Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Monday, May 28, 2007

WE NEED YOU!...or your money.

I don't ask too often but now I will, HELP!
Can you fix a bike? can you operate a paint brush?
Did you con money from tourists in a crooked bocce match that you feel guilty about keeping dirty money?
The big show is in two days time, we need some help getting stuff together.
We need somed decorating for the fence, signs painted, a great chalk artist or two would be good (thats a night job).
We need some big brushes, roller kind too, fabric strips and banners, a dvd of uninterupted nature scenes to project in the big window,
We also need a bunch of money for a new Clown House.
Normally we don't make much bread during "Last Thursday", we end up getting a c-note for the clown fund and burritos for the crew, this time we need to make some dough for the future (and have fun) this means we need to have a better than usual show for the fans.
Child care is huge too, I get a lot more done when I'm not busy wiping noses.
If you like what we do and want to see more of it, or if you just want people to see you and know your a Clown HouseKateer...
Then WE NEED YOU!!!!!!



Saturday, May 26, 2007

Mustache wax and hula skirts.

Last sunday my hula skirt wearing team was on a scavenger hunt, we got three things from the clownhouse and I wanted to thank you, espesially the little man with the reverse mohawk and the gracious gentleman who went and waxed his mustache for us. We came in first!! in our own heads but alas 3rd in actual competition. In our defense the other team were had members sleeping with the judges. In this world of no free mustache rides, we thrived(to third place) on the wax of your handlebars.

Thank You


I'm sure you make someone very miserable

This morning (after considerable effort), I peeled my eyes open . As my dreams drained back into my spine, the sounds of the Clown House filled my consciousness. My head wasn't on yet, but I knew what was going on; I knew it was quiet.
For the Clown House to be dead silent (except for the sound of dog crashing into stuff) at 10 am is extraordinary.
 She was locked in the closet of the C.H. office (my bed room) with me, and she was ready to pee. She looked at me like she was the last puppy in line to pee forever.
I looked behind her and saw my dinner from the night before spread all over tarnation. Yup, that's my stash eaten, too.
I was so tired the night before, I neglected to put all my stuff away. I'm sure, during the few hours before I got up, she had a splendid adventure trashing my messy office.
I dragged my butt downstairs, still admiring the silence of everybody being gone.
We had a long, fun, winter together, now it's light out!
I got a coffee and began scheming on how to make my daily bread quota.
I eventually woke up. That's good, because I was about to meet the Ogre!
I remember walking out of my front door and seeing this big ol' fella whom I had encountered before.
Many moons ago (2y, 5m) a man came to my gate, as they often did, to engage in the business of bike trading.
He was buying bikes to fix up and sell.
I was building bikes for people to go to work and school with, and wasn't really charging much if at all.
He wanted to buy my wife's bike, and I said no.
He got mad and real pushy like, demanded I take $200 for the bike.
I said no.
He told me that “every man has his price” hooey and wondered out loud how good a father and provider to my family I must be. He took the money out of his pocket and fanned his face in the afternoon sun.
Now, I'm trained as a circus worker and i was a carnie at 14. I know how to deal with people and how never to let them get even a little bit “Up” on me. It was an ogre vs. wizard battle of will.
This is my house, so I was a little more protective and guarded than I am on the midway. I thought about what he was doing, and how he must push all kinds of folks around to get his way.
I said one of the coolest things I ever said.
“Mister, I'm sure you make someone very miserable, but you can't make me miserable..good day sir.”
I went inside.
He sat in his truck piled with bikes for about 45 minutes, amazed. Some of my friends went out there to practice stunts, but they ignored him.
And that was that.
Until this morning. There he was, standing on the porch again. The Ogre!
He asked for me.
I pushed my way to the front and engaged him.
He offered many bikes, and asked if I wanted them. I agreed, and Toaster agreed to drive me to 1000th and farasfucway street, SE. I hadn't been in a motor vehicle since the trip to Texas; it was fun.
We got to his place and he was sitting in the driveway peeling aluminum from bike cranks and other flotsom.
He pointed out about 35 bikes, in varying states of disrepair, in his yard. All the bikes had grass growing through them , they all have bleached out plastic and ghostly white aluminum parts, this comes from hot sun and lots of rain.
He was the same pushy guy, but now he was reveled as kindish and not such an ass.
. He'd retired. He told me he isn't bothering with bikes anymore, also he didn't think a hill of beans of the current C.C.C. He said he wanted me to have them because he knew they would go to real poor folks.
Now they are here at the Clown House and people went to them quick.
YAY! those will be back on the road in no time!
Like what we do? Donation bucket!

Friday, May 25, 2007

Jackie the half girl is here(click)!!!!

