We had an elf too, he faught a stack of bagels and won pretty soundly.
During the match I looked around after getting creamed in the back of the head with bread and found the whole block filled with flying bagels.
If the crowd wasn't into our show before they sure were then, it was amazing what we created.

I had been thinking about how to kill off my character and wondering what would come out in Dingo's place.
The Dingo hat is battered and smashed, a lot of the hardwear has fallen off in gladiator battles and clowning.
I have lots of injuries and my brain is fried from torment, hard to keep a smile even if one is painted on.
The crew have all fallen away and moved on, Dingo needs the team, without them it's just a couple of clowns on the street.
My clothes are falling off (that's Will's thing not mine) the whole character has been to hell and back, he needs to be someone else or get a vacation from the reality.

I don't need makeup to be recognized, thats a great reason to keep Dingo alive but I'm not that guy anymore.
I almost thought I was, when I got into the parade it was magic, Dingo the clown LOVES a parades and we were behind the drum corps, it's fun to dance with a tall bike. Kids are amazed to see me defying gravity sometimes coming to a dead stop and hovering in mid air for as long as I want.
We did the 20 or so blocks and it was amazing, one problem, as I looked around I spotted My children being babysat, Cafffeine doing some kind of act, It was unclear what she was doing but she loked and sounded nice and Bonaroo sporting a Viking Helmet and looking great I got weak in the knees.
Dingo loves to be with those folks, ?

I have a killer pad and great friends, low rent and no awful ideas knocking my good ones off the map or screaming making me lose concentration, yet still my body thinks I will eventually get to go's stupid to think you can ever go home.
As I was leaving I hugged my boy, the little girl didn't know how to relate to "Dad the fallen angel" so she politely ignored me the way I taught her to ignore strangers.
The battle bikes really tore up my wrists and my emotions were trillerpated I needed at least to be away from Alberta street.
We sold a few shirts and split, I went home and took off the Texican Clown.
Will took off Ood too and we went out rampaging the streets till late, playing music on my bike (Will hooked up a mic to the bike so it's an insterment) we found some other buskers and jammed with them.
We went to the creepy part of Hawthorne (We call it Tenn.)and bombed the hill.
We let tourists take photos with us and I hassled some young kid who looked lost on the corner of 42nd and Hawthorn to stop looking like a victim.
"Im, j,j,just waiting on my r-ride."
I don't blame him, I'm almost 11 feet tall, growling, and it's after midnight, the air was still, I could smell his fear from at least a block away.
I hope someone like me finds my kids if they are ever in that situation, I wanted to stop and show the little dude how to wait for a ride without looking like a victim but i didn't, he was afraid of us.

We met a lady smoking a stogggie on her porch, she was nice enough to let Will and I climb her brick wall and start up the power lines.
We invented a super groovy game high up on the top of a wall where we both inch out to the middle, one guy bends over and the other one kicks him in the ass, if that guy don't fall (one story down) then he gets to try and kick the other guy off.
We did that entirely too long and neither guy got to even score one point.

After there was no more trouble to be had, we went home and smoked the last of my pot.
We made a couple hundred bucks, I saved my share for the kids and Will likes buying weed.
I fell asleep sitting there and at some point Will went to his room.

I never resolved if Dingo lives or dies, I like him, I just dont think he has a home anymore.
I guess I couldn't go far away, I only know cowboy tricks and stunts, what the heck else would I do juggle?
No way, I hate juggling.
Maybe a native character will come out or maybe an animal, I don't know.
If that was the last show for Dingo Dizmal the cowboy clown from Beerstain Texas, I'll take it, it had a bagel war!

Friday, September 14, 2007

I met a woman

I have a new girlfriend, shes great "The Silver Fox!"
She's 65-68 years old best I can tell from looking at her legs, married (Husband wears a hat), many grand children and a lawn she's raising.
So far I got to first base (her taking 45 minits to photograph me riding by her house with a phone) and we may have a date soon.
I'm thinking of taking her out to her back yard where I'll move stuff for her and maybe mow that lawn rrrrrrrawr!
I'll be safe minded and wear rubber gloves when cleaning her gutter.

Gamers live here

I live in a house with an extravagant RPG going, it's players have dark circles under eyes and don't care if it's night or day or what time it is the game goes on.
This one is realy complicated but the folks here where up to it, I'm too worn out and Will don't really care so we just watched and gaffaw.

Stunts of death

Did you hear i changed the name of the show to "Clown House Circus of Death" it sounds really creepy...yeah I'll buy that.
If anyone asks I'm gonna tell them that the name really is "The Clown House Circus Of Death Defying Stunts and Awsome Terrific stuff you'll only need the edge of your Seat For" we just ran out of ink.
Speaking of stunts;
I think Bobby Panama will be doing at least one of the big shows tommorow, thats great.
Iv'e seen him tape whole strings of Black Cats to his chest and light them, I hope he pulls off the "Plate Break" you gotta be there to see that.
I hear he has a van full of props from the Big Bang Circus Days, I can't wait, hope they washed whatever puke may have been on the stuff before.
I'm so happy to be working and living and loving, the air is sweet, even in traffic.

