Friday, September 30, 2005

Free Food

While we wait for photos from the last gig to show up on the net, the produce Truck just left, theres tomatoes, plumbs, spuds and greens.
All organic, all fresh and all free.

guest writer Fire Fly says

Wow, what a blast was had last nite, right here at the Clown House, oh jeez, can i even cover it all? Can mere words on a screen possibly convey the rediculosity that happened here last nite? I'mma gunna try.
Weeeellll, first off, there was an incredible blugrass rock acoustic band, the MudJug ThumperBumpers(correct me if I'm wrong), who helped gather the initial crowd with thier sweet beats and harmonies, strummin away and havin a good time. There were these two real crazies who stood about 15/16 feet in the air on thin poles juggling and haranguing the crowd. It seemed like everyone was groovin right along through the set. The crown would swell and diminish, then swell again, then swell some more, and you get the idea.
After a short break the band played a few more songs, and all the clowns helped keep the energy high and the people involved. Right after the band got done, the famous Travelling Trio made thier appearance, with crowd participation, some human balance acts and juggling. Nemo managed to somehow squeeze his body through a tennis racket while I went and grabbed some crowd volunteers,(one of which was a plant, shhhh, don't tell) tied em together w/ 75 feet of rope, then had them race to get out against the Nemo, who had to be restrained in a straight jacket. Of course i helped to make sure Nemo won, but the crowd was on the girls side, so they booed him until they realized the beautiful Katie was a part of the act, then they laughed.
After the hilarity of that, another band came on stage, playin some really rockin tunes, upright bass and everything, i don't remember thier names, hey gimme a break here, it was so chaotic im suprised i kept my hat!
Shortly after the band finished up, to much cheers and appreciation of the crowd, a couple of brave fire spinners got down and did thier thing, amazing as always, just something about fire...
when that was over Mr. Dingo Dizmal moved the stage away and then we proceded to host a couple of mud wrestling contests, girl on girl, boy on boy, and even a boy on girl@! People were lovin it, cheering and raisin a hoot and alla that. after the wrestling was finished the amazing Bobby Panama came around, and if you didn't see it, I don't know what to tell ya. He's great and I can't describe him, soory.
All throughout the nite thier were impromptu clown bike races, histerical, and the folks in the yard just had to watch out for themselves, cuz clowns + bikes...hahahahahaha.
There were rumors about a Jousting competition, but it never happened, oh well, more anticipation for next time, right?
Well, thats about all that happened, actually soooooo much more happened but i don't have the time or words to try to get it all down, you'll just have to make it around for the next one. One last thing i can say, if there weren't the Clown House, i don't know how well the "Art Walk" would have gone over, maybe just as well, but then again, maybe not...
Well, have a great day, thats all i got to say!!!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Thursday is here!

So far here is what we gotziz for the Last Thursday Art Walk here on the sunny beaches of Alberta street.
Nemo!, Last night Nemo the street performer blew in from Europe bringing his travaling trio, they will be doing an internationaly flavored show. Acrobatics, juggling, balancing, and escape challenge, Nemo is an escape artist with a straight jacket and for some reason he likes to slip through tennis rackets.
Speaking of Racket, I hear the alley next to the Clown House will be the Punk Pit, I know there will be a 7 years old and younger band playing punk music and maybe another band.

Speaking of other bands, there are two acoustic bands comming to play our stage and of course the bike races.

Speaking of Races, all nationalites and creeds are welcome at the Clown House but all must behave themselves. Drunks ruin the whole thing, I dont care if people have a beer or three, it's just if they are drunk and stupid, they make our house look bad and set a bad example, nothing gets done and I end up frightening the kids when they see a clown brutaly kicking a drunks ass.