I s she doing a show with us?
No, she got flown in (from Texas) by another outfit, I think she is doing the same show Ood is this weekend.
She was on the front porch playing my guitar and singing some killer blues.
My dog and son both are the same hight as she, it's a feat in itself playing so well with those two Bozos getting in her act.
Because she is the "Half Girl" when she sits on the floor, it looks like she is actually standing on the ground benieth the porch and emerging from a hole in the floor.
I would look under her skirt to see but she can kick flaming boards to splinters, and her arms can crush beer bottles like they were empty beer cans.
She is all that plus super hot.
I behave myself around Jackie

Thursday, May 24, 2007

"Pinche Juelito" repost from Caff's blog

Yesterday, I was taking the baby for a walk, when we passed two Hispanic guys who were rebuilding a porch. My boy smiled big & waved, cuz that's what he does, and one of the guys saw him, & his face lit up. He waved back, “Hello, Juelito!”
I laughed, “That's funny, because that's what I call him!”
I'm not sure the guy really heard me, because he said something in Spanish to his friend, about my boy's resemblance to a juelo he knows (for those of you, a juelo is a blond Mexican.), although my Spanish isn't that good, and neither is my hearing, so I have no idea what his friend replied to him.
Just to clarify, I called back over my shoulder as I passed, pointing to my son, “Su Papa es Mexicano!”
The guy's face froze. Lilly white as me and the boy are, I don't think he expected me to understand any of their conversation. And it was a little irreverent, considering how sensitive people can be about race. "Oh. Sorry!" he called, complimenting my stroller, which was a nice gesture, but not necessary, as I found the whole thing funny.
See, I had been going around calling him White Boy for months, because, frankly, he is, and people were looking askance at me. At our house, we adore diversity, and it's said with all the love in the world, and he is shockingly blonde next to his sister.
Then he started pinching people. Ok, I know it's temporary. His sister was a biter. And a headbutter. But it's annoying. So I was scolding him, “Knock it off, Pinchy Boy!” cuz I was really irritated, and I muttered to myself, “Pinche Juelito...” which I thought was incredibly funny, and I started cracking up. And then I couldn't stop thinking it, and I said it way too much, even though I know it's a bit off color, & I shouldn't talk about my kid that way.
(Although I think all comedy writers' kids have to become thick-skinned. MY mom was merely funny, and I had to learn to take it. Sometimes making fun of your kids is kinder than punishing them and easier than micro-managing. But I digress.)

My favorite part about Hispanics being the largest “minority” in the US, besides the fact that I got to marry into a big, wonderful, hilarious, loving, Mexican family, is that there are people speaking Spanish everywhere, and it's helping Americans break down their weird refusal to learn other languages.
I myself have learned a bit of practical & conversational Spanish in the kitchens of America. Regardless of whatever laws or public opinion say, if it weren't for Latin American immigrants, there would be a mountain of unwashed dishes & unprepped produce in this country. Those of you who grow &/or prepare food for a living know what I'm talking about. And, since this is my soapbox, let me just say that if you work side by side with someone who is working to understand English, and you don't make any effort to communicate in their language, even just to say good morning, then I think you're a pig. Go back to England.

See, being Mexican in Texas is different than being Mexican in Oregon. Dingo & I were watching something on TV about people's border-crossing stories, so he got to wondering about his family, and he asked his mom, “When did our family emigrate? Was it my grandparents?” and his mom set him straight. His family never emigrated. The US just moved the border.
Signage in Texas is in Spanish. The frikkin Alamo is there, man. The way Dingo put it: ”This WAS Mexico.” Dingo's mom was telling me recently that people there are still pretty much divided geographically by race, with a “Mexican” neighborhood, “Black” neighborhood, etc. So there's a strong sense of ethnicity.
Up here, if you have an accent, people talk loud at you, or just kind of ignore you. Not everyone, but it happens a lot. But that prejudice pretty much stops with the immigrant generation. Kids who speak Oregonian English are used to a lively cultural mix, and there are lots of bilingual kids, from around the globe.
And because we LOVE diversity, we've mated a lot, and most of the kids run some shade of light brown, with some blondies and redheads mixed in for a bit of sparkle. My redheaded friend Imma Lou calls it “the genetic lottery.”
I know a middle school girl who was steaming mad, because the class was talking about Immigration, and she said her family was Mexican, because they are. Spanish is her first language. But there was a kid in the class who insisted she was lying, because she is blonde.

So, those carpenters weren't the only people who are surprised when I say stuff in Spanish. At Dingo's Sister's wedding, I cracked a joke that sent both D & his stepdad reeling.
My daughter was asking what a reception was, and what we would be doing there. I said, “People let their hair down at the reception.”
She answered, “my hair's not up.”
I had to think. Rephrase.
I had been scolding her all morning, as she had picked out dainty, delicate, pinchy little shoes, as is the fashion at weddings, but instead of mincing hers steps & muttering to herself about tight shoes, like everyone else, my little Amazon was freeclimbing the rock wall of the church, saying the pointy toes help her get a foothold. The shoes were shredded.
I said, “You know how I've been grouchy about manners all day? How I keep saying 'that's rude to do at a wedding,' like when you were climbing that wall?”
“Yeah,” she was still with me.
“Well, now we're going to a kind of party, where you can dance, & run around, & relax & let your wedding manners go.” And here's were I made the fatal crack: “It goes from 'pinchy shoes' to 'pinche zapatos,'” and I pantomimed kicking off tight shoes.
As the child nodded her understanding, laughter erupted behind me, and my husband howled, “What did you just say? Did you just make an off-color, bi-lingual joke?” And then he made me repeat it to everyone for the next two days, and I got really embarrassed, and my father-sort-of-in-law started peppering me with questions in Spanish, to see if I'd answer, and I'm white enough to blush pretty bright.
(So comedy writers have to become, ourselves, thick-skinned, I guess.)
And, to my credit, I have not once poked fun at my son's ethnicity, or called him pinche anything since that day. Although now that a stranger has pointed it out, I really think “Juelito” suits him. He's basically a small, blonde Dingo.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Is my art "Goofy?"Click here)

ok yall

It's now gonna be pretty sunny round Portland for acouple of months here, an I wanna see more yards with laundry hanging up.
Electricity comes from some nasty places, most electricity comes from burning coal...yuck!
plus it's great to show the neighbors your skivvies!!!!

