Saturday, December 31, 2005


here are some links to sites I have been on (when I have time) it's for me as well as the home school. With the music link they let you down load 5 songs per day!
get your music on

hieroglyphic study


Hey I'm not writing in the blog so much because I don't have a lot of nice things to report so I'm shutting up, but I am always thinking about yall.
I have entered the surreal world of the minimum wage late night cook and dish washer.
I'll report soon, when I have some nice or funny for ya.
One good thing is that Road kill has come home from over seas, maybe I can get him to file a report.
Now we just need Frac (the guy in back of R.K.) to come home too.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

room for rent

I posted on Craigslist, for a room here to rent, and boy did the spam come flooding in.
It is basically the same scam with different names at the bottom. One claimed to be a race car driver, another was a finance director, and another was a prince, all wantin' to send us a fake check for way over the rent. They want me to send them back the balance, and thats how the scam works.
The last one we got was similar to the others, exept it was for someone claiming to be a model.
I thought, if this person is real then she should be on the web. The only reference I found for the name was on this blog. She puts it well, under the heading Scamalot.
We thanked her for warning us. Hope we didn't scare her, though, cuz as it turns out, she is afraid of clowns.
We have gotten two good prespects for the room, one a juggler the other a bike guy from Argentina, I'm gonna try and find room for both of them if I can.
So we have Reddish the clown in our gang and she is from Brazil, Tiago, also from Brazil and Susto Loco who has brazillian roots, if we get the bike guy from Argentina then it will be four South Americans here at the Clown House all talking funny, there has to be a skit in there some place.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Aysha from Zaytoon sent pics

click on the images to see them biggeryadda yadda
Final Banquet club
Ice bridge
Where the minetaur keeps his rubber chicken
The Omen
The last rail

She took photos of my art exhibit "a world history of Rubber chickens"They are all for sale. They are comming down this week so if you want to see them all go down to Zaytoons.
There are many more.


thats my pass word.

I clipped my toe nails today...oh my god what have I become?

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

We got heat!

We payed a ton of money and got heat yay! But now the furnace is broken BOOOOO!
I kind of like wearing boots indoors and with all the sickness that's going around it's good that the heat is off since it always blows dust all through the house wich makes us all sick.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Bloody oil

We got to the end of the heating oil today. It was carma from me laughing at the mess this cold snap was to Portland car culture. If driving a car is not in your life and you have good reflexes then an icey road is all comedy.
I laughed my head off yesterday and even sat at the window with binoculars waching the intersection.
I was walking into the house freezing my but off last night when I remembered how I treated the car people and went "..karma....whatabitch".
So the oil is gone and I just cant bring myself to buy any more. No matter where it comes from it will have blood on it as well as poison for the planet as we lite it on fire.
I guess I can always fall back on the fact that I can't afford it in the first place (hahahaha). We have just enough to keep the joint afloat, we can't participate in those seasonal bills.
O yeah I should let you in on a secret...Your sewer bill for the year is determined by how much water you use in December so save water now and set the bar low for the rest of the year.
The kid is fine, a little stir crazy but in good spirit. I made a hopscotch on all the couches but the kid won't buy it.
I found a neat way to stay warm, I just shoved the contents of my bedroom against the wall that has windows, I throw on all the clothing that I own and stuff my rat in my pocket for good measure. Then I stand in the center of the room and scream.
I have seen four giant circus coaches turned into bio diesel here at the C.H. and yet we never fixed the house up, I was a big drinker then and never got too much done.
Someday when we own a clown house you better believe it's gonna be heated with bio and all the other bells and whistles that low budget/enviro clowns would have.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Dog Mouth