I stayed up as late as I could last night

I was trying to get to sleep through at least part of the morning, it didn't happen.
I always wake up first because of my last few years waking to kid noise and the high stress.
Now I'm in great shape and in a pleasant mood all the time.
If you ever went into the office of the Clown House you would have found purposly uncompfortable chairs, I didn't want anyone sleeping on the job, not around me anyway.
My new digs are all about reclining, kind of an opium pit without the drugs ( Well i hear my room has smelled like pot since the 60s and I'm keeping that tradition, nothing else).
I really don't have much to stress about in comparison, I earned my rent and sent what I had left over to Caffeine, I'm fed, a little lonley but really strong since I work out everyday.
Yesterday I wentto the store and purchased some Ice Cream, after all the healthy raw veggies and grains I treated myself, it was rad.
I like the natural stuff more, thats for sure.
I needed some reward, I spent months day and night clearing the Clown House of other people's debris, I washed walls, painted walls, fixed broken windows (or had them fixed) and spent hundreds of dollars, my reward was, I got to pay more money and was talked to like I was a dead beat who hates my kids, I deserved something nice, I just got the crap beat out of me.
I got to talk to my kid (it took a bit to get the number) she is fine and isn't seeming to miss me, I think the dog and the little boy might miss me, the wife is cold but nice, and not mean or bitter, I don't think she misses me much.
She actually seems happy to have me away from her, good for her, I know I'm a monster sometimes.
I'm feeling good about things and happy, just bumps in the road.
Can't argue with results, since we went different ways, I hear she is doing great and I sure do well making all my own decisions, nobody has thrown any awful ideas into my mix and I'm doing well without all the delays and wild goose chases.
I don't like getting up so early because it's time alone that I have been spending missing my family.
I had to convince myself that they are fine so I can get stuff done, I'm not getting any hansomer.
Now I spend mornings conjuring my day so it will go well and praying it all works out.
No matter how nice a face I put on it, I still feel like I lost my home, company, wife, dog and children, no amount of visiting will bring them back and I will have to deal with other people programing my children with me far away.
I spent 20 years painfully avoiding having kids and dog for that very reason, I saw it happen to many friends and wasn't having any of that.
I know what you may be thinking..."yer a singing cowboy clown, what better stuff to write country songs about"
I don't think anyone wants to see a clown sobbing while playing a banjo so I'll skip that act.
To tell the truth I'm trying to find a way for Dingo to meet an unfortunate accident of the fatal veriety.
Dingo belonged to the Clown House, when it died so did Dingo, I'm just carting around his clothing and props.
Dingo has kids, is in love with Caffeine Jones and helps people way too much, what a pussy.
I have been searching for the new clown who will hopefully push Dingo out in front of a bus so the poor dude can go down with his ship and die finally.
A new clown came to me this morning while I was fighting with a cup of coffee and the General Lee in traffic.
The new guy wears glittery shirts and likes mirrors, I wasn't letting that guy into my world so I killed him right there in the street, I won't give that clown any attention.
I look at the computor banks of photos, scripts and comics, they all revolve around Caffeine, the kids and all the clowns who have gone away. I don't know what to do with such a body of work, maybe chuck the whole thing into the Willamette river?
My novel centers around Caffeine, she hardly worked on the book, and didn't appreciate the honor, it's a good story and plenty funny but I can't publish it now.
The Clown House story ends with a brick wall and a dead end, I don't know what to do with that.
Now I gotta soak my knees inhot water, they are sore from practicing bike tricks all week and I have to heal up before I injure them again at the shows this weekend.
I'll meditate, and create how my day will go and decide if Dingo lives or dies, If he is gonna die his last performance will be at the Alberta street fair main stage around 1pm.
Yu will know he died if this blog dissapears or changes, he may live on depending on if he is needed by anyone.
So far my phone is silent save for a call I got from Banaroo last week, she came over and that went swimmingly well.
I can't create a wonderful day full of prosperity and fun like that was with all this stuff on my mind, thats why I'm dumping it here on you,,,thanks.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

my fave band bahemoth

oh man Ood is a riot.
He took a rock and a bottle cap and inserted a wire, then taped that to my bike's drop out and threw the other end of the wire at a speaker that lives on my tail board and PRESTO! I'm truckin to my bikes own tunes.
Every shift of gear all the road noise and with a flanger.
It's loud and it sounds like a zillion bikes!
We rode around last night for hours grooving to BAHEMOTH!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I didn't want to go grocery shopping