Speaking of ass, There will also be some really hot fire dancers (I mean really hot!)whirrling and spinning great balls of fire.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Anti Mc Donalds

I found a site about how to cook up an Anti-McDonalds burger.
We have a character called Aunty McDonalds. This is her and I playing some Pepto Dizmal songs for a crowd of tens. I don't think she eats meat, but she will be glad to see someone shares her dislike for the corporate junk food peddler.
I really like the website, it's called Everything2, I like to keep clicking random node.
Scroll down a bit for more info about Last Thursday. We need some good racers to come strut in the dust.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Wish list

For the Clown house and all it's assorted programs and projects:
Money....It costs 1500 a month to rent and makes -$300 (at least).
Wood glue...And lots of it, it's needed to recoat the "Red Shoe bike of death".
Sawzall blades...Can't have too many o those.
Kid sized bike helmets...To give away to kids who can't afford brain buckets.
Duct tape...If you can't duck it, then *&@k it.
Any metric sockets or wrenches (because in China, they measure stuff in centipedes and milliliters and stuff, our bike tools are all American but Huffys are not).
Paint and canvas...Maybe we can sell a painting and pay the power bill.
Beer...I don't drink any kind of booze and I try and keep the yahoos that hang out here sober as possible but I have found that having a six pack hidden away comes in handy for the many times I have to bribe people.
Be looking for a blind person that may want to have a bike ride, A tandem bike was donated and after it gets about 2 weeks of love in the C.H. bike shop, it should be ready for a new program I'm working on called" Taking the blind for a ride club". If a stunt clown (like me) volunteers then the blind person could steer.

Loco Susto is back!

YAY! back from an extended tour of South America, the killer Aztech warrior, Loco Susto is back at the clown house! So be warned on Thursday, Loco never refuses a challenge and is single minded of thought and spirit when he enters the mud pit of doom.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Last Thursday is commin

Last Thursday is commin and here is what we have so far.
Blood bowling: contestants roll bowling balls across the yard and score points by blugioning unlucky clowns at the other end, I have had zero sucess convincing anyclown to be the "Pin" so it may not happen, I would do it but I'm way too sexy for my banjo.
Speaking of sexy, I hear that Jonny Punchclock will be playing music on the stage that sits in the middle of the dirt bike track, theres another acoustic band comming too.
So with the bike races, i think we will bw having mini bike races, tall bike races and kid only racing, I hear the Oregonian will be here snapping photos of the action, that should be cool, two bands, a fire spinning goddess, punk band in the alley, the ususl B.S. and some art.
I'm giving away a bike to the all around winner of the mini bike race, so grease that mini bike up and show up ready to rock.
We still need more prizes for the races, last time there were no prizes so organising the race was like herding a flock of house cats.
We also need money for the Clown House, an event like this tends to cost money rather than earn it and we pay 300 bucks a month for the yard space alone.
I was working on an act involving some fire juggling, the idea is to have three molotov cocktails and juggle them between tall bike racers but I decided not to because of the oriffice of home land security, plus I don't know how to juggle. Speaking of puritanical, greedy, oil barons...Did anyone notice that all those terror alerts not only coincided with Bush polls being down but also they stopped after the election?

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Food is gone

Ok 7 crates of raw, organic veggies and bread, gone in 24 hours. Special thanks to St.Jay, St. Amy and all the other folks who took it on yourselves to help a clown not only feed the army but all who walk by the clown house. I think it's funny when people think they are stealing from the boxes and run off, thats one more perp who won't quickly come around.
This critter was dropped off by the 999Eyes Carnival of the damned, it has mites that look like they must pester the hell out of the poor thing.
It sure likes eating the rotten food we give it, from the porch. Now I want a bunch of them so I can have a compost bin teeming with creepy crawlin millapedes. I won't because I refuse to support pet shops, all the animals seem to be sick and weak from neglect. We named the beast Exibit A and I think I need to take a stick full of peanut butter and see how many mites I can zip off the poor guy.
I did notice a box of tomatoes left but they look kind of "IFFy" though, I think we need to save that stuff for shooting out of the cannon. Once I got yelled at for popping tomatoes at people during the Last Thursday Art Walk so I'm choosing better targets with this batch.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Food is here!