Monday, May 21, 2007

practicing and test piloting with the new guy

This is the day before the Art Hop Parade, Bizzy takes all the best photos, I love the way her boobs flop around when she chases bikes with her camera.
This is also Capt. Ace Hole's debut with our gang, he blew in from the windy city, where tall bike came from, back 107 years ago, then they needed tall bike gangs to light the Chicago's street lights.
Ace is nowhere near that old, he is just a pup, but a good bike mechanic.
He took the Tower Three Tall Bike, and added three wings that pull up with string.
I'm just making sure he is distracted by yelling and screaming Clownabilly songs.
Click the image above to enlarge and you will see my guitar cord about to get under my back left wheel.
WOW Ace was a real hit yesterday.

Sunday, May 20, 2007


Caff decided to build a tent around the yard piano instead of finding a way to get it indoors.
Now it's pouring rain and I see my kid out there with the New Guy (Ace) and they are playing some off-tunes on the off keys.

something, or someone is missing...

I can't shake the notion we are missing someone.

nursing a hangover

Sunday morning and I'm nursing a hangover, I don't drink but sometimes being around drunks leaves me waking up tired.
I'm just jokin friends, I only ran into one drunk knucklehead last night, after I told him what was up (in a nice way) he backed off and chilled out,
...thats all I expect, it's cool.
I'm two coffees into the morning (2:00 pm) and I have the lap top I found in the dumpster it's mobile!
I'm watching European Journal ( yup, big nerd)and nursing wounds from yesterday's shin dig.
I was about to go to sleep last night (6am) and noticed our new piano getting rained on.
I ran outside in rubber slippers, pink and white polkadotted tights (sporting several camel toes) and
residual clown white face, I was so tired, I only half undid myself.
I thought, "Who would be out at this time of night and in the rain?"...turns out everybody is up early in the new Alberta street.
People looked at me like I was some kind of half naked clown, tarping a piano.
Yesterday was the first time in a month of sundays that I didn't have any human or animal, fecal matter on my
person or belongings, that ended this morning when my son woke up, pulled his pecker out of his diaper and
pissed in my computer tower.
I went from looking at emails from people wanting to hire our show, to hearing the sound of moving liquid (in a non-liquid sanctioned room),
to observing a pee soaked sock to then noticing a big brown pile of baby dung laying on his diaper wrap.
I kinda thanked him when I looked into his diaper and it was clean and dry, but I advised him that crapping on a diaper wrap, kind of
kills the whole point.
Caffeine Jones and I cleaned him up real good, got him some clothes and a cup of coffee, he is a good boy.
Guess it gives new meaning to the word "Pooped". It comes with the game.
Caff is activly looking to hire a grandmother or band nanny, we all made some good bread yesterday but after paying child care and not being totaly hands free, I ended up breaking even, thats bad, we are sinking, staying even just makes you tired.
We need someone who is in it for love...or at least room and board..
We just had one of those trying moments, the boy has a kind if sick that makes you ooze boogers from your eyeballs for three days.
I had to restrain his arms while Caff took the big bulb syringe and sucked the goo from his nose.
He has no idea that it will make him feel better so the screaming is awsome, poor dude.

New Paintings click to engorge

The Angler

Orcish fireworks

Chickens in the system, a workers nightmare

I have those and about 20 more parked in the restraunt next door to the clown house.
It's called"The Local Beet.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Art Hop Day

Yall come on down to Alberta street today!
We are gonna be in the parade at 2 oclock, then loads of fun for a few hours here at the Clown House, then around 7 we will be doing out all ages show, then some gladiator combat for the masses.
Not a booze hound event!
Be in costume if you can.
The Celebrated Rubber Chicken set of Paintings is at the "Freash Beet", thats the restraunt next door to the Clown House, they look sweet.

Friday, May 18, 2007


most cryptic comment ever...i'm clueless.

Hey Dingo,
I'm gonna do the expressway boogie to the Hip Strip. Are you going to be on a Beaver hunt?
(leave the rug rats at home).
I'll be by when the Baby Bears are alright. They're never gonna bag me.
88's Alligator,
Skye Blue

Thanks Skye! can't wait to see you in person and ask what you said!

moving a piano

We got gifted a piano! but the thing is; we are moving soon and we don't know where to put it.
Now in the yard it sits making great sounds.
Getting it from the truck that it fell off of, to mid yard was such a chqallenge, we made it more daring by not wearing shoes.
It's in fine tune, I can't wait to find the new house and move it there.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

spent my last investment money

I baught a bunch of vending units with the last of my bartending savings, they cost 25 cents to get a handful of Dawg Snax.
I like quarters a lot, I collect coins so getting all the state quarters many times over is a goal.
Now to figger out where to set them up.
I hear my friend over ar Salty's pet store on Mississippi ave. is seeing about us sticking one at a popular brew pub nearby, lets hope it works out.
Who else needs dog treats?