because I knew It would be depressing.
I wasn't looking forward to single shopping, I like family shopping, eventually I
had to get some bulk goods.
I was popping into shops for raw veggies and eating
as I'm walking out the door.
I'm not looking forward to laundry day, for the same reason.
The housemates WILL look forward to my laundry day if I don't go so I think it will be soon.
I went to the Crash site on Alberta yesterday, rather I went near it, I had a meeting nearby.
Saw a bunch of folks I love inside one hour.
I needed to meet with someone and I was waiting when I had notion that what I was really hunting may be nearby.
I got on my bike and rode 9 blocks away hoping that my guy would stay when I was gone.
I went into a coffee shop and got a cup of coffee that I didn't want or need.
I went outside, placed my coffee on my bike, looked up and could hear/smell my son.
His voice and my daughter's have been in my head constantly, this time it was real.
My little penguin came around the corner covered in snot and being escorted by Caffeine and Bonaroo.
The sight struck me like a ton of bricks, I had to sustain my rock star-i-tude and keep it real.
I hung out with the boy for a minit, caught up with him and then gave him back.
Caffeine was hot looking and in a good mood, Bonaroo was Bonaroo.
It was good to see them but I didn't want to intrude so I split.
On the way out I saw Rabbito and he told me Bobby Panama was at a cafe nearby.
I shot down there and hooked up with the beast, I think he will be doing the show with us this weekend at the co-op.
Then I remembered why I was there in the first place.
I took to the road and met my mark.
I hussled up a good $200 and then went to my friends at A BETTER T Shirt Co.
It's funny to make money off investments and then have to give it all back investing.
I had to get new t shirts and I printed a really keen new circus shirt, we will be selling them this Sat. too.

Some things are the same some not so much.
I haven't turned a television on since I got here, I had more than a few dull moments but I'm not
feeling alone.
The TV was my companion during a time when everyone that I did have contact with wanted something from me (even if it's wanting me to go away).
The tv took the edge off some lonely frikkin times, had strangely in a crowd.
Here I'm a dude with rent to pay and a chore to keep track of.
Can't argue with results, I haven't argued with anyone, I'm healthy, sober, strong, I eat what I like and theres always plenty of it.
I still am the last to bed and the first up, I think it's because I have stuff to do even if it's doing nothing, i don't want to sleep through it.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Real life stuff

things that I got to expieience and apreciate today.
I'm listening to one of my favorite bands Attic Ted.
Got to eat a "hot" peach (it was stolen and it had been in the sun all day).
I picked it as I passed by on my tall bike, it was afraid it was too high to be reached but I got it.
FNARodeo man is was such an amazing peach way up in the air, it was orgasmic.
My eyes almost rolled into the back of my head as I ate this thing made of sun.
It's not all good but it is all important,
I feel the absence of my family deeply, thats real but I can't do them any favors by floundering in agony,
why not count blessings? thats what my family does anyway..
I got to start a new trade and thats another tool in my show biz tool chest, thats rare.
I also have the wind blowing on my back through my hair, I love that.
I ate grapes off a vine (Also hot)
I got to go to Goodwill with a friend.
A porch full of really nice gals gave me a flashlight and a fistful of fireworks to conquer the world with.
Well missing my family (dogs hate that) and the fact that the cat wont help me clean the Lighthouse are the only unpleasant things in a huge field of wonderful sensations associated with life.
I can appreciate the good and bad as just parts of a crazy puzzle that we are lucky enough to try and solve.

#255#Dingo's All Star Homebum Spectacular!!!!

People in the fancy places round here keep looking at the Rubber Chicken art like I'm showing them cat turds on old TV Guides.
I found a few leads in some places I would frequent so it's all good..
Woke to a couple of depressing emails, one actually threw a rock at me.
The rest of the day was heaven, I rode out first thing in search of conquest and victory.
Found old friends and made a new one or two.
Watched a few hours of old Iron Maiden videos last night. and then the great movie shot here in Portland "What the Bleep".
Taked to Will this morning, the word "Disenfranchised came up, there was talk about unplugging the whole shebang, that would be cool, I only want motivated people who pitch in and like making money doing what they love.
I made a set list for the gig on Alberta this weekend, I'm going to rehearse it and do it alone if I have to.
By alone I mean with all untrained folks I find at a bus stop or train yard.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

My back hurts...

From making love too long and hard?
Nope (i wish)
From using a jack hammer all day breaking up driveways?
Nope (but fun)
From sleeping in an uncomfortable bed?
Nope (thank goddess)
My back hurts from dealing Black Jack believe it or not.
It will be fine, I have friends who don't mind laying hands on me where I hurt, and I've been stretching a lot.
Last night three of us went down to the Belmont street fair but couldn't plug in anywhere, we kept getting our bike/booth evicted by organizers, they were kind of crappy to us.
We went home empty handed and practiced Black Jack dealing.
The gig was far away in a mansion far up a mountain.
You wouldn't have recognized me in a Tux and bow tie (sans the jacket).
Skye, Josea and I looked like airline workers, all in uniforms and hanging around in a group while we waited for the guests to be shuttled up in a limo/bus.
The place didn't look as big as it is because all the rooms wrapped around like a maze, there was water piped in everywhere outside and you couldn't go anywhere without hearing a waterfall.
There was a room with a giant bank of windows overlooking a pool, sauna and all of Portland.
In the main hall was an Ice sculpture of James bond and one of his bitchez, I didn't know at the time that it was a James Bond themed party, I just thought the guy throwing the shindig was a government contractor fleecing Iraq or maybe a mob boss.
Why the hell else would someone have an ice sculpture of a guy pulling a pistol from the back of it's waistband.
My station was next to Skye Blue's we had really nice Blackjack tables made of wood and felt with the rules and card places printed on.
We used four decks that shoot out of a plex container.
I saw some of the guests and was really afraid, they looked like all the pricks I knew in High School (the ones who made it not worth going) all grown up, primped, wealthy and drunk.
I expected it to be frat night to see young super rich people, each one must own like dozens of yuppies.
They were really nice to me.
I'll say again...
They were really nice to me.
I suspect because my table was full of ladies all night, they thought I was funny and cute.
I thought they were funny and cute too but in another way.
They were screaming my name at one point "DINO DINO DINO BRING US LUCK BABY!
Oh B.T.W. I changed my name to Dino after Dean Martin the Las Vegas icon.
It was hard to keep track of all the bets all night, I'm so glad I hadn't done anything stupid like smoke pot, that would have ended my career before it started.
At some points I had up to 7 people around my table all placing multiple bets while yelling and screaming, I had to do the dealing, count chips out and be hansome doing it.
All the ladies had very thin, sheer, dresses on with inflated body parts jutting out, it was hard to concentrate on the biz at hand.

