Monday, January 30, 2006

Click below for an update

An Update.

paintings


OK , our friend Colter just lent us a truck to transpo the Rubber Chicken painting set to Concordia Ale House where they will hang until March.
Then them suckers will live at Cup and Saucer right down the street until april.
Thanks Colter!
So all of yall go to Concordia ale house on 33d and Killingsworth NE, have a beer (they have choices if hundreds from around the world), have a bite and then have some more beer, drink until you can't live another day without a Rubber Chicken Painting hanging in your bathroom.
They will be going up within the next few days,
This one is my interpretation of the Ice age rubber chicken being hunted to extinction and why all rubber chickens come from China.
I'm just now finishing two more paintings, one is about the dawn of almost-human-kind and the other deals with the 11th century economy of plunder...and chicken.

A question of taste

So , I've been in the bathroom a lot more than usual. Under the circumstances I think I will be in there a lot more in the future. baby's and mammas need a lot of wiping, I really don't like to wipe...Wait that didn't sound right... I don't like the idea that we need to wipe.
I find toilet paper distasteful ( kinda tastes like communion wafers) and getting clean with a water spout contraption just seems wrong or at least only to be done when a camera is rolling.
I'm about to get back into the business of cloth diapers, I like diapers a lot, it's just when they become a wet rag full of baby goo that I barf out.
ears ago, I did "diaper- duty" with my daughter AND had a drinking problem, can you imagine cloth diapers and a hang over? Now I'm in the sober administration so I will enjoy wiping baby butt like a craftsman polishing the red stained arm of an antique chair...NOT.

What's the alternative? Dogs have gone as far as to use not wiping to communicate complex ideas to each other like "I have eaten" and "Hi my name is Stan." Cats don't wipe but they pay the price for the luxury, they have to traipse around creation with their potholes sticking out. I have many times woken up and the first thing I see at the start of a glorious new day is kitty sphinctor. It's like they carry a period to end the sentence "A cat was here."

I know it's a crappy subject and all butt I'm just sayin. We are inventive creatures, maybe we can evolve out of the need to eat and take out the middle man, or maybe some day they will find a fun new use for the staircase banister. I'm just sayin...

Saturday, January 28, 2006

labour of love

Aw man, dig this, I get the day off work at my dishwasher job and at my cook job to do two shows downtown with the new act.
Who woulda thunk that after all the prep and planning and rehearsal my son would pick that day to attempt being born.
She went into labor (translate to english...labour) and at present is still working on it.
We rushed to the midwiffery birth and tire center and they said she wasn't pregnant enough yet.
so by show time we were both too wrecked to do anything but be there for eachother.
She told me to go do the shows without her but I don't work like that.
I'm a team player and couldn't leave her side no matter what. Besides how would I focus on doing a good show if my wife may be exploding from the crotch with babyness.
I am so devistated, glad she is ok though.
It feels good to talk about how crappy the last 20 hours have been, now I can go back to being a supportive husband and see how this baby thing pans out.
we did come up with a name for him, Bruce Angus.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Two year old and three year old (dog)

The 17-month old who lives here is a constant source of entertainment.
I love when she strips herself nekkid and runs like hell with her mom chasing.
She kind of looks like Elmer Fudd, and she cracks up at the chaos she creates.
I just look from afar and laugh my butt off.
I do help out though, I take the phone away and replace it with a toy, I pick her up when she crashes into stuff but for the most part her mom is there and aware.
Good parents work out good here.
Now the chalenge is keeping the dog and the kid from licking each others balls and eating out of each others bowls. (that sounded way wierder than I meant it to).
The two have a lot in common, they both depend on a large ape to feed them and keep their little lives enriched, they both are illegal to walk the streets alone and they put their mouths on everything.
At least the child has no tail. Our dog often sweeps the coffee table clear with her big tail and when the stuff crashes to the floor she looks at me like I did something.
I learned way before we had kids that dog tails have no idea what "street value" is. Nowdays the stuff the kids and dogs fling around are all "Kid and Critter Safe," anyway so unless it's liquid, I just clean up when they leave.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

"Weird Spam" by Caffeine Jones



WOW! I just got the funniest spam!
My email program (fastmail) gives you the first few sentences of the email, before you open it.
So I went to my inbox today, and found about 60 messages, all starting off with some political story, and then abruptly changing to porn; some of them are hilarious! Here's a sampling:

last-minute lobbying campaign by President Clinton
Famous celeb porn from all over!
Hot celebs for love

prices, "city prices of fruit and vegetables, fish, meat, and eggs, were
Teens get the wetest!
These teens could get you off with a look!