Hello, this is Chlorine Enema Jones, sitting in for Dingo, who is currently in-de-sposed (well, actually, he is in-de-shower, so he is in-de-cent, but anywayy...)
I just couldn't wait to tell you all about what has been in the dog's mouth, today!
First thing this morning, I let Banjo out to pee, and while she was out there, she ate a cat poop, which she promptly came back in and puked up on the couch. IT WAS AWESOME!
Then, during the day, she got in a couple of good licking sessions: see, if you have Athlete's Foot, you should come over to the Clown House, cuz Miss Banjo just LOVES to lick smelly, infected foot flesh, especially if it has been inside of a boot for a real long time. Our roommate has athlete's foot on one of her feet, so Banjo just licks that one, but Dingo has it on BOTH feet, so that doggie gives him long foot sessions, that can last up to a half hour. It tickles a lot, and Dingo giggles. (He trained himself to endure it, cuz it works better than Tanactin, for killing the bacteria)
Pepto has athlete's butt (long story, tell ya later), and so I don't even want to KNOW what happens when he takes the dog in his room, and you hear sqealing, girlish giggles coming out of there.
She also likes to lick people on the face, and some people even let her!
Another thing that happened today, was a mysterious pair of underpants, which appeared in the bathroom trashcan. A couple of us were wondering where they came from... Also in that trashcan, was this great big, long tangle of greasy hair I pulled out of the bathtub drain yesterday.
So I want in the bathroom this evening, and the dog had gotten in the garbage. The mystery undies, and the oily, fuzzy dreadlock, along with snotty tissues, used q-tips, and a couple of popsicle sticks, were scattered on the floor, and looking rather chewed.
When I told Dingo about it, he said, "What a good dog."

Saturday, December 17, 2005


I just saw an ad that has gone way too far. Its a tv ad for a pill that "cures" antsy legs.
Yeah that's right, they are marketing a pill for restless leg syndrome.
I even goes as far as to inform us that it's a recognized problem.
So they appeal to slobby couch potatoes to ask their doctors to prescribe a pill for a condition that can be cured by frikkin standing up. Later I found out that they invented the chemical and had to find a use for it afterwards. I think it's called "Disease mongering" check out this link.
The pill also comes with some heavy side effects, one of them is "Drowsiness during waking hours" and general sloth.

THe show

Our show went like gang busters. Before we left for the gig I started a fire in the yard. I grabbed a big bag of millet that we got when the Purple parlor shut down and began pouring it out of the bag onto the ground. I made a giant spiral comming out from the fire the whole time chanting for a good show, later Reddish the clown alerted me to the fullish moon WITCHY!

It was far too cold for our plan to balleyhoo outside the venue so I shot off a cannon load of popcorn anyway Tiago thought it was very funny and I wished I could have brought more ammo so he could continue shooting it.
When it was time to go on Chlorine warmed up the audience while Captain Insano and I desperatly stuffed Reddish into a military bag. We didn't realize she needed no help from us so as soon as the screaming startedI had to unzip her and let her do it herself.
Th rest of the show went perfectly, the four of us worked together so well it looked like we actually rehearsed.
The next act had some tech problems so we had to kill some time. Chlorine decided to play the game "Whats up your ass" with the crowd.
It's the game where we pick three crowd members and have them drop thier drawers, we stick crazy articles between the cheeks and give them 10 seconds to guess what it is.
I have been involved with the game for years now and have never been as suprised as I was that night (and we did this with a Palsey kid once in Eugene).
The weirdness was that the three random audience members had the smallest asses I have ever seen, it was like childrens asses. I'm not was cool.
Then Chlorine did some stand up and the next act was on.
I never found out what they were called but what it boiled down to was two hot gals in teddys and garters pulling raw meat from chrismas presents and eating it.
They tore up a ton of xmass Icons into pools of blood, they killed Santa and ate his guts but he didn't seem to care.
A favorate was when one girl came out as the pregnant virgin mary and aborted it while spraying blood all over.
I thought our show was gory.
so the show rocked.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

We have a show tonight!

We are carpet clowning a punk show at the Know on Alberta tonight. The show starts at nine and I'm not sure when exactly we go on.
We will be doing 15 min. stage work, carpet clowning and then we will be showing the movie.
If a smoky bar is not your thing you can go down the street to Zaytoons, have a meal and take a look at my art show "A history of Rubber chickens" you can hang out there and look out the window. When you see the circus bike caravan pass you will know to go to the Know.
We will have Captain Insano, doing insane acts, and introducing Reddish the clown performing an incredible escape act.
Plus we will have the normal Pepto Dizmal Clownarchy madness.
This show is called The "Feral Clown Show.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