One nice lady hung out next to me, her guy was really busy and her friends were wasted, she shuffled the decks with me and kept track of who gets what, she had fun, I thought I knew her.
I didnt she just reminded me of Adrianne DeJerk, a woman who can be charming and super helpful in any situation with anyone.

It was a blast, I earned half my rent in one evening and the door is open for more of that since I did so well.
I got it from another dealer not to stand at attention all night like I was doing, when nobody was around I stood at attention and looked forward, that didn't last long but it took a toll.
Next gig I'm bringing a little shoe box or step up so at least one knee can bend.
All of us had aching backs so we may make it part of standard equipment.

Saturday, September 08, 2007


Just got back from Belmont street, got a cup of Joe from the Muddy Water's fellas.
I Stood there shaking the cobwebs off after one of those nights that was as calm and spirited as it was surreal and a whiter knuckle roller coaster.
The coffee dudes were nice, the people were all over the place, smiles, kids, a parking space covered in sod grass and a bunch of people playing in it.
I saw a dude ride by on a 20 inch bike sporting Tuff rims from the 70s, I thought, for a rust bucket, that dude has a bad ass bike.
He passed by and I noticed he was wearing one of our shirts from two or three years ago.
It’s the first “Ramp Of Death” one that Pinga de Clown made.
I stood around like a goon for another 10 min.
When he came back I yelled “Nice shirt!” he said “HI Dingo!”he told me that he got the shirt at a bike fair a few years ago.
I told him it was made by Pinga de Clown and he quickly said
“Yeah Tiago, he quit, what a jerk.”
I said yes he is Dejerk, but he put his time into the show a long time ago and we can’t own his ass forever like we do Ood’s.
I got home, rousted most of the folks here, we had a wake and bake, Skye is dressing in her Nurse Clown outfit ...cute!
I called Sprout the snake charmer and woke her at the crack of 11:37 so come to Belmont today if you can.
I'm gonna load the cattle trailor up with props and just go down there and act a fool, if I can come home with a wad of cash I will, then it;s off to some McMansion in the burbs to deal Black Jack.
Maybe I shouldn't have had that wake and bake...

Friday, September 07, 2007


Should have been practicing Black Jack for work tommorow but Bonaroo came by and that's my whole day.
It was worth it, we had so many great rides, my toes did gang signs!
Her dreadlocks grew tighter, my stress locks grew looser.
Looks like I won't have any dough to start a new Clown House yet, it's ok I like the Lighthouse just fine.
We can earn a windfall again just by working hard and making good investments.

Met the dude who is moving into the Clown House.

He was in Army drag, like maybe reserves, he is a real christian I think.
He kept calling the landlords "Brother" this and "Sister" that.
He expected me to be an animal and never really shook the idea that
I was anything more than a pagan, gypsey drunk.
I was friendly anyway and cleared more stuff away.
He was nice enough to not kill me.
Do you see the humor in that, the complete turnaround from "dream Factory of the people" to
Army/christian bootcamp.

on Belmont Sat....i think

OK so I got to find a way to clown the street fair on Belmont, make some dough sellin stuff (or services), clean up, get out to the "Burbs"in a bow tie and deal Black Jack for a few hours.
If I don't get all the clown white off, i will look like a junkie or maybe a card dealer who moonlights as a long haul truck driver.
Thats what we call "Good problems" ones that come with successful living.
I have been looking at a lot of mansions round here, a lot are set up for groups to live in like monestarys or old age homes.
It's just a matter of time before I get one and then "there goes the neighborhood".
I love mansions more than any other dwelling, farm houses are next yeah buddy.
I keep seeing visions of myself on the rooves of some of thiese places, playing guitar out of Ood's battery powered amp, while getting drenched in a January night rain storm. I see I'm older and I have a shock of white hair hanging with the rest of my frozen mane as I shiver and play some clownabilly boogaloo to anyone who is awake at 4 am.
I play until the amp is dead and the guitar falls away down the side of the building.
(I break Ood's stuff in my dreams too, cool huh?)
My whole goal in life as far as I can remember is to make a fortune vast enough to afford a spot (permanent) where I can let the rest of my insanity go.
I have to do so with class and as much dignity that one who lights other people's farts would require.
Also I NEED a catapult, a pianopult, a trebuchet, and a roller coaster that leads into a swiming pool that I never EVER clean.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Remember I didn't know what strange twist life would squeeze in my eye?