United States legislators and administrators to question China's sincerity
Hot trannies seeking unsuspecting guys!
hot tranny getting banged

government-to-government loans and joint ventures lest Chinese become
Live adullt tean entertainment
these teenie babes will do anything for bling!

Here's my favorite:
Alexander Graham Bell's invention of the telephone grew out of his research into ways to improve the telegraph. His soul purpose was to help the deaf hear again. Alexander Graham Bell was not trying to invent the telephone, he was just trying to help out people in need.
latina hardkore movies
sex... the final frontier! hardest hardcore!

Some are really long, and all political, like one about the Americans with Disibilites Act, and Mao Tse Tung, with the subject line: "big bootied ghetto ho doing hooker." There's also a long one about the Apollo space program, and the USSR, under the subject: "her first girl on girl experience."
All the subject lines are porn-related, although there's one masquerading as a soda survey.
The adresses they're sent from are all different, and all random-looking, with convincing-looking names, like Roxann Bradford and Elton Hunter.
These things are so freakin' funny, I'm tempted to open one, although I know better.
Dingo looked at it, and thought it looked like the kind of spam you get when you post to international sites. The only international site I can think of that I posted to is indymedia...or maybe hip mama. But that wouldn't generate spam, would it?
...or WOULD it?...

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

yummers


most of the time when im talking to you, it's one handed, one fingered typing thats going on.
Right now, it's one handed and using the back on my other pinky finger style.
why?
Cuz I'm always stuffing my face haw haw!

Right now it's a big chunk of Gova mint cheese and a cold storage apple.
Since the food stamps have entered our lives this month, I have a favorite dish for you.
Now dig this...
Make a bowl of breakfast cereal, any kind will do, before ya dump the milk in, throw a couple two three scoops of ice cream up init.
This is and has always been my favorite food to watch cartoons and veg out with. For such a dish you need the right music too, I suggest Bucket head or Primus.
Paradise=a bowl, a bowl,bucket head, cartoons, a dog to laugh at.
Also I like to make regular coffee into mochas by dumping a scoop of chocolate in and letting it melt, it's great!
Y'know what tastes awful on coffee?
Hamster Injury antibiotics.
Same color as creamer though so watch out.
Also bad: RubberChicken Soup

Cool day to be us.
Some nice folks were doing a show about Portland and asked us to put our characters on an do the dance.
While Chlorine was making balloons and telling her story, Susto Loco and I got on the big bikes and were in charge if being fascinating.
While we did the Thang, a nice fella came up on a bike and asked "OK witch one of you clowns is in charge?"
We all pointed to eachother and Chlorine asked him if he was for tax purposes or welfare purposes cuz if it's for welfare Dingo is the head if the house an for Taxes, it's Chlorine.
The welfare people always call the dude of the family the "Head".
He was just reading the paper yesterday and he wanted to donate to the Clown House.
He pulled out a crisp 20 dalla bill and handed it to Chlorine.
He said the problems we have been having are BS and he wants to see the yard back to what it was and then some.
We were filming but that didn't stop a small gaggle of kids from congregating to get Chlorine's balloons, Bout that time Ron (The killer sno cone) G. came up and declared
"Hey it must be spring, the clown house is blooming with clowns"
And he took the two photos up top.
Then Susto and I took the dog and biked to the buritto place, when I got back another dude was at the house, he was there to donate too.
So we got 22 bucks just standing around being ourselves.
shadily the money is already spent on paying bills left behind by past roomies who suck.
Still it's great that we don't have to pay it.
You have to click on the photos to see them bigger, speaking of bigger, I don't think Clorine can (or will) get much bigger.
She is gonna pop any time now and none too soon as far as she is concerned.