The Gall

I woke up the otherday just wrecked, for starters, the dog had slept with me.
My dog likes to sleep in the center of any bed. She is strong enough to pull Caffeine Jones, groceries, and the kid,so she had no problem shoving my sleeping body around her.
She molded me into the shape of the letter D.
I woke up from the pain, it wasn't just that pain, I felt an awful sting in my chest, it was nausiating.
I poked it, poked it again,poked it with a stick... and then got Caff to look at it.
Her, me and the internet all think I have Gall stones and the tough pain must have been whats called a "Gall Attack".
It makes sense, the websites I looked at say that when you mess with your diet (in my case quitting the booze)you can get stoned.
I had a meal full of fat the night before and that triggered the attack.
Now I gotta go get the Ultrasound treatment, where they zap the stones smaller so I don't die passing them.
I hear it's plenty painful to pass a stone but I think I can handle it.
I recently have been self treating myself for my two warts with the liquid nitrogen, at first it's cool, then the coolness turns to a thousand hornets and then cool again then dull pain.
I'm thinking about unijured parts of my body and being thankful.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

New Stuff

Hey yall howzit goin?
I'm kickin it in the office of the Clown House.
I'm typing and looking out the window at the happenings below.
People are building things, the weather is nice and we have plenty of work.
We have been plotting and planning what to do in the next few gigs, it's hard but fun...like having sex with turtles.
We ran an ad to rent some space (the rent here is a real Bi*ch) on Craigslist and got a lot of nice folks checking in with us.
It's hard to find someone who matches your interests and lifestyle.
Can you believe that it can be rough being the only person in a house who isn't a clown?
Thats me, just kidding.
Some folks can't live with us because we have kids or they don't like the price, we can't live with some because they turn out to be two people and a dog or show up drunk.
We met one lady that had promise, I call her "the tourist", she is almost done raising a kid and now she is out having fun exploring new things.
Her kid was going away to school overseas and she was clearing out a storage unit in Tuoilettin somewhere. She looked around with wide eyes and loads of exitement at the prospect of living among so much organised chaos.
I gave her the tour, she agreed on the price, and then emailed me telling me she can't move in till mid month, that spells; me payin for two weeks worth of an empty room.
I told her if it was still empty by mid month I would be glad to have her.
As she left, I walked up to the street in front of my place.
A lady walked up to me and sternly said, "It's over here" and began walking to the corner talking at me.
I caught up to her...
"I want the grass cut, the driveway and some edging..."
I just walked beside her nodding and acting like I knew what she was talking about.
It's a trick I learned from Ood, just go with t and see what happens, if it gets ugly, jump on a bus.
We got to her house and she showed me a lawn mower.
Now normally you couldn't pay me to touch a lawn mower, but this looked like a paying gig.
lawns are my enemy, I hate them, they are pointless, they require expensive, poison spewing equipment to maintain and they are a crop that provides no food..
But she was thinking I was someone else so I couldn't stop mid con, I touched the nasty thing.
I did a god job and made $23 in half an hour.
Another person came by looking at the space for rent, a day or two later, she responded in email with "Namaste", she was sleek, smart, nice and well in her mind.
I was happy that she was a healer and had a nice attitude and a respectful daughter.
Caffeine and her got along, her kid and mine got along, she accepted the room price, left saying she would love to move in and then never returned.
The other day I saw in the news that a woman was found dead on a portch and now I'm worried sick about her. It didn't make sense that she wouldn't show up after being so excited about staying here and coming off as such a sweet, honest person.
She didn't return any of 4 phone calls (from different housemates) and one email, I hope she is ok.
Santos showed up.
A dude from Texas I'll call "Santos" (because thats his name) showed up from Austin Texas, he didn't see the rental post, he had just heard of us in Texas and came by.
He works on kite technology, he rented a room, payed the extra for the time it sat empty and he has already put together several inventions and I see he has a generator that puts power out that kites generate.

Bizzy Bawdy is working on some underbritchiz that are soooo outa sight...I mean in sight, those drawers are made for struttin with, her mascot is a dead bee so she is sewing black lace stripes across yellow panties, nice she is the cheerleader clown so her colors are really important.

Capt. Ace Hole: he is a new guy that flew in from Chicago to work as our ace bike flyer and mechanic. This fella comes from the place where tallbikes began aroundt the early 1900s.
He wasn't there but they used to light the lamps and put them out daily on tall bike.
The LampLighters became the first drunken tall bike gang ever.
There wouldn't be another one (really) until the Black Lable folks did it in Mineapolis during the late 90s (I was there).
wHEN YOU SEE aCE YOU WILL KNOW IT, he will be on the biggest bike here at three frames tall, he has a ww1 aviator hat with goggles, a flight jacket and a big smile...hey gals he's single!
Like what we do? Donation bucket!