Man do we have a lot of food to give away!
Plumbs,carrots, broccoli, peppers, bannannannaannas, potatoes and other organic produce, most of it is fresh and all of it is free, come and get it.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

The shower

Y'know how, when you are really dirty and you take a shower, how the water running off of you is tinted black with all the filthy, dusty, grimey,oily,sooty junk that you've been rolling in all day?
Well I just had that happen to me while brushing my teeth.
Don't worry, I brushed my teeth with mouthwash.
I hope that's punk rock enough for me to call myself an anarchist!
Once, on tour in Iowa, I went to brush my teeth, but I didn't read the tube, and I used spermicidal jelly. It was awful. I almost died. But I tell ya what: my teeth had that Nonoxinol 9 shine for weeks, and they never once got pregnant.
You would think I would have learned my lesson, but sadly I still had another mistake to make.
You see, I had blisteringly bad foot rot. I thought I had found some foot ointment, but it turned out that the cream I was rubbing into my open sores was capsicum: back pain cream made from the active ingredient in pepper spray.
I did die, that time. Then the awful pain brought my body back to life, so I tried to kill myself.
The moral of the story is:If you read the lable, you still wont end up with pregnant teeth.


Our great photo-flashing friend Jonathan(chairman)Mao has once again been in the right place at the right time to take shots of the big Tall bike race last Sat here at the Clown House. You should look at all his stuff, it's awesome, I'm saving some of the Sprockettes photos for a special Power Point Presentation about hotties on bikes. Just kidding, I am sooooo frikking proud of the Sprockettes. I have met a lot of famous entertainers in the last decade or so and I never get "Star Struck" but I do get "All like that" around the Sprockettes. I'm proud of J.Maus too but he isn't anywhere near as hot.
Look at the story below, in the comments for the link Jon sent in.
Thanks again Jon!

Sunday, September 18, 2005

The Fair!

Wow, that was a pretty great fair! Some folks didn't want it to be called the Alberta street fair, so the name was changed to The Alberta street arts fair. Then, in a brilliant move of agenda-pushing, it became The Alberta Street Arts Fair and Katrina Survivors' fundraiser.
The usual folks couldn't get the fair together this year. I think it was because they didn't have the resources and volunteers needed for a high-end affair with lots of smells and bells.
I could be wrong, but the story I got was that a couple of people told someone, who had rented out lots of his space for the event, that the fair couldn't be done.
He stood to lose a bunch of money, so that lit a fire under his butt to get it on anyway.
He sure put a lot together really fast. That was cool, but we still had to have plenty of meetings (one) without him, because his pushing of his agenda was really turning people off. There were several people who also wanted to do the fair anyway, but having one person so driven to deliver a big "F.U." to the usual organizers...well, it put a lot of people off, and left more to be done, since so many people didn't want anything to do with him.
But, to be fair (so to speak), the guy did a great job getting all the permits and other B.S. that I would have ignored.
The bickering and back biting between team Carlos and team A.O.A. was very entertaining from my side of the street. I'm under the impression that money really ruins art.
I had no money to lose, or face to get egg on. I just like to parade around, so I was going to have a party no matter what.
The Sprockettes were a blast, and the did some new dance routines. Since the street wasn't wide enough for them, they just picked up a parked car and moved it sideways and down the road a bit, turning it into a road block. I was waiting for the car's owner to come up and see what Hurricane Sprockette had done to their car. (I was really hoping that it was a customer from that nasty fish joint up the street.). In the end, they picked the car back up and returned it to its original position.
It didn't rain on us, so we didn't need the gas company's lousy tent (Us 1; Gas co. 0. We win.).
I guess we wouldn't have needed it anyway, because our event was based around mud.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Too Ugly for NW Natural!

We were going to have a 20x20 tent, donated to the Street Fair by Northwest Natural Gas, in the yard, for the big event this Sat. The fellas who are sticking up tents on Alberta street saw the yard of the clown house, and decided that NW Natural wouldn't want to endorse such a place.
They must not have read the Willy Week a couple of months ago that dubbed us the Best in Portland!
Thats OK with us. We don't use gas, and I was brainstorming how to cover the gas monopoly's logo when it went up.
Looks like we had a mutual disdain society with them. When I get cold, I find a blanket. When they get cold, clowns lose tents.