LOOK,HERES MY DAD"S SITE

just kidding my Dad is dead but this guy Dan called me darling.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

HI

Steve Bevin, a reporter from the Oregonian has been doing a story about us...well me (but I don't want to get a big head).
He is a nice guy, when a baby crys, he will comfort it, no questions asked, thats cool.
He came two mornings and interviewed me and even went to my work and asked questions while I washed dishes. He called my mom with questions, she was glad he wasn't the FBI.
He asked a lot of questions that I cant see anyone caring about (Whats your favorite book?) but I understand that you need a lot of info to write a good story.
Man that dude has some cool teeth, fangs, I wish I had a grill like that.
The article is comming out on Monday.

We are getting geared up for a big double gig on the 27th, one with March Fourth at Dantes and at the same night three blocks away at the Nuclear winter formal.
Also we are doing a really cool gig Feb 4th as the half time show at the Portland Roller Derby along side Zoo Bomb and the Sprockettes!
I'm transitioning between being the dishwasher at one place and the head line cook at another, Im working 4:30 pm,to 3:30 the next day, someone asked how I'm in so many places at once, I said, ya gotta need a lot of money.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Look at this freakin mess right here!

I wonder what would happen if all the freaky bike gangs from Mineapolis, Chicago, New York, Seattle, Portland, San Diego and Canada ever came together in Portland.

Defective Inkface found new digs!

Way ta go Ink!
Our man on the scene Df. Inkface was evicted from his house when the dog came back, but now look at him in his new apartment!
It has a couch, working lights, heat,looks like a bunch of cooking fuel, room for his mini bike, wow!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Gangs?




I ran into some gang bangers last night while dumpster diving.
They asked what the tall bike was about, and I told them it was for ease in looking into tall dumpsters.
They were grossed out about my little salvage operation, but were interested in riding my bike.
When I told them about our clown bike gang, they got really excited.
I told them that for their own saftey there was no way in Hades they could be in our bike gang.
Then one of them started with the pubecent posturing that always looks to me like frightened little gorilla, basiclly beating his chest and asking me if I thought he wasn't "Hard" enough.
I just told him that the hand signs that he was using would require him to take both hands off the handlebars and thats a direct violation of our gang's charter.
That was a lie, we go hands free all the time, but I know he had never seen our gang's charter.
I really just don't want any violent, pistola-packing gang members in our non-violent gang.
Normally, I wouldn't have spoken so harshly to anyone with gold teeth while in a dark alley, but they were sufficiently grossed out buy my dumpster cologne that I knew it was ok.
I do have a special relationship with some gang bangers, see years ago, when we lived on Michigan ave., our free bike shop served a lot of the kids who are now twenty-somthing-year-old gangsters. We did what we could to steer them away from crime as a lifestyle, but it's really hard to beat lessons of the hood.
Anyway, sometimes I ride by a corner full of bangers on my stupid looking bike and one or two of them tend to break character, and give me huge warm smiles and wave, until they get noticed by the other sour pusses and return to the grim face.
I don't like unpleasant crime.
Is blowing up a weenie truck a crime? No it's a BBQ.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Caffeine's blog

Caffeine has a blog too.

Da Meeting!



Last night we had a house meeting, I ha to go to work so I missed a bunch of it.
One of the things we talked about was "Are we gonna have a mud pit this year?"
We looked at plans for a figure 8 shaped track made of bark chips that will have a streightaway for jousting, the mud pit and the race track.
I like the splash guard behind the bike.
I got the images from "Anything of interest"the blog that inspired me to create this one.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

from the cafe



I was just at the Star E rose cafe talking to friends when "B" mentioned the Saddam trial.
He isn't saying that he did or didn't kill 180 people 15 years ago he's saying that if he is on trial Bush should be too, I agree.
Bush is on his soil killing way more folks than that, and for what?
I think Sadam is a criminal don't get me wrong but Bush killed 180 people just unloading the truck.
The crimes on this silly scorecard are just the tip of the ice berg, it hasn't mentioned Halleburton, the house of Saud or any really bad crimes.
You will have to click on the image a couple of times to get it big enough to see.