Guess who just got a job dealing cards?
I did, good thing I clean up real good.
I went out this morning like I always do, found a cafe and tried to convince them to put up my rubber chicken paintings.
This morning it was Mojo's on Stark.
The woman at the counter greeted me with a disgusted look, when I told her about the chickens she looked at me like I was handing her a dirty diaper.
After that I didn't have the heart to spend any money, so thanks lady at the Mojo counter for saving me some dough.
I did have a good weekend of peace, I found a bike that has the parts I need to make Will fix the General Lee.
The Grope left for the mid west with Door rat Dave, they had a car piled high with freak bikes, props and intentions of starting the Texas version of the Clown House Bike Rodeo.
If he makes it to Texas alive his show will be called "F'N "A" Rodeo", he let me name his show since I showed him the ropes.
We are practicing the new show a lot, it will have a roller skating nurse and a giant.
Will Workforf Ood is great...he has a girlfriend.

jack sprint

I went to Free Geek to get a mouse, all my electric equipment has a course layer of dirt on it, the old mouse looked like it had already been through a cat it didn't work so good.

I didn't realize those guys were such tough bastards, they talked to me like people who talk to morons all day, I used to need to do that.
When everyone wants a piece of you, ya gotta cut the BS or your gonna be there all day.
I did my part by asking complicated questions with no clear answer and asking for people who don't work there.
As I found my way to Free Geek, I had to climb some heavy hills riding my bike.
I ride a beast to say the least, The Behemoth is over 8 feet tall and long as a car, it's made of 5 old steel frames and sometimes is equipped with a woman on the back so it's one heavy mammajamma, I'm in great shape for it, it's been a long time my numero uno bike.
(In the photo it's two of the Hula Hogs getting ticketed in front of the Clown House.)
As I rode on, if pedaling got hard going, in my head I see a stag's eyes open and my legs get a bit of power, again a hill rises, I see a bison's eyes open, sometimes a big horn sheep or powerful grass eater.
When I'm at intersections I see a Jack Rabbits eyes open and I get a sprint plus a bunch of split second movements and adjustments in fast flight, high above the ground and in traffic, thats a plus.
As my body takes in air and I continue scrolling through all the vertebrates on the planet that I'm related to, the wind shoots up my gullet scraping my larynx and producing a dull roar, my Jack Rabbits eyes move to the front of it's head and it turns into a mountain lion, still quick movement but stronger, eventually an African lion's eyes open, I see red.
Any people at the top of the hill get to see a tall bike dude with his eyes rolled to the back of his head growling and panting with lips splayed back and dry.

When I get to the top I realize I have no idea where I'm going, I stop the bike in mid air, I see a naked muddy human with two rocks in hand, he strikes them together and in the sparks I see I'm 6 blocks from Free Geek (plus I asked someone).
It's been like that my whole life, it was asleep and now they are awake, it's glad to be home.
Like what we do? Donation bucket!

Tuesday, September 04, 2007


Lets take a look at how stupid we can get!

I ate $2 tacos with the grope

We were all day, in the bike saddle finding out where we live and where we are going, tracking down money and food, ordering more shirts and getting stuff to raise a garden above the ground for the coming wet season.
I saw a bike that looked like Caffeines and cryed a little, spent an hour in the big grocery store with Mr.Grope and laughed a lot.
I found out what I eat:
Grains, grapes, cold cereal, raw corn, raw vegetables, and raw chicken(a little).
I feel great, pumping my arms on the handlebars with each stroke, barroling up big hills, snarling and grunting.
I have been off the tobbacco long enough that I'm taking in huge breaths and I could feel the air in balance with my body.
I can also have noticed with the biggest stress behind me, I'm enjoying the texture of things, the smell, all the things about being alive are in my face and I like it.
I like myself.
I like playing guiter, upside down.
music today:
Flash / Queen


I just had the coolest day yesterday, the fun of exploring new terrortory, meeting people, setting up more meetings and hopefully selling a lot of chicken paintings.
The Grope and I found some really creepy hills to bomb on tall bikes and everyone was really happy to see us.
The Grope is about to go to Texas today, three months ago he washed up on the Clown House shore from Beeville Texas and now he is leaving a fledgling circus boss, he has a car piled high with freak bikes, I lot of practice, knowledge and expierience that he picked up from all of us, and we shoud see him do great things to the state of Texas.
Here are some shots I found on the web of Oods Christ walk with our last remaining set piece, a high wire pole.
I hear Bizzy may have some shots of him getting busted and maybe Jon from has some, I saw him as I was doing the Judas thing denying I knew Ood to the cops.
Last night we went out on the streets 5 bikes strong, lost Ood right away, went into the Goodfoot tavern and I got carded, I had to slam my rootbeer and get out, it was fun.