I feel like a bee

I just drank three cups of chocolate coffee, had two pastries and no breakfast. I went next door where "Gary the Super" had a big block of rosewood for me. I took a battle ax and went at it for 20 or so. Now it's cold out, but I have my shirt off and I feel like I can control a hive of bees with my mind, if I want.
All that was pointless. If I had any brains, I would go to the bike wheel stash and start making wreaths out of bare rims to sell.
I hate that I have to sell stuff to live, but it is cool to be able to work at home. I come up with tons of schemes to avoid working for other people. I just hate Christmas so much. I can't bring myself to encourage it.
I didn't used to. Where else would a handsome young hoodlum get a BB gun or a blow dart set? (though both were confiscated the first day, and never seen again) I've just been a lot of places and seen a lot of things, and so far I don't buy it (literally).
It's bad science (see Easter egg) and bad religion all wrapped up with a bow. I bet if some people saw Jesus as he looked back then, they would not let him on any planes with out a full cavity rundown.
He would probably be shown the landscaping equipment.
Was it the Romans under the Constantine administration that decided Jesus was born on the local pagan holiday? That would put it 500 years after Jesus was ever seen.
The pagans must have said "Oh, yer celebrating on this week? Cool. So are we. Would ya like a Yule log? Were celebrating a great bounty. Watchall doin? Oh, celebrating the birth of a guy you killed... Ok, wierdos...Pointy wierdos".
My math could be all wrong, too, don't take my word for it.
Deosn't it seem strange that the entire New Testament is full of stuff that was important in Ancient Roman times, but irrelevant by the time is was translated to English? Since then, people have been stretching that over-a-thousand-year-old political commentary to fit whatever point they're trying to illustrate...the piont of a sword, a bayonet, what have you.
Here's the modern spin cycle: facilitate slavery so you can go into debt buying crap for your kids that won't make up for the time away you spend earning money to facilitate slavery so you can go into debt buying crap for the kids that won't make up for the time away you spend earning money to facilitate slavery.
I over heard a lady say she wasn't going to visit her family out of town because she couldn't afford both the ticket and a huge bag of presents she would need to avoid being seen as "cheap."
{If you are the lady I'm speaking of, and are reading this, learn to look in trees when you pass clown houses}. That's a creepy state of affairs.
If you want to use that bike rim with Xmass stuff idea, go for it.
I bet if you climb some trees, you will find mistletoe growing in one of them, but be careful. Did you know Mistletoe is a parasite that eventually kills the tree? How do I know? I think it used to be one of our housemates.

Oregon Health Plan Denies Pregnant Women Access to Midwife Births!

Caffeine Jones here, on my soapbox again. Dingo 's been telling eveyone that I'm stealing a bowling ball, but the truth is I'm actually expecting (a baby). Pretty obvoius, though. Who ever heard of a 30lb bowling ball?
According to Oregon law, women in their 3rd trimster, who have been seeing an Oregon Health Plan - approved midwife, can apply for an "open card," which means that you don't have to go through the HMOs, but instead OHP will pay for your chosen Midwife.
The problem is, even though it is our right, the workers will tell you it can't be done, and deny you an open card.
This happened to me today, and I have spent the morning on the phone, tryng to find a way around it.
How can YOU help?
Call the Oregon Governor's Hotline, and tell them that DHS workers need to give pregnant women open cards for "continuity of care," according to ORS rule 410-141-060-IA.
Midwife births are thousands of dollars cheaper than hospital births, and so it is in the State's best interest to inform their DHS workers that expectant mothers have this right!

We had our other kid in a basment apartment in Eugene. Midwives are the way to go: no drugs, fewer problems, higher success rate, better bedside manner, easier on the vagina. It did perturb Dingo that the midwife was for me and not (to him) what he thought the title suggested: a wife to go in the middle. I think he'll be ok, this time, though. Now he knows he'll have to clean his own bellybutton.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Tyler found a job!!