The clown house

Funny dynamic going on here at the Clown House.
In the basement live Thomas and Morgan, I call it the zoo bomb floor, it smells of beer and substances, theres punk music playing and it looks like two dudes live there.
Ground floor is where Ashley lives with her kids, it's also where most of the common rooms are.People are a bit more respectful and it's clean.
The top floor is where My kid lives, she demands everyone be super respectful and nice.My room is across the hall and I demand no such thing.
The stairs and ves·ti·bule are no mans land...they are the domain of the dog.
Tiago lives on the ground floor too but it's away from any of the other rooms of the house, as long as he dont play with fire, nobody would notice that his room is even there.
It's very special to me to have Tiago, Morgan and Thomas living here, it's like I can take a break from the stress and relax a little, it's still a lot of work but its fun work with a big pay off.
Chlorine, Thomas and I did the kid party tonight, the folks were from India and the birthday boy was 1 year old, the people were dressed VERY formal like. I bet you can imagin how well we went over looking like we just got off the Max train from Pioneer square (wich we did).
The kids liked us and we got tipped an extra $10er, maybe to get us out sooner.

Friday, January 13, 2006

I.m so smart I could just crap


I walked 5 steps down the side walk and farted each time, I'm a jenius.
On a cerial note, I have talked with a few nerds and we will be having a D&D night here at the clown house soon.
Thats Dungions and Dragons by the way...or other RPGs, I think the first game will be Shadow Run, a post apocolyptic game set in the north west.
D&D sure saved my butt on school.
I would never have learned to draw, count, tell storys and smoke pot without the game.
I gotta find the right day to do it, a day (or days) that all the players have time to spend immersed in dice, coffee, graph paper and fun.
Let me know if you want in.
also
I am in the throws of creating a simple version of an RPG for the home school collective.
It's a detective game called "Inspector Alberta"
For the kids, it's gonna be non violent and a real brain teaser, they will help inspector Alberta solve crimes of theft and lost animals in a big mansion.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

strays

One of our own seems to have picked up a few strays.
She was downtown asking the christians to help her with rent and picked up a pregnant couple.
They need shelter and have no place else to go. They seem nice, we will see.
I like a house thats full of life, noise, scuttleing feet and goofy laughter. It's pretty loud here now and it's all pleasant.
I didn't like the idea at first but when I saw the rain coming down I thought "What if thats JESUS in there?" (That's Jesus the messiah, not the dishwasher...actually, come to think of it, either way.)
AND NOW FOLKS,
THE WORD OF THE DAY!
ves·ti·bule Audio pronunciation of "VESTIBULE" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (vst-byl)
n.
  1. A small entrance hall or passage between the outer door and the interior of a house or building.
  2. An enclosed area at the end of a passenger car on a railroad train.
  3. Anatomy. A cavity, chamber, or channel that leads to or is an entrance to another cavity: the vestibule to the ear.

It's Time for the Baby Pool!


Yes, folks, it's the moment you've all been waiting for! We are currently taking bets on when our son will be born. After many people jokingly suggesting it, we decided it would be FUN!
So here's what you do: Come by the Clown House, or mail your submission to:
Clown House Baby Pool
2425 NE Alberta st.
Portland, OR 97211

The due date is Feb. 7th. When do YOU think he'll be born? If you guess right, you get 1/2 the proceeds from the pool. The other half goes to our medical bills.
$1 PER DATE. You may play as many times as you want. If people pick the same date, they share the winnings.
Oh, and please don't turn us in to the state gambling commission.

links from IMC


I really like this conversation...

I help the world...

nothing really...

a gig

tell me if this works

I didn't post this

Don't forget, you can get my zine/comic for a couple bucks.
email me for details.

Sunday, January 08, 2006


Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's condition has been upgraded from beet to turnip after Doctors said they would begin to pull him out of an induced coma on Monday morning.
I can only wonder if the Palestinians think it's karma.
I hope not, I blame bacon.
I kinda lump Sharon, Bush and Saddam in the same drawer but to his credit, Sharon has probably killed many more people with his own hands than the other two puddin heads who tended to just order others to do the mass murder.
Palestinian kids handed out flowers and treats hoping that Sharon makes it so he can teach them to spell, evict people and take bribes .