Monday, September 03, 2007

I love my bed

I love my bed, it's full of pillows, it's big and it's clean, I enjoyed waking up on it.
I'm still stressed and shell shocked from life driving golf balls into my balls but I'm
settling in.
For a long time it was all about being the last to bed and the first up, I'm still doing that but now I don't have anything to do, so I'm crashing earlier and rising later.
It's cool to let my host deal with house problems, all I have to do is look hansom and play banjo..
I didn't get to say goodby to my family in all the ruckus, well I told Caff but she didn't care, I gave her my number but she didn't give me one (I understand thats what giving and getting "Space" is all about.
I'm pretty sure the little girl is too full of new house and being 9 years old to care much about Dad, but I know the little boy and the dog are wondering "where the hell is that really fun dude who feeds us and can throw himself down flights of stairs?"
It will all come together as it should, we are all very strong.
We had the coolest Circus Meeting last night, the new show will rock all yer teeth out.
"Doc we will be needing cages on the rear wheels of the Baby Battle Bikes by the 15th, hope you read this blog, i don't know your numero."
Last gig we tore our battle bikes up yo!
I bet after the show I will really appreciate my bed.

I wrote this a few days ago on a lap top:

Well I'm far from the place I called home very far, and sitting down at a cafe.
I rode around my new neighborhood looking for a cafe that actually needed my money, it didn't happen.
All the coffee round here comes from corporations, I will do it today...I'm sick.
It's odd to be where nobody can find me, it will take getting used to.
Far as I know, nobody wants to find me, also hard to swallow.
Today I woke up in a bed I had never slept in, to sunshine beating my face.
I couldn't stay awake last night, I just thought i could or should be doing more, it's exhausting.
I was so burnt out and blown away from the past week that last night I asked Ood to rub out some Charley horses but passed out cold before he could get to me.
I hear Will had a little party over my dead body, playing guitar and spilling tonics and potions on me.

I woke up to silence, well not silence, quiet.
Couldn't hear my son's ear splitting screech or my daughter bickering with friends over "who goes first".
It made me want to cry, the sound that tortures me, is also the sound of them being safe,fed, and out
of danger, now all I can do is trust Caffeine.
Trust comes easy with Caffeine she is a wonderful woman.
I didn't hear the kids, and I think thats what woke me up, i looked at the clock 10 30 am, I thought of them (and Caffeine),
sat up in the unfamiliar bed and asked out loud "What the Hell just happened?".

I haven't "slept in" that late in I cant remember how long, I'm alone,really alone.
Funny, the reason I needed change so much was that I was lonely, it's an old story, circus mom has too little time for
circus dad to the point where a conversation is dashed and dotted with so much interruption from little voices (and big ones) who have so many needs
that the point of our conversation is lost.
The "hard communication factor" is so difficult to live with and almost impossible to love with.
Ever hear Richard Pryer's work?
One of his lines is "Dija ever notice yer old lady looks really fine when your parting ways?
Last night Caffeine was smoking hot, the kids were somehow somewhere else and if that was all there
was to it, we could have had a wonderful evening together.
Truth is, she couldn't have gotten me out of her face quicker.
We haven't been getting along so well and I don't blame her.

The last night of the Clown House was a riotous event, the fans made me feel like a diposed king that everyone still loves.
We made lots of runs down the street, waving at people and thanking them for such a great time on Alberta Street.
As we were returning to base we saw a line of hot ladies in red helmets The B.C.Clettes had arrived from Canada to do a show with us.
We rode up and passed the bike dance troupe and entered the Clown House yard with a bang.
They really got the crowd going with a sweet set of dance numbers right on the scene of the Mud pit of Doom.
The mud pit hasn't been in action for a year so, every move or wreck resulted in huge punctuating clouds is dust.
My favorite band in the world Johnny Punchclock started their set, with my favorite song and I grabbed the cop clown costume and a Baby Battle Bike.
Now I'm a frustrated, 175 pound, Texan who is at the going away party for my whole world (that i created).
I spent my whole life working hard and playing hard so I have collected quite the arsenal of strength, cunning and nerve.
I was armored, heart broken, sitting on a baby Battle Bike, and under the costume sobbing, my number two guy was in jail and I wanted satisfaction of any kind.
If my opponents were Real Estate Developers I would have decorated the fence with their entrails, they brought the rent hike, and all the police.
I hope they choke on all the money they made.
It was me vs. the Grope on Battle bikes with Transvestite Jeremy in the shoe bike, we rode opposite circles around JONNY PUNCHCLOCK crashing into each other and wrecking all the bikes and some spectators. I could have the whole story wrong by the way.Sweat and dust stung my eyes as we collided into each other, bike parts tore off and flung around it was mayhem.
Jeremy was coming up behind me at one point to take out my back wheel, I noticed the clothes line in our path.
I grabbed the clothesline after I got passed and Jeremy didn't, wow what a wreck I thought that only happened in cartoons!
We crashed lots of bikes, I got in a tangle that busted my knee armor off, of course I then hit someone really hard and put my knee in a pile of twisted metal (ouch!)
We had fire, dirt, blood,metal, tears, more fire, love, fear, hate, food, love,all viewed by hundreds of people.