Our friend and the colleague who walked out when I got fired has found a job!
He has gone to sunny San Francisco to be the village crazy,,YEAH!
He gets a good wage of Mad dog 20/20 and dry ramen noodles.
They set him up with a great cardboard box to live in and last I hear he is working with the San Francisco police department on some kind of sanitation committee.
You go Tyler we all knew ya had it in ya!

uh...ok...uh I lied Tyler is still here in Portland I and I hear from his pet monkey that he is playing a gig with his band for a crowd of tens (including the staff and people who never showed up) at an Ethiopian restaurant. I hear he is excited because the band is awfully unrehearsed and they're playing on a monday night at a frikkin Ethiopian restaurant.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Who wooda thunkit

I just realized that getting the big whoo ha from an angry bull (a steer not a railroad cop) is compounded by the fact that if one is anywhere near you, the chances are you will be running away.
That means the first thing that brawling bovine is gonna see is your butt. I bet a good homework would be researching bull gorings and finding out if anybody has ever been skewered anywhere besides takin' it in the dumper.
I also decided that the phrase "Shit-load" came from "Ship load" and "Butt-load" must have started out "Boat load". That means it could be a piece of sarcasm as old as the word "Boat".
YAY sarcasm!
The home school is in session and I just got a comedy treat.
I just saw two little tiny kids who are I guess the pre school. I hear "Thats mine MINE!" In my head I can see two heads of less powerful nations squabbling over the scraps of Iraqi stolen booty and yelling the same thing.
They summed up the bare bone sentiment of all human misery while fighting over a broken taco bell toy.
They had just gotten in from P.E. so they were still in the outside clothing. It a great thing that they bundle the kids up tight because the two boys got into fisticuffs...kinda.
Really they just shoved each other around and screamed a lot. It was so frikkin funny, they looked like little wariors armored in neon clouds and doing battle with cotton candy.

Play with yourself

big brother...s corporation

Feel safe?

Sunday, December 11, 2005

from Jenna

Capt. Insano, Reddish and I at the weapons table during the bike craft fare.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Can you read this?

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht
I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the
ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll
raed it wouthit a
porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and
I awlyas tghuhot
slpeling was ipmorantt!

if you can raed tihs psas it on !!

from the dishwasher who walked,

tylerjohnfool has left a new comment on your post "Sung to the tune of hallelujah":

yeah, so, i can appreciate the cast character index. i think that "ponytail attack dog" or whatever is appropriate. just remember dingo, that "the worst thing about looking for a new job, is finding one". i read your ten most defeatist lines or whatever, and i have decided to become a more positive person...not tonight though, fore tonight i am way too depressed by my surroundings...oh, and i need those manuscripts for the book. as soon as i gots 'em, i's can be uh sendin' 'em off. i told Kristal, the lady at 7 stories press, that i would get it out to her asap(All Shits Are Poop). i havent called the friend in seatle cause i don't have the goods yet, so light a fire my man, cause the worst part about dying would be the realization that you never got to try to live in the first place...anyway, i am busy myself, got this crappy show on Monday. nothing worse than a band who plays pro-revolutional music based on 18th century French movements and a general unrust for the life that has been given them...we hate cell phones, we hate trends and fashion, we despise being ostracized for being overly sensitive...and we are playing at an Ethiopian resaurant and opening for a band that claims to be "very AC-DC esque". i might shoot myself tonight.....tyler john fool

Friday, December 09, 2005

Sung to the tune of hallelujah


A Poem:
That was last night, now it's Friday; I wonder how they'll do.
Tyler walked out, like a loyal friend, as soon as he heard the news.
The waitstaff were so pissed, to lose a cook like this,
Now the owner will learn what bridges to burn.
His mind must be frail, to let a dope in a pony tail
Bleed the place into the ground and let the freak fire the clown.
He's gonna lose all his staff, as they run from Leela's wrath.
I am reminded: I chose the feeble minded.
I thought they were funny, unprofessional and scummy,
They were entertainment that came with little payment.
Now it's over, and I am glad
I'm through being Leela's emotional maxi pad.

The cast:

Brian is the boss's attack ponytail. He dives in, having zero experience, and makes all the big decisions. I think if this puddin'head was in a fox hole he would be shot by his own men. He gives away tons of meals and drinks and blames the kitchen for the numbers.
He said he hasn't gotten paid, and works as a volunteer, but I have yet to see him do a lick of work. He likes to chase customers out with awful music and double bookings. I think he is having a great time playing restaurant at the cost of people's livelihoods. He is, in fact, the only person he is aware of. He gets the hypocrite/full of crap award.
Leela. You know how some lonely people will attach family or romantic emotions on co-workers so they can get some form of human contact? Well, this creep is all over the crazy dial with the mood swings, calling in the middle of the night, denial, and misplaced love and rage. The Tribune accidently reported that I was the chef, and that made her focus her nastiness on me. I feel so sorry for anyone that lonely. I suspect that her and Brian may have both had parents that didn't give them enough validation; now they are all eaten up with the dumb-ass. Brian is having a blast, while Leela is stuck in an empty apartment full of dead plants.
I did get some entertainment, and got to meet the best crew ever (most are leaving as soon as they can). I gained a few super close friends, and got tons of new material relating to the human condition. I liked it there; I wish the owner would grow a pair and give the two dead weights the plank to Davey Jones's locker.