Here is a link to their customer service page. If you want, you can ask them if they hate puppies as much as they hate clowns.

The Race is on!

Now we have 2 teeny tall bikes all welded up pretty (Same shape as this red one in the photo but tiny) and a few more regular 20 inch bmx'ers. They are made so small so the events here can be more inclusive, not everybody wants to jump on a bike thats 8 feet tall just to get slammed to the ground by another fool on a tall bike.
Now getting the event to help us make money for the house will be tricky, I guess we may have to pass the tip jar when people crash and give the money to the winner.
I'm not setting a time for the big race, I think that true to form, it will start with a few yahoos racing to "Test the track" and then evolve into a roaring, crowd pleasing, chaotic figure 8 of bone crushing doom!
I imagin that the beer will kick in around dark and the finish line will blur into the starting line. creating a constant stream of SCREAM!
I wish they could be that silly while sober.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

from the night we went Zoo Bombing

Rev Phil just sent me a link to photos of
the night I couldn't discribe.

Free food!

We have crates of free food on the porch today, we have, potatoes, greens, broccoli, carrots, breads of all kinds, all donated and all free, come and get it.
Also theres going to be a room here at the house open to rent for October.
The room thats open is a non-drunk position and the person has to have a job and not mind noise, kids, crowds,or the dog.
No pets, open for one person.

This Sat. is the parade thats been thrown together, here at the house we are having the CLOWN HOUSE DERBY!!!! thats not a hat, its racing...that is racing mini bikes in tight circles around a track we have been building all week. Yesterday the yard was full of activity and meyhem.
People were building little bikes up and "Twitch" actually built a tiny tall bike for little "Tangles" the clown to ride.
Come see the races and bring a bike and some kind of armor if you want to race too. I'm still trying to track down prizes.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005



and this bike nut is from Canada.

Here is a strip I made up, make one yourself, and send it to me.

This looks fun.

So Ya Wanna Be In A Parade!

Well, Saturday's your lucky day! Cuz you, yes YOU, can be in the Alberta Street Parade!
That's right, folks! I, Chlorine Enema Jones, have been invited to be the most important clown in the whole parade: The one who picks up poop at the end! Yay!
And if you want to be in it, too, you can dress up your bike, or wagon, or dog, or all three (we're doing all of the above, here at the clown house), and come on down to St. Andrew's church ( 8th & Alberta) at 3pm, and show the whole town how fabulous you are!
Stilters, dancers, unicyclists, cheerleaders, and majoettes are especially encouraged.
See ya there!
"We havent got word about the permits yet so it may be the ghettoest parade that could"

Thursday, September 08, 2005

I did this picture in charcoal, it's biggish and encased in a glass frame.
Once it was hanging up with some other ones that were for sale during Last Thursday.
This elderly lady took one look and made the sourest face I've ever seen relating to my art, it was a real stink-eye.
So I told her I'll sell the painting for 50 bucks or trade for more art stuff.
The lady didn't miss a beat. She reared back and threw the stink eye at ME!!!
I'm not sposed ta get stink in this eye!
So I ran away and hid behind some kids, and the painting is still here in the living room of the Clown House.
Wanna trade?

Out of Town Clowns

Well, one of the New Orleans clowns is in the yard here juggling so that leaves no clowns I can think of still there.

You can see him (Ludwig) perform here in the yard of the Clown House this Sat. at 7:30.
That's Movie night, with the Circus Mutante kicking off the night's event.

Sure hope all the kids that come have corresponding guardians of some kind. On the flyer I wrote that all unattended children would be shot from the cannon into the neighbors' yard.

Speaking of "Out of town clowns," this photo is Roadkill and Franc the clowns. They both split recently, Roadkill for a long while, and Franc indefinitely.