Will Ood was in jail, oh did I mention that Will got busted for "Disorderly Conduct"?
Ya, see, he decided after reading an article in the Oregonian decrying our bonfires and nudity that he wanted to march down the street carrying the one good high wire pole on his shoulders Jesus style, wearing a bike diaper and being the best little Jesus he could while we beat him along in a possession of hot girls on Baby Battle Bikes, Me, the Bunny, The Grope.
I made a Roman Centurion outfit and on the right time we deployed the Grope and Will in the street .
Will Workforf Ood began telling the crowd that rent didn't need to be so high.
My roman kicked his ass down off the big red shoe bike and we placed the pole on his shoulders, off he went.
It took the cops only a few blocks to find us but it took much longer for them to cut through the crowd to get his ass.
In the end he was talked out of our yard where the busted him and made my world that much darker, it was also very frikkin funny that Ood went to jail wearing only a diaper and clown face.
Ood eventually got out, I hear they gave him some pants moments before letting him out.
Kitty Litter, Bizzy and April Danger all donned diapers and tape across thier tits and went down to the jail to wait for him to get out.
They were pretty sure when they got back that the made him stay much longer.
He told me that they paved the way for him to get offered smokes and a ride out.
Will is a lucky mutha trucka, all the times I got locked up they put me in with the apes and rape'os.

I hung out on the roof with my closest friends and leutenants holding hands and watching the last of the Alberta street clown house gladiator events.
I think the best MC we have ever had was Adrianne, she is dynamic, she got the crowd going, she got naked, she jousted!
April Danger nude jousted for the first time, oc fit in
so did many others (thanks Doc, it was fun watching you crash into a crowd of people with your weenie swinging).
I was in my old office smoking weed with some show people, a fella came in and gave me a fist full of hot dogs, we went to the window and looked out on Adrianne running the show.
I looked at the fella and said " for the worst day of my life, this sure isn't bad." right at that point Adie, Had the whole crowd yell "Thank you Dingo! Thank you Clown House!!"She of course, didn't hear what I said, she just had great timing, I started again crying (like I am now).A lot of men go through what I'm going through
I don't think many dads have gone through what I did being supported by HUNDREDS of people's good wishes and love, they saved me (and the world) from myself.
I told someone that my heart was feeling great loss of house and home and that it hurt but was made soft by all the true friends and well wishers, just seeing th faces brought my spirits up.
At the end of the night, I was sitting under a tree with some friends, the night had slowed down and a group of well dressed morons were surveying their new neighborhood.
I heard a voice drunkenly say "glad to get this drug house out of the way"! and then heard the sound of my vending machine getting punched, seconds later another punch and the dog treat vendor hit the ground broken.
They didn't see me in the dark, I really hadn't seen them either, I just could hear that there were at least six of them and I knew that at least one or two would soon have a life changing event too.
They continued walking down the sidewalk as I stalked them, I saw they were 8 yuppies, drunkish and full of themselves, my wrecked brain put a plan together.
Four were ladies in high heels, and four men dressed up however the woman told them to (like tools) my plan was to embarrass the guys in front of thier dates.
You can beat guys like that up easy but it won't trash them as bad as a good insult...I know.
I started yelling at the from the dark, relentlessly barking at them like it was thier first day at boot camp.
"Holy Mother of pearl did my eyes decieve me? Did you morons just walk up and punch our equipment?
You kicking me while I'm down...Yes I'm talking to you puddin head, what kind of parents raise kids that kick puppies?
You look like a PUPPY SHOULD i KICK YOU?
One guy stopped as his girlfriend now visably shaken was trying to pull him away, when he tried to speck I would unleash another barrage of non swearing insults.
I could tell how loyal they were to eachother as the one farthest away ditched the rest, they were all yuppies on the move.
About that time I could see a guy across the street yelling at the people.
"You messin with the Clowns? You better apologize or I'm gonna take off my shirt!"
The guy kept trying to apologize but everytime we would open his mouth I would fill the air with the stress of the last week and the guy across the street wasn't having it.
That was fun, I said bye to my friends.
An old tent that was on the ground moved, someone was in a collapsed tent at my feet!
By collapsed I mean it didn't have any poles at all, just a dirty tarp.
From between a filthy matress and the tent, a pair of eyes peeked out.
It was a girl from the show.
"I guess it's been a helluva night".
I crawled under the tent with her.
The next day I woke up with the sun, got coffee and returned to the marithon of house deforrestation, we went on so many trips around town I don't remember them all.
I don't think I told you, the pad I got is "the lap of the gods" its big, the people like me, they don't suck.
I'm just in the same darn position I was in 12 years ago, all the cards in one hand and nobody to share it with, it's a curse.
No matter how cool this pad is, I cant stop thinking about my wife and kids, the boy and the dog act like they like me but they don't use phones ...yet.