click on the image to enlarge

Thursday, December 08, 2005


Here are some shots of the craft fare and this is a table full of weapons.

and this


Stop reading or you will reach the end of the sentence.

The bike craft fare

I just got back from the fair with the Museum of Apocalyptic Bike Weaponry. It was, as I overheard some one say, "About time for a gathering in the bike community, Portland wanted it."
Put on by the lovley Jonathan Maus, the fair had lots of great stuff made out of bike parts.
Captain Insano was the only other clown that could make it at 3:30 to get to the show, and that was fine. We loaded up the bike trailer (made out of an old bed), and hitched our bikes up.
The call was for all of us to wear our regular clown faces, but instead of clown clothes we were to wear suits.
Well, at the last minute, I went to the prop locker and pulled out my "Goin ta court suit" and found it was way too frikkin small. So, folks, learn from my mistake: when you get your court suit all full of mud and rubble, don't throw it in the washing machine.
So, we had the bikes loaded and ready, and I looked at Captain Insano and said flatly, "Neither of us know where the hell we're going, do we?"
He just smiled and said, "Nope, don't believe we do, Chief".
We got on the road and decided to get close before we started asking a lot of questions.
Crossing the bridge, we ran into a fella with blue hair and a giant grin.
I asked C.I. what the dude's name was. I think he said Larry, so I started calling him Jason. Turns out his name is Jason, great guy. He neglected mailing a letter just to show us where the gig was; he only got us lost once.
At the show we saw the "A" list of Portland Bike culture, and a bunch of stuff they made.
We went in, and Jonathan was cool enough to kick us down a large table to dump a pile of weapons on.
The woman from Willy Week came over and shot a rad buncha pics of us. She said she would send me some to share with you and I did an interview with Adrian who is doing work on the same story.
The band for the event, theTrash Mountain Boys, didn't have a mic. I accidently tipped the counter guy because I didn't know he was too lazy to get them a cord. But they still were pretty good. It's the same instrumentation as what we use, so I really liked it and could relate to the problem of an acoustic band in a big room of noisy-ass bike freaks.
I want to do a gig with them, they're great! And I don't just say that because they mentioned us in a song, I really do like them.
The Sprockettes showed up and had thier sizzling calender and Rev. Phil hawked his movie and bellydanced with me.
The tech guy DAT pulled up our movies from the internet and played them on a flat TV (swear ta god the friggin thing was a flat TV).
Everyone asked how we were doing, they were talking about the house crap going on (by the way, Thanks Hammerhed for showing up in your work truck and carting away boxes of trash that those other folks dumped on us.) I thought they were talking about the impending son that's about to explode from a crotch near you next month.
They were very sweet.
You wait and see, folks, I expect great things from Reddish the clown, I won't give away what we have planned for the 15th of this month at THE KNOW on Alberta, but you will be amazed...or at least mildly amused by the whole spectacle.
When it was time to leave, again it was C.I.and who were the cargo transport. That part of the trip SUCKED. We rode the heavy trailer (boxes of axes are really heavy and home is all uphill) into the night. I hoped I wouldn't have to explain to a cop that our bike lights were buried underneath our box of weapons.
C.I. hauled the weapons on his tall bike up to the massively big hill near Fremont street, and then we switched...I just walked the thing to the top. I'm a really powerful man, strong as an ox and twice as dumb, but pushing that load up the hill almost made me black out. I was panting and calling out for my mother. C.I. just walked next to me, carrying on his conversation as if I wasn't in need of an ambulance.
There's an idea for ya: for people who need an ambulance but don't want to support car culture, they can call a bike ambulance. Instead of Emergency Services they can be called Eventual Services. Instead of calling 911 they would just shoot up a boat flare.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

The Pepto Dizmal toy drive!!!!!!