Monday, May 14, 2007

um scuse me...

uh Am I to understand that as soon as G.dub got to be president he brutaly invaded a country, looted it (ok "sacked" may be the word for state sponsored looting)and then scamed the American people out of Billions?
Are we ok with that?

Gig for Trimet

We are working a gig for Tri met, I LOVE the bus system in this city.
Click the title above for the link.


Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mutha's day

Hi MOM! Happy Moms' Day!
It was originally a day for moms to protest WW1, and then was turned into “A thing” by well wishing children with help from the greeting card people.
Well, Mutherin is some hard work man. I would take my hat off for them, but my kid ran off with it.
I'm lucky enough to have recently seen my mom, in Texas.
She married a snake oil salesmen that already had some young kids, and she uses the same belt on them that she did on me.
I'm glad she is a happy lady, with joy in her life.
I feel a little bad for freaking out and complaining so much about the toxic, selfish and “proud to be ignorant” state of the state of Texas. Sorry, Mom.
My mom had her hands full with me from the gate. I was really quick AND I had thumbs.
Sometimes, when it's 2 in the afternoon and I come upon my full coffee (that I bought at 10 that morning), cold and untouched, I wonder how much coffee my mom must have never gotten to.
Now, I raised my little girl, it's true.
When we first got to Portland, things weren't working out so good.
We thought we had a place to land, and ended up in the big city with an infant and no home.
Caffeine found a job first, and I took care of the little one.
She did me a great favor in letting me experience being prime care giver...I use that term loosely, since Caff would get home from work to take over, so I could go clowning(drinking).
Now, Caffeine has taught the kids enough Sign Language for them both to communicate with her over the roar that is our house.
The boy had a bit of cradle cap goin on, so she cut him bihawks. He looks cool.

I think my kids are so lucky to have Caffeine as a mom. I mean, who wouldn't want a rock star mom who teaches them great ideas and equips them with all they need; spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally.
I'm amazed.

Sunday paper

I'm in the Oregonian today, it's in the "Homes and Rentals ad section".
Pinga and I are riding tall bikes in front of that turd of a building across the street. The guy was looking at our yard taking notes so I gave him the skinny on our situation.
Look it up and post what you think.

Last Thursday jousting

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Blog bitchin

I was exited about blogging but then it hit me that all I had to say was in the "bitching" catagory.
I'll spare you the drama.

Friday, May 11, 2007


So this fella I met last year has been around again. I wont use his real name so I'll just call him 64539-255.
64539-255 is a nice guy, well spoken, I saw him go through some changes since we frst met.
When we met 64539-255 he was hanging around with a man/child who was giving us an annoying time, I didn't hold it against him. but then he got a little crazy or for lack of a better word tweaky.
64539-255 came around a few times in winter looking harsh, He and his girlshowed up in the middle of the night, knocking oun our door with a story.
I let 64539-255 stay in the garage a couple of times because I'm a dope like that.
I see someone in need, I want to help them, I found a way to not get taken advantage of by being a jerk about it.
anyway...I recently let 64539-255 sleep in his truck on our driveway, he in turn hauled a bunch of garbage away for us, it was a good trade, people have left tons of crap here over the years and we need to move out soon, clearing the debris was a big help.
So today he came home with a hot tub, aperently thats what he does, service, install and sell hot tubs.
He pulled into the Clown House lot like a misguided parade float, this giant thing scraped the trees and threw aside branches as it creeped in.
Two lackeys with cigarettes in mouth, jumped out of the truck and we moved it into position Anciant Egyptian style, with the PVC logs rolling one n front of the other.
The deal is, he will take another load of trash away in exchange for us letting him store the thing here until it sells, he wants $800 for it.
I think he will get it too, it's frikking huge and brisling with jets, lights and gizmos.
I would want it myself...if I was the owner of a burn unit.
Do you want it?
I bet if you showed him $600 cash he'll cave
I usually don't associate with "those" kind of people (non clowns) but I do tend to take everyone at face value and I don't want to judge.

Thursday, May 10, 2007



I'm kicking it with old Pinga the Clown in the Office of the Clown House.
It's too wind/rainy to do the Dog cart, I'm watching the Marx Bros. and drawing.
He wanted me to sketch some chickens for him to paint on the stage.
He's also making sweet stencils of all of us.
When we do shows, sometimes you may see some of his work being sold cheap, you
should pick it up now while we still live here.


I'm ready now...
For those I told to get back to me about doing an act or stunt on our stage this weekend,... I'm ready now.
Call 503 2843328 to set up a meeting.
It's free and you can win prizes.


OK friends, I just saw a scrap metal hauler drive by, by my calculations they shouldn't be back by for some time. The other scrap guys I know are not as ambitious as the main dude and some of them are very afraid of me.
I put out a bunch of bike parts behind the house PLEASE COME GET SOME!!!! before the scrap guy comes.
I'm not dissing the scrap guy, he just needs his beer and I don't fault anyone who has a shill that works for them. BUT,
When the scrap guy visits, you never know what your metal is going to.
What if I spend all this time saving and collecting scrap metal because I think it will save forrests and hill country from being dug up, just to have it shipped overseas to some factory that builds cars or missiles or other useless rubble..
I don't want to make it cheaper for my enemy to build things that poison us, or at least make us fat and lazy.
I'm burying my scrap metal if I cant find a use for it, thats where it came from in the first place.