My mom thinks that us splitting up will lead me back to drinking, no chance, I quit first for myself...thats why I could do it at all.
I of course am gonna have to call her with a thick drunk accent at 4 A.M. once in a while, just to keep her guessing
(trade secret) Being a sober rock star is the best Golden Ticket I have ever possessed, nuff said.
I might call my mom from the new phone and pretend to be drunk on the freeway driving a stolen rental car with some "friends".
I need to learn how to be safe and quiet, this is the safest quiet I have ever seen, it's unreal.
I feel guilty for not being stressed, whats up with that? there is so much stress in no stress.
I am surrounded by good friends with good intentions THANX MR>GROPE!!!

We just built a talk show set in my lair, it has a puppet stage!!!

How ood went to jail in a diaper

Click above

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Did yall know that last gig Will went to jail wearing only a diaper and clown face?
He did, during our crucifiction reenactment, his penis fell out of his diaper, the cops dragged him off to jail.
Stay tuned I'm trying to get you the clear story.

i'm happy at home

ok i like microwave ovens, didn't expect to be so happy to use one.
Now that I have secured a bagel it came in handy.
I made several runs to the crash site (historic, clown house building)and attempted over the last few days to figger how to get from Sky Tower to the Alberta neighborhood.
No matter how you slice it, it will be an ordeal to commute that far all the time, I hardly know where the Decum hood is.
Or I could try it on a sensible bike that isn't 8 feet tall and hauling 60 l.b.s of trailor and cargo.
I did have a wonderful ride, it got better the farther I got away from the Crash Site.
Today I got to give a guy all my money and all my weed to pay for him to take the things I love most to the dump.
On the ride home I felt better, I gave one last swoop across the bow of the Crash Site, Gave the "Grope salute"and rode out of the picture.
The house was empty, the show is over, time to go home.
I rode to the Know and to Trade Up music where they sell our shirts, then I went into the Nest and they threw me some funds.
They tell me that some fire fighters went in there to get some shirts but got a call and had to run, I bet they will buy all the shirts wow!
So the good people of Alberta street helped me recover the hundreds of dollars it took for all of us to get where we needed to go and have all the fees and crap.
Pray we get the deposit will ya?
We did good and made an impact, i'm happy.
As I was getting close to my new neighborhood I saw a sight for sore eyes,
Sitting on the curb was a brand old Nordic track exercize unit, exactlly like the one I found the week we moved into the Crash Site.
I thought about it and decided to let some other genius have a crack at it.
I don't need any more stuff.
As I pulled onto my street I saw Sky Tower and a wave of relief came over me, the same feeling I used to get at the crash site,home.

listen to Summertime rolls from Jane's addiction

If you lived in or around the old house we just left, It may be hard not to cry.
I'm in the new pad (Sky Tower) about to head back to the old neighborhood.
I gotta pay the piper that hauled so much stuff away.
I was going through my new roomates music collection and played all the most emotional tunes I could find.
Songs bring you back to where you were when you first heard them, this collection spans decades so I'm seeing a wild photo show in my head of past adventures.
The Jane's Addiction song just busted me up, it makes me think of what we all just went through.
I keep asking myself "What the hell just happened?"
"How did I get here from there?"
"When will it end, and do I ever want it to?"
Iv'e been escorted out of Aria 54 for chrissakes, I ran away frm home as a teen and joined the circus!
Let me tell ya, I keep falling into adventures that are at least EPIC and sometimes take years to complete.
To tell the truth, I don't know how I managed to live this long.
Once I was a car thief turned repo man, months later I was a hill country wonderer being hunted by a mountain lion, months later I was a Biker in New Mexico riding a huge motorcycle in a land with no helmet law and drive through liquer stores.
I have found myself holding onto the buissness end of a frozen waterfall in Minnesota with a screwdriver keeping me from dropping 10 stories to the rocks below.
I was sitting at the front of the big library downtown Portland with my baby girl and the guy sitting next to me reading the paper was shot dead, the killer looked me in the eye and drove on.
Speaking of dead, Iv'e been picked up myself, by the police who though I was dead (I almost was) in Jacksonville Floridumb, they healed me and I escaped.
Iv'e slept in a forrest of elephant legs (live ones attached to elephants) in Victoria Texas (kind of where the Grope is from).
Iv'e had two children and a wife in Oregon as well as the fantastic Clown House.
Plus theres all the stuff Iv'e been into that I would sure never tell your ass about.
What the hell is next, Sky diving into lightning storms, ?
We are working on a spectacular indoor show and we are double booked on the 15th, we will be at the Alberta Co-op just after noon and on Foster ave. that same day sometime.
I'm looking around every corner and finding the current adventure is called "Normal living" Yesterday I slept in a bed, it was night time and I woke up in the same bed.
The only wild animal is a cat that adopted me, I keep tossing it out the window but she lands on her feet and smuggles herself back to my lair,
She is cute but a pain in my ass, she acts like she likes me, I let her get close to me and then she claws the hell out of me, I'm calling her Lil Ass.

I'm home

I'm out learning how not to be tired and grouchy, I'm learning how to sleep, how to not always have a sad expression and how to make the best of our little time on the planet.
I really hope you guys are ok,
I'm writing it all down but still have no way onto the internet.
Right now I'm in someones house but I think they just drove up gotta go chow!
Ta'll pray for me ok, the Grope too