Hey folks I'd like to invite you all to join in the Pepto Dizmal toy drive!!!
Here ya go...
I took the lead from the tv stations, bikers and firemen who do this every year.
Ours is a little diferent, heres how it works:
1) You buy a toy.
2) I throw it in a truck.
3) We get a drunk guy to drive it off a cliff.
The Pepto Dizmal toy drive!!!!
Why, you ask?
Well, being a lower income American with a kid, and also having recolections of childhood myself, I know that a kid will play with anything, from leaves to rocks; from pets to the contents of the recycling bin.
Imagination got me where I am today (not so rich but truly enriched).
When they do these drives, they always ask for new toys.
Lets follow the money shall we?
Who gets a xmass gift with this practice?
FRIKKIN WALLMART, that's who! (you know: the people who distroy small towns and sell garbage made in China)
Poor people don't need more crap, they need rent and heat. So, with the Pepto Dizmal toy drive, we aim to crash the truck off a cliff, it explodes making heat, and then a poor family can live in the burned out hull.
Merry Christian!!!!

Ok set me right ya'll

I bet you didn't know I was an expert on wimmin. Well I am.
but I do need to be set right on one subject...Dig this...
Take a milk jug and fill it up almost to the top but not full.
Then close your eyes and rotate the jug slowly.
I swear I have at some point in my life heard that noise coming from large boobies.
Is that true or was I drunk?
Please set me right in the comments section.


It's butt ass cold out there friends, and I bet it's hard not only to get out on your bike, but to get out of bed at all.
I know the feeling so well of comming off a side street and into a big intersection when you get to the middle theres no wind break and you get blasted.
I was trucking back from a job interview a little bit ago and found a great advantage (bikewize) that comes from the cold.
Those umbrellas and chairs that live outside of bars and eateries, a few years ago they were cute but now they all have them and for a tall bike it's murder to get through much less a regular bike.
I avoid the street as much as possible...there are cars on the street, I ride at running speed so a clear sidewalk is so nice, just gotta wear layers LAYERS PEOPLE!

Monday, December 05, 2005

Bike craft fare

weapon show at the bike craft fare

mark your friggin calendars... and tell your friends to too.

Hey kids. I know it's early but mark your friggin calendars... and tell your friends to too.

2nd Annual Nuclear Winter Formal
Friday January 27th @ the new venue Someday (5th & Couch two doors up from The Backspace)
This event is all ages. $10 – 20 donation

Civilization is devouring the planet at an accelerating rate. Lets face it; collapse is inevitable. Most people might poo-poo you with doom and gloom visions of the future but we say, why fear it? Why not celebrate it? Hell, why not take it a step further and prepare for it by celebrating before it actually happens? We are Mythmedia and this is Preemptive Post-apocalypticism, and I Urban Scout along with my trusty sidekick Asa, AKA Trail Boy, will be your hosts. Are you ready for our second annual fundraiser the Nuclear Winter Formal? If not, then hurry and get a costume, a date and come to the party that will make post-history. This years line up is fucking killer, just like the genocides, famines, and ecological destruction inherent in civilization!

The Hunches
DJ Thunder & more
also the Pepto Dizmal clownarchy

A Costume Contest, judged by local fashionistas Charlotte LaVictoire, Elspeth Vance, and Shawn Deller, oh yeah and we got prizes! Yes, Prizes! Such as gas masks, Mad Max dvds, survival kits, and many more with our grand prize being a computer filled with video games to numb your mind while the world bleeds to death around you - donated by the great people at The Backspace.

What kind of Formal doesn't have a place for you and your date to get photos? Not ours! Our friend Brett Superstar has painted a beautiful cityscape of a post-apocalyptic Portland for you and your date to document this exciting time in human history.

Popularity Contest:
That's not all! We will be giving away prizes to the Nuclear Winter Formals "King and Queen." Judged by YOU!

There it is. If you're not excited about the fall of civilization now, you're a poseur.

Boy is Caffeine pissed off..