Now there are a lot of bike parts that can make someone really happy if they are building a bike.
It's not great stuff, just stuff

Took a ride

Took a ride on a long loop round Alberta Street, delivering Snax and doing errands.
I dropped in to Toasters house to get him to lend me a volt meter, he was buildin a Sprockettes trailer/stage.
Caffeine has been building a solar oven, actually she has built a couple of them and they are actually baking our dog treats.
Pinga is making sun tea and loving it.
We had a good productive day of clownsmithing.
We also got a new roomate.
I laughed a lot today

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

the Four Chickens of the Epoxyclypse

Jake, Plumbing Problems, Gingivitus and Goth Snow White
This is the last painting from the seond set.
Im working out a deal to hang the Chicken Set at the bar thats opening next door, it should be cool, they need to hang in good light.



two paintings of the same thing.

I painted the top one, then used my notes to make a transperency on our office printer (thanks Free Geek), put that on an overhead projector (thanks Free Geek) and painted it again in blue.
Both paintings have long sold but you can order one ($80), I guess this one has turned from Art to manufacturing.

The original idea came from a fella called Charles who came to the bar I worked at a lot.
He ordered the painting, I painted it in about a week, and then before he could come back in to collect it, a real foxy lady sauntered in and slapped the $$$$ down for it. Her ex had drunkenly told me he would come on payday to buy one of my paintings, when he didn't I really wanted her to walk by his table with one of my works.
I was so stupid and ready to sell a painting so I let her have it cheap.
Charles was pissed off, I felt like a heel.
I went to town figgering out how to set the nice dude straight and get him what he wanted.
The first one was done with only brown and black, the second was done with only blue and black paint.
I'm not an eccentric genius, I just didn't have much paint.

Monday, May 07, 2007

May Day 2007

May Day 2007, originally uploaded by rynosoft.

..and here is the story

Sun flecks

I love this weather, it's a fine selling point for the region. I love the way the North West looks forbidding and frozen from afar.
When I was out in the country, makin my living on the roads of this land, I never felt the need to venture where it's cold and wet. Wet makes backpacks heavier and wet.
I had enough of a bad time where it's warm and wet.
I had managed to end up in Florida, at the end of the road, it was hot and wet.
But you get used to the rain.

I used to love to drink beer with friends, while standing around in the rain.
The problem was, after a few beers it's no longer good enough to simply stand around, I want to climb a water tower or suspention bridge, once I did a tower, piss drink on vodka, in a nylon suit, in freezing rain.
Bobby Panama saved my life that night, I eventually quit drinking and climbing.

I like riding bikes this time of year, when the rain pours on you, but then you get bright sunshine, drying you off again. The very air you breathe is moist as the sun is in your face.
I love to smell the droplets evaporating off the tall grass shooting up from the wet soil... I hate grass.

from Rev.Phil

Hi there litigation fans, we're back with more Naked Justice News.

I was hit by a drunk driver during the 2006 World Naked Bike Ride then
arrested by her ago-cop boyfriend passenger.

We are not going to court May 9th and 10th. We have rescheduled our
Naked Justice court date for June 27th and 28th.

Alas, One of my witnesses, Curt Dewees was injured Sunday, April 29th
and will not be able to testify until he heals. In his words:

I was involved in a bad bike crash Sunday night at about 10 p.m.
I was heading downhill on SE Harrison after dark, but I had
lights. Not sure what happened because I suffered a bad
concussion and lost all memory of the crash and any events just
prior to the crash. I broke my left scapula and bones on left
side of my face. from trying to piece it together, I may have
swerved hard to avoid something --dog, car, other cyclist, who
knows, hit an unseen curb extension, and did a Superman flight
off the front of my bike, hitting the ground and parked car with
my face. I really don't have any memory of it.

Damn Curt, that is woe with a capital "OH!" Everyone here at Naked
Justice Industries is pulling for you. Take care, I want you back in the
saddle and rolling strong.

MOREOVER the World Naked Bike Ride is coming again! Saturday, June 9th
we estimate that 700 riders will take to the street in glorious

Besides riding your bike naked the month of June is already full of
events that are fun and (mostly) free:

Why even I have an event on the calendar...

Q: what is bike porn?
A: the sexiest bicycle culture on earth

June 8th
Clinton St Theater 26th and SE Clinton
8:45pm - 10:45pm

This could be the most impressive night of visual biker bliss, ever. Or
it might just offend you to no end. I hope you come beer witness and let
me know either way!

Thanks again to all my witness, private investigators, lawyers and
friends who keep me healthy and out of jail (still).


ps extra thanks to Curt, Dat, Brownwin and Stu. Soon we will have a new
poster with more awesome nudity than ever before. Yalls should be
excited. stay tuned!