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Got a letter from Bobby Panama

Back in the Big Bang Circus days Bobby Panama was our medicine showman, here he is laying in a bed of broken glass and having a bowling ball dropped on a stack of flaming plates.
His tonic saved him from the emergancy room most of the time.
Well the hansom feller wrote us a letter from Key west Floridumb.

HEY THERE DINGO!
HOW THE PORTLAND?
IM HERE IN KEY WEST FLORIDA
I SAIL BOATS!
PRETTY F-IN SWEET
BEFORE IM DONE IM GONNA BE LIKE ROBO-COP AND RAMBO
COMBINED
EXCEPT NOT A COP AN NOT SO RECLUSE AND NO METAL
MAYBE MORE LIKE CHUCK NORRIS.
DIDJA HAVA BABY?
TELL ROBIN HI FOR ME
DAMN IS IT 1100 ALBERTA OR 1115 I FORGET.
ANYHOW TELL EVERYONE HELLO
I DONT HAVE YER NUMBER EITHER AND I DONT HAVE A NUMBER
HERE
SO KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK

YER FRIEND
BOBBY
I love the way both address options he gave are wrong, he was one of the first room mates we had. And I like the expression on Giz the clowns face as he looks on behind me. I miss Bobby a lot.
HEY BOBBY IT'S 2425 NE ALBERTA

ok fer'real


What a morning,
I have tons of training as a cook, I've been all over the country doing this, I once cooked for army generals in Alabama, I ran an Italian place in the mid west , cajun in the south and was the guy cooking on the giant man hole cover when I worked for a Mongolian joint.
I have knife skills out the wazoo and add the circus training to my line cooking to give it a nice flair.
Now a days , I'm working at an identical job to the first kitchen job I ever had, in Grapevine Texas during 1992 I got a job at Colters BBQ as a dishwasher.
The job I have now like handing a ninja a broom but the people are nice, the pay sucks but at least they laugh at my jokes.
The plates are really platters, they are really heavy so I've been hammering the little muscles in my back that weren't designed for that kind of load.
I just have to get used to it and work smarter.
This morning Caffeine was nice enough to get some menthol cream for my back.
I was half asleep when she squeezed a liberal amount out and began rubbing it into my back.
At first I didn't feel it but slowly a burn started coming on, within 50 seconds my back felt like it was on fire.
She kept saying that there was no capsasin in it and it shouldn't burn at all, meanwhile I was having pain hallucinations and asking Jonny Cash to come save me .
I went from sound asleep to screaming obscenities in the shower while franticly trying to get the vile stuff off me in about 50 seconds.
I'm strong as an ox and tough as nails but my skin is sensetive, I would take on a guy way bigger and stronger than me and win as long as he isn't carrying any chemical weapons like back creame or grass.
Caff took it personally, so after I was de-chemo'ed and awake I thanked her for the ordeal.
iv been doing a great job of not bitching anymore, it's easy if I just don't think of how loud the children are or how leaky they can get, or how evil the government is or what a louse the city inspection team are...Wait a minute
I will officially stop bitching innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...50 seconds.

Friday, January 06, 2006

I case you were wondering...


I got a raise at my job, we found a room mate so we got some of our money back, I wrote a letter to the mayor asking for our yard stuff back and we sold out of Dawg Snax. I got a son due very soon,
So in the interest of global harmony I Dingo the clown will stop bitching nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn Bush is a lamo responsable for thousands of deathsnnnnnnnnnnow.
No more bitching about having a crappy time.
Blogs lend themselves to bitching but I want my blog to be all comedy.
Can't keep a good clown down in this town man.
We are planning lots of fun messy shinnannigins in the new year and I hope to see you.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