One of the guys that gave notice failed to pay his rent, it came out of our pockets and now the guy is hardly around and kind of avoids us. He said he would pay us back but the responsability when you stiff your roomies is to make it a priority to pay them back or at least say something.
Caffeine is the one who tallys the bills and deals with the man, (landlord, city, and such) she is pregnant and dealing with a mountain of trash left by unscrupulus ex roomates.
We can't wait to get out of this house, too many adults who see her raising the little ones and think she is"House MOM" they give her all the angst that they want to give their parents and no thank yous for doing all the unpleasant stuff like bill divvying and constant cleaning up.
That's so damn bunk.
Why am I telling you this?
Well think of it as me talking to myself and giving you the option to listen in.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

that last post was heavy so...

heres a link that cracks me up.

The good the bad and the ugly

The Good:
Saltys pet store on Mississippi Ave. Put in a huge order of our Dogalicious Dawg Snax (yay!)and Caffeine has been making them for the order so they all look extra good. Our income was cut and the rent went up, it's a big help Thanks Paula!

Joyli has an 18 month old baby and yesterday offered us diaper wraps and clothing for my son (due to explode from a local crotch circa mid Feb.) we have been ducking from baby showers because we don't need any of the plastic junk and strollers that people think babes need diapers and wraps, yup we will actually need those thanks Joyli.

Detective Inkface will be tabling the apocalyptic weapons museum with me on the 7th here's where it is
I think the hours are 4-7, come on down and see the melee.

On the 15th at the Know on Alberta we will be doing a carpet clown gig between about 4 bands. We will have an escape artist, dangerous stuntage and of course me bangin on a banjo like a coo coo head.

Our little girl has been out of public school this year (she was coming home dummer than when she left) and now with the home schooling she is just amazing. Kids learn better when the parents decide to take the pay cut and spend time with them. Me? I still cant spell my way out of a paiper bagg.

The cities case against the Clown House has been closed, they didn't tell us that, we found out online. "Portland the city that works...You."

We have a new roomie, his name is Paul and he is fabulous, we have needed a gay guy in our ranks for years now, the house IS being cleaned and we now have large potted plants and throw rugs YAH, welcome home Paul!!

My art show "History with Rubber Chickens" is up at Zaytoon on Alberta, it looks great and I hear it's getting laughs.

The Bad:
Lynn gave 30 days notice to move out. She found better weather in Georgia and we will miss her greatly, she sure has improved the livability of life here, she will be hard to replace.
Zach gave 30 days notice to move out. I moved my family into my office so their room could be the band practice room. Soon as they were moved in I hear from a friend that he was moving out, that sucks. That brought my rent up and my space way down.
The couple (of idiots) that just moved out a few days ago, I'll call them "Mother of the year and Wetbrain" were asked to basically be good roommates, they responded by taking off before rent was due and leaving pile and piles of rubbish, this is part of why the city gets on us, people move out and leave crates of garbage for us to deal with.
Caffeine is so tired of crappy roommates, so am I, it seems that the system is set up against people who try to do the right thing. 8 years we have been helping people, using as little resources as possible and standing up for the little guy and we get slammed from all angles.
The lease is only a half a year more, then I think we need a drastic change.
The Ugly:
I know a guy on Alberta who is brutal to his employees, serves food that's poison to the G.I. tract at best, thinks its cool to pour harsh chemicals down the drain and to the river. He drinks whisky and bangs tranny hookers on the prep table at night when his wife and kid think he's catering. This monster is doing great bushiness, his place is always full (they don't know what or who goes down where the food is made). One of the tranny hookers is a very close friend of mine and she wants him to punished but doesn't want the drama to come down on us or her.
Yeah thats ugly alright.
I woke up to the stress of problems and the jealousy I have of people who are bastards and still do better than any of us.
I had to write it all down so I could see in perspective what we are trying to do and how effective we really are.
I was looking at this blog, the times before I knew all the crap was gonna hit the fan, I was so hopeful for the future, I still am, just in another way.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Detective Inkface

In the face of change bikes will bring us there...

In times of dispair my bike will be there...

To riding our bikes and not driving cars...

I will have mine and you will have yours...

C H A N G E N O W ! ! !

Thursday, December 01, 2005

see ya later little buddy!

Dang! This cool little dude is now out of our lives, he moved out with his mom last night and we will sure miss him. Eli was the most considerate and non-selfish person in his whole family. He is a good boy and a pleasure to be around.
Good luck buddy, yer gonna need it.