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Update on things

The baby boy weve been building has gotten some new language skills, he can say "All done" and a few other phrases, he speaks english about as well as I speak spanish.
The little girl is looking more like a big girl, I'm more than a little afraid of her when she turns 15.she just had a date with her friend Heather. She came overwith a board game that had no instructions so they made them up.The owners are just green, in a few years they may think back and say "oh thats what he was doing." it's cool.
Caff and I are still working most of the time but my new found unemployment has turned out to be loads of fun. I still work all day every day but it's more fun when you are your own boss.
I'm telling people not to boycott the Ale House because they fired me, it's still the place to go for really good beer.
Dawg Snax are selling like crazy and we have a vending machiene out front for those who want to try some.
Pinga is Pinga, Workforf is Workforf and Bizzy is Bizzy.
Pinga brought home a garbage bag, chock full if loaves of bread. He stuck them in a bag next to the vending machienes out the front if your needing some, Pinga brought it from the Farmers Market.
Big thanks to the guy from that place who brought a crate of produce and stuff, it got dispursed as promised, I just ate the last grapefruit.
The amount of new people taking photos of us has reached the creepy level, I expect that when I'min clown drag but not all the time.
Folks walk up all the time with camera in hand and a smile until they see me looking at them, then they act like they are taking photos of a phone pole, as soon as I walk inside and look out the window the person walks up to the fence and takes shots of my kids.
That happens at least twice a week, yesterday at the cafe there was strangers taking photos of everyone.
David fixed up my banjo by taking it apart and cleaning it, he has it singing a new and wonderful song. Before the re-build I had sadly looked at my old banjo like it was a friend I had left behine enemy lines, it was muddy, it had beer all over it, broken keys and dust all over.
I brought the recept from the guitar parts store, added a few bucks for David, and gave it to Pinga, he takes care of the circus's money, he re-embursted me.
Trade up music gave me $40 for a guitar with a rubber chicken painted on it, I layed it down on a $75 organ and payed $35 for it, that was so cool of them, the hansom fella told me that it has no value as a guitar anymore but he was buying some art for the store

so we will have more Clownabilly music commong at you soon.
I'm pretty sure Workforf and his brother Sam will be recording some new funny music from us.
Sam has a portable recording device thats studio grade, hes been walking around recording roomtones for stuff, he wanted me to pinch my baby so he can record it crying, I threw a rock at his toe.
I'm sweeping the whole house of debris and unwanted stuff so we can get our damage deposit back in September. In the last Room mate turnover one room didn't get filled, Caff and I are paying for an empty room this month, if you need a place come talk to me (one person, no pets).
I kept setting out bike parts slowly so they will be picked up by bike builders but this time the scrappers beat them to it...thats disgusting, I wish there was a better way to recycle, cycle parts.
If you are building bikes come talk to me.
Wish list:
White house paint
acrylic paint (any color)
a clothes washer, an oven,
Spray paint (any color)
A working vhs tape player and a TV.
hauling services.
two jousting bikes (tall mountain bikes)
child care
a new house to move into in September.

Things we have and don't know what to do with:
A zerox printer (like Kinkos had ten years ago), a printer with ink cartriges (like new)
A microscope set (I want to trade),
I will update this update when I get done filtering stuff to a free box I have set up outside.
It's a little box, I fill it with crap from the house, an hour later it's all gone and I fill it again.
If I was to throw haldf the house out we would have a mess and a fight with the city.

that said, we are really ramping up rehearsals, Workforf has shown more focus than ever, Pinga is getting hitched and bizzy...well we love her.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

I guess they gotta mention us...

....if they want to rent the house
I found this on the net and was chill to see that we are a selling point.
5014 NE 25th
Artists & young creatives are pouring into this popular district. The street is full of funky old storefronts being renovated to house small coffee shops, a multitude of boutiques and restaurants galore~
"Last Thursday's" open gallery nights and special District festivals center around Portland's clown house where enthusiasts ride tricked out bikes directly across the street from 5014 NE 25th -
Home Sweet Home~

Don't Miss this One! It won't last long!


Sparkling hardwood floors through out the living and dining room—kitchen—and all 3 bedrooms.

Kitchen is large—lots of storage space and room for eating.

One bedroom with hardwood floors is upstairs, along with a huge bonus room for projects—study quarters—multipurpose enjoyment.

Full basement for storage

Spacious fenced yard.

Enclosed front porch to store those costly bikes.

The exterior of this home is to be painted - weather permitting, the second week in May - this won't prevent a move in...but will just enhance the appeal!

100% Smoke Free Housing

Pets Welcome!

No Application Fee

Month to Month Rental Agreements

Rent - $1395

Security Deposit - $800

Cleaning fee - $135

Additional Deposit & Cleaning Fee required for pets

Please call 503-888-5693 for more information

This is the yellow house across the street from us.

I have a weapon

David, the guy who lives in the basement) has taken my muddy old banjo and took it apart.
He spent hours cleaning and replacing all the bits and eventually handed me a banjo I almost didn't recognize.
The man put a weapon of comedy in my hand and I'm grateful.
People are being so nice to me.
Thats so unfair, I'm a real shmit head to everyone else.
There are some crack heads arguing in the alley so I took some
peanuts and wrapped them in plastic, I then out on a loose pair of pants and let them drop as I passed them on a tall bike.
One grabbed the bait and ran off, the other gave chase.
I hope they end up in front of a restraunt I can't afford before they realize my ruse.
See I'm a jerk.