I'm trying to wrap my head around the recent events here around the Clown House.
Two nights ago I looked out the front window at about 3 in the morning expecting to see a car crash.
I thought to myself "How would a car crash out there? The angle of the street and the embankment would make it so hard for any car to go any place but forward or backward."
Well last night at about 3 am I was on the computer, not looking at adult web sites, and heard a tremendous crash.
I looked out front and beheld a car slowly limping away from a mighty crash scene.
Banjo the dog did her best to appear on duty, she barked and looked in the general direction of the commotion but didn't bother to get off the couch.
I ran out side and saw that the car had collided with two other cars belonging to the Christian woman's halfway house across the street. It was making a slow get away.
I was torn, if it had been the Mississippi neighborhood four years ago I would have ran up to the perp to brutally drag his ass out of the car and make a citizens arrest. All that crime fighting I did in the old neighborhood only helped raise the rent and eventually got us homeless.
I don't like cars at all, I don't like drunk drivers at all, the drunk could have hit a guy on a bike.
I just made a half assed attempt to get the license plate and gawked at the impressive demolition.
The one drunk took out two cars as well as his own, thats better than I did with an ax, years ago dealing with another drunk driver.
He limped off and made an O.J. esque getaway.
When the cops showed up, the first thing the lady who's car got hit said was "Joo Find him yet?"
The cops didn't know what had happened and this lady is being a jerk.
They said "no we just got here lady, what happened?"
Then she yelled at them "Did you even try to find him?"
I saw they were getting noplace with her so I went across the street, greeted them and gave them the direction and partial license plate number.
Tiago took some photos and we sat inside gawking and singing our song"One Less Car".
I saw the wreck 24 hours before it happened and when it did, I really didn't help much.
I'm so torn.
Recently, our rent went up and we couldn't find a room mate so we had to use our baby money to cover an empty room, I don't recognize the neighborhood with all the ugly new buildings and for all the commerce we brought to Alberta street the buissne$ never mention we exist.
I don't feel any loyalty to Alberta street now, after how we were treated but I do feel the need to make the place safe for bikes and pedestrians.
I'll post Tiagos photos when I get them.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Got a letter from Lynn (our former roomy)

She took a trip via Grayhound bus from here to Georga.
We sure do miss her.

Hello to the Clowns.

Sorry I have't written as of yet. I'm not as good at keeping up on the
email thing as I would like to be, but I'm getting better. So, the trip
accross the good ol us of a was interesting and brain numbing to say the
least. If you really wan't to learn something about Americans take a bus
accross the country. Mostly it was just a really long trip. 80 some
hours of drunks and screaming kids. When I finally made it out the the
bus station that morning I found out that the roads through the Dales had
been closed down overnight and that the only way that I was going to get
out was to go through LA and then take 40 east. It made for a reaally
long run. I've never seen so many grow ups in dirty santa costumes so
near to getting in a brawl as I saw so many times as I dragged accross
this great land on the dirty dog. The only thing that's really good about
greyhound is that they are so disorganized that security is super lax.
The company is barely functional. We did have some interesting and highly
racist brushes with the law in NM. At one point immigrations offices
broarded the bus. They just asked you as you got off if you were an
american citizen. I didn't even ansewer I just nodded my cowboy hat and
stepped off. I guess that my skin was ansewer enough. There was one
mexican dude on the bus who did't have such advantages who they took away
in handcuffs. Shitty deal huh? They also came on looking for drugs one
time. Half assed efforts to say the least. Anyway I eventually met up
with my friends in atlanta. It's been really good to get to see them. We
live in a really big loft in a really shitty part of town. I'm enjoying
exploring the city. The biggest difference is that almost everyone in
this town is black whech is a change from the starched white of portland.
The city isn't a bicycle friendly place at all, but it's kind of neat in
that out there one your bike you feel special and radical. Also when you
see other bikers, there's a lot more initail comraderie just because you
are such an oddity.

We have a dog here in the loft, but I miss banjo a lot she's one of my
favorite dogs of all time. The dog that we have here got hit by a car
about a month ago, and she's still kind of laid up. The temp here is a
lot more tolerable than in Portland. I'll tell you what though, I've been
missing that motorbike. This is the perfect kind of town for it.

I've been watching the blog it sounded like things aren't going so well.
If you have a moment, I'd love to hear about your current events.

Anyway a hello and hugs go out to all esp robin and the ten nippled one.

luv Lynn