Roadkill went to Yemen to learn Arabic from real live Arabics, and Franc went to Indonesia to be a husband.
It's common, at the end of summer, to lose a few folks to the road, but we've said goodbye to a lot of good clowns this year.
When Roadkill gets back, I'm going to insist that he NOT climb on monkey bars while in clown drag. I don't want the cops of Homeland Security who will be following him to think that we are a clowndestine terror cell, and everyone knows that terrorist training clubs like to be filmed racing across monkey bars.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Ruby Cube chimes in an ode

Ode To Right Foot

Rotten foot with sock fuzz caught

I know how to cure you not

Jungle rot on right foot toes

How you stay, god only knows

Will you turn green with envy of

The living skin on the leg above?

And will you one day change your ways?

Your cuts and cracks are like a maze

Please right foot, bleed no more

I cannot stand these painful sores

And if gang green should then develop

My entire foot you'd soon envelop

And pain me so until I beg,

"Oh, Jungle Rot, don't take my leg!!"

(thats Ruby in the green riding point ,)

Monday, September 05, 2005


We are helping out the Chunk 666 guys with an event by keeping the crowd back and looking for unsportsmanlike behaviors.
Here is the Chunk 666 site.
All that crap on the ground and more were being thrown at us for hours and dispite being heavily upolstered with leather chaps and armor, that night I still got hit in the ass with a fire work.
People say "I'll was busy putting out fires" as an expression, well for us and Silken it was a true statement.
heres some nice photos from Jonothan Mouse

The sad stuff is over.

The sad stuff is over folks, we have the living to do and the dead to celebrate.
I have make-up in my eyes from clowning last night at the Chunkathalon and I'm ready for some coffee but I had to throw a quick note to you folks to tell you thanks for all the kind words.
So many kind words that it was confusing to me while doing the act last night.
Hot gals kept comming up to me and giving me hugs and stuff, just when I thought it was because I'm a famous clownabilly rock star, they would say that the hugs were for condolences for all the death we have had around lately.
I hardly knew the guy who was struck by the car, It's more anger at car culture and drunk driving that I was feeling and the rat was due to expire anyway it had a good life and a good death (all I can wish for myself).
SO celebrate life turkeys! and next time ya throw your arms around me, make it because you have a fetish for stuntman, clowns who play banjo.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

The angel of death

Death has come to the clown house.
Gastro the clown got drunk while playing around on the railroad tracks. He died of terminal "Train Cancer." That was three years ago.
Last night, one of the traveling show people (Chris) was telling the rest of his crew (including a baby) to get to the side walk, while riding bikes on MLK, when he himself was struck and killed by a hit and run jerk.
The day before that, Chris had come over with another feral traveler who had never bothered to teach his dog about city traffic. The dog saw another dog and ran into the street, and was brutally struck by another fast moving SUV (big truck, one occupant, nice paint, no cargo, he could have just rode a bike).
The dog bled all over the front porch of the Clown house and if 700 bucks isn't raised the dog will be put down. It needs its leg amputated, and is not likely to be adopted.
I can't bring myself to look at the dog's owner. I run a popular dog treat company, and so I tend to see people who really take good care of thier dogs. The sight of such a selfish crappy owner makes me sick. His dog was greased right in front of him, and all he did was shrug his shoulders as if to say "Sh*t Happens."
Also, around the same time our beloved pet rat (Ratty McRatterson) had come to the end of his term as a rat on planet earth, he lived a good long life and was suffering greatly of cancer.
Caffeine Jones (my partner), Ruby Cube, and I took Ratty, wrapped him in my daughter's shirt (the kid was his best friend. Caffeine thought it would be comforting.). Speaking to him in soothing tones, C.J. slowly submerged him into a pot of warm water. He didn't struggle at all, he just hung there underwater until finally taking a breath of water and dying. He was the one death that was on schedule: he was an old guy in a bad way, and now he is at peace.
My friend was crying on the porch a few hours ago about someone close to her who just killed himself.
Then there are all our friends in a circus house like ours, who live in New Orleans. Thankfully, most of them were here in Portland on tour (just last week), and couldn't have made it back in time to be obliterated along with the house.
Tommorow is the Chunkathalon (at Free Geek 1:oo pm).
Sure hope nobody else dies! That's an event full of danger. I think we will be ok, it's not an event that's friendly to cars.