I got a letter today!

I got aletter from Lexington VA. from Will Workforf Ood's mom!
Somehow I got to the mailman before the dog did and I actually got to read mail with no blood on it.
I was bummed that I had to fight and then outrun our dog just for some junk mail.
I looked at the stuff, a Pizza chain begging me for money and claiming to give me twice the gut glue and all I have to do is pay too much.
A giant wad of paper selling christian charity, stuff from roomates long gone. And a hand written one, I looked closer and beheld my name.
I then looked to the top left corner and it was from Ood's Mom.
I got worried, is she gonna do the unthinkable and ask me to stop kicking her son in the jewels each show? Was it a summons?
I was a little relieved to see he was indeed human and had a mom.
I ran upstairs away from the kids (in case it was a naughty letter) and inside was a paper "With love from Ood's MOM.
and it had some money in it.
My first thought was to send her back that much worth of lotto tickets but that would be stupid.
Will is here every day, he showed up and I showed him the letter, he was puzzled too
"I didn't tell her anything good about ya ."
I'm using it to bribe someone to help us get rid of some rubbish so we get our damage deposit back.
Thank you soooo much Ood's MOM!

Friday, May 04, 2007

the menu

Good thing I got canned, I was begining to not qualify for food stamps, the last thing I would want to do is crawl out of a hole, I have an ulcer to feed.
It's the first of the month, food stamp time, my gut tells me to go to the asian market and blow the whole months allotment on bulk bags of grains and vegetables, fruit and some dried meats but thats the smart way to do it.
Today we had some class A crap for lunch:
Corn chips (I know I've spent a long time decrying food stamp users even entering the "Snack" isle)
Sharp cheddar cheese, some beans and some sausage with corn and chipotle upinnit.
Caffo melted it up for us in the toaster oven, our big oven is D.O.A. untill we get some high falootin solder that gets that hot.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Bikini bike wash june 18th

Put on yer bikini and have yer bike washed,bring a little dough fer da clowns,sporatic clowning will be erupting all day.Contact me at dingo@clownhouse.org to audition for bike washer.
The game will be Hot Dice and the winners get free burittos.


I just got word from Ood that we missed the deadline for our events for the pedalpalooza calender but we will show up at all the events we can, with flyers to let yall know whats up and what we have going on.We will also still be able to post online.
Expect a Bikini bike wash ok!

this may sound cryptic...

Iv'e been painting a rubber chicken piece that deals with Olde Egypt.
I took a bunch of hyroglyphic symbols, half out of my head and some from books and the net, and splashed them on a canvas that Iv'e painted to look like papyrus.
After a few days work I slapped more symbols on and stepped back a bit to see how the paint was sticking.
Well , from that vantage point I actually could see them in order and read them.
That was messed up, it was word soup, I can't just mess up those people's language like that.
I had to research, re-write and rearrange what was said to tell the story about a drought near the temple, all without erasing.

I wrote up a resume to get another job with and Caff just laughed at me.

cool, found out I don't need a day job.
I don't have any debt, no car, free food and clothing from the neighborhood,yeahhhh!

It was cool going to the Mayday Rally, it was packed with hispanieros.
Y'know I was just in Texas and the hispanic population there seem to only relate to eachother in a retail society manner.
This crowd was in the street , organised, united, permitted by the city it was great.
I do have a problem with the shouting of "La Raza" all the time.
When I hear that chanted "The Race" it may as well be "White Power"I was there to support everybody who wants to join us in this country.
Will Workforf Ood and I rode down there, Pinga had gone an hour or two before hand. I got there and saw the typical clowns who show up at protests.
Saw some tourists too.
We had to walk our tall bikes because it was so packed with latinos.
None of them knew who we were so we just looked insane to most of those people.
They would have acted differently had they known I'm half mexican, that sucks.
Ood positioned himself under a banner, I don'tknow what it said, it did point to him and he was just a lunatic with a bull horn.
Caff told me to chant
"Who are we? Were Revolting! Why? cuz we don't take baths!"
"The Pizza, devided, will never be reheated!"

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

yup fired

It's official, I'm fired from my job.
Y'know what that means?
Happy mayday friends, hope to see ya tonight!

fired on Mayday

Happy Mayday!
At the stroke of Mayday I was being all but fired from my job at the Ale House. I get o wait all day for a call telling me not to come in to my shift.
Because I forgot to enter a $3 drink when it was busy.
They were already mad at meso I'm not shocked.
I bring in crowds, make them happy and always sell up, it was great ex[pierience.

I did screwed up , I admit it, you don't run a bar by giving stuff away and it sure looks like i was doing that, my mistake made me look like a thief and now our relationship is all screwed up. He must think I'm a rip off and I think he can't see the forrest through the trees. Maybe some day we can be friends,as of now I don't want to work there.
In review we had...
rent hike,
more lice,
trip to Texas,
Hot dog cart shut down by health department,
Oven we make Dawg Snax broke down,
Fired from my job.
The last three happened in one week.
send donations of money, food and cheerleaders to:
Dingo c/o Dawgsnax
2425 NE Alberta
portland OR.